Dating the Delaneys, controversy and an unexpected trip

Book News:

I'm happy to announce that the fourth in the erotic Delaneys Series, Dating the Delaneys, will be published by Amber Allure Press on 6 November, so something to cheer your late autumn months, I hope. This week, I've also sent out my first newsletter, which includes an exclusive 50-word fiction and a giveaway competition so there's still time to enter and win, if you'd like to.

In terms of book reviews, erotic short story For One Night Only gained a lovely 4.5 star review from Jessewave Reviews, though the comments show people do indeed have mixed reactions to it. Psychological crime thriller A Dangerous Man also had an interesting review at Goodreads - so many thanks to both reviewers for those.

Meanwhile, fantasy novel The Gifting continues to court controversy, with people either loving it or absolutely hating it, so here's the next couple of lines from that tricky little book for you:

Simon Hartstongue of The White Lands. If the situation wasn't so serious, Johan almost believes he would laugh ...


At Vulpes Libris, I've reviewed Madeleine Wickham's glorious romantic comedy, The Gatecrasher, and I can't recommend it highly enough. It's just wonderful, so rush out and get it now if you can.

The latest meditation poems are:


Meditation 559
Fighting with giants
is a frightening task
as they’re always
so very much taller

but the bulk of the business
is in keeping one’s cool
and ensuring
they end up much smaller.

So take a deep breath
and whisper a prayer
to the one
who makes everything right

and remember the truth
it’s not simply who wins
but who
has the courage to fight.




Meditation 560
The Lord’s vengeance
once stopped here
where my sons
threshed wheat
as God threshed men.

A merciful sparing
but to save what is mine
I would have killed
all the dead
for the Lord again.


Here's the Sunday haiku:

Autumn comes early
this year as the air whispers
a soft golden song.

Life News:

Popped into London on Wednesday evening to see Jane W (hello, Jane!) and we had a great catch up over drinks and an Indian. And the big surprise of the week was that I was unexpectedly whisked away to Munich on Thursday as part of K's work trip with one of the other "office wives" as a couple of spaces had come free in the group. I only found out on Tuesday so I had to pack madly and frantically on Thursday morning in order to be ready in time.

And I had a really fantastic time. It was great to catch up with some of K's colleagues I'd met before and to meet those I hadn't (hello, C & G - great to meet you!). The mainly French clients were lovely too, and I think I managed to resurrect some of my schoolgirl French in order to communicate rather better than I thought I might - if you see what I mean. We stayed in accommodation owned by the client and had a great time walking and chatting by the lake while the meetings took place, then visiting King Ludwig II's castle in Neuschwanstein, as well as the BMW museum in Munich itself. We also had a Bavarian beer tasting (my favourite - the 4th one), a brief but fascinating history lesson about Bavaria and a wonderfully Germanic supper at the Andechs Monastery.

So a big thank you to K's work for allowing the odd wife (distinctly odd) to tag along, and to Denis and the rest of the clients for putting on such a wonderful programme of events. A fabulous way to spend a long weekend indeed.

Anne Brooke
The Thoughtful Corner

Give and Take

I'm happy to say that my GLBT erotic short story, Give and Take, is now published by Amber Allure Press and you can find buying information, together with an erotic extract, here. You can also find out more details, and read another, non-erotic, extract at my website. For your added pleasure, there's also a book trailer. Enjoy!

Keeping to the book news (there's been a fair amount of this over the last couple of days, so bear with me!), Thorn in the Flesh can now be found in paperback at both Amazon UK and Amazon US so it's great to feel that particular project is now complete. I'm also happy to see that the new all-singing all-dancing version of The Hit List is now up at Amazon US though not yet in stock. A piece of good news still to come indeed!

In the meantime, I've finished the first full round of edits to Hallsfoot's Battle and will let that breathe a while before going on to the second phase of editing. The final edits for short story, The Delaneys and Me, are now also complete and I've sent them back to Amber Allure ready for publication date on 21 April.

In terms of reviews, I'm very happy with Sharon Maria Bidwell's review of A Stranger's Touch - much appreciated, Sharon, so thank you! And I'm over the moon to see that Maloney's Law is in the lovely Clare London's list of her Top 10 GLBT books - Paul Maloney is at Number 5, and he and I are both very grateful. Thanks, Clare!

In my other life, Lord H and I thoroughly enjoyed Guildford Choral Society's concert yesterday - you can't really go wrong with Copland and Carmina Burana though those pesky Cathedral seats leave much to be desired. Is it my age? And today I have spent a fun time with the RAC trying to fix my car. The upshot is that the radio display won't turn off so is draining the battery - so the man had to disconnect the radio to make the battery happy. So I now have a car that starts but must rely on my own voice for entertainment. That'll frighten the neighbours for sure ...

Tonight, we're off to hear Marian (golf partner) sing in a rock choir in Guildford, so we are preparing to rock around the clock and watch great balls of fire whizzing by - lordy, does that show my age way too much once more? I fear so ...

Anne Brooke - where a little give and take can work wonders
The Prayer Seeker's Journal - quiet but not entirely forgotten

A Stranger's Touch - published!

The big news of today is that my literary erotic short story, A Stranger's Touch is now published and you can find out further details and buying options at Amber Allure Press. You can also view the book trailer to get a flavour of the story.

I'm also thrilled to say that the lovely Clare London has already read it and has kindly said the following: Just a note to say how much I loved A Stranger's Touch! A lovely lyricism to it, erotically charged, and such delicious tension. I liked especially the way that Red and Robbie's relationship ran underneath it all, how it both contrasted and balanced the hustler/client relationship: the way you showed us the way they worked and lived and loved together, and how the changes in Red affected everyone around him. Thank you so much, Clare - much appreciated! And goodness, but you're a quick reader!

Other nice writing news is that my literary short story, How to Eat Fruit will be published by Untreed Reads Press on 1 February, and you can read the announcement here. So looking forward to that one as well.

Meanwhile, I've received the contract for Give and Take so will send that back to Amber Allure Press this coming week. Post willing. I've also got the ultimate final version of The Gifting sorted, together with a wonderful new blurb, courtesy of my lovely editor Sarah, which you can see on site.

I'm also pleased to say that my short story, A Lonely Place, is now published at the Rose and Thorn Journal so I hope you enjoy the read. It's free!

And, talking of free reads, the final part of Chapter Three of The Prayer Seeker can be found here. And it too has its very own book trailer which you can view here. I'm quite proud of that one - the music is just sooo perfect. In my opinion.

So. Never let it be said that I don't keep busy. Ho ho. Not that I can do much else, mind you, as the car is out of action and I wasn't able to get hold of the RAC at all yesterday - who were way too busy to listen to my cries for help and, understandably, had far more urgent cases to deal with. At least I broke down at home. That was unusually clever of me. However, Lord H has managed to get hold of them this afternoon and they're going to turn up at some point over the next 3.5 hours. I think they meant today, but we'll see, eh.

To keep us all calm and lovely, here's this week's haiku:

Time slips through my skin,
gold and silver droplets fade.
They melt into air.

Anne's website - having a publishing bonanza today
The Prayer Seeker's Blog

Unholy Affairs and nonsense verse

I have to say that last night's Rusalka was absolutely superb. I loved every minute of it. Wonderful singing, wonderful scenery and utterly astonishing costumes. A tour-de-force indeed. You can always tell how successful the Glyndebourne operas are by how lively the queue for the ladies' loos is in the interval. Dahhlings, they were buzzing. So much so that some of us forgot we were there to go to the loo at all and just kept talking excitedly about it all even when cubicles were free. Marvellous!

Anyway, despite being a tad over-tired today, here's this morning's poem for you:

Meditation 189

Worn-out sacks, patched-up
wineskins, ragged clothes,
old sandals, mouldy bread
and more than a dash
of good old-fashioned deceit

save the Gibeonites
from destruction,
making an eternity
of cutting wood
and carrying water

for the conquering
but foolish Israelites
a small price to pay
for life.


Other good writing news is that my short story, An Unholy Affair, is now up at Cynic Magazine and is of course ideal Sunday reading, ho ho. I'm also pleased to say that my rather more than off-the-wall poem, Blutherbung, is published by Every Day Poets. Enjoy!

