From Loneliness to Love: Daily Meditations from The Book of Ruth

I'm happy to say I have a new book out, especially for women. Because we're worth it!...

From Loneliness to Love: Daily Meditations from The Book of Ruth: a series of daily meditations from the Book of Ruth, written especially for women.

Each day focuses on a section of this incredibly moving story, highlights the main themes arising from the passage and ends with a prayer to help you grow closer to God.

Subjects for meditation and prayer include grief, hope, trust and love.

Buy the ebook at Amazon

It costs 99p as an ebook.

Buy the paperback at Amazon

It costs £2.99 as a paperback.

Happy reading!

Anne Brooke: Biblical Fiction

Life after Church by Brian Sanders: a narrow view of God

This is all very worthy, but only really speaks to evangelical or charismatic Christians. For those of us who are neither of these, this book is unhelpful at best and damaging at worst. Sanders has a rather judgemental attitude that I definitely didn't warm to, and I suspect his vision of God might be far too narrow. Read it if you must, but take any advice it offers with a large pinch of salt!

Anne Brooke Books

Salt and Gold: Meditations on Exodus and St Luke

My Biblical poetry collection, Salt and Gold, is now available for only 99p at Amazon.

A series of forty meditation poems based on the stories of Exodus and the Gospel of St Luke. Particular themes are light and darkness, journeying, prayer, and the inherent otherness of God. How can human beings truly respond to God's mercy and justice in an imperfect world?

I hope you enjoy the read.

Anne Brooke Books

Free Book Friday: Noses, Naughtiness and Prayer

Welcome to Free Book Friday! Below are today's FREE offerings at Amazon for you:

Atishoo and Bless You: The ABC of Mucus Management

Sinusitis? Catarrh? That awful feeling of nausea? Yes, you've got the dreaded problem of mucus. It's nasty and debilitating and nobody seems to want to talk about it, but don't worry, as you're not alone! Written by a fellow-sufferer, The ABC of Mucus Management takes you through a series of suggested remedies, tips and tricks to manage your sinusitis and catarrh issues. It will help ease your discomfort, shorten your period of illness and prevent your next attack. Atishoo and bless you!

Download this book for FREE today only!




Rosie by Name

Rosie (AKA Alison) works at a high-class escort agency as a receptionist. When her boss asks her to be the special birthday present for his favourite nephew, she can't help but agree. The boss is the boss after all. 

However an evening of surprises, unexpected parents and even the odd spider awaits her. By the end of the night, will she have fulfilled her mission or is her potential pay-rise nothing but a distant dream?

Download this book for FREE until Saturday!




Dear God, It's All Gone Horribly Wrong: Prayers for Stressed Christians

Being a Christian in the modern world can be very stressful indeed. Everyone either thinks we're having a wonderful time with our marvellous, mysterious God, or they think we're fools for believing in a faith that surely died a death in the twentieth century ... 

In both scenarios, the negative feelings, stress and depression frequently experienced by today’s Christian tend to be ignored, not least by one’s fellow Christians. However, in actual fact, God never discounts or ignores anyone. With this in mind, here are one hundred prayers which tell it like it is to God so that even the worst about us is brought out into the open. At the same time, the fact that God listens to all our prayers, no matter how angry, bitter or sad, is a beacon of hope for us all. 

May God travel with us more closely on our prayer journeys. 

Download this book for FREE until tomorrow!

Happy reading and have a great weekend, all.

Anne Brooke Books
Biblical Fiction UK
The Gathandrian Fantasy Trilogy

Easter Gifts & Gangsters

As a special Easter treat, I have three FREE books on offer today:

The Gifting

Simon Hartstongue is a mind-reader, and branded a coward and a murderer. When his overlord and lover Ralph Tregannon turns against him, he is forced to embark on a treacherous journey to the distant and magical land of Gathandria in order to save his country and his own soul. During a series of terrifying trials, Simon must encounter the trickery of the deadly Mind Executioner and the secret dealings of those he ought to trust. 

The Gifting is an Awesome Indies novel, and is showcased at the Awesome Indies website. 

Download the ebook for FREE!


The Gangster's Wife

When 53-year-old Elise Walker returns home after a day at the office to find her husband Gerald dead of a heart attack, she doesn’t expect a visit from the police with revelations about Gerald’s secret life. 

Soon, however, her own life takes a distinctive turn for the surreal, with missing loot, online crime and curious neighbours the least of her problems. Not to mention trying to deal with never-ending funeral arrangements and stay on top of her job. 

Thank goodness then for the support of her ever-reliable boss, Hugh. But will even he turn against her when she decides to contact Gerald’s former gang members to find out more? And what is the real significance of the note Gerald left her? Most important of all, if Elise ever finds the money, will she be able to keep it? 

Download the ebook for FREE!


Thirty Ways to Pray Without Really Praying

Thirty Ways to Pray Without Really Praying is a spiritual book designed to help you draw closer to your inner self, whether you pray regularly or not at all. It provides one activity for you to do every day for a month, and will help you focus on the things that are important to you. Happy praying (without really praying at all)!

Download the ebook for FREE!

Happy reading! And I hope you all have a joyous and relaxing Easter.





Anne Brooke Books
The Gathandrian Fantasy Trilogy
Biblical Fiction UK

Free Books: Typing and Prayer!

I have two FREE books at Amazon, both on offer until tomorrow:

Tales from the Typeface: a Secretary's Life and How to Survive It

Office life: love it or hate it, but you can't get away from it. Want to laugh at the lighter side of your secretarial career? Then this is the book for you! Discover the essential art of looking busy, how to love your photocopier and carve a path through the stationery jungle. Learn to deal with terrifying tasks, tricky travel arrangements and the horrors of networking. And do it all with a smile on your face and success on your CV. Happy typing! 

A reader review: "hysterically funny and very true of all offices everywhere!" 

Download this book here.



Thirty Ways to Pray Without Really Praying

Thirty Ways to Pray Without Really Praying is a spiritual book designed to help you draw closer to your inner self, whether you pray regularly or not at all. It provides one activity for you to do every day for a month, and will help you focus on the things that are important to you. Happy praying (without really praying at all)!

Download this book here.

Happy reading!

