Positivity overload and TV heaven

Here’s today’s poem:

Meditation 225

Two men
rehearse the past

while the darkness
surrounding God

rolls in
like the sea

and the secret heart
of fire burns

but does not kill.
Let their long words

cease, fall into
silence.


I forgot to say that we had great fun yesterday making up an alternative new strapline for the business – a fun fifteen minutes which came about as one of our colleagues from another office had to come in to see us as, what with the build-up to Freshers’ Week, she was suffering badly from an overload of positivity. Really, constantly saying everything is perfect is not good for the mental health, you know – and you can always rely on our office for a good grumble, and a rather more honest view. Anyway, the upshot is a new virtual strapline: No worse than anywhere else and better than some. Heck, it does it for me. And Lord H was also impressed and said he’d definitely apply for a course at an organisation with that level of honesty. Sadly, I don’t feel it will be acceptable to the powers that be, and so I might end up purloining the strapline for my own writing life: Anne Brooke: no worse than any other writer and better than some. You heard it here first.

Another fun moment from yesterday was the moment when a man suddenly appeared at the window. No strangeness there, you might think, but we are on the third floor, so we were for a short while highly impressed with the length of his legs (steady, people …). Until we realised he was actually hanging from a rope and cleaning the windows. Nobody told us he was due. Perhaps he was an intrepid burglar after all? The plot thickens.

Meanwhile, the CoolReader disasters continue. Lord H is doing sterling work attempting to persuade them to do the decent thing under the circumstances. Now, however, they are asking us to send the machine back so they can check that we haven’t damaged it ourselves before they consider reimbursement. Um, no. Frankly, I no longer trust them not to do something to the wretched ereader to make it look as if we have damaged it, just so they can get out of paying us the refund. And I’d like to state for the record now that I did not hurt the wretched beast in any way and neither did Lord H. We’re not hooligans. Or criminals. The first machine broke down and then the second machine broke down. It’s up to CoolReaders to deal with it in the way that we would like. And not to assume that we are in the wrong. To my mind, they need to take a long and serious look at their customer care skills. And I would certainly warn people not to buy anything from them. At all. Deep deep sigh … Mind you, I’ve finally managed to get hold of my Twitter CoolReader contact and she seems to be talking some sense at last, for which we are grateful. Here’s hoping it continues.

At work, I’m still attempting to tackle my outstanding piles of minutes, and also to deal with final Freshers’ Week crises. I must really pick up the University stands and great droves of tablecloths today – this is my one big task. I have also remembered to put my Here to Help t-shirt and badge in my bag so I can go straight to the venue on Saturday when I’m in without having to come to the office first. All these things save time. Thank goodness then for my second cappuccino of the week. Am I in danger of becoming an addict?

On the way back home, I popped into see Gladys, but she really wasn't up to much, poor thing. She even turned her nose up at chocolate (shock! horror!). Ah well. Tonight, I’m looking forward to relaxing in a veritable TV heaven – It Takes Two with the lovely Claudia (bliss) and then two hours of the glorious Midsomer Murders. I can’t wait.

Today’s nice things:

1. Poetry
2. New straplines
3. Mysterious window cleaners
4. Cappuccino – again!
5. TV.

Anne Brooke – no worse than any other writer and better than some
A Dangerous Man – now there’s someone who wouldn’t take any nonsense from an ereader company

An imperfect past and shopping galore

I’m pleased to say that my review of Julian Fellowes’ almost perfect novel, Past Imperfect, is now up at Vulpes Libris. Definitely a novel worth the reading, in my opinion.

Though, keeping to the topic of book matters, I’m sad and very frustrated to say that the CoolReader company are being extremely difficult – Lord H has three times asked for our money back and each time they’ve come back with a standard sales email pitching something else to us that we can download from the internet to mend our machine. Well, to be honest, that isn’t good enough and I’m very unhappy about it. I don’t much care what patches they’ve produced to cobble the darn thing together now – the fact remains that they sold me a duff machine in the first place, then replaced it with another duff machine – and now the implication is that all the machines they sold must have been duff as they’re promoting this marvellous new “cure” for all. Well, we don’t want it. We just want our money back and we’re going to continue to keep asking them until that is achieved. How difficult can that be for them, for goodness sake??? Take this as a warning, anyone who is thinking of purchasing a CoolReader ...

Today I’ve been attempting to tackle writing up the minutes from yesterday’s meeting, plus the ones that were left over from before the holiday. But, really, my interest is very small, especially with Freshers’ Week looming over us and casting its long dark shadow. As it were. Plus I also have to think about the new and thrilling things I appear to have to do as a result of my review, but the thought of all that is pitching me into existential despair. Groan. And double groan. Besides, how can you improve on perfection?...

And still the excitement mounts – I popped out to Tesco’s at lunchtime to get in some shopping and then popped back after work to get some more. Lordy, but my days are so meaningful. Mind you, Ruth has improved the afternoon hugely by getting in the Starbucks order and she even sprinkled a chocolate topping on my cappuccino - thank you so much, Ruth! Where would I be without you?

Not much on TV tonight – apart from the glorious Claudia on It Takes Two. But I am starting to rejig my very first novel, The Hit List, and make it more acceptable (I hope) for the American GLBT market. Plus it needs a barrel-load of improvements and a thorough professional edit. So far I’m on page 4 and actually quite enjoying wielding that red pen. It used to be page 46 … Um, joke. Sort of.

Today’s nice things:

1. The Vulpes Libris review
2. Cappuccino
3. TV
4. Rejigging The Hit List.

Anne Brooke – pondering her own imperfect past …
Vulpes Libris: considering the perfection of the journey

Of ex-agents and Strictly gold

Back to the meditations this morning, so here's today's:

Meditation 223

Twelve leaders,
seven accountants
but only two altars

for prayer
just about sums up
the church,

both then
and now.