Today, we pew-dwellers have nobly rebelled against ridiculous church Heath & Safety orders and we all shook hands at the Peace anyway, aha! We in the Shires are obviously not going to be mollycoddled by anything that comes out of Canterbury, my dears. The vicar said we were all a bunch of wild rebels, but in admiring tones, I have to admit. The revolution starts here ...

Lord H and I have spent most of the afternoon having a glorious lunch with our middle neighbour, who is a wow at Indonesian food, and insists we drink buckets of wine. Ah, it's a tough life, eh. And I've got to grips with the engine and tyres of my new car, and now know roughly where the oil and water containers might be, and what my tyre pressures are. Always good to have some kind of control over one's transport.

Meanwhile, Dreamspinner Press are having a month-long Summer Fun Sale for August, so if there's something you wanted to buy, now is most definitely the time! And today's Rainbow Extravaganza focuses on Lara Zielinsky who is a fellow PD Publishing author, so feel free to pop in and see what she has to say about her award-winning work. Great stuff.

Oh and I've had a short story rejection (sigh ...) and have therefore sent it out again into the great unknown. We battle on, eh.

This week's haiku is slightly Shakespearian and more than bizarre:

Days of quietness,
but in my dreams I'm pursued
by trains and wild bears.


Really, I do have a strange dream-life at times, I can tell you.

Today's nice things:

1. Opera memories
2. Poetry
3. Short story publication
4. Poetry publication
5. Church rebellion
6. Boozy lunches with the neighbour
7. Dreamspinner sale
8. Haikus.

Anne Brooke - living a purely unholy Sunday - again ...
Vulpes Libris: have a roaring time with a fabulous chic lit ghost

A quiet day, ashes and a spot of stretching

A rather nice and calm day today (well, goodness me indeed) and I've rather enjoyed the feeling of relaxation, I must say. Not the sort of feeling I often have, being usually so wound-up that I could probably launch a catapult halfway across the country and not notice the effort. Ah well.

Anyway, here's today's meditation:

Meditation 180

Everyone knows
the great miracle
of Moses

as the Red Sea parts
to let God’s people
go through

but no-one remembers
that years later
at the Jordan

Joshua did it again.
Which is, I suppose,
the drawback

of being always
the archetypal
number two.


I was supposed to do golf this morning with Marian but, my dears, the rain! What a lot of weather we're having at the moment, as Lord H would say. An awful lot of weather really. In fact I think two storms might have passed over, unless it was the same one coming back. It was hard to tell. So instead of golf, I've been doing more editing to Hallsfoot's Battle. Astonishing really how frequently I've managed to get the exact number of the Tregannon emeralds wrong. First there are seven, then there are nine, and now there are four - though, to be fair, Ralph did have to use some up when dealing with the mountain dogs. I'm attempting to rationalise them so we end up with roughly seven, but really I don't feel entirely in control of their breeding talents. Those pesky emeralds are like rabbits! I might have to make them a fluid number because of their inherent magic, simply because I find it hard to count them. Sigh. Now I know why I married an accountant ...

This afternoon, I've had my back stretched to its actual length once more by the wonderful Linda, so I now feel more like the height I should be, thank the Lord. Honestly, office work and writing are not conducive to good posture, I can tell you. One day I feel I will eventually find that my forehead is in fact fused to the keyboard, never to be parted. Not, however, if Linda has her way of course.

Tonight, we have the horrors of cleaning the flat to face (arrgghh!!). Oh but there is a wonderful half-hour programme on TV at 7.30pm-ish about what different people do with their loved one's ashes. I really must watch it - I've always been fascinated by ashes. As it were. My ultimate (and please God let it not happen soon) wish is for either (a) Lord H to keep my ashes on the mantelpiece and chat to them as he goes about his daily business; or (b) vice versa. Depending on who goes first. For some reason though, Lord H does not seem keen - on either eventuality. Perhaps he was hoping for some peace?... I suspect I'll be watching the programme alone then.

Oh and I absolutely love my car. Miranda is wonderful. She can do amazing things with her dashboard, including telling me what radio station I'm on without me having to look down, advising me how many miles of petrol I have left and letting me know what the temperature is. What a girl! Her talents know no end.

Today's nice things:

1. Poetry
2. Editing Hallsfoot
3. Alexander Technique
4. TV
5. Miranda.

Anne Brooke - thinking about the magic of jewellery

Truth or Dare, Brokeback Mountain and hello, Miranda

A busy fun-filled day today (in oh so many ways), but here's this morning's meditation just to get us into the zone:

Meditation 179

Sometimes
all you need
to ensure the next day

actually happens
is a high window,
a red cord,

and the art
of keeping secrets.


And, at the other end of the literary spectrum, I'm pleased to say that my lesbian erotic short story, Truth or Dare, is now published at Clean Sheets webzine. It comes with a WARNING though - do NOT click on that link if you are under 18 years old or of a delicate disposition! - or I may have to beat you, and myself, with twigs. Which won't be a pleasant experience, believe me.

Keeping to literary matters, I'm pleased to say that the lovely Charles at Ink Sweat & Tears webzine has accepted my poem about toes for future publication - so thank you very much for that, Charles - it's hugely appreciated, especially after my recent three sets of poetry rejections. Phew.

I have also uploaded my article on Brokeback Mountain at the Vulpes Libris review site, so do pop along and let me know if you prefer the film or book version of that glorious tale. You'll be more than welcome! Indeed, the article does seem to have struck a chord out there in the virtual world as Canongate Press have emailed to ask if they can republish a precis version of the article next week as part of their Literature World Tour series, as this month they're focusing on North America. Once Vulpes agreed to this, naturally I've said yes - and thank you, Andrea, for asking!

Meanwhile, the very exciting news of the day (as if all this isn't enough!) is I have picked up my wonderful new Fiesta from the garage, filled her with petrol and I love her absolutely already. Mind you, I did shed a quiet tear on the journey home at saying goodbye to Rupert - as really that car has seen me through a lot of stuff in the last eight years. A hell of a lot of stuff. When I met Rupert, I'd never even completed a novel. Now I've written seven. My, how time flies when you're having fun, eh, and I do hope he goes to a good and deserving home. But for now - oh woman, thy name is fickle - it's goodbye, Rupert, and hello, Miranda Louise. She's gorgeous!

Back home, and once I'd finished licking the car with joy (um, that's a metaphor - really ... no, really it is), I've turned my attention back to Hallsfoot's Battle and have edited the chapter with the Third Gathandrian Legend in it. I could do more, but I'll see how the time goes.

Tonight, Lord H and I are off to Woking to see the stage show of I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue. I can't wait. And, yes, I do know that the fact of my huge excitement about this does indeed show my age ...

Today's nice things:

1. Poetry
2. Lesbian erotic short stories
3. Poetry acceptance
4. Brokeback article
5. Miranda!
6. Editing Hallsfoot
7. Theatre.

Anne Brooke - pondering gay cowboys and falling in love with her car

Skeleton woods and a plethora of artists

So, I've come to the end of Deuteronomy in my morning meditations and here's my poem about that:

Meditation 176: The Death of Moses

All those years
of travel,

grief and hope
end like this:

a long, slow view
of the land

you’ve waited for,
tasting cool mountain air

on your tongue,
the whispers of God

at your ear
and the darkness to come.


Poor Moses - forty years of travel and doing his best, and he never quite manages to set foot in the Promised Land. It always gets me, that does. As you can probably see. Anyway, onto the Book of Joshua tomorrow, and all his terrors about being the Number Two forced into becoming the actual Leader. When he evidently wasn't really sure he wanted to, poor man. Ah well.

Literary news for today is that my flash fiction piece, The Skeleton Wood, is now up at the Every Day Fiction website and getting rather mixed reactions. Which I imagine must prove I'm doing something right, ho ho. One or two readers seem to be enjoying it anyway, which is also nice.

Anyway, we've graced the doors of the church this morning - some marvellous hymn choices and I do always enjoy the monthly 1662 service - it's like an ocean washing over you and there's no need to think. Bliss. We decided to go to Petworth House for lunch and a wander round. Actually lunch wasn't that great really, but that was probably a good thing - to be honest, my stomach still isn't brilliant and I'm only okay when I don't eat, sigh ... Good for the diet, maybe, but bad as a life plan. I'm hoping it sorts itself out soon. Mind you, it was lovely to go round the actual house - I forget how much bloody good art it has. Everywhere you look there's a Turner, or a Van Dyck or a Bosch - so much so that it's almost embarrassing. The sculptures are great as well, but I have to admit that on the whole I prefer paint.