Anne Brooke Books
Biblical Fiction UK

Dear God, It's All Gone Horribly Wrong: Prayers for Stressed Christians

I'm happy to say that my new prayer book, Dear God, It's All Gone Horribly Wrong: Prayers for Stressed Christians, is now available at Amazon, and it's FREE for Kindle Unlimited subscribers!

Being a Christian in the modern world can be very stressful indeed. Everyone either thinks we're having a wonderful time with our marvellous, mysterious God, or they think we're fools for believing in a faith that surely died a death in the twentieth century ... 

In both scenarios, the negative feelings, stress and depression frequently experienced by today’s Christian tend to be ignored, not least by one’s fellow Christians. However, in actual fact, God never discounts or ignores anyone. With this in mind, here are one hundred prayers which tell it like it is to God so that even the worst about us is brought out into the open. At the same time, the fact that God listens to all our prayers, no matter how angry, bitter or sad, is a beacon of hope for us all. 

May God travel with us more closely on our prayer journeys. 


Happy reading and happy praying!

Anne Brooke Books
Biblical Fiction UK

Thirty Ways to Pray Without Really Praying

My newest spiritual book, Thirty Ways to Pray Without Really Praying, is now available on Amazon. And you don't have to be religious or even pray at all to get something out of it!

Thirty Ways to Pray Without Really Praying is a spiritual book designed to help you draw closer to your inner self, whether you pray regularly or not at all. It provides one activity for you to do every day for a month, and will help you focus on the things that are important to you. Happy praying (without really praying at all)!


Happy reading!

Anne Brooke Books
Biblical Fiction UK
The Gathandrian Fantasy Trilogy

The Gift of the Snow and last chance blogs

Book News:

Don't forget that the Blog Hop Against Homophobia is still running until tonight, and you can find my blog about it here. All comments are entered into a competition to win something from my ebook backlist so don't miss out!

In addition, the last stop of my blog tour for Where You Hurt The Most was at Amara's Place, and there's still time (just!) to enter that ebook competition also, but you'll have to hurray. This week, the story has received a 4-star review at Goodreads, so many thanks, Sadonna, for that.

And I'm happy to say that my literary paranormal short story The Gift of The Snow has now been published by Untreed Reads, and was briefly at No 67 in the Amazon UK horror charts (though more literary than horror, to my mind), so thank you to those of you who've bought it and I hope you enjoy the read.

Life News:

I've come somewhat under fire once more this week for being a Christian who fully supports same-sex marriage and GLBTQ inclusion in the church. People are very happy to tell me in detail how wrong and unChristian I am, which is interesting as I don't feel I have to take other people to task for believing in a different way to me. Actually it makes me even more determined to stand up for what I see as reasonable equality and to make it known as much as I can that Christianity is - or should be - as much for the GLBTQ community as it is for the straight one. In fact there should be no difference. We're all human and all fully equal in God's sight, and I'm more than happy to keep shouting that joyful fact. It's good news indeed. For this reason I can thoroughly recommend Changing Attitude who work in the UK helping to encourage churches to be more inclusive of GLBTQ people. Well done to them!

This weekend has been hugely busy. We had the meeting of the Jubilee Street Party Committee yesterday, and I think we're now on track to sorting out the final details of what we're all doing. Only two weeks to go now, goodness me. Also yesterday I made a pretty fine carrot cake with orange frosting which not only tastes good but also looks almost exactly as it does in the book. Golly gosh, that's a first for me, eh ...

And Saturday just wouldn't have been the same without the Elstead Rubber Duck races at lunchtime. So wonderfully English and strangely gripping, we loved it - though sadly our ducks Troilus and Cressida weren't anywhere to be seen in the winning heats. Maybe next year then.

It's also been a plant-filled weekend, which has been great. We bought a lilac phlox, a hebe, 4 cosmos and one broccoli at the church plant sale, plus a purple osteospermum and another sunflower from the village florist. Today, we've visited Rake Garden Centre, where we bought a huge trolley-load of flowers, including nine French marigolds, six salvias, an impatiens, six chrysanthemums, four large fuchsias, two lupins and a veronica. And a partridge in a pear tree (that last one's untrue, btw ...). All now safely planted up in back and front gardens, and very good they look too, hurrah!

Oh, and our azalea and one of the three rhododendrons are now doing pretty well too, as you can see ...

On the way back we also popped in to see Lowder Mill which was open today as part of the National Gardens Scheme. A totally amazing place and if you get a chance to go, I can really recommend it. Beautiful grounds, and so very quirky and peaceful, at the same time. Plus the cakes were magnificent. What could be nicer?

Here's this week's haiku:

On this soft morning
the garden dances in pink
while small birds flutter.


Anne Brooke
Hop Against Homophobia
Gay Reads UK
The Gathandrian Fantasy Trilogy
Biblical Fiction UK

Hop Against Homophobia

I’m very proud to be taking part in the Hop Against Homophobia Day and to stand up for the human rights of all people, whatever their sexuality, gender, race or religion.

I also want to stand up for heterosexual Christians like myself who are 100% behind the drive for GLBTQ equality and same-sex marriage - the media seem at the moment to be concentrating on those Christians who are against the idea, and I think it's important for people to know that we don't all think the same. I'm proud to say I've just joined the Lesbian & Gay Christian Movement in the UK to show my support, and hope that other Christians will also stand with me on this point.

As a Christian, I’m also very proud of the fact that I’m a writer of gay erotic fiction, and celebrate love and romance wherever it’s found. To my mind, there’s no battle between being GLBTQ and being Christian, and the sooner the churches catch up with this freedom we have in God, the better. Recently, the Church Times wrote in one of its articles that we have much to learn about equality, truth and justice from society’s approach to homosexuality and faith, implying that God doesn’t always speak to us through the Church alone. Quite right too!

You can find out more about my gay fiction at Gay Reads UK, and about my Biblical fiction (which happily includes a lesbian reinterpretation of a few of the bible stories) at Biblical Fiction UK.

And as a special treat, anyone who leaves a comment on this blog will be entered into a competition to win a FREE ebook from my gay fiction collection. Good luck and happy blog hopping!