Is it just me or is everything topsy-turvy in terms of standards? Ah well. Anyway, this morning I have finally brought to an end the relationship between my agent and me, and honestly it feels as if a great weight of literary expectation has been lifted from my shoulders. And I hadn't even realised it was there - though abandoning any form of agent representation has been going through my mind for months really. Ye gods though, it feels good to be free. After all, no mainstream press is ever going to give me the time of day, so why put myself through the agonising mill each time? Crazy really. So it's back to my usual small independent press outlets, plus self-publishing. It's like coming home.

With that in mind, I've uploaded my third poetry collection, Salt and Gold (Forty Meditations) onto Lulu UK and you can find out more here. I've requested a proof copy just to check it for sillies, so it's not quite ready yet, but I do so love the cover:



It will be available as a paperback and in ebook versions, so I'll let you know when that's happened. And talking of good things (hurrah - makes a change after yesterday's misery, eh), I must say that the Chris & Ola's rumba on Strictly Come Dancing yesterday absolutely took my breath away. It was romantic, strong and very very poignant, and Chris (who I've never heard of before, I must admit) was somehow a dead ringer for Colin Firth during the dance, so he is definitely now my favourite. I've watched the dance on YouTube several times already and here it is in case you've somehow missed it. Well worth a viewing for sure.

Other events of today - we managed church this morning, though slipped away before the agonies of the post-service coffee & chat could come upon us. Some great hymns too, and someone behind me was singing really well, so it meant I could keep in tune more easily. Always makes a difference.

I've also caught up with Ugly Betty on TV, though the episode was a tad on the gloomy side, really. Bring back the humour is what I say. Tonight, there's not much viewing pleasure on offer, so I might dig out a DVD and chill a little before the horrors of the week to come (double groaning alert). Ooh, and so far, my Sony Reader is at least a thousand times better than the CoolReader - it's much quicker and even allows me to read an eBook without breaking down, ho ho. I love it and I've named it Eric. The wretched CoolReader is thankfully forgotten.

And here's the week's haiku:

Tall, dark and silent.
Forgotten sunflower fields
wait their turn to die.

Today's nice things:

1. Poetry
2. Abandoning the agent
3. Salt and Gold
4. Strictly rumbas
5. My Sony Reader
6. Haikus.

Anne Brooke - Strictly impressed
Salt and Gold - meditations for today

Disasters, Miracles and strange Connections

I’m very pleased to be able to tell you that Disasters and Miracles, the new Bible Stories anthology, is now available for purchase at Amazon UK. One of the stories in it is my own The Voyage, based on St Paul’s journey to Rome and his shipwreck in Malta and is told from the point of view of the centurion who took him there. Other stories in the anthology include an animal’s eye view of Noah’s ark, what it might have been like for the people in Jericho when the walls came down, and what really happened to the boy with the loaves and the fishes. More information can be found at my website.

Which is good news for me, as since last night I’ve been caught up in a small but rather vicious wave of depression, goddammit. It hasn’t been nice. And this morning I woke up to the news that Dreamspinner Press aren’t going to use my story in their upcoming Games in the Dark anthology, even though they thought it was good. I don’t know – I felt utterly winded by that and really quite tearful. They suggested I send it in as a stand-alone story, but I don’t feel strong enough for that, to be honest. So I’ve sent it off to another publisher who have a similar style anthology in the offing, to see if I have any more luck. And I’m trying to not think about it too much.

Anyway, what with all that, I didn’t have the heart to open my Bible this morning, so I apologise for the lack of poem, but there it is. But thank goodness work has been busy so I’ve been able to keep the doldrums at bay by throwing myself into writing up yesterday’s minutes, creating a draft presentation for the wardens, forming a To Do list for Freshers' Week, and all that whilst maintaining a reasonably calm exterior and not bursting into tears and rushing to the loo every five minutes. Lordy, but I’m good.

I’ve even taken my Coolreader – which is working, hurrah! – on my lunchtime stroll with me and sat reading it by the lake. The book I’m reading on it is utter chick-lit tripe (of which more when I’ve finished it) but at least it’s working. Though it did take us a while last night to realise we had to authorise the machine first before it would open anything. Sigh. We should have remembered from discovering this the time before. And on the way back to the office after lunch, I nipped in for a quick Starbucks – bliss, as ever.

At home, however, I've been hugely cheered by the fact that my erotic flash fiction piece, Connections, is now up at Babel Fruit Journal. This is a significant milestone for me as it was the very negative (and actually very hurtful) reaction from my former writers' group to this story that made me leave it and, eventually, the self-publishing company attached to it. Nice to know they might have been wrong. Sorry if that seems bitchy, but that's how it was. And I've never pretended to be perfect. Besides of which I don't think I would ever have reacted in a similar way to a piece brought to a writing group for comment. It was quite devastating at the time, but looking back I'm glad it made me take the decision I did. So I suppose it worked out for the best for all in the end, and thank you, Ren, for publishing it now!

Tonight I might stare for a while at my current short story and wonder what the heck it’s all about, so thank goodness for Who Do You Think You Are? Sometimes TV is a veritable lifesaver.

Today’s nice things:

1. Disasters and Miracles being published
2. A working Coolreader
3. Starbucks
4. Connections being published
5. TV.

Anne Brooke – fighting back disaster even as it strikes
Disasters and Miracles: a summer read for all the family

Poetry, Coolreaders and Romantics

Phew, we’re onto Tuesday. At last. Monday seemed to go on for ever, really. Here’s today’s poem:

Meditation 201

Night wraps round
your body as you stumble
through silent trees

and soft grass,
dawn already milking
the too early skies.

Where you thought
to find
the solidity of stone

you touch only freedom
and the coolness
of linen.


As you can see, I’m focusing on the New Testament again, as the Book of Joshua has moved on to a list of towns the Israelites have conquered, and it’s really rather dull. Yawn. Keeping on the subject of poetry, I'm pleased to say that five of my meditation poems have been published at Thirty First Bird Review, and have been kindly described by Edward as "modern psalms". Gosh, thank you, Edward. You can read them by clicking on the link and scrolling down about a third of the way down that page. Enjoy!

Anyway, at work, I’ve had two meetings today, both of them squeezed into the afternoon in quick succession. Though I did manage to have a stroll round campus at lunchtime beforehand, which was gloriously soothing. The first meeting was to look at what the accommodation wardens are doing in terms of greeting Freshers when they arrive, and the second followed on from that by looking at how we in Student Care are getting on with our induction week arrangements. It’s all a muddle at the moment. At least in my head. But that’s par for the course at this time of year. Or is that only me? I’m sure it’ll all come together on the week. Well, I hope it will … Though that feeling of barely contained panic continues, eh. Really, I'm just nodding and agreeing with everyone and hoping it will all soon be over.

Meanwhile, my replacement Coolreader has arrived at Lord H’s workplace, and he’s even charged it up for me. Here’s hoping it lasts longer than the first one! And thank you, Susan/Erin, for sorting that out for me. It’s going to be great to get back to ereading again.

Tonight, that short story beckons me – I reckon I’m about halfway through now and I’m still not entirely sure how the ending will be. But that’s normal for me, so I’m not worrying about it. Too much. Thank goodness then for the boisterous joy of Desperate Romantics on TV tonight. Honestly, that script is the best and brightest thing (and so strangely underrated, Lord knows why) on TV at the moment. I’ll miss it hugely when it finishes.

Today’s nice things:

1. Not being Monday
2. Poetry
3. Poetry publication
4. Lunchtime strolls
5. Replacement ereaders
6. Short stories
7. TV.

Anne Brooke – muddled but desperately romantic, naturally …

Glorious golf and off-the-wall stories

Marian and I had a wonderful game of golf today - I think it's the best we've ever played. And we both got two pars apiece - bliss! Really, it was one of those rare and perfect golf days where I could have spat at the ball and it would still have gone in the hole. And even the sun was shining. What could be nicer?

I've also been working away on my piece of short fiction - which at over 1000 words now has definitely gone beyond the boundaries of flash fiction. Especially as I think I'm probably only about a quarter through. At some point I'm going to have to move it into a different file. And think of a title. Strangely it's turning into a story about a prostitute who doesn't have sex and his dealings with a stranger who may, or may not, be from another world. Lordy, but I like to make it tough. Hey ho.

Meanwhile, here's today's poem:

Meditation 198

For the priests
no land
is allotted.

Enough for them
to possess
those killed

in God’s name,
to nurture by night
the eternal flame.


Keeping on the subject of writing, I've finished reading Remastering Jerna, Ann Somerville's upcoming book from PD Publishing, which she's been kind enough to send me for comment. I have to admit straight up that BDSM simply isn't my scene and I had to skim through those sections with my eyes half shut and my teeth gritted, but I absolutely loved Jerna as a character - he's wonderful and I've been worrying and thinking about him a lot, even when I haven't been reading. I also thought the setting was top notch and the tension and complexities of the plot first class. It's being published sometime late Summer (not quite sure when), and I can certainly recommend it, with the proviso that you might have to grit your teeth now and again if you're not a fan of the genre. But if you are, enjoy!

There you are - from religion to sado-masochism in one easy move. Though perhaps that move isn't such a long stride as people may imagine (hush my mouth)...? In any case, never say this journal isn't inclusive, eh.

Meanwhile, the CoolReader saga has taken a more positive turn (hurrah!). Susan (also known as Erin) on Twitter has sent me a very human email - my first from them, I think, and thank you, Susan, for it. I've now sent back the old broken machine via Lord H's work, and am waiting to hear when they might deliver my new one. I hope it's okay from now on in - as, contrary to popular opinion, on the whole I'd really rather not have to be cross.

This afternoon, I've been to my Alexander Technique lesson and my back now feels much freer than it's been for a few days. It's odd how you don't notice the problems until someone puts you into the right position again. I must remember to focus more.

Over the last couple of nights, Lord H and I have been trying to watch for the shooting stars display that happens each year around this time. We've been lucky in the past, but not so far this year. Two nights ago, it was too cloudy and last night we saw nothing even though we set the alarm for 2am (how brave!) and stared determinedly at the sky for half an hour. Not sure whether we'll try again tonight - we'll see.

Today's nice things:

1. Golf
2. Writing short stories
3. Poetry
4. Jerna
5. Alexander Technique
6. The possibility of meteors.

Anne Brooke - she may be in the gutter but she's looking at the stars
Vulpes Libris: making the most of Summertime

Poetry, sex and napping

Back to a more normal routine today, so here's this morning's poem:

Meditation 197

Old age
brings the knowledge

of all the noble acts
you have not done:

people unfought,
lands unconquered.

Sometimes you wish
you’d died young.


Keeping to the subject of poetry, I'm pleased to say that Callused Hands Journal have accepted two of my poems for future publication - thanks, Ivan! Always good to have something to look forward to indeed.

Anyway for the rest of the day I've been writing up my review of Ian Kelly's Casanova for Vulpes Libris. I've thoroughly enjoyed it too - what a great book and what a fascinating man! As I'm sure I'll say again, and probably again, when the review date comes up (as it were).

I've also been continuing my long-running and rather fraught emails with the CoolReader people. I've discovered that the best (or indeed the only) thing to do to get them to respond (for anyone else out there who has similar problems) is to send them private messages on Twitter. After several messages today, we finally have the following situation: they have told me that the information on my broken machine will be deleted. This is the information I asked them for last week and frankly it's astonishing it's taken them so long to reply. It's what I wanted to know - particularly as my own completed novels and one or two published short stories are stored on there. With that in mind, I've asked them to give me a date on which my old machine can be collected and my new one given to me - bearing in mind that it's taken a week to get here, I'm not convinced that will be soon, but we'll see. They've also offered me a voucher for spending on CoolerBooks, but as there's nothing on there I want to buy, that's not particularly great and I told them so. And really, I don't want a voucher - I want good, swift, intelligent service and a machine that works. So, I'm pleased I've finally got an answer, but we're not out of those pesky trees yet ...

And I've also been incredibly brave and had a nap. Apparently, according to today's news, this is a very dangerous thing to do as it brings on Alzheimer's and Diabetes. Hopefully not at the same time. Lordy, but is anything at all deemed to be safe??

Tonight, I'm looking forward to New Tricks, which is my comfort TV for that almost-midweek zone. Bring it on.

Today's nice things:

1. Poetry
2. Poems acceptances
3. Writing my review of Casanova
4. Napping - goodness how brave!
5. TV.

Anne Brooke - living on the wild side
Vulpes Libris: getting to grips with the man behind Ghosts and Lightning

Human Love and the strangeness of cheese

I’ve uploaded my review of Andrei Makine’s Human Love onto Vulpes Libris today. It’s a very political beast and I’m seriously not sure about that mozzarella line. Ah well. As you can tell, I wasn’t greatly impressed.

Talking of Vulpes, I’ve now read Ian Kelly’s biography, Casanova, and what a wonderful piece of work it is too. I can thoroughly recommend it – an intelligent, witty and eye-opening book. I’m looking forward to writing my review on it for sure.

At work, I’ve been getting to grips with typing up the second meeting of Monday and managed to get the first draft done, hurrah. I’ve also been making changes to the office website ready for the new academic year. Though whether I’ll ever be ready for the new academic year is anyone’s guess …

At lunchtime, I walked into town and bought a watch as mine gave up the ghost on Monday and I’ve been living my life entirely by means of handy wall clocks and the computer timer. I do keep looking at my right wrist (yes, I’m totally cack-handed – neither a left- nor a right-hander, I fear) to see what the time is, but so far it hasn’t been able to tell me.

And, after much umming and ahhing, I’ve put my name down for the Poetry School online course. I seem to be the only one there so far, and am even now pondering on my pre-course assignment which is to write a poem about a subject I am passionately curious about. I suspect they don't mean write about me however. Ah well.

Meanwhile, I’m still making absolutely no headway with getting a replacement Coolreader machine. The company aren’t answering my emails though they are responding to Twitter messages, and so far the promised replacement isn’t here. I’m getting more and more angry and frustrated about it all, and it’s seriously putting me off my Coolreader, which up until last week I was very much enjoying. It’s very difficult to know what I have to do to make them respond with real action, other than chain myself to the MD’s front gate and bite his kneecaps as he shuffles past. Hmm, that might certainly be an option. Watch this space, eh …

Tonight, I’ll be glued to Who Do You Think You Are, and pondering that review of Mr Newhouse (anglicised). What a fascinating chap.

Today’s nice things:

1. Vulpes Libris
2. Books
3. A new watch
4. The Poetry School course
5. TV
6. Pondering reviews.

Anne Brooke - searching for something to be curious about
Vulpes Libris – meditating on the mysteries of politics and … um … cheese

Reviews, poetry and a sick Coolreader

I'm very happy to say that The Bones of Summer has been given a lovely review by Val Kovalin at the Obsidian Bookshelf - so thanks very much for that, Val - it's much appreciated!

And here's this morning's meditation:

Meditation 192

So great a fight:
from the slaughter
of nations

where blood
crimsons the earth
to the sharp sound

of a single slap
piercing the night.
Some questions

can never be answered,
and the answers
will never be right.


Really, there's a whole lot of violence in the Bible. Part of the fun of it, I suppose. For most of today, I've been working away on that pesky short story I'm struggling so much with. Ye gods and little fishes, but there might even be an end in sight. At some point. At least, I think I know where it's supposed to be heading, but whether it will get there in quite the way I presume is anyone's guess. I'm saving the sex scene till later - a treat for me for getting to the finish. As it were.

I've also had my interest sparked by the new online courses being set up by the Poetry School. I must admit to never being a great fan of the Poetry School before - it seems filled with people who I find quite snooty and feels very very cliquey and narrow, but the concept of a 10 week online poetry course is still very tempting. Mind you, no doubt if I apply, they'll take one look at me and burn the application form. But, hey, if I get in, at least I don't actually have to meet anyone. That'll be a plus!

Meanwhile, my Coolreader is sick. Terribly, terribly sick, Carruthers - perhaps someone should pass me the shotgun and the whisky and I can put it out of my misery?... It's stuck at that dark and light grey striped screen and will neither turn fully on nor fully off. Neither can I plug it into the computer as the computer doesn't recognise what it is any more. Honestly, the wretched thing is a bugger when I can't make it work. And the customer support is utter rubbish - I sent an email and they are still taking 48 hours to respond. That's ridiculous. Don't they have live staff?? I did try the telephone number but it doesn't work. So, I am distinctly Unhappy of Godalming, and am waiting to get back to my e-novels whilst drumming my fingers. That is, if I don't jump up and down on the pesky thing before anyone from ruddy Coolreaders deigns to get back to me ...

Still, I've cheered myself up by watching David Mitchell in Who Do You Think You Are, and that's been fun. What a wonderfully bitchy will his great-great-great-etc grandfather wrote. Marvellous! I wish I'd thought of it first. And tonight, there's New Tricks on TV too, so I foresee a relaxing evening ahead. Just as long as I don't think about ereader companies, eh. Arrgghh!!!

Today's nice things:

1. The Bones of Summer review
2. Poetry
3. Short stories
4. Courses
5. TV.

Anne Brooke - flummoxed once more by technology
Vulpes Libris: putting the spotlight on Bluemoose Books

Reviews, Desperate Romantics and the big city

Was very happy to have received this five-star review of The Bones of Summer from Rosy on Goodreads:

“This was a great read. Told from the viewpoint of a new character - Craig Robertson - it also features Paul Maloney, the lead character in a previous book by Anne called Maloney's Law. It is definitely not necessary to have read Maloney's Law to enjoy this story though, (this stands up completely on its own as an independent tale) but I'm glad that I did. Mainly because Paul felt like an old friend to me from the beginning, I felt like I knew him, in a way that Craig obviously couldn't as he'd only just met him. Also whenever Paul talked of his past, his 'friend' or his 'ex', I knew who, and what, he was referring to. I knew what had brought Paul to this point in his life. Although, as I've said, it's not necessary to do so, as this story rips along at its own fast pace! (I actually did imagine sometimes when I was reading that it would be equally nice to learn about Paul at the same time as Craig does ... so it's good either way!). Craig was a very endearing character and I loved his Gay Rules. This is a good mystery AND a good love story. I'm just glad these two men found each other ... I enjoyed this book very much.”

Thanks, Rosy – I’m hugely grateful for that!

Oh, and I must say I actually really enjoyed Desperate Romantics on TV last night – it’s surprisingly charming and witty. Totally unrealistic of course, but that doesn’t matter. Heck, it’s fiction. Lord H and I particularly enjoyed the ripple of shock that went through the supposedly avant-garde group when they found out that one of them had actually had sex. All wonderfully Victorian, and very funny. I also hugely sympathised with (a) their desperate struggle for recognition; (b) the shock when someone said something nice about their art; (c) the blaming something – anything! - else (ie the model) when a painting didn’t work; (d) the terror of networking; and (e) the relief and pure gratitude when someone else came along and networked on their behalf – very successfully (oh lordy, how I wish I had someone like that on a full-time basis, believe me!). I also liked the fact that they had to lie, cheat and deceive in order to get noticed at all. I’ll definitely be watching again.

Meanwhile, at work, I’m struggling away on my second set of minutes – I managed to get the first set out for checking yesterday, hurrah. I’m hoping I might get a first draft of these ones done today too, but we’ll see. Mind you, the Mentoring team came back with homemade cake from one of their meetings, so that went down well, mmmm … One thing about our new office in Senate House is that there’s a heck of a lot more cake being offered around the place, which can only be a good thing, hurrah.

Anyway, it was nice to get out of the office at lunchtime and take a stroll round campus. Although half of it seemed to be blocked off as they do improvements over the summer so I had to take a strange route. And you know how much I hate a change in my routine. Still, I did finally find a bench I knew so sat on it and gazed at the lake for a while. I’ve even remembered to bring my ereader with me so I’m reading the rest of the stories in the upcoming Disasters and Miracles anthology. There’s some very good stuff in there, I must say, and I’m very pleased to be included in it.

Tonight I’m up in London to see Jane W (hello, Jane!) – so I’m looking forward to that. I can feel a curry coming on, as it were. Maybe. Again, we’ll see. And my ereader is perfect for train travel too.

Oh and one of the sets of poetry submissions I resent out yesterday has once again already come back as a rejection. Honestly, some people have absolutely no sense at all. Idiots! I obviously need to try a publisher with more intelligence and taste then, ho ho. And deep sighing. However, to balance the poetic universe, I’ve written a poem about toes. As you do. That’ll show ’em, eh …

Today’s nice things:

1. The five-star review for Bones
2. TV
3. Cake
4. Lunchtime walks
5. The Bible stories anthology
6. Seeing Jane in London
7. Poetry.

Anne Brooke - desperately seeking a poetry publisher ...

Golf, Gathandria and gadgets

Feeling more normal today (well as normal as I ever get), hurrah. Here's this morning's meditation:

Meditation 174

When
you have played

your last shot,
given it

everything,
let loose

the golden words
that fill you

and watched them
disappear,

then
the only thing

to do
is hide

and wait
for the end to come.


Hmm, yes well, you'll be glad to hear I'm feeling rather jollier than that, but it's what came out so I'll keep it. As it were. I've been continuing the Hallsfoot's Battle edit and am now on the 4th Lammas section, so that's good. I've enjoyed it too. Marian and I have also managed to fit a game of golf in between the showers - we both did rather better than normal and got exactly the same score, so that was fun. I even managed a par on the first hole, but then totally messed up my tee shot on the 6th when the Pro was watching me - the ball missed the club head entirely and dribbled about 4 foot off the tee, oh the shame and oh how Marian laughed ... Ah well, I suspect the Ladies' Open will not be beckoning this year, Carruthers. Again.

Whizzed round Godalming and restocked on the essential supply of oils and happy pills so I should be okay for a few weeks at least. And hey I've even managed to eat lunch today, which is progress indeed. I've also finished my first book on the CoolReader, and have on the whole enjoyed the experience. I think I've bonded with the machine now. The only slight problems I had with it were that (a) it takes a while to power up, though on the other hand it's very easy to shut off; (b) some of the screen pages only had a few words on them so you had to press Next Page very quickly indeed; (c) plugging it into the Mac is fine but it fails to understand the Eject Button so it always objects when I take it out, though apparently with no harmful effects. On the plus side it's wonderful to be able to take something wherever I want and be able to read whenever I like, book-marking is easy and it comes back to the page you left it, and I can also store my novels and published short stories on it in PDF versions so another saving method, by George. Just what the keen reader and writer requires.

And my first portable eBook has been the very wonderful James Robertson's Close And Other Stories. To be honest I only bought it as I wanted to see if the machine worked - I'd never heard of the chappie. But I have to say they're bloody excellent stories. Like a cross between Tania Hershman and Elizabeth Baines, but a bloke. His main themes are the small human changes in a life or in a relationship and how they affect what happens next. He ranges from the dark to the quirky and round the houses to the funny again. I loved them. I have no idea if he's done anything else, and I'm not even sure if this collection is available in a paper version, but I can thoroughly recommend the experience. Sharp and wise. Just how I like my fiction.

Which is more than can be said for the book I've just finished for an upcoming Vulpes Libris review. I think I've been bludgeoned to near-death by the amount of politics in Andrei Makine's Human Love, and I never did discover the story. Or the characters. Deep deep sigh. I shall say no more until the review goes up, but trust me - it won't be pleasant. What on earth are Sceptre up to nowadays?? I wonder if they have any readable books at all, my dears ...

So, a much-needed Alexander Technique lesson this afternoon, and then a quick cup of tea and chat - plus a restocking of some of my Nutrimetics products - at Jane H's (hello, Jane & co!), and then I'm planning a relatively quiet evening tonight. Ye gods, what a good day it's been really. After this week, that's certainly come as a surprise.

Today's nice things:

1. Poetry
2. Editing
3. Golf
4. The CoolReader
5. Books - well, some of them ...
6. Alexander Technique
7. Tea & chat with Jane.

Anne Brooke - chugging along in the rain

Torchwood failures and toilet brushes

Ah, Torchwood. What a very peculiar mix that week was. Such a rollercoaster ride and with such a deeply unsatisfying conclusion. Who would have thought that the kick-ass brilliant episode one could have led to the mixed-up confusion of episode five? Such a shame. Don't get me wrong though. I thought that, taken as a whole, it was an utterly superb and gritty political fantasy drama, and the brilliant Peter Capaldi gave the performance of a lifetime as flawed civil servant, John Frobisher. I also think the scene where he (SPOILER ALERT - just in case!) goes up the stairs of his family home to kill his wife and children, interspersed with the equally wonderful scene of his secretary talking to Lois in prison about how Frobisher used to be might just be the best thing on TV since Rome.

But, to my mind, for all that it simply wasn't Torchwood. It felt as if the scriptwriters had strayed so far from the ethos of the programme that they could easily have taken it out of the Torchwood world, given it a slight shift of structure and it would have worked equally well. And, if that's the case, then I think that all in all it failed. Interestingly, (ANOTHER SPOILER ALERT!) when Ianto dies, I felt it had strayed so far from its centre by then that I didn't much care either way whether he lived or not. I also do think that the scriptwriters never really understood how to handle a developing gay couple relationship - throughout the five nights, the dialogue between Jack and Ianto was never consistent and blew hot and cold all the time. It was really very unsatisfactory. And yes I do think Ianto had to die - due to Jack's revealed past history and the fact that he'd taken twelve children to their deaths, creatively speaking Jack needed to suffer too, and that was fine. But, if the series wanted to hang on in some measure to what makes (or rather made) Torchwood special, then there would have been no need to kill Jack's grandson, Steven, at the end. All they had to do to give it a really satisfying ending was to discover that Steven had inherited Jack's resurrection abilities, and allow the boy to come back from the dead. That would have been grand - and opened up a whole new plotline about Jack's developing links with his family, while Gwen develops hers. Instead, they seemed to blow any concept of light or positivity out of the water and left themselves with something of a mess. Again, such a shame.

Anyway, here's today's meditation:

Meditation 169

You won’t find it
in the sky
nor on the other side

of the ocean.

What you seek
is already with you;
it’s a pure scent,

richer than all the perfumes
of earth, poured out
like water, over skin.

Remember.


Other amusements of the day are that when cleaning the loo last night, the loo brush fell off in my hand and landed in the toilet-bowl. Goddammit. I had to get Lord H to come and fish it out and mend it - this sort of thing is a man's job, you know ... Oh, most definitely it is. However, bearing in mind that this week I've had a gear stick come off in my hand, and now a loo-brush, I am loathe to go anywhere near Lord H's good self for the duration of the weekend, just in case. These things often travel in threes, you know. And I have absolutely no idea how I might explain it to the hospital, should I need to ... Hmm, perhaps better safe than sorry.

This morning, I have finished writing up my review of Chris Cleave's novel, The Other Hand (surely no coincidence, bearing in mind the above?...), for Vulpes Libris which will be up on site on 4 August. My review won't be pretty either, that much I can say. The novel also has the worst blurb in the history of time - what on earth are publishers on these days??? The mind boggles indeed ...

This afternoon however, things are looking up as Lord H and I are off to Glyndebourne once more to see Falstaff. I must admit to not usually being a fan of anything to do with Falstaff at all - I've always found him an immensely irritating and dull character, but hey it's Verdi and it's an experience. So I am endeavouring to keep an open mind. And the company, the food and the setting will be lovely for sure.

Oh, and the good news is that Lord H has found out how to open my strange PDF files on the CoolerReader. Apparently the Adobe Digital Editions downloads are not actual PDFs at all, but envelopes containing PDFs. When downloaded, they put the envelope in one file and the actual PDF in another. Yes, I know, it's not intuitive at all, is it? And the instructions are sadly minimal. Anyway now I have found them on my computer, I have copied them to the eReader and it's all working fine, hurrah. Hell, I can even bookmark the dang pages and find them again - what joy! Lord H and I are now the experts, sad to say ...

Today's nice things:

1. Poetry
2. Getting the loo brush mended
3. Not having even to think about Cleave's dreadful novel for a while
4. Glyndebourne
5. Getting to grips with my CooleReader.

Anne Brooke - frightened to touch anything at all today

Vulpes Libris review, golf and a CoolerReader nightmare

I'm pleased to say that my review of John Wray's novel, Lowboy is now up at Vulpes Libris reviews. Something of a mixed bag, to my mind - but I appreciate that even saying that, and making the suggestion I do, is going against every other single reviewer in the known universe. Ah well, I never did follow the crowd ...

And here's this morning's meditation (I think I may have got the numbers muddled in the past, but this is now right. Possibly ...):

Meditation 168

A bitter root, a
barren waste:
salt, sulphur, emptiness.

The pain has always
been written.
Travel secretly

to the desert
and feel the sand
sting your feet

while the light
beckons you on.


And Marian and I managed to have a good golf game - well, compared to last week anyway - so that was something of a surprise. I didn't even go in any bunkers (well, gosh!) though I did manage to hit a tree dead centre which brought the ball right back to where it had been lying only a couple of seconds earlier. Trick shots, eh - how I love 'em.

I've also managed - at last! - to start the actual editing of Hallsfoot's Battle. Having the notes from The Gifting is proving very useful already. I feel it might well change rather more than anticipated by the time I reach the end again. But that's probably a good thing. Talking of books, I am really, seriously struggling with the CoolerReader machine. I did manage to download and read a short story onto it this morning, which was fine. But since then I've bought two more books at different venues which I can't seem to see at all on the reader. Though they appear to exist on the computer and I can even see them in the machine's menu when I plug it in, but I can't get them on the machine itself. I suspect that my reading options might be limited to PDFs, and it doesn't seem to take any notice of Adobe Digital editions (which I thought was a PDF by any other name, but apparently isn't, sigh ...) even though I've downloaded the software and tried to get it to talk to the CoolerReader twice. It's very very frustrating. So it looks like I can't read any of the books on the CoolerBooks site as they all seem to be Adobe Digital and that's no good to man nor beast. They're supposed to offer books in a special CoolerReader format, but for the life of me I have no idea how to find them - it's not very well organised at all. On top of that, I sent a help message to them yesterday, but no-one's replied. I am rapidly becoming extremely disenchanted with the whole thing, really. It surely can't be that hard for them to make it easier for the customer!! But obviously not, deep deep sigh ...

Thank goodness for this afternoon's Alexander Technique lesson - just what I needed to straighten out and just chill a little. And I definitely needed that after discovering that the garage have at last got the aircon unit delivered today - but sadly it's not the right one. So nothing will happen now until at least Monday. Head - meets desk - stays there. Mind you, while the garage was on, I remembered to ask them how to open the courtesy car windows and there's a button under the radio at the front which does it. Not very intuitive then ... Lordy, but really it's astonishing I'm not climbing the walls and chewing at the curtains already. Maybe I would be but I'm just too damn tired, to be honest. Haven't been sleeping well and have been waking too early in a state of extreme tension (Lord knows why) every day for a week - am desperately hoping for a lie-in tomorrow. Now that would be nice.

Today's nice things:

1. The Vulpes Libris review
2. Poetry
3. Golf
4. Starting the Hallsfoot edits
5. Alexander Technique
6. Finding the car's window buttons.

Anne Brooke - wondering if there might still be time for a nap, oh please God yes ...

A 5+ star review for The Bones of Summer!

Well, gosh and double gosh. The lovely Jen at Well Read Books has given me a 5+ star review for The Bones of Summer at Jessewave Reviews, which you can click on there and which I also produce below:

“This is my first full marks review and to be honest I'm a little nervous as to whether what I'm going to write now will actually do this book justice. It was that good. So good, in fact, that I may run out of superlatives. So good, that my mind disappeared into 'book world' and I spent every single spare moment reading. So good, that even when I had to do pesky real life things like cooking I was still thinking about the book, wondering what was going to happen next or mulling over the characters, their merits and their flaws. At the beginning of The Bones of Summer everything is going well for Craig. He's happy with where he lives and is good friends with the two women he shares a house with. He likes his modelling job, even if he's not been able to get on as an actor. Best of all, is that he gets a phone call from a guy he met a couple of months ago, Paul, who wants to get together and maybe start something. Things are on the up for Craig and he's happy to go with it and forget all about the terrible things that happened to him when he ran away from his Devon home seven years before. Unfortunately for Craig, life has a way of kicking you in the teeth when you least expect it. Just after his first date (and night) with Paul, he receives a letter from an old neighbour and friend in Devon telling him that his father is missing. This starts off a chain of events which forces Craig to return to Devon and his past and confront all that he was attempting to forget. Paul is a Private Detective and offers to help Craig investigate his past. This then impacts on their tentative relationship. There are two main themes running through this book. The first, and most obvious theme is that of facing up to your past. Craig ran away from his abusive Father at the age of seventeen and has spent the intervening years trying to avoid thinking of his childhood and the events which led to him leaving. The past, as they say, has a way of catching up with you and I found it admirable in Craig that he faces up to that once he realises that he can't stay in hiding forever. His reaction to going back to Devon was a mixture of heartbreaking and confusing for the reader. Craig himself has large gaps in his memory and often reacts to his surroundings in a very emotional way that even he can't understand, let alone explain to Paul. It takes time and a painful stripping away of the layers before Craig is even able to discover what happened. The reader is taken along with that emotional rollercoaster and I found that I had to be very patient and wait, like Craig does, before I got answers to the many questions that I had as I was reading. Paul too has a past. He has suffered tragedy and betrayal in his life which you would think would make him the ideal person to help Craig through this difficult time. However, things are never that simple which leads to the second theme: That of secrets and lies. Both men have secrets from each other. In one sense this is understandable; they have just met each other and are starting a tentative journey on the road to love. Neither one of them want to share their past with each other yet. Craig doesn't want to scare Paul off and Paul has his own reasons to which we are not privy. It did annoy me that Paul often accuses Craig of lying to him, when, rather hypocritically, he never comes wholly clean about his own past. In fact, I found myself getting cross with Paul quite a lot throughout the book. On one hand he offers to help Craig and even spends a lot of time supporting him through this terrible time; but on the other hand he uses quite brutal methods to force Craig to open up and speak about his past. Methods such as the use of emotional blackmail by withdrawing his approval or acting coldly towards him or blowing hot and cold so that Craig is confused as to where he stands in their relationship. I wasn't sure I liked Paul, but that didn't mean he wasn't a terrific character. He was - as is any character who draws such a response from me. If you are thinking that this sounds like a very angst filled book, then you will be right. Emotions run high throughout the novel. Both men are strong characters who are dealing in their own way with distressing things that have happened to them. Sometimes they break down in tears; sometimes they clash horribly and say dreadful things to each other; sometimes they make love fiercely in order to forget; sometimes they close up and suffer in silence. These were complex men and I was never really sure how they would react at any time. It was this unpredictability that had me on the edge of my seat throughout the book. What a thrilling ride! Having said that, the book wasn't all doom and gloom and what saved it from being too heavy going was the internal voice of Craig. He had a typical British self-depreciating sense of humour and a ready wit, which brought out humour in the direst of circumstances. An example of this was his self-created list of 'rules for gay men'. But he’d better not forget Gay Rule Number One: At least find out a name and a job before you do the business. Craig also has a great optimism about him. He always tries to focus on the good, even if he does worry about the bad things which are happening to him. This idealistic cheerfulness was appealing and coupled with Craig's sarcastic humour often gets him into trouble, but did help to lighten the feel of the book. I've only touched the surface of what was so great about this book. It wasn't just the realistic characterisation that made this book a fantastic read. The settings were so ordinary, so domestic, such as kitchens, bedrooms, an office, a club, and yet terrible things happened in those settings so that their mere ordinariness added to the chill down the spine. The plotting was tight, with each clue, each answer, being revealed slowly until a breathtaking, frantic, thrilling conclusion. Have I waxed lyrical enough about this book? I don't think I can. All I can do is recommend that you read The Bones of Summer. Actually, this goes beyond recommendation to a plea - if you like mystery; if you like character driven books; if you like reading compulsively, unable to part with the story for even a short time; then you must read this book.”

Double gosh and enormous thank yous from me, Jen - I'm so glad you enjoyed it so much! Actually, astonishingly glad, bearing in mind the traumas of the day and the fact that I struggle so hard to get a book published at all! It's so lovely when readers like it. Thank you.

Keeping to literary matters, here's today's meditation:

Meditation 168

A litany of disasters
opens out:
famine, disease, war,

pain, exile, oppression,
murder, cannibalism, death.
But on this day

of quietness and warmth
the voice of the past

seems far away.

This morning, I caught up with yesterday's episode of Torchwood - the shock! the awful revelation! What on earth did Jack think he was doing??!? Words fail me. I can't wait for tonight ... I've also picked up a free courtesy car from the garage as poor Rupert is going to be sick until at least the weekend. The trauma of driving a courtesy car was bad enough (Lord but I hate change), but when I attempted to get it into reverse in order to park it at home, the damn gear stick came off in my hand and the cars queueing up to wait for me to sort myself out had to wait a while longer as I struggled to get the damn thing back in. Really, it doesn't bode well ... Not only that, but I can't work out how to open the windows so when getting and giving back my car park ticket in Guildford this afternoon, I had to leap out of the car, sort out the barrier machine and then leap back into the car and drive through at a rate of knots before the pole came down again. I also had trouble getting into 2nd gear as the pesky thing tends to go straight from 1st to 4th, which makes roundabouts interesting, to say the least. And Guildford has some damn complex roundabouts. Really, it's astonishing I'm alive at all ...

Thank goodness for a girly lunch and a free glass of wine (thank the Lord for food vouchers) with Robin this afternoon. Lovely to see her, and the support while I burbled on for ten minutes from the off about cars and stress and gear sticks is hugely appreciated. Thank you, Robin. After lunch, we wandered around Guildford and I have bought a very nice green summer cardigan with my Viyella voucher - it must be a voucher day indeed.

Back home, I have finally finished typing up my notes for The Gifting and now need to go through them and highlight the things I specially need to bear in mind for the proper Hallsfoot's Battle edit. And, in the meantime and sadly, I am now one of only two authors who have no bids, for Maloney's Law at the Diabetes Charity auction. Ah, the shame is mounting, you know and only four days left, woe is me.

Lastly, you'll be pleased to know that after nearly 24 hours (24 hours!!!), my Cool-er Reader has finally charged itself up and I must now work out how to load ebooks onto it and how to read them. The mystery thickens, Carruthers ...

Today's nice things:

1. A lovely 5+ review for The Bones of Summer, hurrah!
2. Poetry
3. Torchwood
4. Lunch & shopping with Robin
5. Finishing the pre-edits
6. A charged-up Cool-er Reader - at last!

Anne Brooke - having a veritable rollercoaster day

Reviews, erotic acceptances and e-readers

Goodness, what a literary day it’s turning out to be. First off, here’s this morning’s meditation:

Meditation 148

Whispers in the dusk
lead to questions
at sunrise

but morning mist
vanishes
and you will find

nothing.
Close your lips,
open your eyes

and wait.


I’m pleased with a review of Painting from Life which appeared at the You Gotta Read review site yesterday from Shawn Weisser:

“The book was not what I expected. The main character, an artist, is entranced by the character he sees and feels in another man’s face. Seeing an old man at a distance he notices each line of his face and cannot distance himself. He needs to paint this man. It has a slight feel of a homosexual love but does not break that barrier. Anne Brooke has written an intriguing tale about love between humans and how people give of themselves. I felt that there was more of a story to tell and anticipated a different ending. I would love to see where this relationship goes as I create the scenario in my mind. It is an interesting and thoughtful story.”

Interestingly, the actual rating given was Average or Less than Average, but I do understand it’s a tricky one to pin down for sure! In any case, I’m very grateful to Shawn for taking the time to write a review – it’s much appreciated. The people at the You Gotta Read site have also invited me to post a guest blog at some point, so I shall look forward to that too.

Keeping on literary matters, I’m also astonished that my first ever lesbian erotic short story, Truth or Dare, has been accepted by Clean Sheets magazine for publication in July. Well, gosh. I wonder if I should write another, or just quit while I’m ahead? One to ponder on perhaps …

I’m also hugely, hugely excited by the new ereader which has been produced by the Cool Readers company in Reading (appropriately enough, I suppose …). I’m definitely putting this (in the lovely pale violet colour) on my birthday list as I’d love to have one – and it appears to be the only ereader that’s compatible with a Mac and works in the UK. Result! I can’t wait to get my hands on it …

Meanwhile, at work, I’m busy writing up yesterday’s minutes and hoping I can get the first draft done before the end of the day – particularly as this is my last day in before our holiday and I’m bound to forget everything by the time we get back. UPDATE: I managed it, hurrah! That’s one less thing on my list to worry about. And that definitely calls for a Starbucks celebration.

Tonight, there’s Springwatch on TV, and I’m also planning to send out some poetry submissions, as I haven’t done any for a while. Can’t have the publishers having an easy life, eh … I might even send a short story into the great ether of the Bridport Prize, never to return. Well, I like to live dangerously, and with no real hope – it’s part of my psyche, don’t you know.

Ooh and Lord H has come home with strawberries and cream provided for him by Reed Accountancy Employment Services - mmm, lovely. But they must really be desperate for him to give someone a job. Anyhow, it will go some way towards easing his continuing shock when I told him in great excitement yesterday that there were "four kingfishers" on Springwatch - his look of astonishment and expressed concern that surely fisherfolk weren't that bad is a definite indicator that the level of my swearing around the flat (you'll probably need to think about it for a while ...!) has perhaps gone a little too far.

Today’s nice things:

1. Poetry
2. Painting from Life review
3. Lesbian short story acceptance
4. An ereader I can use!
5. TV
6. Planned poetry submission
7. Strawberries and cream.

Anne Brooke - where oranges are certainly not the only fruit ...