This afternoon, I have cleared out Rupert in preparation for the arrival of Miranda on Thursday. I actually think the new car might be Miranda Louise - and interestingly will be my first ever female car and my first car with more than one name. All the others I've had have been male with one name only. As it were. I don't know how I know she's a gal, but she most definitely is. Maybe she'll improve my image? You never know. And I've done another couple of chapter edits of Hallsfoot's Battle and am now just over halfway through Edit One. Ah, there'll be an Edit Two and an Edit Three as well before I even think about submitting it anywhere, so it's still all to play for.

This week's haiku is:

Rain freshens the air,
washes the present away.
History lives again.

Today's nice things:

1. Poetry
2. The flash fiction publication
3. Church
4. Art at Petworth House
5. Car preparation
6. Editing
7. Haikus.

Anne Brooke - enjoying a typical Sunday of skeletons and art ...

The serial napper and the speed-dial doctor

Goodness me but I am the Queen of the Naps today. And yesterday even - the moment I got in from work, I fell asleep, then this morning I was asleep until Lord H left for work, and this lunchtime I've had to have another hour's nap just in order to feel capable of facing the day. Obviously I need it then! I'm not eating very much either and don't feel at all hungry, though I'm drinking lots. But apart from that and a slight achiness and stomach trouble, everything's fine. Ho ho. Actually I think it's payback time from the stresses and strains of this week and last. When oh when will I learn not to panic and to try to chill out more?? Hmm, don't wait up is my advice ...

Anyway, here's this morning's meditation:

Meditation 173

What it all
comes down to

is this:
one slight

terrified man
facing agonising

death
for the sake

of a truth
he thinks

worth dying for.


I've been working away on the Hallsfoot's Battle edits today and actually quite enjoying the leisurely manner in which I'm doing it. I'm adding in a few pointers towards the things I made up later in the book and discovering other facts I'd entirely forgotten about, so that's good news. In many ways, I find the editing stage the most enjoyable - actually creating the pesky story can be like tearing the skin off a cat without the aid of anaesthetic (not that I've ever done that, I hasten to add, but the image seems right), whereas editing is more like smoothing it back on again. I think I'm at my calmest at this stage too. Good news for Lord H then!

Other good news is that our holiday to Italy has been confirmed, hurrah. Sadly, it's not Pompeii (though I'm making plans to go in the spring instead - watch this space ...), but a trip to Umbria, north of Rome. Bliss, I can't wait.

Later this afternoon, if I feel up to it, I'm hoping to go on a car hunt at the local showrooms. My aim: a new second-hand Ford Fiesta that isn't black (well, Rupert's black and I fancy a change - but, for goodness sake, don't tell him that!), has five doors, petrol, a manual gearbox and aircon. Surely that can't be too hard? Well, we'll see ...

After that, I'm supposed to be meeting up with work friends for a quick drink and some supper, but I'm going to see how I am before I get there. I don't think I'll be infecting them with anything if I do turn up (whatever I've got is just me, I feel), and in any case it's certainly not swine flu - I've checked the symptoms online and it's a definite "no, go away, and stop bothering us". But, again, we'll see - I may make a miraculous recovery if I see a car I like and then the entire thing will have been only in my head after all. As ever, eh. Do you think I might be a hypochondriac? Surely not. Doesn't everyone have their GP's number on speed-dial?...

Today's nice things:

1. Napping, a lot
2. Poetry
3. Editing
4. Holidays
5. Car-hunting
6. Drinks & supper with friends.

Anne Brooke - napping for Britain, again

Rupert’s return and the happy pills

Up early today as Rupert (the car) is at last ready to be collected, hurrah! It’s so nice to have him back, I must say – and the aircon hasn’t been this good for a long long time. Almost tempting not to look for a new car now, but I’m still keen, I must admit. I suspect there might be a bit of a car hunt this weekend. We’ll see how I’m feeling. We’re also attempting to book our September holiday in and around Pompeii, so here’s hoping there’s some good news on that one tonight.

In the meantime, I’m still feeling raw and more than a little overwhelmed from yesterday’s horrendous day – so have taken my supply of happy pills this morning and am hoping from the best … I think I’m having People Overload at the moment. Way too many demands coming from way too many quarters. Oh to be a hermit, eh. There’s a lot to be said for the solitary life – as long as Lord H is in it too.

At work, I’m struggling away with my meetings I’ve arranged for the upcoming year, which appear to have been lost so I suspect I may have to start from scratch. Not much joy there then. Plus I’m trying to avoid getting too stressed out by the traumas of Freshers’ Week planning. I do wish people wouldn’t assume I need a new challenge and the chance to do something different. Actually I don’t. I get plenty of challenges galore in my writing life – I really don’t need them elsewhere. I’d be far happier just doing the old familiar stuff I know and might not get too stressed out by – but that concept appears to be off the menu, alas. UPDATE: Having done something about it myself today (rather than lots of people telling me what I should be doing, as happened yesterday), I feel ever so slightly more in control which is making me feel just a tad better, hurrah. Not a lot though – just a little bit … I do have a hunch that the whole process will be more edgy this year, but we’ll see.

Had a much needed walk round campus at lunchtime, as well as a brief pop into the gallery which has a sculpture exhibition on at the moment – nice stuff but nothing really grabbed me. And I’m also still having fun with my CooleReader, so that’s a relief. Oh and there’s some lovely charity news about Maloney’s Law – some hugely wonderful person actually put a bid in during the last nine minutes of the auction so the shame of being the Most Unpopular Author in the Charity World has just about passed me by, phew. So, thank you a thousand times and a signed copy will be winging its way to you, Kind Person, just as soon as I can get it in the post.

This afternoon, I took the minutes for the Project Welcome Forum and then I’m hoping for a relatively quiet evening, please God. I’m bumbling away on the edits to Hallsfoot’s Battle, and it’s going okay at the moment. I’m trying to take it slowly and not worry about it too much. Hmm, I wonder when the happy pills kick in …

Today’s nice things:

1. Getting Rupert back
2. Thinking about a new car
3. Thinking about a holiday
4. Lunchtime walks
5. Maloney’s Law finding a last-minute friend, hurrah!
6. Editing
7. Happy pills.

Anne Brooke - taking everything slowly as she's unable to go very fast

Disasters and Miracles

Here’s this morning’s meditation:

Meditation 171

Every seventh year
let the words

speak through you:
from the gut

to the throat,
from the mouth

to the air,
releasing strange light

that glistens the skin
of all who hear.


I took the courtesy car into work today and managed to get a 3 day temporary pass for it as I don’t really know when I’ll be seeing Rupert again, sigh. UPDATE - looks like I'll be able to pick it up first thing tomorrow, so that's a relief anyway. Meanwhile at work, I’m messing around with meeting papers and diary maintenance. Feels like a very muddled Monday today really.

Mind you, the nice news is that the upcoming Bible Stories Anthology, Disasters and Miracles, now has its family-friendly cover art. It’s the first time I’ve ever been in anything remotely family-friendly, so that’s a new thing for me. Best not get too used to it though …

Thank goodness for reflexology at lunchtime – such a treat. It set me up for a meeting straight afterwards about Freshers’ Week. I’m running one of the information point tables again this year so best gird my proverbial loins up pretty darn soon. It all starts now. The worst thing is there’s a new regime this year (groan …) and I have to come in the Sunday before Freshers’ Week as well – for six hours!!! Lordy, but I can see it’s going to be even more of a nightmare week than usual, deep deep sighing … The very thought of it is making me feel quite tearful, even now.

Tonight, I will pop into see Gladys on my way home, and then I’m anticipating an evening of quiet editing and maybe a spot of TV. You never know. Oh and there’s been yet another rejection of my comic fantasy short story, Creative Accountancy for Beginners, double sigh. And there's about one hour left (at the time of typing) of the Maloney's Law Diabetes Charity auction bid and the sum total of my bids is zero. Ye gods, that's not something I'll be doing again in the future, I can tell you that now!! So, not a first-class day then, all in all. The fed-up factor is about 10. Out of 5. Is the weekend soon???

Today’s nice things:

1. Poetry
2. Cover art for Disasters and Miracles
3. Reflexology
4. Editing
5. TV.

Anne Brooke - hoping the day will be over soon ...

Vulpes Libris review, golf and a CoolerReader nightmare

I'm pleased to say that my review of John Wray's novel, Lowboy is now up at Vulpes Libris reviews. Something of a mixed bag, to my mind - but I appreciate that even saying that, and making the suggestion I do, is going against every other single reviewer in the known universe. Ah well, I never did follow the crowd ...

And here's this morning's meditation (I think I may have got the numbers muddled in the past, but this is now right. Possibly ...):

Meditation 168

A bitter root, a
barren waste:
salt, sulphur, emptiness.

The pain has always
been written.
Travel secretly

to the desert
and feel the sand
sting your feet

while the light
beckons you on.


And Marian and I managed to have a good golf game - well, compared to last week anyway - so that was something of a surprise. I didn't even go in any bunkers (well, gosh!) though I did manage to hit a tree dead centre which brought the ball right back to where it had been lying only a couple of seconds earlier. Trick shots, eh - how I love 'em.

I've also managed - at last! - to start the actual editing of Hallsfoot's Battle. Having the notes from The Gifting is proving very useful already. I feel it might well change rather more than anticipated by the time I reach the end again. But that's probably a good thing. Talking of books, I am really, seriously struggling with the CoolerReader machine. I did manage to download and read a short story onto it this morning, which was fine. But since then I've bought two more books at different venues which I can't seem to see at all on the reader. Though they appear to exist on the computer and I can even see them in the machine's menu when I plug it in, but I can't get them on the machine itself. I suspect that my reading options might be limited to PDFs, and it doesn't seem to take any notice of Adobe Digital editions (which I thought was a PDF by any other name, but apparently isn't, sigh ...) even though I've downloaded the software and tried to get it to talk to the CoolerReader twice. It's very very frustrating. So it looks like I can't read any of the books on the CoolerBooks site as they all seem to be Adobe Digital and that's no good to man nor beast. They're supposed to offer books in a special CoolerReader format, but for the life of me I have no idea how to find them - it's not very well organised at all. On top of that, I sent a help message to them yesterday, but no-one's replied. I am rapidly becoming extremely disenchanted with the whole thing, really. It surely can't be that hard for them to make it easier for the customer!! But obviously not, deep deep sigh ...

Thank goodness for this afternoon's Alexander Technique lesson - just what I needed to straighten out and just chill a little. And I definitely needed that after discovering that the garage have at last got the aircon unit delivered today - but sadly it's not the right one. So nothing will happen now until at least Monday. Head - meets desk - stays there. Mind you, while the garage was on, I remembered to ask them how to open the courtesy car windows and there's a button under the radio at the front which does it. Not very intuitive then ... Lordy, but really it's astonishing I'm not climbing the walls and chewing at the curtains already. Maybe I would be but I'm just too damn tired, to be honest. Haven't been sleeping well and have been waking too early in a state of extreme tension (Lord knows why) every day for a week - am desperately hoping for a lie-in tomorrow. Now that would be nice.

Today's nice things:

1. The Vulpes Libris review
2. Poetry
3. Golf
4. Starting the Hallsfoot edits
5. Alexander Technique
6. Finding the car's window buttons.

Anne Brooke - wondering if there might still be time for a nap, oh please God yes ...

A 5+ star review for The Bones of Summer!

Well, gosh and double gosh. The lovely Jen at Well Read Books has given me a 5+ star review for The Bones of Summer at Jessewave Reviews, which you can click on there and which I also produce below:

“This is my first full marks review and to be honest I'm a little nervous as to whether what I'm going to write now will actually do this book justice. It was that good. So good, in fact, that I may run out of superlatives. So good, that my mind disappeared into 'book world' and I spent every single spare moment reading. So good, that even when I had to do pesky real life things like cooking I was still thinking about the book, wondering what was going to happen next or mulling over the characters, their merits and their flaws. At the beginning of The Bones of Summer everything is going well for Craig. He's happy with where he lives and is good friends with the two women he shares a house with. He likes his modelling job, even if he's not been able to get on as an actor. Best of all, is that he gets a phone call from a guy he met a couple of months ago, Paul, who wants to get together and maybe start something. Things are on the up for Craig and he's happy to go with it and forget all about the terrible things that happened to him when he ran away from his Devon home seven years before. Unfortunately for Craig, life has a way of kicking you in the teeth when you least expect it. Just after his first date (and night) with Paul, he receives a letter from an old neighbour and friend in Devon telling him that his father is missing. This starts off a chain of events which forces Craig to return to Devon and his past and confront all that he was attempting to forget. Paul is a Private Detective and offers to help Craig investigate his past. This then impacts on their tentative relationship. There are two main themes running through this book. The first, and most obvious theme is that of facing up to your past. Craig ran away from his abusive Father at the age of seventeen and has spent the intervening years trying to avoid thinking of his childhood and the events which led to him leaving. The past, as they say, has a way of catching up with you and I found it admirable in Craig that he faces up to that once he realises that he can't stay in hiding forever. His reaction to going back to Devon was a mixture of heartbreaking and confusing for the reader. Craig himself has large gaps in his memory and often reacts to his surroundings in a very emotional way that even he can't understand, let alone explain to Paul. It takes time and a painful stripping away of the layers before Craig is even able to discover what happened. The reader is taken along with that emotional rollercoaster and I found that I had to be very patient and wait, like Craig does, before I got answers to the many questions that I had as I was reading. Paul too has a past. He has suffered tragedy and betrayal in his life which you would think would make him the ideal person to help Craig through this difficult time. However, things are never that simple which leads to the second theme: That of secrets and lies. Both men have secrets from each other. In one sense this is understandable; they have just met each other and are starting a tentative journey on the road to love. Neither one of them want to share their past with each other yet. Craig doesn't want to scare Paul off and Paul has his own reasons to which we are not privy. It did annoy me that Paul often accuses Craig of lying to him, when, rather hypocritically, he never comes wholly clean about his own past. In fact, I found myself getting cross with Paul quite a lot throughout the book. On one hand he offers to help Craig and even spends a lot of time supporting him through this terrible time; but on the other hand he uses quite brutal methods to force Craig to open up and speak about his past. Methods such as the use of emotional blackmail by withdrawing his approval or acting coldly towards him or blowing hot and cold so that Craig is confused as to where he stands in their relationship. I wasn't sure I liked Paul, but that didn't mean he wasn't a terrific character. He was - as is any character who draws such a response from me. If you are thinking that this sounds like a very angst filled book, then you will be right. Emotions run high throughout the novel. Both men are strong characters who are dealing in their own way with distressing things that have happened to them. Sometimes they break down in tears; sometimes they clash horribly and say dreadful things to each other; sometimes they make love fiercely in order to forget; sometimes they close up and suffer in silence. These were complex men and I was never really sure how they would react at any time. It was this unpredictability that had me on the edge of my seat throughout the book. What a thrilling ride! Having said that, the book wasn't all doom and gloom and what saved it from being too heavy going was the internal voice of Craig. He had a typical British self-depreciating sense of humour and a ready wit, which brought out humour in the direst of circumstances. An example of this was his self-created list of 'rules for gay men'. But he’d better not forget Gay Rule Number One: At least find out a name and a job before you do the business. Craig also has a great optimism about him. He always tries to focus on the good, even if he does worry about the bad things which are happening to him. This idealistic cheerfulness was appealing and coupled with Craig's sarcastic humour often gets him into trouble, but did help to lighten the feel of the book. I've only touched the surface of what was so great about this book. It wasn't just the realistic characterisation that made this book a fantastic read. The settings were so ordinary, so domestic, such as kitchens, bedrooms, an office, a club, and yet terrible things happened in those settings so that their mere ordinariness added to the chill down the spine. The plotting was tight, with each clue, each answer, being revealed slowly until a breathtaking, frantic, thrilling conclusion. Have I waxed lyrical enough about this book? I don't think I can. All I can do is recommend that you read The Bones of Summer. Actually, this goes beyond recommendation to a plea - if you like mystery; if you like character driven books; if you like reading compulsively, unable to part with the story for even a short time; then you must read this book.”

Double gosh and enormous thank yous from me, Jen - I'm so glad you enjoyed it so much! Actually, astonishingly glad, bearing in mind the traumas of the day and the fact that I struggle so hard to get a book published at all! It's so lovely when readers like it. Thank you.

Keeping to literary matters, here's today's meditation:

Meditation 168

A litany of disasters
opens out:
famine, disease, war,

pain, exile, oppression,
murder, cannibalism, death.
But on this day

of quietness and warmth
the voice of the past

seems far away.

This morning, I caught up with yesterday's episode of Torchwood - the shock! the awful revelation! What on earth did Jack think he was doing??!? Words fail me. I can't wait for tonight ... I've also picked up a free courtesy car from the garage as poor Rupert is going to be sick until at least the weekend. The trauma of driving a courtesy car was bad enough (Lord but I hate change), but when I attempted to get it into reverse in order to park it at home, the damn gear stick came off in my hand and the cars queueing up to wait for me to sort myself out had to wait a while longer as I struggled to get the damn thing back in. Really, it doesn't bode well ... Not only that, but I can't work out how to open the windows so when getting and giving back my car park ticket in Guildford this afternoon, I had to leap out of the car, sort out the barrier machine and then leap back into the car and drive through at a rate of knots before the pole came down again. I also had trouble getting into 2nd gear as the pesky thing tends to go straight from 1st to 4th, which makes roundabouts interesting, to say the least. And Guildford has some damn complex roundabouts. Really, it's astonishing I'm alive at all ...

Thank goodness for a girly lunch and a free glass of wine (thank the Lord for food vouchers) with Robin this afternoon. Lovely to see her, and the support while I burbled on for ten minutes from the off about cars and stress and gear sticks is hugely appreciated. Thank you, Robin. After lunch, we wandered around Guildford and I have bought a very nice green summer cardigan with my Viyella voucher - it must be a voucher day indeed.

Back home, I have finally finished typing up my notes for The Gifting and now need to go through them and highlight the things I specially need to bear in mind for the proper Hallsfoot's Battle edit. And, in the meantime and sadly, I am now one of only two authors who have no bids, for Maloney's Law at the Diabetes Charity auction. Ah, the shame is mounting, you know and only four days left, woe is me.

Lastly, you'll be pleased to know that after nearly 24 hours (24 hours!!!), my Cool-er Reader has finally charged itself up and I must now work out how to load ebooks onto it and how to read them. The mystery thickens, Carruthers ...

Today's nice things:

1. A lovely 5+ review for The Bones of Summer, hurrah!
2. Poetry
3. Torchwood
4. Lunch & shopping with Robin
5. Finishing the pre-edits
6. A charged-up Cool-er Reader - at last!

Anne Brooke - having a veritable rollercoaster day

Torchwood Day Three, Diabetes Day Five and a Cool-er Reader

Another good episode of Torchwood yesterday, though not quite as hot and on-the-edge as the first episode, I think. It’s also strange how Jack and Ianto seem to blow hot and cold, and there’s very little consistency in it. In Episode One they appeared to be a normal couple (well, relatively normal, bearing in mind Jack isn’t entirely human …), yet in Episode Two when Jack dies several times and is then rescued by Gwen & Ianto from his cement prison by the means of dropping the whole lot into a quarry so he dies and lives again, neither man appears to be that pleased to see each other. Bizarre really. Perhaps they have evil twins who occasionally take over and that’s another Torchwood secret yet to be revealed? And, while I’m on the subject, Lord H is rather puzzled as to where the Government managed to get hold of such quick drying cement and why can’t they let any of the rest of us have it … The plot thickens indeed, Carruthers, much like the cement.

Still, I’m looking forward to Episode Three which I plan to watch on the i-player tomorrow as I’m out with Jane H for pizza and chat in Godalming tonight, hurrah! (Hello, Jane).

In the meantime, the Diabetes charity auction continues and Maloney’s Law is still up for grabs. It’s a wonderful chance to support a very worthwhile cause and there are only five days left to do so … Says she, sounding only ever so slightly desperate that she’s one of the two authors who’ve received no bids yet. My reputation goes before me, I fear.

At work, we’ve had a briefing meeting for the upcoming open day next week – though I won’t actually be involved in that one, it’s always worth knowing what the plans are, especially as I’ll be organising our office team for a couple of them coming up later in the year. The excitement of the day though was when one of the Students’ Union staff came in and wanted to stamp a letter with a “Received on …” date stamp. However, without the Dean of Students’ office here today, nobody knew how to change the date stamp, and it took four of us and a lot of wasted ink to work our way to that conclusion. In the end, we just used a pen. Ah the old ways are sometimes the best, you know. New-fangled date stamps – bah, we say, bah!

And, horrifyingly, it’s that time of year for our annual review – yikes! I don’t think I’m even halfway towards completing last year’s goals yet. Best get a move on then … Oh and this week’s heroes are the Monty Python team, Ram from Student Advice, Lauren from Mentoring, and Brother Lawrence. Just because they are, really.

Still no news on the car front though – I was hoping to get it back today, but it’s all gone very quiet. Perhaps poor Rupert is beyond all hope now? Sob. Mind you, I might finally get round to looking at a new (well, second-hand new …) car at the weekend, so maybe this is a push in the right direction? Trouble is, all the cars we’ve looked at appear to be silver or black, and I was hoping for a colour this time round. Has the car industry run out of spray paint? UPDATE – sadly the car is worse off than we feared and the aircon, clutch and fanbelt are all very very unhappy. The garage man’s going to ring me again tomorrow with an ultimate price update – deep deep sigh, combined with sobbing …

I’ve now finished reading Chris Cleave’s novel, The Other Hand, which I hope to review for Vulpes Libris later. Hmm and hmm is all I can say, and editors aren’t really what they used to be … Mind you, the great news is that my new Cool-er Reader (in the picture, mine's the violet one) has arrived and I'm now charging it up ready to upload my first eBooks for reading away from my computer, hurrah. I can't wait.

Today’s nice things:

1. Torchwood
2. Charity auction
3. Date stamp fun
4. The week’s heroes
5. Thinking about a new car, maybe
6. The Cool-er Reader
7. Dinner with Jane.

Anne Brooke - bringing her reading into the 21st century at last

Torchwood Day Two, charity books and sad cars

I’m pleased to say that a signed copy of Maloney’s Law is part of an eBay charity auction to support the American Diabetes Association. This is a cause that’s very important to me, no matter what country it’s in, as a large part of my family suffer from diabetes, and both my father and grandmother died from it. So if you do feel able to bid for the book at all, that would be hugely appreciated, and the link is here. Other books in the auction can be found at Meerzoor2’s entry. And it lasts until 13 July. Many thanks indeed.

Meanwhile, the car’s not too happy. Apparently, it’s not the air con but a variety of problems with the fanbelt and adjuster thingy (no, it’s a mystery to me too …), and the garage won’t have it ready until tomorrow, so it looks like I’m going to have to rely on Lord H’s kindness and more reliable car until that point. Here’s hoping it’s not too expensive a repair though …

Oh and I must say I thought yesterday’s episode of Torchwood was fantastic. Edge-of-the-seat stuff and lots of hugely interesting plot lines. With a totally terrific cliffhanger ending. I loved it. Can’t wait for tonight’s second helping. Bring it on.

At work, I fear I might have to help out with a last-minute presentation to new international foundation students, as there’s nobody else around. Groan … How I hate being involved with presentations – it’s a nightmare. I am terrified beyond all terror of public speaking. I might just hold up our PowerPoint slides, point at the relevant phrase and hope for the best. Anything rather than having to speak. I’ll only be really happy when it’s over. UPDATE: Actually the students were really sweet and there weren’t that many of them which suited me and Ram from Student Advice, no problem. It ended up being very informal and I think we did okay – thanks, Ram! But phew, thank goodness it’s over – I’ll never be a natural.

Was thinking about walking into town at lunchtime to look at clothes, but I feel the urge might have passed. It never stays long. So I had a walk around the campus instead and got utterly drenched by the rain. So much so that I am now attempting to dry my socks out on one of the portable heaters so they’ll be dry enough to go home in. Should have brought my wellies really. I also popped into to the campus art gallery, but can’t say the latest exhibition of etchings did much for me – though I did appreciate how dark, sinister and shadowy they were. Maybe it was because it was focused on scenes from Paris, and I’m afraid I don’t much like Paris. Ah well.

Tonight, I’m taking part in a Pride Month Dreamspinner authors event at Beth Wylde’s Yahoo Group, so I’m looking forward to chatting about The Bones of Summer and various GLBT fiction matters. Thanks so much for inviting us, Beth!

And later of course there’s Torchwood Day Two – can’t forget that!

Today’s nice things:

1. Helping support a diabetes charity
2. Torchwood
3. Surviving a presentation (phew!)
4. Pride Month Dreamspinner book event.

Anne Brooke - doing her bit for diabetes support

Torchwood Day One and a spot of car trouble

How delightful – a whole week of Torchwood to look forward to. I really can’t wait for tonight’s episode. First off though, here’s this morning’s meditation:

Meditation 166

The prizes for goodness:
crops, cattle

and children.
Frankly, that doesn’t do it

for me, as surely
there’s less responsibility

with chocolate, diamonds
and roses

but perhaps that after all
is the point.

Some good literary news today is that my Biblical short story, The Rock, has been accepted for publication by Einstein’s Pocket Watch webzine. It was published briefly earlier this year at Perpetual Magazine but unfortunately the owner had to close the site due to family illness, which was a shame. But it’s nice that the story will get another airing later in the year.

Other good news and still Bible-based (well, gosh, how holy I’m becoming …) is that we now have a publication date and a title for the upcoming Bible Stories Anthology produced by Bridge House Publishing (which will include my story, The Voyage). This will be out on 13 August and the title will be Disasters and Miracles. Sounds great to me – and I’m very much looking forward to it.

At work, I’m attempting to cope with yet more changes to the parental guidelines document – it feels very much like fighting my way through the undergrowth without the chance of a light at the moment, but presumably it will all be done at some point. One can only hope so.

With all this, I definitely needed my lunchtime reflexology session – which was bliss as ever. If you ever get the chance for a reflexology moment, I can highly recommend it. It set me up for the trauma of doing the Tesco shop after work (groan), though thankfully there didn’t appear to be as much on my list as I’d feared, hurrah.

However, the day’s big highlight must surely be the start of the Torchwood week on TV tonight. A whole week of Jack & Ianto & the gang – what could be nicer? Mustn’t forget the last episode of Krod and his Flaming Sword though (which happens tonight instead of later in the week for some strange reason) – I do have a soft spot for old Krod. In fact Lord H thinks it would be highly effective if Captain Jack simply turned up in Krod’s world and sorted them all out, with Ianto’s admin help. Now that would be an episode to watch …

UPDATE: slight car trouble on the way home, I fear - something rotten in the state of Denmark, so I'm now at home waiting for the RAC man to discover why there's a great smell of burning from the engine. Gosh, he's arrived! So early, hurrah, so I'll still be able to watch Torchwood, phew. It transpires that my air con has broken down so much that it's upsetting the engine workings (it's been broken for a while really, to be honest) and we've dropped it down at the local garage with a note from the RAC man telling the garage man what's wrong and asking him to fix it. Poor Rupert (the car) - hope the other cars are nice to him tonight now he's in a strange place ... All very quick and relatively pain-free - apart from the fact that the RAC man and I were having such a nice chat as he drove me back home that he forgot to take the turning to my road and we started driving to Guildford. I've been kidnapped! How very exciting! However, all's well that ends well - we found a turning and Lord H now has his wife back, unscathed, hurrah. We wait in trepidation to see how the poor car is though ...

Today’s nice things:

1. Torchwood Day One
2. Poetry
3. Short story acceptance
4. A date & title for the Bible stories anthology
5. Reflexology
6. Krod
7. Nice RAC men.

Anne Brooke - wondering where her wheels went ...

Sandy golf, paperback Bones and GLBT fiction

What a peculiar day it's been today, I must say. I haven't really been able to get much of a grip on it. Anyway, here's this morning's meditation:

Meditation 156

A simple sheet of paper
and another’s command

cast you out
from all you have known:

voices; the pattern
of a room; the schedule

of days. What once
has been lost

cannot be found again.

That sense of being lost has followed me throughout but it hasn't been a bad day. Just strange. My golf was ridiculous really. I managed to get two very beautiful (though I say it myself, I know) pars but then was completed and utterly fettled and lambasted by two really appalling holes where I went into those great deep bunkers of despair. Twice. Ye gods and little fishes, what a disaster. My first attempt at getting out of the bunker resulted in a score of twelve. Twelve!!! The shame is almost overwhelming, my dears. My second attempt at getting out of a new bunker they appear to have added to the last hole (the beasts! - how could they??) then resulted in a score of eleven. Oh for the rivers of Hades to rise up and swallow me down. All of which meant that, in spite of my two pars, Marian won by a massive ten shots. The only positive thing to come out of this sad debacle is that while we were playing I had the carwash people wash my car inside and out - so it's all lovely and clean now. All the better for weeping in ...

Perhaps I should revisit my bunker-play?...

Back home however, there has been the wonderful moment of joy when I opened the post to find that my authors' copies of The Bones of Summer have arrived. Joy abounding indeed! I have tried not to spend too long stroking them and licking their nice shiny covers, but it was hard to resist. But panic not, you people who are expecting copies - I made sure not to lick yours (as it were) ... And they will be in the post to you tomorrow. I have to say the books all look so wonderful - Dreamspinner Press have done a truly amazing job with production and it is classy beyond belief. I am soooooo pleased. A huge thank you to them.

Oh and I have a new published article, about the importance of settings in books, which can be found at the You Gotta Read review site. Thanks, Tami, for having me as guest writer for the day - much appreciated!

Talking of GLBT literature, a brand new Wiki GLBT bookshelf is now open for business and easily browsable for all your GLBT reading requirements, and there is a rising number of authors, reviewers and publishers on there. You can also find my bookshelf there, and can browse for my books under title, categories or publishers, as you wish. It's a great idea and well done to Mel Keegan who has organised it all and particularly helped me overcome my fear of Wiki. Thank you, Mel.

This afternoon, I've continued working on the read-through of The Gifting and am now on Page 200 with about 9 pages of notes. So about halfway through now. And I have to say it's a pretty damn good story too (though again I say it myself and shouldn't - still, dammit, I will, and sod the consequences, eh ...) - I'd forgotten most of what happened since I last opened it up last summer and it's nice to be reminded. I am already thinking of additions and depths I can add to the edit of Hallsfoot's Battle once I get into that for real.

And tonight we really must do some cleaning before the Domestic Police turn up again, groan. They do go on so ... What joy.

Today's nice things:

1. Poetry
2. Two pars in golf (let us not speak of the rest of my game again, alas ...)
3. A nice clean car
4. Authors' copies of Bones, hurrah!
5. Published article
6. A new GLBT bookshelf
7. Reading through The Gifting.

Anne Brooke - just don't mention those pesky bunkers ...

The invisible writer and putting the boot in

God, what a day. It's really been one moment of crap followed closely by another moment of crap. On the whole. And ooh look another will be joining it shortly. Oh what joy. I am seriously pissed off. I don't know but people have been getting on my wick today, and irritating me beyond measure. Is it Let's Piss Anne Off Day and I missed the national email telling me so?? Deeep sigh ...

Anyway, first off, the ruddy hospital send me another letter telling me to come for a scan in March. Well, I've only just had a ruddy scan last week - what do they want me to buy? A season ticket?? Are my bits just so incredibly fascinating that they must scan them on a monthly basis? Naturally I rang up to sort it out first thing this morning, and the woman on the other end of the line told me there must be something wrong for them to want to bring me in again so soon. Well, that made me feel cheerful, I can tell you. However, after a few moments of hyperventilating and wondering how many days (nay minutes) I might have left to live, she came back and said there was nothing untoward on my notes and it must just be an error. Well, phew. All's well that ends proverbially, but I could have done without the ride. To be honest.

I then attempted to squeeze out some words for Hallsfoot's Battle but Lordy it's a total struggle today and I can't seem to raise any interest in it at all, let alone inspiration. Whatever that is. I've stretched it out to just (barely) over 94,000 words but that's quite a stretch and I suspect what I've attempted to add will have to be ditched in the eventual edit. And some. Sigh.

My headache really began to build up when I hot-footed it to golf and of course it's half-term so (reasonably enough) there is a plethora of young people on the course. So it took so much longer to trudge round. Added to that the fact that I can no longer open my car boot and therefore cannot get to my golf trolley, which meant I had to lug the damn bag round myself. Totally exhausting, my dears, and my arm aches like anything now. It was gone 1pm before we actually finished.

I then leapt desperately into Godalming to do some shopping I've been putting off for weeks, and then found when I got back that I only had half an hour to eat lunch before going to my Alexander Technique lesson. This gave me just enough time to (a) eat, (b) add another 100 sorry-looking words to poor old Hallsfoot, and (c) ring the garage to ask if I could bring the car round so they could look at my boot lock problem. To which the answer was: yes, anytime up till 6pm and they'd be sure to look at it for me.

I then went and had my AT lesson - which was okay but I wasn't sure I was relaxed enough to take anything in. Let alone how to be relaxed. Even the two calming pills I've taken today aren't helping me there. After that, I got to the garage (Lord, but Guildford traffic is serious crap) at just before 4pm. Only to be told that all the technical people leave at 4pm and can't look at my car until next week anyway. Then why the hell didn't they tell me that on the bloody phone when I rang???!!? God, but sometimes I think I'm totally invisible and nobody pays me a blind bit of notice. Are my perfectly valid questions simply the distant sound of soft bleating to them?? But fear not - I expressed my disappointment in reasonable yet firm terms and did not (as I longed to do) fall screaming to the floor in the ruddy showroom and start biting the tyres of the nearest sales car. Maybe I should have done. The upshot is that I've booked an appointment for the car to have its boot opened in a couple of weeks' time when we're back from holiday - on a day that Lord H can take me in as I couldn't have hired an alternative car apparently until the end of March. God, but it's so bloody complicated. Till then, at least I know the bloody things in the bloody boot are safe, even if the ruddy car gets stolen. Deeeep sigh.

Meanwhile, back at the work ranch, I see the very sweet lady from the Arts Office has sent an email round to the University Book Group telling us that when we're making our choices of the next tranche of books to talk about, we can't choose self-published books, even though last year they looked at "Anne Brooke's self-published novel, A Dangerous Man, as she is a staff member." Self-published?? A Dangerous Man?? I don't think so. Or, at least, it's the first I've heard of it. I'm sure Flame Books would be delighted to find out that their whole company is in fact run by ... me. Even deeeeeper sigh. I sent back a (rather less reasonable, but hell it's lucky I can still put words together in any kind of calm order at all) reply saying that while half of my novels are self-published, A Dangerous Man actually isn't and so was never part of any special dispensation to the rules, and I wouldn't expect to be treated differently anyway. As I has said at the time. Though in actual fact, it's also true to say that all of my available novels bar one are now commercially published, whether by paperback or eBook, and the next one off the press will also be a commercial production. Not that any of this will matter of course, as it now appears that anything I say is disregarded as random witterings or thought not important enough to remember - good to know my invisibility continues to widen its remit - at least something is working in Anne's World then, if only in a negative way ... In the meantime, it would be terribly refreshing if the facts about something I said or produced were actually listened to or regarded as remotely memorable - just once in my ruddy life!!...

In addition to all this, I've just had to speak to the middle neighbour (always tricky at the best of times) who somehow seems rather more tricksy than usual. He said something that particularly irritated me (and believe me my irritation levels are off the scale today, as you can probably tell) and instead of saying something jolly or soothing as I usually do (which is I know what I'm expected as a woman to do and which again he doesn't listen to, as a matter of course), I just didn't reply and stared at him. I think that took him by surprise, and I managed to escape earlier than anticipated, thank goodness. Any more conversation with people of any shape or form and I might just have to punch them, scream loudly and run away. God but that seems like a plan.

And here's today's meditation - the writing of which frankly seems a damn long time ago. Really I am pissed off with the whole of this day already and I want no more of it. I'm tired, that damn headache won't let me go, nobody listens to a word I say, I have the housework to face and I can't even open a bottle of wine any more to take the edge off. Bloody hell.

Meditation 74

The land breathes riches
for six years

and sleeps across your senses
for the seventh.

What you have not planted
will nourish you

and what you release
from your hand

will lighten your weight
upon the earth,

help you to dream again.


But do not fear, people - astonishingly, all is not lost. At the end of all this sludge and existential misery, Lord H has come back from work (hurrah!) and allowed me to pummel his chest in order to get rid of some of the angst - an essential duty which really should be performed by every husband. And I do feel a bit better now. Thank the Lord. Oh and I've had my third chocolate of the day - so my insulin levels will be crap but at least it raises the happy hormones ...

Today's nice things (um ...):

1. Chocolate
2. Lord H
3. Chocolate
4. Lord H.

Anne Brooke
Anne's website - if you blink you'll miss it ...

Hallsfoot, hospitals and mystic balloons

Hurrah, I am feeling almost human today, rather than a disease on (rather quivery) legs, so that's a huge relief. Mind you, I still stayed in the living room all night last night - as lying down flat with catarrh is a No Go Area (for reasons I am too generous to explain ...) and I even managed to tot up four hours' sleep. Which is fabulous really. Which brings me to the mystery of the balloon: I had flowers, chocolates and the said (helium) balloon delivered to Lord H for his birthday on Monday and we think the balloon has fallen in love with him. Either that or it's planning something very suspicious indeed. It floats disconsolately around the flat until it finds him and only then does it stay put - yesterday evening, for instance, Lord H brought it into the living room to cheer me up and then he decided to do some reading in the bedroom. When I looked up ten minutes later, the balloon had vanished and a quick search found it hovering above the unsuspecting husband near the curtains. Spooky ... Thinking it was a one-off, I retrieved the balloon and took it back into the living room. Keeping a close eye on it, I watched as it then moved very, very slowly towards the living room door, hovered in the landing for a moment and then turned left and drifted through the bedroom door, coming to rest by Lord H again. It's the turning left that raises the suspicions ... For now, we've tethered its string down with a book on the ironing board, but I'm sure it will find its way out of that at some stage. The plot thickens, Carruthers ...

Anyway from the ridiculous to the sublime: I'm delighted to find out that Every Day Fiction have accepted my flash fiction piece, Night Bees, for publication, so that's thrilling, and I shall look forward to getting a publication date for that. It's one I started to write at the University Writers' Group, so I'm glad it's found a home.

This morning I've trotted off to the hospital to have a post-operation scan. Which sounds easy, my dears, but trust me: it's been complicated. When I received the letter giving me the appointment, I saw they were going to do it the old-fashioned way which means you have to drink a litre of fluid during the two hours before the allotted scan time and hang on to your water (as it were). Bearing in mind my insulin problems, hanging onto the water is always a challenge, so I have to plan to eat lots of salt at the same time to give me a fighting chance of success. So from 7.30am, I've been drinking like a particularly thirsty fish and downing salted cashew nuts along with it (which isn't really that great for the insulin thing either, but needs must etc etc ...). So I arrived at the hospital, congratulating myself on my supreme self-control in the urinary department, and the nurse called me in and asked me to confirm that I was having a kidney scan. I instantly confirmed that I wasn't doing any such thing and I was actually having a uterus scan to see how things were after the op. I also said that I'd drunk my litre of liquid (Lucozade if you're asking) so it should all be okay. She then had a look at my letter, groaned and told me that in fact it was the wrong letter - I should have been sent the one saying I didn't need to drink anything, although I did need to go to the loo before they scanned, as they now have this marvellous new equipment (which I will also not explain out of the kindness of my heart ...) that means the old ways are soooo last year. Sigh ... Anyway, I then trotted off to the loo, undid all the good work I hadn't needed to do in the first place, ditched the ruddy cashews, and all was well. And the good news is she thinks everything looks fine so there's no need to worry - though I should get the results by letter over the next week. Which I have interpreted as being over the next month, naturally.

Oh and I think I'm now seen as the town lunatic (is the position up for grabs? I really must apply ...) - I was walking from the Tesco car park to the hospital (well, it's cheaper that way) when a bird flew past me and I thought in my head: ooh look, a bird! I wonder what it is! However, the words didn't actually remain in my head - they came out of my mouth just as I passed the bus-stop and the woman waiting there gave me a startled look and shrank away. Oh Lordy, do you think I've been in the flat too long? I smiled widely at her (which probably made it worse, thinking about it), decided explanations wouldn't help and carried on. Groan. What else can you do?...

On the way back from town, I also popped into the Ford garage as my windscreen washers (is it just me or is this a very liquid-orientated blog today??) aren't working and no water is coming out either at the back or the front (of the car, people, the car ...). Unfortunately, the words "windscreen washers" completely escaped me as I was trying to tell the very patient James from the Parts Department what the problem was so I just had to keep making windscreen wiper movements with my arms and repeating "no water!". Thankfully, he seemed to understand in the end and he's mended it - without charge, so he must have felt sorry for me. Perhaps they think I'm a special needs driver? Can't say I blame them if they do. Apparently my pipes have frozen up in the bad weather and I might have to have a complete overhaul at some stage although I'm all right for the time being. Hmm, I'm not sure if he was talking about the car or me at that point - it's hard to tell.

Once back home, I have been struggling away with Hallsfoot's Battle - it took ages to get back into, but towards the end I suddenly got to the point of the scene I was writing, so that's a relief really. And I now have 89,500 words under my belt, hurrah. When I go back to it next, I think I'll tackle another Johan scene - I really do have to focus on the battle training, and he's definitely the man (or rather: Gathandrian) for the job.

Tonight, Lord H and I should have been going to the theatre, but actually I think we'll probably end up staying in. I am now sneezing for Britain (always a good sign though) so that certainly wouldn't be popular in the auditorium. And I'm definitely trying for an early night and getting back into the bedroom. But not with that dang balloon.

Today's nice things:

1. Feeling better
2. Lovesick balloons
3. Night Bees being accepted for publication
4. The scan looking okay
5. Hallsfoot
6. A night in.

Anne Brooke
Anne's website - don't drink the water ...

Birds, chocolate and a surprisingly competitive husband

Lord H and I have spent a lovely day today at Hayling Island, wandering around and attempting to look at birds. Not many about, Carruthers, though we did manage to spot a kestrel, a collared dove, some black-headed gulls and (hurrah!) some black-tailed godwits in summer plumage. Very pleasant indeed and the rain held off. On the journey down, however, I was dozing away to the background lull of Classic FM when Lord H suddenly gave a triumphant snort and said: Ha! I beat that then. On enquiring what on earth he was on about, I was told that we'd passed a big sign telling us that Hindhead was 8 minutes drive away, but Lord H had put a spurt on and done it in 6 minutes. Hmm, I fear that these "helpful hint" road-signs might not be having quite the effect they're supposed to have on the male boy-racer population ...

We also managed to fit in a pub lunch at The Maypole Pub, where the staff were really sweet and funny too. If we're in the area, we'll definitely go back. And the super-chocolate ice-cream dessert with extra chocolate and chocolate bits was to die for. Even though we had the low-fat option (ie no cream). Hell, but we're so noble.

Though I would say that the east and west sides of Hayling are very very different indeed! The east was great, but the west was a bit scary. We parked near The Kench and everyone stared at us. In a very hard and frightening manner. I was rather worried in case we came back to the car to find that the tyres had been reallocated elsewhere. A local village for local people, I feel ... However, due to some nifty derring-do and by creating a diversion, we escaped intact, I'm pleased to report.

Tonight, I must check the cars and see if our oil and tyres still function (West Hayling folk are strange folk, you know ...) and then we've got the joys of Midsomer Murders on TV. I'll also try to do some more to The Bones of Summer. I'm now on Chapter 20, but feel that which way I jump on some of the new plot lines is a bit fluid at the moment. Hell, but I'm always fluid at the moment, so not much difference there then.

This week's haiku is:

On reaching the 40s:

Never mind roses
or lace: give me the jewellery
and make it today ...

And, alas, I fear that the Surrey literati are still keeping me on the naughty step - though actually it's surprisingly comfortable and the views are grand (it's an outdoor step, naturally. Well, my family are from the north ...). I am obliged to venture out only under cover of total darkness and in a disguise so deep that even I don't know who I am. The plot thickens and the excitement mounts. As indeed do the twig-beatings!...

Today's nice things:

1. Birds
2. Pub lunch
3. Writing a haiku
4. Editing Bones
5. TV.

Anne Brooke
Anne's website

Bones, bodies and breakdowns

Lordy, what a rollercoaster of a day. Up with rosy-fingered dawn (lucky dawn) today as I'd booked an 8.30am haircut and Lynda is super-efficient and always turns up early. Indeed when Lord H left the house at 8.15am, he found her parked outside and sent her up. She'd probably been parked there all night. Perhaps I should have offered her breakfast? Anyway, after her tender ministrations, I now look fairly presentable. At least temporarily.

All this meant I could pop into Godalming first thing and stock up on essential local papers and jiffy bags (in case someone actually buys Thorn in the Flesh and I have to send it to them - hell, you never know!). I also spent my birthday book vouchers in Waterstone's, and the girls there were incredibly helpful and got me books I might actually want to read - ie dark, quirky and different, which was what I asked them to find. I suspect they might have been significantly less helpful if they'd known I was one of the hated Breed of Authors. Bookshops don't mix with the likes of us, you know. Interestingly, one of the girls also said how boring most of the stuff they had in now was and it was very dull that everyone was writing the same sort of book, and how lovely it was that I as a reader was making their jobs exciting by asking for something different. Cue my line of bringing Goldenford and our wonderfully different books to their attention, but I was too frightened to mention it, to be honest - it's not often bookshop staff are nice to me and I was too moved by the experience to ruin it ... Sigh. I am a Grade One Wimp, to be sure.

The big event of the day however was of course Penny's funeral. Her work friends turned up in force, which I was glad to see, plus long-term friends and family, so actually it was very fitting. And very "Penny". We had a laugh, along with a few tears as well, of course. In the end, it was sassy, straightforward and fun - much like the woman herself. Guildford Crematorium is a lovely place, I must say. I'll be very happy to end up there. And I got to know it extremely well too as after the service, my car wouldn't start. Goddammit. My, Penny would have loved that - she would have killed herself laughing, so it's probably a good job she's already dead. If I'm allowed to say such a thing on Funeral Day. Ruth was kind enough to wait until I'd called the RAC man and sorted out my time of rescue, and also bequeathed (couldn't resist it, sorry) me the remains (God, but I'm good) of her apple juice plus a mug to drink it with from the bowels of her campervan. Thanks, Ruth. So I had a pleasant hour-and-a-half sitting on a shady bench and admiring the funeral style of the next body in. Or possibly out. Funeral Number Two had a zillion mourners, truckloads of flowers and the black horses with the plumes. Way to go! It did make my car and the RAC van rather unpopular, as they could have done with the extra parking spaces, and we were obviously not of their ilk. Ah well. I also managed in the unexpected lull to write out a plot and themes for Hallsfoot's Battle. So that's got me excited and enthused about it again, hurrah! Not to mention having a brand-new battery and a car that works now, double hurrah.

It'll still have to be put on hold though as when I got back I found the report on The Bones of Summer (anyone remember that one?) from The Literary Consultancy. It was much better than I'd anticipated, triple hurrahs! So thank you, Sara Maitland, for your advice. It's very much appreciated. Her overall view was that the novel was "a very satisfying and dramatic tale", and she loved the whole Craig and Paul story arc. She thought I handled the sex very well (gosh!), as it was open and realistic without being "in your face". That's a relief then, as sex writing is one of my strong points, I think. Negative points are that I really need to up the ante of my plot (which I knew - I always need help with plot. It's my big weak point), and she gave me some wonderful suggestions for that. Alongside, I also need to give more life to the secondary characters, but her plot suggestions will go a long way to sorting that out. So I've started the edit and I'm looking forward to giving it some welly as I go through, along with some more exciting strands. My, how I love getting my teeth into the edit - as long as the report I'm basing it on is a positive one, that is!

Oh, and I see from a read through of The Surrey Advertiser that the police have "swooped" (why do they always do that??) on the nearby sleepy little village of Elstead, as they've discovered a cannabis farm there. My, how exciting! You would have thought they could have invited us round for a party first, dammit. It's getting more "Midsomer" here by the minute. And a Guildford man has been shortlisted for Husband of the Year in Eve Magazine's awards. How hugely embarrassing for him. Though, to my mind, Lord H could knock all of their entries into a cocked hat - I shall have to enter him for it next year ...

Today's nice things:

1. Haircut
2. Saying goodbye to Penny
3. Breaking down in a Crematorium (yes, I know, but it was funny ...)
4. Discovering a plot and some themes for Hallsfoot
5. Getting a positive report for Bones - and hey one I can use for improvement!

Anne Brooke
Anne's website
Goldenford Publishers