Anne Brooke

Hop Against Homophobia

Gay Reads UK

Biblical Fiction UK

The Gathandria Fantasy Trilogy

Blog tours and a GLBT-friendly faith

Book News

Whilst it's not officially published till tomorrow, I'm happy to say you can now buy my latest gay literary short story Where You Hurt The Most at Riptide Publishing. Apparently pre-sales numbers have been strong (hurrah!) and I even have my first review from Tracy's Place. Many thanks, Tracy. Don't forget the blog tour for the book starts tomorrow, and doesn't end till 18 March, so there's plenty of time to enter the free giveaways competition. Good luck!

I'm also happy to say that gay thriller The Bones of Summer gained a 4-star review at Goodreads - many thanks, Stephanie. And, not to be outdone, biblical short story Dancing with Lions received a 5-star review at Amazon US - thank you, Melissa.

My most recent meditation poem is:




Meditation 651
Where time perfects the gift
life’s best offerings
cannot be hurried:

see how the hills
breathe out their fullest shape
over centuries

and the rivers
carve their quiet path
to the seas.


The Sunday haiku is:

Goldfinches flutter
and glow amongst the grasses:
our only sunshine.


Life News:

This wonderful image which I found on Facebook really sums up my approach to faith and homosexuality, and is especially apposite as it's a question I've been asked at point blank range this week. For anyone who's still wondering what my Christian stance is on gay and lesbian relationships (and who evidently hasn't been paying close attention to my blog or FB/Twitter posts), I'd like to reiterate that I don't worship a God who hates gay and lesbian relationships, or indeed transgender or transexual ones, and neither could I agree to worship a God who holds those views. Occasionally, God also even quite likes heterosexual people, though we do tend to act as cultural bullies more often, which does irritate Him hugely. Just so you know. Here I stand, as they say, and I can do no more.

Managed to get out on Friday and play some golf, which was a good laugh, partly because my game was such rubbish. I think they must be making the holes smaller or the balls bigger (um, as it were) - as my ability to sink the wretched little white beast was minimal, to say the least. Sigh.

Neighbours L, KM and I have also formed the Jubilee Street Party Committee for our road, and all systems are go for having a great celebratory lunch on the Sunday of Jubilee weekend, hurrah. We've got about 40 people coming so far, so all we need is to coordinate the food and pray very hard for the right weather. Wish us luck. I'm threatening to wear a tiara (ah, if only I had one ...) but I fear it might be a tad too much bling for Surrey. Though really, as an Essex girl, I don't actually think there could ever be too much bling ...

Yesterday's cake attempt was Boston Cream Pie, which was disastrous, my dears, disastrous. It took me about an hour to get the filling right and I was weeping like a crazy woman over the simmering pot - yes, you do have to heat it up whilst beating it. Heck, that sounds bad. In the end I thought it would never thicken up so I added a ton of cornflour to the pesky thing, and now it just tastes of cornflour. In addition, the chocolate topping didn't really harden up but eventually it was thick enough to pour onto the cake, and has just about stayed on it. Luckily, the taste of the chocolate overpowers everything else, but I will not be making this again. Life really is too short.

I was so fragile in the afternoon that K kindly took me to a garden centre, where I bought another wallflower, a senetti, some carnations, three dwarf dahlias and a foxglove. Have now planted or potted all these up, so the garden is once more brimming with colour.

This morning, K and I went along to church, where we twice had the angelic accompaniment of a mobile phone. Being English, we all carefully ignored it and carried on regardless. Which, if God was desperately trying to get his message across by phone, might of course have been a mistake. Ah well. There were also far too many chorus-type songs (bah, we say, bah!) for me, though really one would still be far too many. Give me a hymn and I'm happy.

And this afternoon, L & J from down the road have accompanied K and me to the Chandlers Open Garden event in Elstead. Where we also met S & K from the road as well, so all had a jolly nice tea and cake in the garden. This may all sound just too 1950s for words, but that's just the way things happen here, and very pleasant it was too.

Anne Brooke
The Gathandrian Fantasy Trilogy
Gay Reads UK
Biblical Fiction UK

Reviews, loos and blogs

Book News:

I've just finished the second round of edits for gay erotic short story, Dating the Delaneys, which is due out from Amber Allure on Sunday 6 November. My editor, the lovely and extremely wise E.J., is a pure genius and I am very grateful indeed for her suggestions for improvements to the story - thank you! I think, as a result, there are a good couple of books to go in the series, rather than the original one I was intending, well gosh.

Much to my delight, gay thriller, A Dangerous Man, has reached Round Two in the Rainbow Awards Cover Contest 2011, and is even a jury finalist - so many thanks to the judges for that.

Meanwhile, it's all go at my new publisher, Riptide Publishing. For the first time ever, I'm becoming involved in pre-launch marketing, which is fabulous. So far, I've drafted one set of general interview questions and six blog posts for use in a blog tour. It's hugely exciting and I can't wait to see what happens next. And as they open for business on 30 October, it's certainly going to be a fabulous lead up to Christmas. You can find out more at a recent Riptide interview - enjoy the read.

And at Vulpes Libris, I remain in a state of deep disappointment at the standards of Anne O'Brien's Devil's Consort. Sigh. Will nobody rid the reading world of badly-written historical novels? I won't hold my breath, alas ...

Here are some recent meditation poems:




Meditation 580
To build his beloved temple
great King Solomon
puts all the foreigners to work

which proves beyond doubt
how wisdom is his
but justice eludes him.




Meditation 581
Every word we speak
seeps into our skin
like water

and covers our bones
with the oil
of our own invention.

Our words are a belt
keeping us whole
or constraining us

so we are clothed
in the variable colours
of thought.




Meditation 582
In the sacred temple,
of all the objects
to name

the two bronze columns
wouldn’t have been
my choice

but then again
to great Solomon’s
greater shame

this contemporary woman
wouldn’t have had
a voice.



Life News:

Annoyingly (look away now if you're squeamish - please!...), the cyst on my collarbone that I've had for a little while has decided to make itself more fully known, as it were, so I spent rather too much of last night waking up and going: ow, ow, ow while I tried to find a comfortable position again. It took a couple of Nurofen Plus this morning to beat it back into some kind of normality. I've stuck a plaster on the pesky beast but it's still giving me twinges when I laugh or ... um ... move my arms, dang it. Not a pretty situation all round really. I'd been saving up to have it removed privately with my usual clinic (cosmetic issue, blah, blah - doctor therefore can't refer, blah blah ...) but today I bit the proverbial bullet and booked an operation for next Thursday in the evening. They did offer me tonight, but K and I (well, K and I and Carlos the Cyst) are off to the theatre tonight to see Alan Ayckbourn's Season's Greetings, and Carlos is very keen to go ... Thank God I don't have to buy him his own seat, eh. Though, actually, if I laugh too much, it may well come to that, hey ho (sorry!) ...

Keeping to matters bodily for a while, I'm delighted to know that The Guardian is finally acknowledging the cultural importance of loo-reading. I come from a family of keen loo-readers (though K has never understood it) - heck, on the apple farm we had special loo books which had their own loo shelf. What could be nicer? One should always keep essential reading matter as well as a steady supply of crosswords and pens in both the guest room and the Smallest Room in the house - hospitality is all ...

Moving to higher matters (phew, I bet that's a relief - ha! - for you all), I've been keeping my poinsettia in the dark for 8 hours a day as the Internet advises me and, by gum, some of the leaves are indeed turning red. Will it be fully red by Christmas? I do hope so! Though, really, I'm astonished the plant has survived so long under my less than tender care as I've had it for nearly a year now. It even somehow bounced back when it lost all its leaves during the summer and we were considering throwing it out. How I do admire a hardy spirit.

During the week, I've enjoyed a session of Lectio Divina at the University Chaplaincy, which included a very nice soup and bread lunch. It's a new project for them, and I'm very keen to support it. The more meditations and times of silence there are, the merrier - though I did used to be oh so much better at them. I've also had a great time catching up with A at work over lunch in the Cathedral Refectory - I am hugely envious of her recent holiday in Spain and we really must revisit it one day. It's my favourite country.

Finally, I must sing the praises of James May's Man Lab on TV, and also the wonderful new and very quirky detective series, Death in Paradise. Really, you can't go wrong with Ben Miller. Whatever he does, he's just great, and surprising sexy too. Or is that really just me?... In any case Tuesday nights are television nights for the next few weeks, that's for sure.

Anne Brooke
The Thoughtful Corner

Discounts, disappointments and the evil deer

Book News:

There's a nice Goodreads review of gay paranormal short story, Martin and The Wolf, so thank you, Mandy, for that. And thank you also for wanting a sequel - I shall have to add that to my increasingly long sequel list and give it some thought!

And let's not forget (as if I'd allow it, eh ...) that my Amber Allure gay fiction remains discounted at All Romance Ebooks until the end of October - rush now to avoid disappointment ...

Ooh, and earlier this month, I discovered from the lovely and very talented Stella Wiseman that there's an Elstead Writers' Group who meet every month, so I went along yesterday morning and had an incredibly good time - thank you, everyone, for making me feel so very welcome and I'm looking forward to the November meeting already!

Here's the latest meditation poem:




Meditation 579
We cannot contain God
in all the vastness of heaven
or the grandeur of earth

so how can we contain him
in a thought,
a plea, a prayer?

One moment
of courage
might carry us there.


The Sunday haiku is (and I think I am being hugely noble by putting it down at all - but see below for explanation, grr!...):

The roe deer gallops
in sunlight, on frosted grass,
and slips out of sight.


Life News:

Dang it, but the wretched deer (ah, the cursed beasties) have found their way into the garden and eaten 90% of K's lovely vegetable and winter salad garden. Ah, the pain, misery and gnashing of teeth - you could probably hear it from space! I popped out one evening to add some salad to our meal and alas the cupboard was bare, my dears. Utterly bare. The hooved demons have ripped up and eaten all the spinach and Swiss chard, though they have left the rocket and the pak choi - which they obviously turn their nostrils up at. They've also taken most of the roses at head height, left their footprints all over the vegetable patch, along with a polite note asking for more. Well, almost. Deep sigh, eh. And just when I was waxing lyrical about how beautiful they are in the field (hence the haiku), so more fool me. Now, of course I will be chasing them round the garden waving my loppers (as it were) at every opportunity. One had forgotten the joys of country living indeed, hey ho.

Yesterday, after Writers' Group, K and I spent a happy afternoon at Wisley and bought yet more plants for the parts of the garden we (well, he, actually) is/are digging up. Not surprisingly, we didn't get any roses. I've also spent a long time today ripping up weeds with my (gloved) hands, battling with recalcitrant hedges and lopping everything that dares to stray from its allotted path. K keeping surprisingly quiet indeed ... though unless he turns green and starts growing leaves I think he's fairly safe. I must say things look a lot tidier now and there's a much greater sense of space, but of course (as we're learning) there's always more to do.

This morning, we really enjoyed church - the hymns were great and I knew all the tunes, hurrah. It was also Bible Sunday and we were celebrating the 400th anniversary of the King James Bible with an exhibition on the history of it in church. Great stuff - wonderful to see the old manuscripts, and I also learnt that during the 1600s, you couldn't print a bible unless you were the official Royal Printer, but you could print one if you also added notes and annotations to the text - as it wasn't then seen as a "proper" bible. Well, I never knew that. Honestly you learn something new every day.

Though sometimes, alas, it can be disappointing. One of my local acquaintances (whom I've had the pleasure of meeting a couple of times and whom I like very much indeed) has decided to unfriend me on Facebook as they don't believe I should be writing gay erotic fiction if I profess to be Christian. Naturally I feel rather saddened by this but, of course, there are many different views across the whole spectrum of Christianity, and people's beliefs are their own and must be respected as such. Still, I was tempted to advise that, like most of my friends - both Christian and otherwise - they simply don't read what they don't like, and give the other stuff a go if they're so inclined. It's not obligatory after all.

From the other side of the equation, it did make me smile that there are aspects of my acquaintance's religion that make me shudder but I wouldn't like to tell anyone they're wrong. Well, not until I know them a lot better, ho ho. And, of course, if on the great Day of Judgement the good Lord finds me severely wanting (which he no doubt well may), then I suspect it won't be because I've written gay erotic fiction but for all the many sins in my life that I've wilfully committed, such as hypocrisy, bitchiness, anger, meanness, lying, laziness, selfishness and pride. To name but a few - and indeed only those committed within the last half-hour, alas. Lordy, never a dull moment here in Elstead, you know! Ah well, onwards and upwards, as they say.

Anne Brooke
The Thoughtful Corner

Garden delights and The Thoughtful Corner

Book News:

Lots of exciting news this week, so hang on to your hats. As it were. I'm really pleased to say that my Christian novella, The Prayer Seeker, is set to be published by DWB Publishing on 5 December 2011, so the ideal Christmas present for your spiritually-minded friends indeed.

You can now find the latest August news on my website, and I've also started a quarterly newsletter which you're more than welcome to sign up for. It will contain fascinating writing snippets, exclusive extracts and free giveaways with each edition - so what have you got to lose! Go on, you know you want to, and hey it won't cost you anything either. What could be nicer?

On a rather more philosophical level, I've also started a new and quieter blog, called The Thoughtful Corner - where I'll be posting monthly on issues that make me think, so please do feel free to visit if you need a bit of a break from the demands of life, and indeed the fast-moving parts of the Internet. I like to think of it as a small opportunity to experience "life in the slow lane" and hey we all need a taste of that sometimes. The first issue I'm looking at is demands and delays, and how we can balance these contrasting pulls in our lives. I'd love to hear how you do that, or even if you do it, as I know it's something I find very hard, and more so as I get older! Heck, I need all the help I can get ...

In terms of reviews, I'm very happy to have received an interesting review on gay comedy The Hit List, some lovely comments on gay BDSM story Give and Take, and a 5-star review of gay romantic story Two Christmases. All from Goodreads, all in Italian (but Google Translate solved my problems in no time!) and all from a lovely lady called Anncleire - so very many thanks for that!

Meanwhile the equally lovely bestselling and very talented crime novelist Vicki Tyley has kindly showcased The Gifting on her blog - so thank you so much, Vicki - I'm really touched by that gesture. Well, you knew I was pretty odd anyway ...

There's one meditation poem this week:




Meditation 555
He fills the space
for prayer
with so many words

I can barely remember
if God is there
at all.


This week's haikus (the second one as we've had a rather tricky time with Celia Satnav this weekend, Gawd bless 'er ...) are:

Two grey cats yowling
their displeasure like soldiers
preparing for war.


Take the first exit
for joy, the fourth for sorrow.
Recalculating.


Life News:

We attended our old neighbour's funeral on Friday - it was a very moving occasion, as these things often are, but I learnt a great deal about what we like to call his "middle years" which was great - as both M & G, his children, gave wonderful talks at the Crematorium. I knew a fair amount about Henry's war years, and of course about the last twenty years when he lived in the same house as us, but knew little about the time between. It was good to fill out the picture. I'll certainly miss him.

There's also some very positive news once more about the Elstead house. It looks like the completion date might end up being 1 or 2 September, which suits us fine, but we can't tell until tomorrow when our solicitor gets the final signed documents from ourselves (which we dropped in to her today) and I can get hold of our removal people to see if either of those dates are free for them. Ah, the tension is mounting, you know. I only hope we can actually get to exchange date without more disasters this time round! God willing.

And our new washing machine is totally fabulous. I think I am in love with it. It's sooo big. I could stuff a whole roomful of clothes in there and still have room for the odd extra cardigan or two. Bliss. It's just a damn shame we can't take it with us, sigh.

This weekend we have gone garden-mad, and really enjoyed it. Yesterday was the delights of The Savill Garden - which is well worth a visit, and the cappuccino and cupcakes were, once again, to die for. Mmmm. But, much to my horror, they've changed the shop!!! That shop was wonderful when we last visited, but they've now made it a lot smaller (why, oh why?...) and there's virtually nothing to buy. What could they have been thinking? Deeep sigh indeed.

Today, however, we are more than mollified by our visit to the utterly wonderful Old Croft Garden in Dorking. It was very beautiful indeed, incredibly peaceful and oh so cleverly designed. Ooh, and the mini cream tea was pretty good too. However, the definite comic highlight was the delightful old couple who were looking closely at the list of plants to work out what was what:

She: Are you sure you can read that without your glasses, darling?
He: But, my dear, I'm wearing my glasses ...

Honestly, you couldn't make it up. We're still chortling ... Sadly though, it's the last day this particular garden is open this year, but they're re-opening on both Sunday and Monday of both May bank holidays next year - so we plan to be there. I can thoroughly recommend it.

Anne Brooke
The Thoughtful Corner

Books, Loss and Prayer

Life News:

I'm very sorry to say that my lovely former ground floor neighbour in Godalming died in his old people's home on Sunday night. It's been something of a shock, really, even though he was elderly (nearly 90 - how I wish he'd made it to that big day) and had become increasingly unwell over the last few months. I'm glad I was able to see him last Thursday for half an hour or so - I didn't know then it would be saying goodbye - and I'm glad we were able to chat, albeit briefly.

Funny how I've known Henry for 18 years as a neighbour sharing the same house as us, and funny how it became friendship almost from the start. He was very much part of the reason we stayed in the house all that time, and odd how when he left it for the home early last year, everything changed. I'll really miss him. He was always kind and courteous, and nothing was too much trouble - in many ways, and K agrees, the fact that he's gone seems like the end of an era for us. There's no-one left in our old home now who was there when we arrived, and that feels odd.

Things I'll remember about Henry:

* His daily chopping of wood for his fire every morning at 6.30am, come sunshine or rain, or even snow - it was somehow very soothing and an excellent alarm call.

* His fascinating and very moving stories of the war, and how the terrible things he'd experienced as a young man in Germany changed his life and led to his absolute and deep-seated belief in peace, his hatred of any kind of war and his commitment to Communism.

*The time when we went on holiday and forgot to leave contact details - and when we got back our water tank had burst, flooding his flat below for a week, and he'd misplaced our keys so he couldn't get in. While I was traumatised at what happened and couldn't apologise enough, he smiled and said (in that inimitable accent of his), "Ach, Anne, it was nothing compared to the Russian front in Winter ..." No doubt very true, and there's no answer to that.

* The time when I was trying to find him at the home, and was told he was in the living room having a sing-along with the other residents. I asked the staff not to disturb him as I was happy to wait, but he came along anyway as it was me (what a gent!). He happily told me he'd been learning some wonderful English war songs which he'd really enjoyed singing and, how much he'd loved learning Pack Up Your Troubles in Your Old Kit Bag as, "with those sort of tunes, no wonder the English won the war." Marvellous. However, he did admit, with a twinkle in his eye, that he was probably wise not to offer to teach them the war songs of the German army ...

* The marvellous fact that he was possibly the only man in the country who has been decorated both by the Third Reich (for looking after his tank which had broken down in Russia and which he managed to hang on to) and the British Government (for saving the life of a tramp who was on the railway line when he was working here as a prisoner of war). And did Henry ever tell me that himself? No - I had to find out from his daughter.

Anyway, this morning it was good to meet up with his son and daughter again over a coffee and just catch up with what happened, although we would all have preferred different circumstances could have instigated it. He was a good man and I'll miss him. RIP Henry.


Book News:

The free giveaway of The Gifting at Goodreads continues for another 16 hours only so there's still time to enter. I'm amazed that 450 people have thrown their hats in the ring (I expected 10!) and I hope the 5 winners enjoy the read. Sadly, however, I've been blooded at the hunt (as they say) with my first 1-star review from someone who really hated every word of the beast. Ouch, indeed! Though I do wonder if it might be my mother getting her own back for the fact that I almost forgot her wedding anniversary, shame on me ... In which case, I deserve all of it and more!

However, some kind of balance was achieved in the literary universe by the fact that the Los Angeles Public Library has just bought an e-copy of The Gifting, so I'm hoping some good people might borrow it once that's available. Here are the next few sentences:

In any case, this battle has been a bloody one. Even though it has been fought largely in the realm of the mind, already it has claimed too many. And destroyed too much.

Other good and unexpected news is that my spiritual novella, The Prayer Seeker, has been accepted for publication by DWP Publishing - so that's a huge thrill and I've sent the signed contract back to them today.

Along the same lines, I've finally had the courage to press the "send" button for the second in the Gathandrian Trilogy, Hallsfoot's Battle, and so it has today winged its way to Bluewood Publishing for consideration. Here's hoping ...

On a rather naughtier note, you can enter the free giveaway at Jessewave reviews today for a copy of For One Night Only, so good luck with that one! You can also read a brief 4-star review of For One Night only, and Tommy's Blind Date also gets a 4-star review at Goodreads, so thank you to both reviewers for those.

Vulpes Libris has a review of Alice Hoffman's marvellous literary and very human novel, The Story Sisters, and I do thoroughly recommend that one. It's intense but definitely worth it.

Finally, to end, here are this week's meditations:




Meditation 550
Water on your skin
and the sharp dazzle
of sunlight
through the dark curtain

wash your sins
clean away
and prepare you
to serve God one day.




Meditation 551
Music and laughter
draw you to the window –
echoes of delight,

sunshine and dancing
in this bright morning sky –
and you catch sight

of such celebration
to welcome God’s arrival.
Something right

whispers behind you
where riches and old comfort
bind you to the night.




Meditation 552
The music is already here.
It’s existed for all time
and no time.

It’s folded into the air’s
cooling molecules
and contained afresh

by the arching sky.
It whispers over your skin,
waiting to be allowed within.


Anne Brooke

A less than confident woman and a good review

I've now read Ingrid Trobisch's book, The Confident Woman (sub-title: Finding Quiet Strength in a Turbulent World). To be honest, I was hoping to get more from it than I actually have, but in fact it's been rather a struggle. Her particular brand of Christianity seems so terribly wholesome and irritatingly pure that those of us (such as myself) who are limping along sullied by the mud and grit of the world (and undoubtedly rather enjoying that same mud and grit even) can never hope to keep up. At times the book made me feel as if I wasn't a real Christian at all, and at other times I felt like giving it a thorough shake whilst screaming: 'For God's sake, woman, that's not how my life is!' Oh how I long for a real book about spirituality for real women that relates to where we are and where we're likely to stay. I feel I might be waiting some time though. Sigh.

That said, there were a couple of points towards the end where I feel that Trobisch did say something I could relate to. There was a good section about taking time and stopping, and also about having patience with ourselves, that I felt was worthwhile. I spend a large part of my life being hugely impatient with myself and trying to handle a head that fires off with all sorts of ideas and thoughts and worries in all sorts of directions all the time, so the concept of how to relax is a total mystery that I definitely need to uncover. She also startled me in her section on the prayer-filled life by using the quote from Isaiah 30:15: In quietness and confidence shall be your strength. Yes, an obvious one for this type of book, I know, but it's something someone said to me a long time ago in one of those moments out of time when everything in your life goes still. And I haven't forgotten it, though mainly it lives in the back of my mind and I've always failed to live up to it. So maybe the book was worth it just for that reminder.

Whilst on matters spiritual (of a sort), here's today's meditation poem:

Meditation 129

When the laughter thins
and the joy

is something
you can only remember,

not taste,
then feel on your skin

the cool promise
of water

and what might lie
within it.

I've had one of my poems, Surrender, published by Eat A Peach Poetry Journal and you can find it in their latest issue, though you'll need to scroll down to see it. I'm also thrilled to say that Painting from Life has gained a good review at the Obsidian Bookshelf, so thank you, Val, for that. Very much appreciated.

This morning, I've managed to get out and play golf with Marian, which was fabulous. The weather was stunning (I even took my jumper off, well gosh) and we both played better than our usual level of game. Which was also fabulous, hurrah. My swing seemed much freer today (if I dare type such a line ...), so let's hope that trend continues. This afternoon, I had my Alexander Technique class, which I've missed over the last couple of weeks, so my back now feels much less scrunched up than it's been recently, thank the Lord.

Meanwhile, I'm continuing with those final scenes of Hallsfoot's Battle and I think Simon's at last got the hang of it all. Or he's got the hang of something anyway. About time too. He and the mind-cane may yet be friends. You never know. Though the mind-executioner may still have a few tricks up his sleeve. If he was currently wearing a sleeve, that is.

Keeping on the subject of books, I'm not sure that the hugely talented Mark Wagstaff has quite convinced me with his latest offering, In Sparta. Not that it's not an immensely powerful tale about bombs and the city - it is. And not that it's not sharply and powerfully written - it is. Mark's a genius with the pen, if you like dark, gritty and painful. And he's amazingly truthful about how it really is at work (this year's best lines about office life: 'Sometimes, my only ambition was to pick loose skin off my fingers till it was painful and dry.' and 'I was always horrified to learn what my role would be.' Oh yes, yes and yes. Welcome to the world of the office ...). But the rather gross (and I use that word advisedly) sex scene did, I admit, put me off at a time I desperately needed to be kept within the story - I'm not sure it was necessary in quite that manner, though it was of course well written. I don't object to having main characters have sex with prostitutes (hell, I've written about prostitution myself), but it was the type of sex that went on that pushed me out of the world he was creating. And that's a danger writers should always be wary of. Normal sex would have been fine! Alongside that, I didn't quite get the character of Terri. The change between who we think she is and who she actually is possibly arrived too suddenly and, again, it made me feel uninvolved. Still, the story itself is a cracker, and Wagstaff's always worth watching.

Tonight, I'm looking forward to Have I Got News For You? and Reggie Perrin, whilst of course keeping a close video eye on the last episode of Boy Meets Girl. Ooh, and there's pizza and ice cream. What could be nicer?

Today's nice things:

1. Books, however they make you think
2. Poetry
3. Surrender being published
4. A good review for Painting from Life
5. Golf
6. Writing Hallsfoot
7. TV.

Anne Brooke - still puzzling over confidence and faith ...
Cancer Research Race for Life - meeting our target but hoping for more!

Because I'm worth it!...

Happy birthday to me!
Happy birthday to me!
Happy birthday to me-eeeeeeeeeee!
Happy birthday to me!
Yay!

What a lovely day I'm having. Thank you soooo much for all the good wishes, cards and virtual cards which have been crowding my inbox and hall table since yesterday. I'm really grateful! I even had a virtual cake (thanks, Gillian!), virtual singing (thanks, Jackie!) and a virtual scary dancing frog - I think (thanks, Sue!). I have had chocolate for breakfast and chocolate cake for a very late lunch. So I am - for once - at home in my skin. As the French would say if they were ... um ... English.

And I have had - hurrah!! - the birthday strop. In a subtle, yet elegantly vicious kind of way, double hurrah. I mean: what birthday is truly complete without the Birthday Tantrum?? It just wouldn't be the same ... The cause being the receipt of a birthday card from the two university acquaintances (yes, they've definitely been downgraded from "friends" now) who wouldn't speak to me because they couldn't deal with people with depression. Well, sod that for a game of soldiers, say I. So I tore the thing into shreds, along with its envelope, and recycled it. And wrote a birthday poem:

Vanishing Acts

So your card arrives –
a sop to twenty years of friendship
and several months of silence –
and I tear it up,
both card and envelope
splintering paper blood and anger
across your names.

When I drop the pieces
in the recycling bin –
always mindful of the environment
even in the face of
your shallow-hearted, elegant
brutality –

I think about spitting
on you both;
I’ve always appreciated
a spot of good high drama,
you see.

But in the end, you’re just not worth it
to me.


I was soooo tempted with the spitting bit (for those moments, m'dears, when simply nothing else will do ...), but I didn't want to upset the very sweet recycling men. See how socially aware I am even in my incandescent rage!...

I also got a very lovely rejection - bizarrely - from Penny Thomas, the Fiction Editor at Seren for Maloney's Law, which - as it's so lovely and as I've decided now to not go the mainstream publishing route with it, I thought I'd include here:

"Many thanks for sending Maloney's Law to Seren. I'm so sorry it has taken us such a long time to get back to you (actually, it was only six months, so I thought it was unseasonably short - I sometimes don't hear anything for a year/18 months) - we are a small company and have been inundated with manuscripts in the last few months. Another reason for the delay is that I have been quite tempted by this novel. It is seductively written, with a strong clear plot and that all-important page-turning factor. In addition, your characters and their relationships are at once credible and intruiging. Unfortunately Seren has not yet really stepped into the thriller genre and, with my lists currently full well into 2009, I don't think I am able to find a space for a change of direction at present."

Thanks, Penny - it's one of the nicest rejection letters (actually, I've never had a novel acceptance letter as such - Flame emailed me for A Dangerous Man) I've ever had. And the terrible, soul-shaking sting you get from the "near miss" is for once pleasantly absent, I imagine from having made the decision not to pursue mainstream publication for Maloney's Law further.

This morning, I've had my usual counselling session. Kunu was impressed with my new feeling of power, from having ditched my real family and found myself a virtual little sister (how are you, Caroline (http://www.myspace.com/caroline_biesse)? Hope you're having a good day too!). And we've decided that church structures are just too disempowering for words - way too much of the awful "we love you because that's our duty as Christians and not for your own sake" - I mean: what is that attitude???!! I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. It's somehow very dehumanising, which is I'm sure not at all what Christ actually meant. I think I've said this before, but the older I get the more I'm convinced that Christ didn't come to earth to make us Christians at all, but simply in order to encourage us to be more human. More of who we can be. Anything that dehumanises us (and the church, in my experience, often does just that) or makes us less than we can be is surely against the overarching will of God? Anyway, I've decided that I'm going to create a new religion which will meet with fellow believers in each other's homes between 6pm and 7pm on Wednesday evenings. It will consist of half an hour of angry ranting at God and the general populace, involving real good solid adult tantrum stuff, and then half an hour of quiet meditation. It'll revolutionise the middle of your week, get you in touch with your inner selves and - bliss! - leave the ruddy weekends free. What more could you want? Actually, even Kunu looked quite interested. Maybe I'm on to something here?...

After counselling, I had an hour and a half of Clarins facial - bliss! Then I went shopping. Hell, it's my birthday and I'm worth it! So I bought six pairs of glittery stud earrings in different colours from "All That Glitters" in Guildford (what a marvellous shop!) - from a lovely woman who wished me a happy birthday and hoped I'd enjoy the rest of my day. Thanks, I have. I then hit Marks & Spencer, and bought 5 tee-shirts and 2 shirts, all at very reasonable prices and in a wonderful range of light summer colours, and all from the men's section. My, but the boys do get the best colours, you know ... They don't know how lucky they are!

On my way home, I popped in to see Gladys, who's had a bit of a fall this week, but was in spritely mood, in spite of the pain. She'll be soooo glad to see the back of Blair. Which at nearly 92 isn't bad going. And I've bought a short story collection from Salt Publishing (http://www.saltpublishing.com) - thanks, Jen (http://www.myspace.com/jenatsalt)!

Presents received from the noble Lord H:

One box of Lindor milk chocolates (bliss!)
The DVD of "Casino Royale" (oh, Daniel, how will I ever watch anything else now?...)
The DVD of "The Queen", with Helen Mirren
Mark Haddon's "A Spot of Bother"
Anne Tyler's "Digging to America"
Murakami's "Blind Willow, Sleeping Woman" (short stories)
Julia Glass' "The Whole World Over"

Plus money from Mother (which I've already spent! See above ... Thanks, Mum!), who also bought me a very peculiar floral toilet bag, which I suspect might be for her own virtual daughter - you know, the fluffy, female one she always wished she'd had ... Bloody hell, perhaps my mother and I are more alike than I'd suspected, and we both have virtual families?? Now, there's the start of a (rather scary) novel ...

Tonight, I'm in the pizza, garlic bread, ice cream, and more chocolate zone, plus as much champagne as you could sink the Titanic with - and, hey, it's nearly time for Lord H to come home! Hurrah! Have a great evening, all!

Today's nice things:

1. Birthday tantrums
2. Birthday presents
3. Birthday dinner (Hmm, is there a connection here, do you think?...)

Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.pinkchampagneandapplejuice.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk

Counselling and time for thought

A very intense counselling session with Kunu today, but a worthwhile one too. She's halfway through "A Dangerous Man" (http://www.flamebooks.com) and is finding it "gripping", so that felt nice. We talked about family and my place in it - a subject we looked at briefly last week, but in more depth today. To be honest, I got rather tearful about it but even that felt like a good place to be. A couple of times towards the end of our hour, I couldn't talk at all, as I needed to mull on stuff - but Kunu's okay with that. It's good to have somewhere where I can be silent. God, how I need that sometimes. Not that my family was an obviously difficult place to be - we were well-off, we lived in the country or, later, a nice part of the town, we took foreign holidays, etc etc. All facts which make it more difficult to look back and think that, yes, it may have been good, but it wasn't good for me.

I think it would have been better if I'd been able, at all, to get on for any length of time with my two older brothers - or they with me - but that never happened. And, no, we don't talk now. We haven't for years. My decision - it was the right one to take at the time (though the most difficult decision I've ever had to make) and it's still the right one now. And, yes, that makes me - on the outside - the cause of the family split, but at the same time I think it helps me (slowly, so slowly ...) to work towards wholeness. I don't think either of them have ever, apart from one or two notable and short-lived occasions, been my friends. And, in fact, today I would probably count both as my enemies - though it's an animosity that's been very subtly demonstrated over the years. What I remember from my childhood relationship with my siblings is a fairly constant sniping, the assumption that I was unworthy of notice and a good stooge for mockery. I also felt, particularly after my father died, that there was nobody prepared to fight my corner and I was essentially alone. I suspect that might be natural in families (fathers favour daughters, and mothers sons - hey, 'twas ever thus!), but it doesn't make it any easier to live in the environment, believe me. It might have been easier though if I'd actually made any friends at primary school, but I hadn't worked out the trick of doing that yet (that came with secondary school, thank God). The scrawny child in the playground corner? Yep, that's me. Ye gods, and then people wonder at my lack of self-esteem. Being myself with somebody else is the most difficult thing. Almost impossible. Sometimes I'm astonished when I can relate to people at all.

So, as you can see - intensive, which has made it a day for thought. And recovering from the feeling that I've just taken two steps over the bloody trenches with only an overwhelming need to discover where I left my self, and a counsellor, for company. Interesting too, that in my slow drift from the counselling session to where I'd parked a car, I met a friend coming the other way who'd also been to his counselling session. A fact about each other neither had known before. God, but Guildford is full of headcases. But on the whole we're harmless. I hope.

At home, I've flipped idly through the Radio Times, whilst sipping my decaff coffee. It felt like being normal. Which I've needed this afternoon. I've been thinking too. About how the times when I've felt most happy in myself have come from my christianity, and my relationship with Lord H. And with one or two friends when I can let the mask slip a little. No, I don't like that language. Sorry. The mask is part of me too. Something I use and dwell in. It's more like allowing another layer to surface and to exist for a while in a conversation, I think. It's happened with Jane W and Jane H, and one or two others from my past, but no-one else that I can remember. At least not face-to-face. I find it's easier to be me to the people I know only through the means of writing. It feels like a truer medium there. Most of my conversations otherwise are entertainment, not connection.

Neither is God the connection I so longed for him to be when I made my commitment when I was 18. No. Not true either. It worked for a while, but I think I was covering the issues, not dealing with them. Not that I could have dealt with them then on any level - it's only now that there seems to be time and space to think. Maybe, when I finally walked away from Evangelical christianity (I count myself as an Evangelical survivor, in so many ways) when I was 28 was in fact my first real step to adulthood, I don't know. Since then, God has become mistier, more unclear and so very uncertain. And I've tried so hard to pretend that's not so. Now, I gain every so often a sense of connection with him, but it's as if I'm walking along a path by myself which is lined by very thick woods. Now and then, there's a movement in the woods, and I sense someone might be there other than myself, but I can't see anything, not really, and the silence soons comes again. God, to me, is like that. For me, anyone who says otherwise is a liar.

In the middle of all this, I have done a few more words to "The Gifting". And yes, Simon does get sea-sick. I'm good at vomit. Tonight, I was supposed to be (a) going up to London to a Writewords (http://www.writewords.org.uk) get-together, or (b) going dancing with my non-existent dance partner, but I'm doing neither. Tonight I need to be at home. With Lord H. Watching TV and resting. God, yes, that will be good.

Today's nice things:

1. Counselling
2. Talking briefly with the friend I met in Guildford
3. Thinking.

Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk