Post Office blues

A quiet day at work. Read through the brochure for next year’s work-related conference and decided I’d been right about my initial choice of seminars. It’s just that the management speak was clouding the sense of them. As it tends to do indeed. And I discovered a new university TLA (Three Letter Acronym, for the uninitiated …) – SMT, or Senior Management Team. Hmm. Why not just say “team of crazed professors” and have done with it?

Walked round the campus at lunchtime but decided not to chance any of the damp benches (gives you piles, you know) and instead attempted to post a review copy of “Pink Champagne and Apple Juice” to Canada. My first attempt failed as the campus PO had decided to close for lunch as there’s only one of her on counter today. So I popped back at 2.30pm and the queue was so long it was actually out of the door. Most of this appeared to be Japanese students attempting to post boxes to home, poor things. Suspect they won’t make it for Christmas now. I was so long in the queue (half an hour to be precise, but I stuck it out as it’s a quiet day at the office) that by the time I got to the top of it, I’d forgotten (a) how to speak and (b) what I was there for in the first place. My confusion was doubled by another queue-dweller asking me to get some stickers for her, but I wasn’t quite sure what she wanted, asked for the wrong thing and, when the right thing was handed to me, I attempted to fill it in myself instead of the Canada form I was supposed to be filling in. Are you with me so far? Hmm. Still, it gave the line of people behind me a few laughs, so never say we don’t provide an essential student support service in this office …

This afternoon, Lord H took time off to battle with the pre-Christmas food shop. At least he didn’t need to get mince pies, as I panicked earlier in the month and we now have six boxes of them. Which I do accept is probably too much for two people, but you can be sure we won’t run out. I intend to spend the evening watching TV and being a couch potato. And an early night would be good. I might do the odd sentence or two to “The Gifting” but I’m not holding my breath.

Today's nice things:

1. Lunchtime walk
2. Sending out a review copy of Champers
3. An evening in.

Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk

Church and golf

An action-packed programme today. First off, we were very late back from Liz & John's last night (after a very enjoyable evening, I have to say - so thank you, Liz) and only got to bed at about 1.45am. I'd planned to get up at about 7am in order to be awake and functioning in time for church, but the smoke alarm decided its battery was dead at 6am and started beeping for attention. Naturally, I sent Lord H to sort it out, but neither of us managed to get back to sleep afterwards, so we just got up.

I was dreading church, to be honest, but in the event it wasn't too bad - at least Lord H wasn't performing any duties and could actually sit with me this week. Mind you, we seem to have decided to ignore any hint of Advent or Christmas by having the hymns we'd normally have on an ordinary Sunday. Strange, but it suits me, sir. There'd also been many a rumour beforehand that our new priest, Paul Jenkins, was going to pay us a surprise visit to check us all out before he's installed in January - and indeed he did. However, I don't think he had much idea about travelling incognito as he arrived in full black gown with a red trim, and did more crossing and genuflecting than I've seen the Pope do at Easter. Suspect he might be high then (in church terms) - or perhaps just the Pope's love child? Now that wouldn't be entirely unexpected ... And I even managed to go up to Communion (which in itself managed to be okay for a moment or two, thank the Lord) and mumble my way through some of the hymns. So it might not be all doom and gloom on the holy front. You never know. Mind you, I left sharpish to avoid the chat.

We then played golf with Marian & Siegi at lunchtime. A game of two halves on the whole (as it were!) - we were crap at the start (except for my startingly brilliant putt on the first hole which nailed it for a 5 - hurrah), but warmed up after the first few holes. Our turn to do lunch today - Lord H did a magnificent slow-cooked game casserole, but unfortunately Marian doesn't like game. Ah well. The best laid plans ... etc, etc. The pudding went down well though.

Tonight I am planning some serious chilling and brainless TV viewing - with no more talking to anyone till tomorrow (apart from Lord H of course). I think we both deserve it.

This week's haiku (which came suddenly to me on my twilight walk to the station earlier this week) is:

Moonlight on water.
The bridge beckons me onward.
Step into the dark.

Today's nice things:

1. Laughing at the bizarre antics of our priest-to-be
2. Golf
3. A quiet evening.

Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk

Haircut and black tie dinner

Never say I don't lead the high life on occasion. This morning was a lazy lie-in followed by a half-hearted cleaning session in preparation for doing lunch for friends tomorrow. But there is some good news! - cleaning is much nicer with an iPod. It's true - technology works. It does make our lives nicer. I feel much calmer if I'm listening to Mozart while scrubbing the kitchen, and Blondie's "Sunday Girl" is a wow for washing the floors to. You heard it here first. And how Blondie takes me back to my school days - ah happy memories (at least in terms of secondary school anyhow). The only trouble was the sing-along moments disturbing Lord H's efforts to do his theology essay (not that he complained, and before anyone asks, yes, he had done his share of the cleaning by then ...) - I'm not sure I have the range that Deborah Harry had. Ever. In any circumstance.

Managed to squeeze in one episode of the original "Star Trek" (ah, they don't make 'em like that any more, more's the pity) before my hairdresser turned up to get rid of the neck flicks and fringe which have crept up on me over the last couple of weeks or so. Thank God. I was beginning to think that the '40s had come again.

Lord H has gone to the shops to stock up for tomorrow's lunch and tonight's wine offerings, but has actually now come back as the queues to get into the ruddy Waitrose car park were so long he'd probably be there till the next millenium. The hell that is Christmas indeed ... Anyone for fish 'n' chips tomorrow?

Tonight we're at Liz & John's for Liz's annual black tie dinner. We went for the first time last year, and rather enjoyed it - there are only about 8 people and it's in her home, so it's manageable even for me. Surely. Last year, I was on something of a high though, and suspect I didn't stop talking for three hours. Though I don't think they minded. Still, I hope to be on a calmer roll this year and try to avoid my usual performance defence mechanism. Now that would be nice.

Oh, and I've given up with my Handbook for Depressed Christians (or similar title - I can't be arsed to get off my ... well ... arse and check it, sorry) as it was getting on my nerves and was beginning to be so shallow I could have held it up and seen right through it. Not bad for 400 pages plus. Instead, I bought another book for non-religion specific depressed people last week - Tim Cantopher's "Depression: the Curse of the Strong" and ye gods, it's bloody good. Small, very readable and highly sane. Not bad for a psychiatrist author then. I'm getting more out of that than I did the other, for sure. Interestingly, Tim is actually a Consultant Psychiatrist at the University, though I've never actually met him - so at least I'm keeping it local.

And, for those of you keeping up with this kind of thing, did I get my copies of "A Dangerous Man" from Flame Books (http://www.flamebooks.com) this week as promised by them? Did I heck! I'm almost beginning to wonder if I did actually sign a contract with them last spring at all, or whether it's a figment of my overactive imagination. If the latter, this would explain their slight air of confusion when I call. Hmm. To be honest, if it is real, I don't mind the delay so much as the lack of communication. Even something saying: "we're sorry for the delay, there's no news but we thought you'd like to hear from us anyway to let you know we're still working on it" would be nice. And it can't cost much. Or am I asking the impossible from a small press? How I wish there was someone out there who could tell me. Till then, I'm stumbling on in the dark.

Today's nice things:

1. Haircut
2. Dinner tonight
3. Star Trek.

Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk

Shopping and writing

Not quite as snappy a title as the good old "sex and shopping" line, but there you go. Things I bought in Godalming (where I had to be up with the larks to do battle with the Christmas shoppers once more): 2 packets of Epsom salts (for the bath - Grandma was right after all ...); 1 Surrey Advertiser (don't bother - nothing in it); 1 eye test (for next week). Hmm, give a fictional character that combination and they're either a serial killer with an eye problem, or an optician with a gardening fetish. Both of whom would live in Surrey. So no change there then.

Spent most of the morning and the early part of the afternoon sorting out the beginning of the fire element section of "The Gifting". A thousand words later (82,000 now in total) and I have some clues as to where it's going. Phew. And I've started to write the death of one of the characters. How I do so love doing that - the ultimate power: it's mine, all mine, aha! And it sparks up the balance with the remaining characters too, which is also great. Double aha!

Popped into see Gladys late afternoon - summary: talkative but frail. But at least the hearing aid problems seem to have solved themselves. Which is a relief on all sides.

Have just finished the latest edition of "Tears in the Fence" magazine. I thoroughly enjoyed some of the poems and poets - though as usual others left me cold - and there were also two particularly rivetting prose pieces included this time, both of which seized me by the guts and wouldn't let me go. Funny how it wasn't the one about the sex worker and all her many and various activities - a little too obvious for my liking. The ones that had me captive from the first sentence were far more subtle. Punchy too. And yes, that combination can happen.

I've been thinking about communication recently. Had a great time with Jane W last night - we had a good talk about some pretty deep stuff, but then again she's always someone I find I can do that with. Funny how there are only two or three people I feel I could actually talk honestly to, and the rest of the time talking is actually a way (for me) of keeping people at bay. Ha! They're the enemy, don't you know?! On the other hand, writing stuff down enables me to be far more honest and open on a more consistent basis than the voice allows; I always prefer email to the dreaded phone, and certainly prefer writing a blog to seeing people. Hmm. Maybe I am a hermit after all. Parties? Bah, humbug!

Tonight, Lord H is out at his office Christmas party (which has never extended to partners, thank goodness) - he's dreading it, so here's hoping it's not as terrifying as expected. However, the weekend of social interaction for both of us is fast approaching indeed - argh!

Today's nice things:

1. Writing
2. An evening in.

Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk

Counselling and a London jaunt

Up at the crack of dawn today in order to avoid the car parking crisis of Guildford. Which meant I was there with an hour to spare before my Counselling appointment and with more spaces than you could shake a complex at. But this was actually good news as it meant I could scour the shops for those essential Christmas staples - such as a pack of 5 videos to record the numerous goodies on TV which we can't watch as we'll be out and which we'll never watch later. Ever. I am ashamed to say that we have some marvellous films on tape which we recorded about 7 Christmases ago and which we still haven't got round to watching. Ah well. Oh, and I also bought a box of chocolate biscuits from M&S - those one with extra thick chocolate and added chocolate bits with, um, chocolate, just in case there isn't enough chocolate in the first place. Well, we've got to have some comfort food in the flat for the season.

So onto my last counselling appointment with Kunu before Christmas. We talked about my conversation with Michael which I'd written down, so that was useful. To all three of us. I think I've worked out that actually having the conversation made me feel incredibly energetic and alive for about two or three days, but then comes the slump. Which I think I'm probably still in now, and will probably go some way towards explaining my current jittery exhaustion. (Query: can you actually have jittery exhaustion? Hell, you know what I mean ...). Kunu thinks I should go on having conversations with Michael where I (we?) feel it's right and see what comes out of it. I'm not sure I'll write them down again though - it's too tiring, m'dear - but maybe I'll go with the flow. Gosh, how girly that sounds - there's hope for me after all! Michael, of course, would make an instant decision as to what to do and stick with it. Lucky bastard. Oh, and during the session we also talked about my early family life, which was quite enlightening. Perhaps it's true after all that there's nowt wrong with me and it is the rest of the buggers. Hmm, dream on.

This afternoon, I've typed up the Goldenford (http://www.goldenford.co.uk) minutes and done my outstanding actions, so I have the halo of secretarial sainthood even now glowing about my temples. I might do a bit of writing or I might just sod the whole thing and have a quick nap. The latter seems the better option right now. And tonight, I'm out in London with Jane W - we've booked a curry at 7pm in Waterloo and a catch-up, so that'll be good. I'll have to remember not to breathe when I return home though - how Lord H hates the smell of secondary curry!

Today's nice things:

1. Counselling
2. Buying chocolate biscuits
3. Seeing Jane W.

Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com

Collation city and Scalectrix mysteries

A day spent collating mounds of paper into smaller mounds, stapling them into even smaller bundles and then paper-clipping them back into larger ones. Ooh, and then redoing it because two of the appendices were wrong. Groan. Actually though, I had a great time! – which just shows in truth how sad I am. I really enjoy doing mindless tasks with paper – much better than grappling with over-my-head strategy or PR stuff. I still hanker after the deep, deep joys of the typing pool …

I had a wind-swept but exhilarating stroll round campus at lunchtime, and sat by the smaller lake for ten minutes watching the coots and the University water feature. Must be nice to be a lake – very calming.

Back in the office, Carol and I hand-delivered the documents we’d spent the morning producing. You can’t trust the internal mail, you know - it’s a dark and dangerous vacuum. Paper delivery involved being loud and raucous in the V-C’s corridor, but hell they must be used to us by now. I never was particularly good at lowering my gaze at the sight of a Professor. Or two. Good job I’m not an academic then, eh?...

This evening, I’m hoping to slump like a 1950s housewife in front of Oz & James’ Wine Adventure, and the increasingly obscure delights of Torchwood. Which begs the question: just what were Ianto and Captain Jack going to do in the office last week with a stop-watch after the hours of daylight and with all those pseudo-significant gazes? Hmm. Doesn’t sound like much fun to me, guv’nor! Lord H’s theory is that the good Captain has a couple of Scalectrix tracks under the table and they were going to play racing demons. Then again, Lord H has always held to the more innocent-hearted view of life! But, heck, somebody has to.

Today’s nice things:

1. Collating paper
2. Watching the lake
3. TV.

Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk

UniSWriters, Goldenford and questions of insanity

A strange day today: nothing much happened but I got more and more hyperactive. This afternoon I was really on edge – I suspect it’s the fear of my rather too sociable weekend coming up, and I’m now neck-deep in the fight-or-flight scenario. Heck, and it’s only Tuesday. Maybe it’s time for another calming pill?... And last weekend was just so wonderfully hermit-like or simply filled with good one-to-one conversations too. I’m going to have to learn to spread multi-type social engagements around so they don’t all come at once if I’m to maintain any sort of sanity. Or cancel Christmas. One of the two.

Talking of sanity (or not), UniSWriters was very lively today, in spite of the fact that there were only four of us there. 90% of this was due to me being on a manic roll and only 10% of it was due to Jennifer from the Library giggling. Still, in spite of all the obstacles, we managed to get some writing done and talk about current projects, which was good. I did wonder however if, in the knowledge that two of our writers are psychologists, I should have been talking about hearing my characters speak and having conversations with them. Hmm. Sometimes though the group works even when their quasi-leader is hitting the walls and rebounding. Thank God. By the way, I’d like to get 90,000 words of “The Gifting” done by the end of the year, but I’m not hopeful. I gave the group homework too – to write something about what they might like to do in their “dream year”, either for themselves, or as a poem or even from the point of view of one of their characters. If anything comes back, it should be interesting.

This evening, I’m off to do the Goldenford (http://www.goldenford.co.uk/) minutes, so I hope they’re not too onerous. Or I shall be so far up towards the ceiling that I’ll never come down. It will be good to discuss our next book though, which will be Jay Margrave’s “The Gawain Quest” – a humdinger of an historical fantasy and an all-round great read. Buy early, buy often, people! I’d like to have a definite publication date for that one decided upon at the meeting, but we’ll have to wait and see. Time to get our publication act together, Goldenford gals, I think …

Today’s nice things:

1. UniSWriters
2. Goldenford stuff
3. Talking about writing.

Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com

Lunch with Julia and gay fiction writing

Quite a nice day at work today. For a Monday. Managed to look like a professional for most of the time and even get a few emails sorted. The good news is that I won’t have to come in on Friday after all, as the meeting scheduled for then has been postponed till after Christmas. Hurrah. Suits me, sir. And I looked like a young, cool person by taking in my new iPod and dropping it into the conversation every five minutes. Any conversation. At last! - I have a gadget that nobody else in the office has got. The sad thing of course is that any vestiges of coolness I might have been able to snatch at are washed away by the sort of music I actually downloaded onto the damn thing: um, that will be The Seekers, Tony Christie, the Monkees and a bit of Mozart. Ah well, I never was a rock chick. Even when young … Anyone want to know the way to Amarillo?

Lunch with Julia was grand, although Chancellor’s was packed with exam-demob happy students, so we were crushed into a corner on the bar facing the crowds. I had the same food I always have, but h. there’s a comfort in familiarity, you know. Actually, it’s been one wild social whirl this afternoon – I also popped into the Advice Centre’s Christmas do for a mince pie and a coke. Last of the great party animals, eh? In spite of being a social coward, I had a good conversation with the Deputy Dean of Students about writing and novels, and how the h. one does it all. I think I’m more of an organic writer than a high-powered planner to be honest; when I’m at the top of a page, I never know quite what’s going to happen at the end of it. What a contrast to my usual timetabled-to-the-point-of-obsession daily life indeed …

I’ve also been thinking today about why I write gay fiction – it’s a question posed by Clayton on MySpace (http://www.myspace.com) and it’s certainly a good one. I can’t give a logical reason (sorry, Clayton …) but it’s simply where I feel most at home. I don’t actually know what girls think (query: did I miss that lesson at school?...) but the man in my head (ah hello, Michael – I wondered where you’d got to) knows what he thinks all the time, and why, and I feel most fully alive when I’m plugged into him and his concerns. I suppose that, once again, it’s something organic and instinctual. I’ve been asked many a time why I don’t write from the point of view of a straight girl – and I’ve tried to fit in with what people seem to want (believe me, I’ve tried!) – but I’m never really happy with it for myself, although “Pink Champagne and Apple Juice” has been well received in the small circles it’s found itself in. But, hell, even there I gave that novel a strong secondary gay male character to make myself happier. I just don’t feel comfortable doing “straight” as a genre; it’s simply not “me”. I hope that makes some kind of weird sense. And, yes, I do realise (I’ve been told often enough!) that the fact that in my everyday life I’m a straight female makes it almost impossible to sell the books I produce. But, in the end I’m writing for me first and foremost, and for self-expression, and the rest of the game will have to play itself out as it may. Brave words, eh?...

Tonight (back to the mundane here), it’s shopping at Tesco, and a TV slump. Thank goodness for a night in.

Today’s nice things:

1. Lunch with Julia
2. Thinking more deeply about why I write
3. Showing off my iPod!

Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk

Christmas wrapping and novel request

No church today - hurrah! And we're not going to this evening's carol service and party either. Double hurrah! We are indeed to be numbered amongst the lost ... Instead, Lord H and I had a lazy lie-in, followed by porridge (goodness, it must be winter) and our annual session of Christmas present wrapping. Not that it was that onerous, as we've cut out present-buying for most of those above the ages of 8 yrs. Seems reasonable to me. This session usually consists of me looking at the gifts and the wrapping paper, waving my hands in the air frantically whilst sobbing and then retreating to the safety of the spare room. Upon which desertion, Lord H wraps his cloak of capability round him and wraps them all up himself. There were no changes this year. Though, cunningly, I did furnish him with a pen and a pile of post-it notes so he could put what each present was on the top after he'd wrapped it. This saved the agony we had last year of having to unwrap everything to work out what it was before rewrapping it with a label, accompanied by a stiff brandy. Or two.

And hell's bells, we (that's the marital "we" here) now have them all wrapped and in bags to go. Somewhere. If only we could find a post office still open to take them after the government's last cull. Do we still actually have a postal service in this country?

Further deep joy - Two Ravens Press (http://www.tworavenspress.com) have actually emailed me to request the full MS of "Maloney's Law". Ye gods and little fishes! General rejoicing and astonishment abound in the house. So I've spent most of the afternoon printing it out, stroking it, kissing the pages and putting them in an envelope. Which is now ready to go - at which point the last para applies once more.

Oh, and to cap all the festivity, I forgot to say that Lord H got his first theology essay back from his new course - they gave him an "A" which corresponded to 72%. Double hurrah! Again. Naturally, I spent the next ten minutes after finding this out shrieking with joy and pounding him on the head. Well, I'm from Essex - this is how we express approval. And all Lord H could say was that he thought 72% was a bit low. Honestly, these intellectuals are never satisfied ...!

I've also done a job-lot of other submissions for other stuff, including non-fiction, so never let it be said that I have wasted my day of rest. I might even do some more to "The Gifting" later. You never know.

So this week's haiku is:

That afternoon, crisp.
In winter skies, a swan flew,
telling us of snow.

Today's nice things:

1. Lord H taking command of the wrapping strategy
2. Two Ravens Press requesting "Maloney's Law"
3. Not going to church.

Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk

Lunch at The Friary

Drove to Aylesford today to have lunch with Pauline at The Friary - it's halfway between our homes and I thought it would be great (especially after the hell of a year we've both had) to have the chance for a girly chat rather than having our husbands in tow as well (when you can't really talk as openly - as they'd probably both be shocked. Men are so sensitive ...). It was good. Very good. Best idea I've had for a long time in fact. We talked - about really deep stuff - for ages. It's so refreshing to be with someone you can be the most honest you're able to be with (if that makes sense) and know they're not going to run away screaming. Anyway, three hours, two lunches, two decaff coffees and one orange juice later and we were done. Must do it again sometime. Thanks, Pauline.

Got home to discover Lord H has bought an I-pod. Welcome to the 21st century! Ye gods, but those things are small. As we both tend to mislay our mobiles and glasses on a regular basis, I don't hold out much hope for its long-term survival in the house. Now all we have to do is work out how to use it. And when. Still, it does mean that I can listen to music while on the exercise bike if I'm not in the mood for a book. And at last I can look like a modern woman.

Tonight, it's the excitement of "Strictly Come Dancing". Will Mark and Karen survive? How many times can I vote for them before the phone explodes? Ah, the tension, the pain of it all. How on earth did we all manage before TV was invented?

Today's nice things:

1. Talking with Pauline
2. Talking with Pauline
3. Talking with Pauline. 'Nuff said.

Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk

Wing mirrors and strange conversations

Got up at a totally ungodly hour today to get to the garage early so I could get my wing mirror fixed. And they actually managed to do it - hurrah! I whiled away the time flicking through the new copy of "Retreat" magazine - there's a new focus on "bio-spiritual" weekends, which sounds interesting to me, as I don't want all that airy-fairy up-in-the-air stuff, so once I got home in my now two-winged car, I emailed them for more info. We'll see. I'm already going on one retreat anyway next year, so I don't want to be too damn holy. You've got to leave some kind of space for sin.

I spent the rest of the morning typing out a conversation with Michael (aka man in my head). Weird, but I kind of enjoyed it. It's not long - just a page-and-a-half - but it'll be something to spark off from at next week's counselling session. Ye gods, but the bloke has some strongly-held views. Wonder if they're mine too? Hmm ... Either way, how I love talking to him - which is of course even weirder.

Played a really quite classy game of golf with Marian at lunchtime (I had my normal head on by then - just) - even managed to get a par on the last hole. Pause for shock. But we were both much happier as there was hardly anyone else out playing but us - due to the weather/water-logged course I imagine - and it's nicer when there's no macho boy golfers breathing down our necks and indulging in psychic tutting. Dashed into Godalming afterwards to get extra Christmas presents and generic girly stuff. As you do. Then dashed back home as Lord H decided to take the afternoon off - an event rather spoiled by the fact that he had a puncture on the way home and was forced to call out the RAC man again to sort the tyre out. We are indeed cursed when it comes to cars this year - let's hope 2007 is incident-free. Please?

Oh, and one of my poems - "Keith in the Bath" - was published in Roundyhouse magazine today, Gawd bless 'em. Which is interesting on two counts - (1) being that they ignored all my deep angst-ridden stuff I thought was bound to get in and took the comic "filler" poem I sent them, and (2) you finally get to know Lord H's real name. Ha!

Today's nice things:

1. A new wing mirror
2. Getting a poem published
3. Talking to Michael.

Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk

Counselling and Clarins

Got to town early today to avoid the mad rush for spaces, but weirdly the car-park that's never full was full, and the one that's always full was empty. Will the excitement of the year never end? So I managed to rush round town like a dervish and get suitable gifts for Lord H before going to my counselling appointment. This was really good this week - I feel I'm getting to a deeper level with stuff than I was able to do with Zoe, partly because I was new at the game then and partly because there was so much other crap going on that I couldn't concentrate on the core stuff. Bloody hell, but Kunu the counsellor (which sounds suspiciously like Vlad the Impaler, but she smiles more) is good. She made me think seriously about having a real conversation with Michael (the man who's always in my head and whom the non-funny books I write are always, always about in some way or other - hey somebody pass me the strait-jacket, won't you?...) so we can see what he actually has to say. Scary but interesting. I think I'll do it - next time maybe - but I also think I'll do some free association writing on it and see what comes up. After all, writing it as a first pass through might make it easier. But hey - counselling homework. Who'd have thought it?

I spent the next two hours post-counselling in the Library writing out the Christmas cards and inserting our sad couple's Christmas letter in the cards of those people I actually want to communicate with. Hmm, says it all really. I was also shocked to discover that Guildford Library has no loo. Honestly, what a rubbish (I would prefer to say "crap" here but the pun is too much even for me) place! It hardly has any books either - just staff who look as if they've been there for 150 years, died and never been buried.

Then, it was another two glorious hours in the hands of my Clarins therapist. Ah, the bliss of a facial and massage combined. Almost makes me feel female. Now, there's a novelty. What would Michael think? Oh sorry, I'm not supposed to be doing my homework yet. Bugger.

Today's nice things:

1. Counselling
2. Clarins treatments
3. Coming home and realising I don't have to speak to anyone else but Lord H for a whole evening - hurrah!

Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk

Reflexology and the publishing game

Another quiet day. Still, I decided to ring the changes and make graphs out of some of my Excel info. Rediscovering old skills was quite jolly, and it means I’m now the expert should anyone ever ask how many students emailed our helpdesk in any particular month and for what purpose. I’ve even done a comparison graph! Hey, I’m just rocking.

Had another reflexology session at lunchtime – I probably needed it more today as I was feeling quite tense and I think I’ve the beginnings of yet another cold. Hurrah. Nobody told me when I married Lord H thirteen years ago that I would be agreeing to have all the illnesses for the both of us for evermore. Bummer, eh? … No wonder he’s so damn healthy – it’s like Dorian Grey (Gray?) all over again except with sickness rather than looks. Hmm.

In the afternoon, and as there was no-one in the office but me for a couple of hours, I finally cracked and rang (yes, rang – and I soooo hate the ruddy phone!) Flame Books (http://www.flamebooks.com/) to try to find out if anything at all is happening to poor old “A Dangerous Man”. My editor seemed very preoccupied and not best pleased to have me squeaking desperately on the phone like a mouse on speed. Help! I’m obviously so low in the scale of things that I don’t even count as pond life. Still, I managed to ascertain that they hope that thirty copies will be available next week (as previews, I assume?) and they’ll let me know more later. Does the number thirty have some strange mystic significance of which I am sadly unaware? In any case, I was too terrified by then to ask anything else. Lord let it not be that they think there’s absolutely no market for it under any circumstances. Surely someone out there enjoys gay crime, art, sex and murder and will order vast quantities of the book from the safety of their PCs? One can only hope!! Either way, it’s all rather depressing and I am actually not enjoying this part of the process. I’d been thinking of arranging some kind of low-key launch party with the lovely Ottakar’s in Godalming (especially as no way am I going to darken the doors of the wretched “Surrey Bookshop” again …) but have rather lost heart for it at the moment …

However, the good new is that my agent (http://www.sff.net/people/john-jarrold/about.html) has sent “Thorn in the Flesh” out to lots of different publishers (what a hero!), so here’s hoping someone out there likes it. Please?...

This evening, Lord H is shopping (what an angel) and I’m out with the gals from my old firm for a Christmas dinner at Bel and the Dragon (http://www.belandthedragon-godalming.co.uk/) in Godalming. As I’m not drinking at the moment, it’s a shame I don’t live elsewhere as I could have given everyone lifts. Never mind. I’ll make up for it by eating like a pig. Ha! And as Jane H is also going, I can pick up my Nutrimetics (http://www.nutrimetics.co.uk/) stuff and start being a new woman. Hurrah indeed.

Today’s nice things:

1. Reflexology
2. Excel graphs
3. Hearing from John Jarrold.

Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk

Lunch with strangers and Radio 4 photos

Did more to the work website today and eked (eeked?!) out the time. It's been puzzling me recently that I've changed my earring routine (I think I have earrings on the brain at the moment). I usually change them each day and go for the dangly ones, but lately I've been going for studs 'n' pearls. And more lately still just keeping in the same old boring gold hoops I've had since I was 16. Hmm. Is this laziness, old age or depression? Or is it just that I can't be arsed? It's a mystery. Perhaps in the end I'll give up wearing them at all - much like I gave up wearing mascara last year - and my ears will heal over. This will please Lord H who had a Baptist upbringing and thinks any body piercing is the work of the devil.

Anyway, I had lunch with strangers - one of the gals in the Registry got wind of the fact that I used to work (many, many years ago) for Guildford College and organised a get-together for ex-Guildford College survivors at the University. However, I've been stressing for days that I don't actually know any of the names on the list and I would have to walk into the restaurant (packed full of curious students) and look lost and lonely. How I hate walking into anywhere on my own - it reminds me of always being picked last for whatever sport we happened to be doing in the games lesson at school. Hey, look, Billy-No-Mates - honestly, I should have it emblazoned on my t-shirt. Anyway, in the event, I recognised one of my lunch people after all and we had quite a good time. I do so like my social events to be small (there were only 6 of us) and time-constrained (a lunch-hour only). That constitutes my social inclusion fill for the week. Possibly the month.

This afternoon, I took part in the Radio 4 "PM" Window on Your World project - which involved taking a photo of whatever you happened to be looking at at 5pm and sending it to Radio 4 for collation. For me, this was my work collection of fluffy pens (hell, I have to have my soft side somewhere ...) and my Wuthering Heights mug. Hmm. Maybe I need to get a life? Though, actually, I thought the end result was quite charming and does indeed give a snapshot view into my psyche at 5pm on a work day. Swinging somewhere between ditzy and psychotic. Lovely.

Tonight, it's Guildford Writers (http://www.guildfordwriters.net) and I'm going to be brave and take something to read out this time. Probably. Oh God. Which means I'll need to go to the loo twice before the meeting starts and will feel sick until my part is over. If anyone out there has a confidence pill, please send a year's supply.

Today's nice things:

1. Lunch (surprisingly)
2. Taking my photo (sadly)
3. Guildford Writers (hopefully).

Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk

Art and a good Monday

Ye gods. A good Monday. I never thought that would happen. Well, not good, in that I was at work instead of at home, but still it was perfectly acceptable for the start of the working week. So much so that I didn't even stare balefully at the clock during the morning wondering when on earth 12 o'clock would turn up. It was actually 1.30pm before I noticed! Not that I had a great deal of urgent stuff to do, but I did loads of work on the Student Care Services website, and checked the links etc. Hell, but I'm a nerd sometimes.

At lunch, I visited the new art exhibition - it's marvellous! Lots of pictures of gorgeously coloured pots and the sea. I was stunned and inspired by the use of colour and the energy of it all. There was some equally energetic real-live pots too - and a quirky, funny Nativity set which was large, and ugly-beautiful. Great stuff. The woman's a local artist apparently - lives in Compton - Mary Wondrausch is the name, I think (though my spelling is probably up the creek) and she's about 180 years old. Allegedly. But is obviously producing far better stuff than Vaughn Williams could manage at 80. (Bitch, bitch ...)

Tonight, Lord H is at his last theology class of the term, and I'm planning to do a bit more on "The Gifting". Famous last words, eh ... And I've just finished Margaret Gill's book for teenagers - "The Eye of the Mandala". Great plot, lots of action and some good main characters. I enjoyed it.

Today's nice things:

1. The arty pots
2. Writing
3. Having a better Monday than expected (bloody hell!)

Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk

Christmas letters, earrings and lying low ...

Whilst Lord H led this morning's advent service (and only apparently got locked out of the church twice whilst attempting to process ... How I wish I'd seen that!), I typed up our Christmas letter. Which means we have finally arrived in the Sad Married Couple with Christmas Letter brigade. Seasonal joy indeed. I decided not to do a spoof in the end - as anything more than 2 sides long and I think the friends you never see (ie those to whom you send the damn thing) tend to lose the will to live after that. I certainly do. But I did try to keep the tone fairly light so everyone won't think we're too much up our own arses. In spite of the fact that I am too much up my own arse - though Lord H of course is not. Oo-err, missus!

I also managed to get to 79,000 words of "The Gifting" (oh for 80,000 by the end of next week - that would be grand ...) and write a poem on emptiness. Hey, my themes are getting more depressed - even though this weekend I'm actually feeling a lot happier. Weird, eh? The secret of contentment is obviously found in (a) speaking to as few people as possible, and (b) not going to church. I accept this route to happiness might not work for everybody.

Speaking of people (and vast crowds of them), I have to say that last night's concert wasn't my favourite though of course the choir sang like a dream and the band was great. I liked the first piece, and one note of the last (you can't go wrong with a George Herbert poem), but if this is what Vaughn Williams (spelling? Hell - who cares!) comes up with in his eighties, then maybe he should have stuck to the bedpans and stick. My opinion only, of course. Though I do have to say that I spent most of the second half absolutely fascinated by the dangly earrings of the woman sitting in front of me. A perfectly normal woman in her thirties - as far as one can tell - but every so often her earrings would flicker outwards in unison as if responding to a hidden message. I'm always impressed by people who can wiggle their ears, but synchronised wiggling takes the biscuit. When I told Lord H afterwards, he wondered if the mother ship was calling her home, or if it was a special government way of receiving emails. Now there's a thought for the future ...

This afternoon, I've caught up with the highs and lows of "Strictly Come Dancing". Thank goodness Mark & Karen are still in! But I was sorry Carol had to leave - she performed like a real trouper this time. Shame. Tonight, there's the prospect of comedy repeats on TV and a phone call to mother. Still, at least I feel more capable of performing my normal daughter routine than I did last week. Thank God. Ooh, and there's chocolate squares and baclava (which Lord H thinks is a type of hooded mask) in the fridge. Bliss.

This week's haiku:

Down the winter road
a man carries his mattress.
I too search for sleep.

And today's nice things:

1. Doing the Christmas letter
2. Writing
3. The wiggly earrings (not strictly today, but what the hell ...)

Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk

Christmas shopping - the horror of it ...

Lord H and I made a brave decision today and got up early to do our Christmas shopping. God, it's horrific. We've also decided not to buy presents for our friends, but only for children that we know - this has caused some unexpected dissension in the ranks (and also some rather surprising bitchiness from a most unexpected source!), but hell we're sticking to our guns. Christmas is ruddy awful enough as it is. Still, only buying for people under 4 foot tall brings its own hurdles - namely (a) we both hate children anyway, (b) we have none (thank God!) of our own, and (c) no retailer thinks to put helpful stickers on child items saying "this is suitable for an x year old" any more. Cue our two puzzled frowns in Waterstone's today - and my heartfelt admiration at Lord H for somehow making a differentiation between what the average child can read at 5 years old and what they might be able to read at 8 years. So, we've done it - and frankly, m'dears, if they don't like it they'll jolly well have to lump it. Christmas? Bah! Humbug ...

However, I was cheered to find a large and suitably ego-satisfying picture of me in this month's copy of "Writers' Forum" (not a magazine I've ever been that impressed with, I have to say, but it's somehow redeemed itself this month - Page 4 if you're interested ...) - courtesy of the efforts of the generous people at Writers Promote (http://www.writerspromote.com) - thank you, David Caldo! - who have even managed to get my WP web page (http://www.writerspromote.com/annebrooke) in the advert. Lord H is having to dissuade me from photocopying it (in colour) six zillion times and putting it in all this year's Christmas cards. After a brief marital tussle (ooh, lovely!) I've managed to get him to agree to a Christmas letter instead - as long as we put spoof items in it too. Which sounds great to me - cue bollocky statements like "Jemima won the pony club awards for the fifth time this year and is now being headhunted for the Olympic horseriding events ..." Hurrah and tally-ho.

This afternoon, I've been glued to Star Trek on TV before falling victim to the siren-song of an hour's nap on the bed while Lord H watched the rugby. A writer's life is just so exhausting, you know ... Tonight, we're out at the Guildford Choral Society concert - a Christmas medley this time, which might be the nearest thing to fulfilling my Christian duties that I manage this year. Hey ho.

Today's nice things:

1. Getting most of Christmas bought
2. Finding a mugshot of me in "Writers' Forum"
3. Star Trek.

Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk

Shopping, visiting and - ye gods! - some writing ...

A day of recovery, after the mad social whirl of yesterday. I have to say the Goldenford (http://www.goldenford.co.uk) evening at the Barclays party was pretty good - and I even sold one copy of "Pink Champagne and Apple Juice". Miracles still happen! Which brings my grand total of November to four copies sold. Hell, it's not JK Rowling, but no complaints so far ... And not only that, but the Golden Gals all managed to sell a copy of our books - and we even got Jennifer to read from "The Gawain Quest", her upcoming novel (which is a really top-class read, but for some reason she doesn't see it - sigh ...). Triple miracles then. And I met James - Lord H's old and very adorable boss - at the do, so it was good to catch up with him. He disappeared before I could bloody well make him buy a book though - bad show, James, damn it.

Today, I did some critiques on the Bewrite (http://www.bewrite.net) and WriteWords (http://www.writewords.org.uk) sites, and then actually did a couple of hundred words to "The Gifting". Ye gods, I can still write - of sorts; it was a bit of a struggle, but at least I have some inkling of how I'm going to end the scene I'm on. Phew. This afternoon, I had a wonderful two hours' nap - Lord, how I needed that - then whipped round Godalming, catching up on shopping essentials before visiting Gladys rather later than anticipated. Mind you, this was something of a party, as her neighbour, Maureen, and carer, Bea (or "B"? - I've never got to grips with the spelling ...), were also there, so it was party time for the old folks. Or folk, to be precise.

Oh, and driving back from one of my jaunts out, I saw a man walking down the road carrying a rather large mattress. The plot thickens here - as for the last week or so, there's been a complete bed frame left on our downstairs neighbour's front garden. I almost stopped and asked the mattress-man if he was looking for a bed to put it on, in which case ... but decided this probably wouldn't be a good conversation to hold with a stranger. Under any circumstances! It's also funny how none of our two fellow flat-dwellers are talking about the bed on the lawn. I've assumed it's one of theirs, but perhaps they think it's us, and everyone's being too polite to mention it?? Maybe in ten years' time, when it's still there, someone will crack and we'll discover that it's a total stranger's bed that's been dumped on us, and we can get rid of it after all. Till then, we'll carry the stamp of inner London fly-tipping in the midst of leafy Surrey ...

And I've just given up on Paul Coelho's "The Fifth Mountain" as a bad job. Please, mainstream authors and publishers, when oh when will you bring something on the market that's good enough to finish?? Quality seems to lie only in the small presses' hands at the moment.

Today's nice things:

1. Napping!
2. The man with the mattress - which made me laugh
3. Managing to squeeze out a few words of the novel.

Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com

Nutrimetics, counselling and party readings

An action-packed day today - my head is spinning! First off was tea & chat with Jane Hide, which was great (see, Jane - I mentioned you!). She's just settling down into her new career as a part-time Nutrimetics (http://www.nutrimetics.co.uk) consultant, so I have ordered some products (all of which smell wonderful) - which will, I hope, make me into a new woman with a perfect look. Will Lord H recognise me is the question? Hmm, I'll come back to you on that one. By the way, if anyone is interested in Nutrimetics (cheaper than Clarins or Clinique, and all natural ingredients - see, Jane, I was listening!) and is in the Guildford area, then I can pass your details on to her. She won't mess you around and won't force you to buy things you don't need or want - and you might even pick something up for Christmas!

Next stop was my counselling appointment with Kunu (http://www.castlestreetclinic.com). God, it took me fifty minutes - fifty minutes!! - to find a bloody carpark space in bloody Guildford and by the time I found one in the carpark I'd originally looked at, I was just about ready to do myself in, and take a few ruddy town councillors with me to the great beyond at the same time. Would have served them bloody right - but there's only so many people you can run over in a Ford Fiesta. I only just made my appointment on time. Think it was worth it though - I talked about my angry weekend, my "anger box" - which I perhaps need to make bigger - and we discussed how it's okay to see people I enjoy seeing, and not worry about the rest. (Don't worry, Jane H - you're still on my nice people's list, so you haven't got rid of me yet!...).

Back home I'm preparing for tonight's Goldenford (http://www.goldenford.co.uk) readings at the Barclays Christmas staff party. Oh God, how I hate doing these things - I've been stressing it all day (well, 2 or 3 days actually), and will be so bloody glad when it's over. Would be nice to sell some books though - but I'm not optimistic. Am I ever?

Today's nice things:

1. Seeing Jane
2. Counselling.

Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com

Concert and shopping

Another dull day. At one point late afternoon, I felt like screaming and pushing time to persuade it to go a little faster. I didn't though - which the office are grateful for, I'm sure (if only they knew ...). Went to the lunchtime concert at the Performing Arts centre - haven't been for a while as Counselling used to be on a Wednesday - but I enjoyed it. Great singing, and the piano piece was grand. Always prefer the older, more tuneful stuff though - which probably goes to show what a pleb I am, but what the hell.

Went shopping after work, and actually got some Christmas presents - standard girlie stuff, which I'm sure will find a use for someone! My, how noble I am ... Got home to yet another rejection from bloody Mslexia - honestly, I don't think I'll bother sending to them again. It's a waste of time, and I get the same old condescending standard reply each time. You'd think they'd change the reel at least once in a blue moon. I also wonder if you have to be a 1970s-style faux-lesbian to get accepted these days (with some honourable exceptions of course, amongst those folk I know ...)! And I've sent off another partial of "Maloney's Law" to Two Ravens Press (http://www.tworavenspress.com), courtesy of a Writewords (http://www.writewords.org.uk) tip-off. My, I'm a glutton for punishment.

Tonight, it's Oz & James' marvellous wine journey (very tongue-in-cheek!) and "Torchwood" on TV, so that'll be good. Might do some ironing though - just to show willing.

Today's nice things:

1. The concert
2. Sending out "M's L" - to somewhere, at least!

Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk

Reflexology & Kinesiology

Goodness, what an action-packed life I have ... Today was very dull. I read some more about how to be a depressed Christian - and got very pissed off with the author being rather high-handed about things about which he obviously knows nothing. Funny how you can tell a straight, white middle-class Evangelical at 50 paces. Anyway, I now have my doubts about the validity of the bloody book for me, and am significantly less keen about finishing it. Looks like I'll have to make my own ruddy way through the jungle. As per usual.

Still, reflexology (http://www.optimum-fitness.co.uk) was wonderful - as ever - and once again I fell asleep in the middle of it. I definitely need the relaxation time. And after work, I had another session with my kinesiologist (http://www.kinesiology4health.com) and - very reluctantly - have decided to give up alcohol for 3 weeks and see what happens. Annoying - but it does gel with what I've been thinking recently, and if it improves my health - even if temporarily - then who am I to argue?

Ooh, and Ellie on MySpace (http://www.myspace.com) left me a comment saying she'd enjoyed my website and the short stories on there - huge thanks, Ellie - that's really cheered me!

Today's nice things:

1. Reflexology
2. Kinesiology
3. Ellie's kind comments.

Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk

The minute queen

Spent the whole day typing up the minutes of last week's Student Affairs Committee meeting. I'm now the expert in whatever is going on which involves students. Hell. Can't see that lasting for long. It was a disaster of a morning - felt bloody depressed, so much so that I think I even managed to irritate my colleague, who is normally very cheery. Ah well.

Escaped from the drudgery at lunchtime and took a walk to the cathedral - where I bought myself a Childrens' Good News bible on the grounds that even if I don't like the words at least the pictures are nice. Also bought a gift book for myself called "356 blessings for women" - which gives me a paragraph and a brief bible quote for each day. That has pictures too, which is also nice. Bloody hell, that might be all I can cope with right now - we'll see.

The afternoon flowed much more smoothly - how I hate Monday mornings! I have decided to take things slowly and do fewer things involving parties and people. I think those just upset me, so why put myself through it?

This evening, Lord H is out at his theology class, at which the Bishop of Dorking (nice bloke, average sermons) will be presenting a talk on the Eucharist. Cue much joking about whether one has to kiss the bishop's ring or not. I advised not - either way! Tee hee. I'm hoping to get an odd line or two done on "The Gifting" sometime this evening, but I'm not pushing it. And I've had my fix of the "Strictly Come Dancing" update, hurrah! So I feel a little better - but for how long?

Today's nice things:

1. Buying a picture bible & gift book
2. TV
3. Getting the first draft of the minutes done.

Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk

Church hell - again

Decided to be noble and actually go to church today. Big mistake. I would have been better off staying at home and not wasting my morning. Still, with Lord H doing his head server duties, it did mean I was able to skulk at the back and not go up to Communion. Or pretend to sing any of the hymns or say any of the words. So I suppose it wasn't all bad news, eh? And I know everyone's very well-meaning, but was it really necessary to crowd round me post-service like children exclaiming over a sick animal?? Hmm, I think not, people! It's enough to send me screaming for normality to the Buddhists ... Though, that said, Hilary was nice, and did say some sensible things about useful drugs - so thanks for that, Hilary. However, the way things are at the moment, I doubt I'll be going again for a while.

And none of this was helped by the struggle of getting through yesterday's dinner with my old university friends. Nice food though, Jane M - but I'm not really up to it right now. At one point, I felt very railroaded into agreeing to have yet another (oh God, no!!) pre-Christmas gals' social event shoved into a week where I actually want to be (a) at home with my loved one on our own and (b) quiet. It made me feel incredibly angry that they assume I'll want to do things I would have wanted to do twenty years ago. Well, frankly, I can't be arsed to have yet another social evening when I pretend to be something I'm not (which is how they seem to prefer me to be) and make them laugh a lot. Hell, find your own jokes, gals! Actually, I think the way forward is to back out at the last minute. It's what everyone else does after all. That said, I am looking forward to the dancing classes Keith W and I have decided to book for next year. And I think I've managed to get us out of going out on New Year - hurrah!

All this made my dreams last night very, very angry ones. In fact I woke up, shaking with it. It felt way too big to fit into my "anger box" - Lord H said I could always squash it into the corners, but will I be able to close the lid? It's a mystery! At one point in the dream, I remember I was a man at work who had suddenly flipped and was beating up someone I know, and then having to bring it all back under control again and think how to apologise and explain it. Hell, wouldn't it be good if you could beat people up in real life? Without the bloody repercussions. Bliss!

This afternoon, I've been cheering myself up by watching the video of "Strictly Come Dancing". Hurrah - Mark & Matt are still in! I was sorry to lose Claire & Brendan though - I really liked them. I soooo wish that ruddy tosser, Vincent, and his no-brain partner, Louisa, would go. I really can't stand them. And I'm not convinced their dancing is all that good either - and neither is Baby Bunton's, to my mind.

This week's haiku:

Spaces in my heart
let the poems through. They bleed.
Sunlight destroys them.

(Hell - on a day like today , what did you expect - sweetness and light??!!)

Today's nice things:

1. Getting out of bloody church - at last!
2. Strictly Come Dancing
3. Being at home with Lord H.

Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk

Visiting, cleaning & napping

Goodness, what a wide variety of exciting activities makes up my day! Finally managed to pop in to see Gladys this morning - but didn't stay long as she was very confused, and I think my answers weren't making anything clearer. To either of us. We also had fun trying to change the battery in her hearing aid - why do the manufacturers make these things so damn complicated? You'd think they'd have more sense!!

Came home to help Lord H do the cleaning - finally! It's my most hated task, but I have to admit the flat does look less like a war zone now. Still got the hoovering to do though - hell, it's a man's job, ha! Spent the rest of the afternoon lapping up old Star Trek episodes before giving in to the overwhelming desire to nap. Have to catch up on my sleep somehow, y'know. Oh, and I also wrote a poem about spaces - which I think I'm fairly happy with. I'll type it up later.

Tonight, Lord H & I are off for dinner with some of my old university friends. It's funny how I used to feel they were the ones I was closest to, and now I don't. I think things have moved on for us all, to be honest. It'll be a pleasant enough evening, I'm sure, but the thought of making the 1.5-2hr journey down south just for food is a little exhausting. Still, at least we've decided not to stay overnight - I always find that prospect awkward, no matter who I'm staying with. My prime desire is to be home at all times!

Today's nice things:

1. Napping
2. Star Trek
3. Writing a poem.

Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk

Lunch in Wokingham

A wild shopping trip around Godalming this morning - goodness me, the carpark is filling up earlier and earlier - even at 9am it was busy. The curse of Christmas, no doubt ... Back home, I finalised a poem about anger (write about what you know, eh?), and started another one about spaces. Never say my subject matter is too narrow.

Then it was a trip to Wokingham to meet a friend for lunch. Despite it being somewhere I've never been, I was actually less hyped-up than usual - maybe I'm just too tired at the end of the week to be anxious? - but it did strike me that Wokingham is a place with absolutely no obvious street name signs. Not easy for the unsuspecting traveller - they mustn't like the thought of strangers. Still, I did manage to find a car-park at last and get directions to Pizza Express from a friendly native. And lunch with Sarah was grand. She brought her youngest, David, which filled me with fear - but he's not a bad child, and I think we bonded sufficiently over his teddy bear and Sarah's rather chic pink handbag. I ate like a pig - so no surprises there then.

Have again skipped the weekly visit to Gladys - so the guilt is subtly mounting. I'll try to pop over tomorrow, in between bouts of cleaning, attempting (ha!) to write and preparing for Saturday dinner out. Honest!

And as for reading, well, I've just given up on Robert Finn's "Ex Machina". Load of self-obsessed tripe, to my mind. I got through the first 100 pages, and think it could wisely have been cut to about 10. I was still waiting for the story, dammit! Does no-one think of speaking to a sensible editor these days?? And I've also got to the end of Hamish Robinson's poetry collection, "The Gift Returned". Um. Wish I had returned it - the poetry was totally unmemorable, so I can't really give you any idea of what it was like, and frankly life's too short to attempt to read it again. In both cases, buy something else is my advice.

Tonight, it's rubbish TV and the "Strictly Come Dancing" update - hurrah!

Today's nice things:

1. Lunch with Sarah
2. Deciding to give up on the Finn book.

Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk

Counselling and a good review

Woke up this morning, terrified by the amount of stuff I had to do today. And rather befuddled by the bottle of red Lord H and I consumed last night. (He was making stew, so naturally we had to finish the bottle ...). Hell, I'm too old for this midweek drinking lark. Mind you, I probably shouldn't have had that sherry first. Hmm ...

So, a bright and early doctor's appointment (8.30am - what was I thinking??) to look at how I'm doing in the depression stakes. I do think those Vit B pills he gave me might be kicking in now, as I feel a bit stronger. I've another month's supply left and apparently I could buy them over the counter afterwards, which I think I will do. We'll see. I'm still trying to take it easy and not push myself too much. Once again, the good doctor was super-keen on a few moments of prayer at the end of our discussion - which this time I rather felt was something of an imposition. Please, oh good Christian people! I'm not of that mindset at the moment - it's hard enough being me without having a frame of references pushed onto my head ...

Which made my first counselling session at the Castle Street Clinic (http://www.castlestreetclinic.com - but it's probably not working right now ...) very good, as I could tell my new Counsellor, Kunu, this and she seemed to think it was all very normal. For a mad person (sorry - that's my addition, not hers!...). Actually, she was great, and I felt very positive afterwards, so I've booked a set of six with her, starting next week. Then, it was onto the garage to sort out my broken wing mirror - which Lord H has managed to knock back into a position where I can now partially use it. The garage are going to get a new one and give me a ring when it's in, but until then I shall be a bird with a broken wing. All very seasonal, somehow. The thing that made me most proud, however, was the fact that the girl at the Service reception actually recognised me from her time as the barmaid of The Squirrel in Hurtmore. Hell, at last I have local contacts!! Though of course everyone in the garage instantly had me marked as a rampant alcoholic. Mind you, after last night's wine, I can't say I blame them ...

After all that, it was a quick sprint home for my lunchtime golf game with Marian - we had fun, but did badly. We blamed the wet grass of course ... Decided to come home without seeing Gladys, as I think I've had too much social inclusion for one day. Way too much! I'll see how I feel about popping in tomorrow.

But - joy! At home, I found another 5-star review of "Pink Champagne and Apple Juice" on Amazon, which has really cheered me up. I attach it for your amusement below:

“A cracking good story and such wonderful characters, none of them too wicked nor too pious. They are all so real and colourful. John aka Jolene has just the right mix of impudence, sauciness and humanity to make us love him/her. It is, of course, Angie's story, and we are with her all the way. This is one of those books you don't want to put down or finish. Another story about Angie would be fantastic!”

Hurrah - people are reading the darn thing - miracle of miracles! Not sure I'm much of a sequel person though ...

As you can tell, I've got no writing done so far, though I might manage a few lines this evening - in between catching up with "Strictly Come Dancing" and various TV comedies. How I love Catherine Tate - especially Nan and those wonderful ginger-haired people!! Nothing wrong with a redhead though - but hell we do need our sun-block ...!

Today's nice things:

1. The review
2. Counselling
3. Golf.

Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk

Reflexology

Not a bad day today, actually - though I am getting very down about the lack of communication from Flame Books (http://www.flamebooks.com) about "A Dangerous Man" and from my agent (https://www.sff.net/people/john-jarrold/about.html) about anything at all. And that's after sending them notification of my brand new email address. It's all very depressing really.

Still, I had an absolutely wonderful reflexology session at lunchtime - I could feel myself relaxing by the moment, and I even fell asleep a couple of times. I really, really needed it - so I've booked myself a once-a-week reflexology date up until Christmas. Hell, that should get me through the scary season ...

Oh, and some nasty bastard has trashed my driver's side wing mirror - bastards - though the glass is still intact, so I shall have to sort that out sometime, and add it into my action-packed schedule. Damn it. Hope it doesn't cost too much - famous last words ...

This afternoon, I had to minute the first meeting of the new Student Affairs Committee at work - not as terrifying as I'd expected, but still a hard slog. I managed to start on writing it up before I went home though - which always makes me feel better.

And tonight, it's wonderfully crap tv, including the great "Torchwood", though I do have the ironing to do. Chances of doing any writing? - um, nil.

Today's nice things:

1. Reflexology

That's it, really.

Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk

UniSWriters & Guildford Writers

A rather dull day today, enlivened only by UniSWriters at lunchtime - everyone was very focused and full of energy and all had something to read, which was great. And the writing game we played got everyone talking too, which was also good. It really raised my energy levels - so thanks, gang!

And then the slow drag of the afternoon - again cheered only by Guildford Writers (http://www.guildfordwriters.net) this evening. I didn't take anything to read as I didn't feel strong enough, to be honest, but the stuff there was great, and we had a lot of fun with it.

Back home, Lord H and I are trying to set up new BT email accounts - as Compuserve is basically rubbish - but it's proving trickier than anticipated. Ah well. Perhaps it will all become clear with the course of time!

And I've just given up on Aline Templeton's "Cold in the Earth" - a bit too much backstory and detail for me, and I wasn't that interested in the characters or plot. Hmm, says it all really. But Lord H enjoyed it, and would read another by Templeton, so it's not all bad news.

Today's nice things:

1. UniSWriters
2. Guildford Writers.

Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk

Back to work

Groan. No, double groan. Hell, Mondays are bad enough, but after a holiday they're triply bad. As if I've been in heaven for a week and then am pushed back out into the lion's den. But without the two companions. Still, it's over, thank the Lord.

And in purely practical terms, it wasn't that bad - I managed to get up-to-date, with all emails sorted, by the middle of the afternoon, which is saying something. Lord H was less lucky - with 522 emails to deal with and a dodgy computer he had to hit with a spanner, and then a bigger spanner, to persuade into action. Ah, the joys of accountancy. That said, highlights of the day were Julia's emailed words of wisdom and a seriously hot picture of Daniel Craig in the new Bond movie emerging from the waves in a pair of speedos. Bliss. Serious bliss - it's part of my work screensave now - thanks, Julia! And Steph & Monique from the Health Centre have bought me a pair of red and white Christmas fluffy pens to add to my rapidly increasing collection. Thanks, gals - much appreciated!

Tonight, Lord H is doing weddings and funerals at his theology course - not that he can take either, as he's not on the vocational strand, but the theory will be fun. And I've got an evening of entering writing competitions planned - my monthly routine. And later on, it's "New Tricks" on tv. So it's not all bad.

Today's nice things:

1. Daniel Craig photo
2. Fluffy Christmas pens
3. Surviving my first day back.

Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk

Shoebox Sunday and depression

Ah, the curse of Shoebox Sunday - it's here again, which means the hell of Christmas is only a stone's throw away. Damn it. For those not in the know (you lucky people, you ...), this is - in the Anglican church, and perhaps in others too, though I don't know for sure - the time when we all have to go out and buy toys to put in shoeboxes to send to children in the developing world. Lord only knows what they make of sparkly balls and white-faced dolls when they probably haven't eaten for a week, but far be it from me to attempt to rock the diocesan boat. If only we didn't have to wrap the damn shoeboxes up before we deliver them, then I'm sure many marriages would be calmer and the police stations sleepier. Hell, have you ever tried to wrap a bloody shoebox? It's impossible.

Naturally, I took the only course of action available to me at this point - after all, I hate children!! - and left it entirely to Lord H, and skipped church. However, in the general mild depression I'm currently wading through, I didn't do the writing I'd planned to do - and barely scraped out 400 words to "The Gifting" before giving it up as a bad job and playing Solitaire instead. Actually, I sometimes wonder if I should give up writing altogether, if only on a temporary basis, until the clouds have passed. Hmm, something to ponder on perhaps.

That said, I was given an unexpected boost by some lovely comments on "Pink Champagne and Apple Juice" by a writing friend (thanks, Gill - who can be found at http://www.gilljames.co.uk) and also from Joanie at Writewords (http://www.writewords.org.uk) on the haiku I uploaded this morning. Thanks, Joanie. Much appreciated.

The rest of the day has heaved itself by. There was an interesting article in the latest "Church Times" though, which I devoured - all about Christians and depression. I really clicked with the comment from a Canon about how his depression felt as if he were carrying round a lead ball in his stomach all the time. Hey, mate - yes. You've got it in one. That's exactly how it feels - 90% of the time. The rest of the time I'm probably asleep. Anyway, it's inspired me to buy a book recommended on Amazon (http://www.amazon.co.uk) about the subject - which apparently isn't judgemental, demanding or shallow. Good, I like warm and woolly. I get enough damnfool comments or implied criticism elsewhere. I need something to say what's real about how I am now. Not how I should be.

So, this week's haiku:

Home pressures dissolve,
interior skies lighten:
a few days away.

And today's nice things:

1. Not going to church
2. Bakewell pudding for lunch
3. A glass of pre-lunch sherry.

Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk

Back from hols

Back today. Had a good time - very relaxing. High points for me were (a) Chatsworth - beautiful house & grounds, and so relaxing, and the special "Twelve Days of Christmas" focus was surprisingly good. It almost made me think Christmas was okay. I even got quite choked up in the chapel - scary biscuits indeed. (b) The magnificent Knox Road Church in Wellingborough - which we visited on our way there. (c) Seeing a stoat at Chatsworth. Not sure I've ever seen a real-life one. (d) Meeting fellow Writeworder (http://www.writewords.org.uk) Nik Perring (http://nikperring.blogspot.com) was a delight. (e) Generally, being away from the pressure of it all - also very good.

Still, back now to the washing & ironing etc. Have finished Susan Hill's "The Pure in Heart" - marvellous. Not a great deal of plot but the characters are ace. Also started and finished "Book Lover" by Kaufman & Mack - again, no plot but a great main character. Rubbish ending though - but some authors are like that.

Came home to discover that someone has ordered "Pink Champagne and Apple Juice" via the Goldenford (http://www.goldenford.co.uk) PayPal facility - good on you, Mr Owen. And many thanks! It will be posted to you on Monday, first class. Very disappointed though that there's still no word on my publication date for "A Dangerous Man" from Flame Books (http://www.flamebooks.com) - deep sigh. And still nothing from my agent (http://www.sff.net/people/john-jarrold/about.html) about anything at all. Deeper sigh ...

Must dash now - the judging for "Strictly Come Dancing" is due to start and I absolutely can't miss it!

Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com

Packing and napping

A day when nowt much has happened, though I did get stuck into my latest Susan Hill book - "The Pure in Heart". I do love the Simon Serrailler series - they're absolutely hot! Which is funny as I haven't actually enjoyed any other Susan Hill stuff (I thought the one about the second Mrs de Winter was inordinately dull, redeemed only by a superb last paragraph - much like Wagner really ...). Still, the Serrailler series is good and I can only recommend it. Can't wait till the next one's in paperback. Good character studies (though Simon himself is a tad on the stiff side of stiff) and lots of page-turning tension.

Apart from that, I've packed for a few days away in rainy (yes, I've looked at the bloody weather forecast - big groan ...) Derbyshire and did a hell of a lot of napping. This evening, Lord H is at theology class, and I need to wash up, do the recycling and add at least a few more words to the story of Simon's (my Simon, not Ms Hill's!) mother in "The Gifting".

Today's nice things:

1. Napping
2. Reading.

Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk

Remembrance Sunday

And I remembered my poppy. Thank goodness - there was a bit of a crisis a few years ago, when I couldn't find the darn thing and turned up late. I always think this one is the one service to go to in a year, even if you don't go any other time, as more than anything it's about who we are now and how much we owe to the past and what happened there. I have no personal knowledge of what hell it must have been, but that in itself is the freedom that was won and the least I can do is acknowledge the debt. Much like my feelings about women voting - if we don't, then what the hell did Mrs Pankhurst go through all that for? We owe it to her too.

Sermon over - thank God. And the good(ish) news is that I managed to survive the whole of church today by the simple trick of not listening to the religious bits. Aha! A way through the jungle of my slowly dying faith at last, eh? People were nice after the service though - and when asked, I did try to be honest: yes, I'm not well; yes, it's better than it was earlier in the year; yes, I'm taking it easily and trying not to do too much. Which about covers most of it. The visiting vicar (bless him) was very concerned and did ask if he could pray with me - oh God, no, how that makes me twist up inside!! - still, it's a request you can't very easily say no too, and at least he managed it when no-one else was around (thank God) and kept it brief. Mind you, I wasn't at all sure if I could honestly say "amen" to his request that I soon be restored to full mental and physical health in order to serve God better. Doesn't suit my agenda at all, thank you very much - I'd rather give the whole thing a wide berth and stay at home watching TV and eating chocolate instead. I'm certainly no advert for the Christian faith and never have been, much. Still, it was nice of him (from his world view) and he meant well.

The rest of the day has been spent writing a poem (at last! I hadn't written one for two weeks, and it was starting to make me twitchy), which I've uploaded onto the Writewords (http://www.writewords.org.uk) site for comment. And I've been doing more to my two profiles on MySpace (http://www.myspace.com). Not only that, but I've asked my agent (https://www.sff.net/people/john-jarrold/about.html) about two other possible leads for "Thorn in the Flesh" that I've seen, and I've entered an emailed short story competition. Oh, and I washed the car too, so I think the protestant work ethic has been satisfied.

Tonight, I'd better ring mother and arrange Christmas (arghh!! how I hate Christmas!!), and my reward for this is "Midsomer Murders" on TV. Thank God.

This week's haiku:

Loud smoke and people.
I struggle for connection,
lips a silent dance

Today's nice things:

1. Surviving church - and prayer
2. Writing a poem - at last
3. Playing on MySpace.

Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk

Surf city & TV

Hell, what a lazy morning today. Though I did clean the dustbins (what a heroine, eh!) and I'm still in line to do the cleaning tonight. Hurrah - um, not ... Spent the rest of the morning networking on MySpace (http://www.myspace.com) and also setting up another account there for Angie, my heroine from "Pink Champagne and Apple Juice", which you can buy here: http://www.goldenford.co.uk/main.pl?champagne. Heck, she's feisty enough for her own account - the gal deserves it!

Have also lulled away the afternoon watching "Star Trek" - so TV heaven. And tonight it's "Strictly Come Dancing". I've already voted for Mark & Karen - twice - so my duty is done. I might even get a chance to do some more to "The Gifting" - you never know ...

Today's nice things:

1. Setting up Angie's account
2. Finishing cleaning the wretched bins ...
3. Star Trek.

Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk

More writing ...

Well, I was intending to start the story about Simon's mother in "The Gifting", but I got waylaid by a sex scene. Oo-err, missus. Hell, it happens to the best of us. So I've done that today instead - how I do so love writing those, but don't we all??... - even though it happens later in the book. It was also an interesting exercise describing it from Simon's point of view, as he's much more subtle and more emotionally cautious than my gay male characters in other books. Still, I'm glad I finally got round to giving him a good time, as he's had a pretty rotten one up to this point. Ah, the power of the author ... and another 1000 words done. Hurrah!

At the same time, I've updated my website with the real or latest beginnings to all my current novels - feel free to visit http://www.annebrooke.com and catch up. Go on, you know you want to ... possibly! And I've been establishing my page on http://www.myspace.com - it's a great site and I'm really impressed with what can be done on it. A fun place to be.

A spot of shopping in Godalming this afternoon, and then tonight I might leave the cleaning till tomorrow (again) and just watch TV instead. Can't wait for the Strictly Come Dancing update - I'm completely hooked. Not to mention lots of Friday night comedy - bliss.

Today's nice things:

1. Writing Simon's sex scene in "The Gifting"
2. Playing with myspace.com.

Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com

The writing - it's back!

Ye gods, I can still write. Re-sult! I approached "The Gifting" this morning with an anxious heart as I haven't worked on it for a couple of weeks or so, but I managed to bash out 500 words or thereabouts and get myself to the end of a chapter. Lord, but it feels sooooo good. And I've got ideas for scenes floating in silhouette round my head, so it looks like there's life in the old cat yet. Thank goodness. Now I have to think about how I tell the story of Simon's mother and what happened with her, and how I hint at the parts he must at this stage leave out. Hmm, no pressure then - but at least I'm thinking about it!

This morning, I fought a brave, fast and hard-won battle with a queen wasp in the bathroom - put the shakes back in me again, but so far there haven't been any more. Hope it stays that way. I got rid of the evil beast by opening the window very, very carefully and bashing it out with the home address book. But I must have had the quickest bath ever afterwards. Also popped into see Gladys as she's out of hospital. She was soooo glad to be home, but very frail so I didn't stay long. She probably needs her sleep - hell, don't we all ...

I've also rung our holiday hotel for next week and booked myself a back massage and an Indian head massage, so am looking forward to being super-chilled. If only for a while.

And tonight, Lord H and I are up in London for Jane's 50th birthday party. It's being held at the Pimlico Wine Library - which is definitely my sort of library, as long as it has books as well as plonk! - and I suspect it might be quite posh, so I'd better get the posh trousers out. I only have one pair, but they've done me proud for ... um ... twenty years or so. Oh Lord, I really am turning into my mother. Somebody help me!

Today's nice things:

1. Getting back into the writing again
2. Booking my holiday massages
3. Jane's party.

Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk

Toilets and holidays

A crap morning followed by a slightly better afternoon/evening is the summary of today. Was really fed up with life due to (a) the toilet still being broken - it's been broken since the weekend and we've been unable to flush and having to use buckets of water instead. Shades of the war years ... and (b) still being without anywhere to stay next week when our holidays beckon.

However, the day slowly brightened - Lord H rang me to say the toilet had been mended though the plumber charged us £70!! £70, I ask you - hell, I'm in the wrong bloody job!! Hope we were given gold-lined pipes for that - but actually the bliss of having it back in full working order is probably beyond price. Also, we've finally managed to book a holiday - in the end we went for the Peak District in a hotel which has a beauty salon too. Roll on more massages and Indian head treatments for me, I hope! It's such an incredible relief to get it sorted, as it's really been worrying me. Hurrah!

And so tonight, it's Torchwood and - please God, as I'm shattered - an early night. Or a relatively early one.

Today's nice things:

1. A mended toilet
2. Getting our holiday hotel.

Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk

Indian Head Massage

A dull day at work today - more to do with my mood (low) than the actual work, which was fine. But, my goodness, the day dragged. Thank goodness for my Indian head massage at lunchtime, which I really, really needed. I had two moments during it when I actually felt quite happy. Hell, I'd forgotten what that was like. Signed up for another 6 sessions of reflexology, so that will be something to look forward to. It's sooooo relaxing ...

At home, began to feel really low, but I thought maybe if I can do a wee bit of writing tonight, things might feel better. It's hard to say sometimes, to be honest. I ought to tackle the Goldenford (http://www.goldenford.co.uk) minutes tonight, or at least some of them, just in order to make a start on it. I also ought to practise my reading for our upcoming Barclays event on 30 November, as Lord H is out at the Village Hall Committee (how very country, m'dear ...!) - they've invited the Goldenford team to do readings for their pre-Christmas client party, which is lovely of them, I must say. Apparently there'll be 100 people there - our largest audience ever! Hope they'll like us ...

Today's nice things:

1. Indian Head Massage

Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com

Goldenford meeting

Goodness, Monday morning lasted all day today - a real effort not to run out of the room and across campus screaming! Still, in spite of that, I managed to get started on the amendments to our new mentoring handbook and finalise the Student Care Services annual report for Senate. So, I almost looked like a professional. For once.

Took a stroll round the university at lunchtime in spite of the galloping cold - and got myself warm enough to sit by the lake for a while and stare at the ducks. And moorhens, which are funnier.

Tonight we had a Goldenford (http://www.goldenford.co.uk) meeting - lots of talk about marketing, next year's books and what to do for Christmas. Barclays in Guildford have invited us back for a Christmas reading on 30 November for a party they're having, I think, but Jennifer is finding out more details later. Good that they want us though - will now have to think of what reading to do!

Today's nice things:

1. Ducks
2. Moorhens
3. The Barclays invite.

Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com

Enneagram weekend

Just come back from an Enneagram: My Personality weekend at Emmaus House in Bristol. Missed Lord H like crazy, but it was a good weekend. Well worth it. I think it's made a lot of things clearer. I'm definitely in the Type 4 (The Romantic) zone, and it resonated with me to be there - which means (surprise, surprise), I'm very up and down, feel things intently, look for connections, and am always thinking things will be better in the future (or they were better in the past). My proposed development work includes looking for balance and giving myself room to be me. Suits me, sir. And I also liked the fact they included some of the Alexander Technique in the sessions, so had a "whole person" view, which is something I'm realising is more and more important.

Anyway, there's a lot to take in, and I suspect it will take several weeks to digest it all. But I'd definitely like to go on the Enneagram 2 weekend next March. I think it's important.

But poor Lord H - he's got a terrible back now after trying to look at sorting the loo out. This week's tasks - call a doctor and a plumber. I'm worried about him.

This weekend's nice things:

1. Finding out about my Enneagram zone.

Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk

Golf and weekend retreat

Got up early, with Lord H today, to avoid the agony of getting dressed on my own in the flat surrounded by wasps. But so far ... no wasps. Let's hope it stays that way.

Updated my book information on the Writers Promote site (http://www.writerspromote.com) - David Caldo has made this look really nice - thanks, David! Then played golf with Marian - fun but we're weren't great. Are we ever??

I'm now about to have lunch and then my hairdresser will come at 1.30pm-ish. After that, I'm driving to Bristol to stay at the Emmaus Centre for a weekend's retreat on "The Enneagram - Your Personality". Hope it will be good, and relaxing - and insect-free. I'll miss Lord H like crazy though - I always do. Back on Sunday. I'm dreading the journey - I hate going to new places on my own. Please God I get there in one piece!

Today's nice things:

1. Golf
2. Getting a decent haircut
3. The retreat - I hope.

Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk

Wasp city

God, it's a day for the bloody wasps today. Wasn't feeling too great this morning, so had a lie-in and a slow start. Managed to have a bath, thank the Lord, before the first evil beast dive-bombed me at breakfast. Then had to get dressed whilst holding another one at bay - not an easy task, I assure you. Which explains why I look like I've been flung together by a Trinny & Susannah reject right now. The last straw was another one on the attack while I was attempting to put my make up on. I gave up at that point and sat outside the flat on the communal stairs and rang Lord H, asking him to come home for lunch so he could sort it out.

Lord H turned up on his white charger an hour later, which meant at least I could put my shoes on while he stood guard. We found 5 dead bodies, and three more live ones. Curses. He then brown-taped every gap we could find in the walls (it's an old house ...) to try to stop them coming in. We think they might be dropping out of the trapdoor to the flat roof, though it's hard to be sure.

Anyway, I went to lunch with Robin when Lord H left - heck, it was good to be out of the flat - but I am now back, typing this in the dark whilst wearing my coat and fingerless gloves just in case I have to do a runner if another of the stripy demons turns up. Thank goodness I'm away this weekend on retreat in Bristol - Lord H will have to deal with them, or maybe ring our usual wasp man if things get nasty. I sooooooooooooooooooo hate wasps. They're evil bastards.

Tonight, we're out at the Glyndebourne Touring Opera's version of Britten's "The Turn of the Screw". So that might cheer me up. Hmm, maybe not ...

Oh, and I've had some positive and interesting comments from the Writewords (http://www.writewords.org.uk) site on my poem, "Black cloud", which has been uplifting. But, as you can tell, no writing has been done - though I have sent off my monthly poetry submission to the next magazine on my list and tried to drum up some interest in "Maloney's Law". Again. With little success. Ah well.

Today's nice things:

1. Lunch with Robin
2. The opera.

Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk

A computer break-down, counselling and a car crisis

Hell, but I like starting everything with the same letter. It's obviously a "C" day. Couldn't post anything yesterday as Broadband dictated against it, but it now seems to be up and running so let's count our blessings. Not that much happened yesterday - felt a bit low, got up, did work, came home and went to sleep. Basically.

Actually, scrub that last bit - there were two nice things that happened yesterday. The Health Centre invited me to their spooky lunch (it being Halloween), and I thought "sod the theology, I'm pissed off, so why not?", went along and had a great time for an hour. Ate pizza, chicken satay, babies' hearts (figs, cheese & bacon, in case you're really worrying) and dead mens' fingers (shortbread slices with almonds for nails). Never say the Health Centre don't have a sense of humour. We played a Trick or Treat game, and I had fun being a monster, and then eating chocolate anyway. It was a hell of a lot better than my planned brisk walk and some pasta for lunch. Thanks for inviting me, Monique!

And the second nice thing of yesterday was finding two very supportive comments responding to the depressive posting of the day before - many thanks, Nik (http://nikperring.blogspot.com) & Anon. Much appreciated.

Which brings me to today - not much excitement. But I did have my last counselling session at UniS with Zoe. It was good. We talked about how I should develop my hermit side, and give far more time to being quiet and alone (two things I love), rather than pretending to be a social person, which I'm not. Suits me, sir (or madam, rather). We also played a game in which I rearranged Zoe's collection of pepples, shells and coloured beads into a shape I thought was myself. Neither of us had done that before, and it was amazing what came out. I ended up with a line of shells/pebbles connected by small beads to each other (representing me) with, on either side, a clump (yes, that is the word) of ugly orange beads representing the world - which were as far away from "me" as possible. My problem was that I felt the connecting coloured lines which linked parts of "me" together were most often spent pretending to connect with the orange clumps when in fact they were expending the effort on keeping the world at bay. Are you still with me? Sit up at the back there ... So the plan is to develop the flexibility and strength of the linking parts so I can (a) keep myself together and real, and (b) bend round and touch the world now and again when I feel it's safe to do so.

So, there you have it. I'm sorry it's my last counselling session with Zoe, as she's been great and I really relate to her. But I've decided to carry on outside the university, and will be having an introductory counselling session at the Castle Street Clinic (http://www.castlestreetclinic.com) later in November. Watch this space.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Lord H is stuck in Waitrose as the car won't start and is waiting for the RAC. Hope they're quicker than the ruddy AA were in June ... I've taken him some food and brought back the frozen shopping, but I hope he'll be home soon. Bloody cars.

Today's nice things:

1. Counselling
2. When Lord H gets home - soon, I hope!

Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk