Anger and animals

Book News:

I'm currently taking part in a Christmas Blog Hop, and if you leave a comment on the blog below this one, you're in with a chance of winning a FREE ecopy of gay romance Two Christmases - which is of course suitably seasonal. The competition lasts until tomorrow (17 December) so there's still time to enter ...

In the meantime, surreal comedy Not a Shred of Evidence was briefly at No 79 in the Amazon UK Business Humour Charts (hurrah!) and the lovely Karen gave a great review to gay erotic short story The Heart's Greater Silence over at On Top Down Under Reviews. Many thanks, Karen.

Life News:

This week, K and I attended the Elstead Theatre Group Christmas Revue and party, which was great. I particularly enjoyed the Old Hookers' Lament, which proved beyond doubt what fine legs our local menfolk do indeed have. Say no more ...

I also had great fun at the Elstead Writers' celebratory lunch yesterday at which there was some gorgeous soup and a veritable plethora of chocolate cake, one of them made by my good self. We also has some fantastic pieces of writing to comment on, so a suitable end to our writing year.

Not only that but I have blogged about the local Guildford response to the women bishops' crisis over at The Angry Anglican, with a whistle-stop tour through the gay marriage debate also. My anger rating is currently 9 out of 10, hey ho.

I've also managed to upset the local RSPCA who for some reason known only to them came round during the week on a door-to-door visit asking for support. Our conversation went something like this:

Me: Opens door, says "hello".

RSPCA Man: "My, you look lovely and cosy there."

Me: Thinks how rude and personal this idiot of a man is. Says (with my usual courtesy to unwanted callers), "what do you want then?"

RSPCA Man: "Do you like animals?"

Me: (truthfully) "No, not really."

RSPCA Man: "But you wouldn't hurt one, would you?"

Me: "If one was badly hurt, I'd kill it. It's the kindest thing."

RSPCA Man: Backs off and disappears without further comment, thank the Lord ...

Hmm, I doubt he'll be back, though I suspect the RSPCA might be keeping a close eye on me from now on.

And today, K and I have made our official Christmas visit to Mother and exchanged the required amount of gifts. Phew.

Anne Brooke
Gay Reads UK
The Gathandrian Trilogy
Biblical Fiction UK
Lori Olding Children's Author

Post Easter Extravaganza

Book News:

Congratulations to Rain who has won a copy of gay romance Angels and Airheads in the weekend Easter Blog Hop. I was amazed at how popular it was - my stats have never been so good - and will definitely be taking part in the next one in July. I can't wait!

Other exciting news this weekend is that literary gay short story Where You Hurt The Most (I do so love that cover!) is now available for pre-order at Riptide Publishing - and if you do pre-order, then you're in with a chance of winning a year's supply of free books, so don't miss out! Not only that but later in the year, the story will be appearing in the Rentboy Anthology due out in paperback in August, so a double whammy of delights indeed. Happy reading!



Also over the weekend, I had several very nice reviews of a variety of books:

Gay thriller A Dangerous Man gained a 4-star review at Goodreads, and a 5-star review at Amazon. At the same time, gay erotic short story The Delaneys and Me gained a 5-star review also at Amazon, gay romance Angels and Airheads received a 4-star review at Goodreads, and gay erotic short story For One Night Only gained a 5-star review at Amazon. So joy in abundance indeed - many thanks to all who've read and commented so kindly.

Meanwhile don't forget that there's still 25% off biblical short story Dancing with Lions until 15 April, and the free giveaway competition of fantasy novel The Gifting continues to run at LibraryThing with, so far, 36 people requesting the 5 ebook copies available. Good luck to all!





The Easter Sunday haiku was:

Single red tulip:
the beginning of Easter
brightly acknowledged.


Life News:

I hope everyone has had a very happy Easter and the chocolate hasn't yet run out on you. I have to admit mine's been a bit up and down as I was ill on Thursday night and the whole of Friday with some quite nasty stuff, so that was a bit of a pain. I had to reschedule Mother for Easter Saturday instead of Good Friday, but at least I do feel more normal now, hurrah. And I did manage to make banana bread which K loves - though I'm not so keen, I must admit - not sure whether that's the fallout of being ill or whether I'm just not in the mood for it, but there you go. All the more for K!

Church was okay - my voice gave out during the first hymn so that was probably better for everyone else really, but I did enjoy the mini eggs and champagne afterwards. Ah, they do things differently here in Elstead, you know.

Yesterday, we spent a lot of time slumped on the sofa enjoying the Masters Golf tournament - loads of thrills and spills along the way and some hugely gripping sport. Fantastic to watch the South African guy getting an albatross - i.e. scoring 2 shots on a par 5 hole for those of you not into golf-speak. I was cheering like a banshee.

Today, we've spent a very rainy Monday at Hinton Ampner, and then shopped for Britain at Rake Garden Centre - we've bought loads of bedding plants and seeds, so will be busy in the garden for the next month at this rate. K is going for soothing elegant white and I am the ditzy colour queen. Ah, 'twas ever thus.

Anne Brooke
The Gathandria Trilogy
Gay Reads UK
Biblical Fiction UK

Author of The Week and Daughter of The Year?

Book News:

Gosh, indeedy, but I appear to be in the running for Author of The Week over at Pants Off Reviews - which, you may remember, recently gave me a rather nice review for upcoming gay literary short story The Heart's Greater Silence. Well, if you like, you can even pay them a brief visit and vote for me - and many thanks if you do. Honestly, I'm blushing ... No, really.

I'm also pleased to see that gay erotic short story Dating the Delaneys is now finally up at Amazon US, and Amazon UK - and for a while it was even at Number 69 (no, please, say nothing, people!...) in the Amazon UK charts, so that was very heartening.

Meanwhile my Twitter ebook giveaway fortnight went quite well (it ended yesterday) and I had nearly 40 new followers and gave away about 20 ebooks, so I hope everyone enjoyed their reads. I know some did, as they were kind enough to comment - thank you! I'm planning another giveaway in February to coincide with the advertising campaign for fantasy novel The Gifting - so watch out for that one too. 2012 is the Year of the Giveaway, that's for sure.

Finally, I'm thrilled to announce that the final part of The Gathandrian Trilogy, The Executioner's Cane, has been accepted in advance by Bluewood Publishing (many thanks, Paulette and David), so I need to get the edits sorted out and submit it properly to them by the summer. Am very much looking forward to getting my teeth into that one, hurrah.

Here are the latest meditation poems for you:




Meditation 615
The ocean of blood
connecting a family
cannot be denied:

it’s a wild current
where strange feelings
dance or hide

and when the wind shifts,
the waters press down
in this overwhelming tide.




Meditation 616
The clash of great armies
swallows up the air
and is never silent.

Its echo sings
in the sky
and drifts

across the treetops,
tainting all ages
and people to come:

a memento of pain
when the fighting
is done.




Meditation 617
Perfection lies
not in the wanting
but the waiting

as the whole universe
from the brightest star
to the smallest

blade of grass
lies in grave
expectancy

knowing one day soon
it will come
to pass.




Meditation 618
Out of the quiet shadows
into the full light
and noise of the day

you creep blinking,
with hands which stutter
for a safer way

and you know
the path is always forward
so you cannot stay.


Life News:

Great excitement once more on the garden front as our dogwood hedge has been delivered, so we'll need to plant that in over the weekend. I'm praying for sunshine then, as I no longer have a working brolly, alas. Not that a brolly would be useful when planting a hedge, but there you go, eh.

Yesterday's girly fun was finding one of my colleagues in automobile distress in the car park after work, as her battery was flat. Heck, I've been there so often that I had every sympathy (K and I still wake up screaming at the memory of the time the battery on our rickety old removal van died on the main roundabout linking the A12 to the M25. My, what joy that was ... though the mention on the Radio 4 traffic news was nice). Anyway, as I'm the only person on the planet who actually has jump leads in the back of her car, we managed to get it started though I admit we did have to Ring A Man to ask how to put the jump leads on. Yes, I hear you laughing, but probably not as loudly as the Security staff were as they watched us on the CCTV, hey ho ... Girl Power "R" Us, but only after we've powdered our noses.

And today we've had a recommended builder round to give us a quote on our loose tiles and guttering at the back of the house. Ah, what innocence there is in that statement. After getting to the top of a very tall ladder (me - please admire my courage at this point ...) and crawling round and over the roof (him), it is fairly obvious that the roof of our lovely new house is Not A Happy Place. The cement is disintegrating, hence the falling tiles and damaged guttering and, actually, none of the roof tiles are fixed to anything as a result and can be lifted off without any effort at all. Meanwhile at the front of the house, someone has done a veneer cementing job to fool the casual passerby (a category which, evidently, included our surveyor, sigh) and added chicken wire to keep the tiles on. Chicken wire! Whatever next?... There'll be no damn eggs from that, I fear. Ah, Carruthers, I foresee trouble ahead and a Very Big Bill (as it were - and please excuse appalling Use of Capitals, but really it's that kind of a day). Ah well, we  hadn't planned on having a holiday this year - and maybe best to make that two years. Groan.

Add to that a bit of a Tricky Moment with Mother (TMM for short) last week during our regular phone call and all is jolly interesting indeed in Elstead this week. Mother was telling me all about a woman she met on the bus into Colchester who visited her dying father every day at the hospital, come rain or shine, and then came out with the fatal thought (Note to people: never ever say this phrase or anything like it to anyone if you don't really want to know the answer ...): I don't think any of my children would ever do that for me, would they? Ah, Manipulation, you are indeed a dying art. My less than kind answer to this was: No, probably not, but isn't that what nurses are for? Hmm, I suspect I'm not in the running for Daughter of The Year this year, or any other year indeed ... Situation normal, then.

Finally, as I come from a family of both victims and survivors of this disease and am on the Hit List for testing when I reach 50 (always have something to look forward to, is what I say), I'd like to bring to your attention that this week is Bowel Cancer Awareness Week - so don't forget to get involved and save a life, maybe even your own, especially as it's one of the easiest cancers to cure if it's caught early enough. Keep well and keep going, as they say!

Anne Brooke
The Gathandrian Trilogy
Gay Reads UK
Biblical Fiction UK

Rewrites and Rev

Book News:

Much to my surprise, another reader asked for for a signed Kindle copy of one of my books this week so I was happy to oblige - many thanks, Kimberly. Literary lesbian short story The Girl in the Painting also made it to No 14 in the Amazon UK GLBT Short Stories chart this week, which was lovely though it's fallen somewhat now.

This week, I've also started back with writing my fantasy novella, The Taming of The Hawk, which was a relief as I've not tackled it for ages, what with other stories taking precedence. I've also been doing rewrites of literary gay short story The Eye of The Beholder for Riptide Publishing, but I'm not sure if it's quite there yet. I'm thinking of changing the title, as the focus is shifting a fair amount, to Where You Hurt Most, but we'll have to see.

And at The Thoughtful Corner, I'm thinking about what TV sitcom Rev. says about faith and life. And, believe me, there's quite a lot there, as it's a programme which just keeps getting better, hurrah. I love it!

Here's a recent meditation:




Meditation 596
Each unfamiliar name
drives me further
from the truth
that lies within:

a barrier to peace
where Bethzur, Mareshah
and Gath
find their faiths begin.


The Sunday haiku:

This winter evening
wraps the house in slow silence,
quieting my heart.


Life News:

Had my six-monthly trip to the dentist on Friday, which went okay, actually - though I did have to have one small filling though thankfully without the drill, double hurrah. We had a nice chat afterwards about the old days when there were no computers and we all shared happy nostalgic memories about carbon paper. Ah indeed - whatever happened to that?... It's amazing how much has changed only in the last twenty years.

Yesterday K and I had our Christmas trip to see Mother. I took a good strong dose of Quiet Life pills to keep me smiling and all, I believe, was well. She was in high spirits indeed, or perhaps that was the effect of the drugs. Whose drugs, nobody can tell, hey ho ... And today, we've spent a long time in the garden, weeding the shrubbery and some of the remaining borders, and also planting twelve rose bushes along the trellis at the back. I'm going to have to get a nailbrush to de-garden my hands, I think. Nature certainly ain't that clean!

Anne Brooke
The Origami Nun

Celebrations and crocodiles

Book News:

I'm very happy (in fact so happy that when I first read it I was actually crying, how embarrassing is that ...) to say that fantasy novel The Gifting has gained a very thoughtful 4-star review at Top2Bottom Reviews (so thank you, Lisa, for that one). I'm also thrilled that the novel has been the subject of a radio feature by journalist and writer, Graham Sclater (thank you, Graham) which you can listen to via my Latest News webpage.

And here's the latest few lines from The Gifting:

Even then success seems so unlikely. Given the circumstances. Given the man who is supposed to save them.

There's also been a 4-star review at Goodreads for A Dangerous Man - so thank you for that, C.S. Much appreciated.

Meanwhile, there's still time to sign up for my quarterly newsletter, which includes my latest writing news, upcoming treats, exclusive fiction and free giveaways, and a snappy quote or two from the great and the not so great, so what could be better? The first newsletter will wing its way to subscribers later next week, so book early to avoid disappointment ...

This week's meditation poem is:


Meditation 558
In spring great princes
go to war.
It’s how they mark
the season.

I would have thought
a calming stroll
gives life
a better reason.


The Sunday haiku is:

Happy sunflowers
dance inside the shining air.
Summer's best reward


Life News:

K and I visited our soon-to-be new home in Elstead on Friday to measure up and sort out what goes where when we move in - in three weeks' time! It was fantastic to see the place again and - hurrah! - we still both really love it. Honestly I found it hard to tear myself away and I simply can't wait to get there for real. 1st September can't come fast enough ...

Yesterday, we paid a visit to Mother down in deepest Essex, and actually it went quite well. Must be the extra calming pills I took before we set off, ho ho. Or maybe I'm mellowing with my advancing years. Don't answer that. And this afternoon, we've spent a glorious afternoon helping my golfing partner Marian celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary (she was a child bride, you know ...) with an utterly glorious tea party. Goodness me, how English I sound sometimes. Would someone pass me the cucumber sandwiches?... The cake made by her daughter Jane was to die for - and I praised it so much and looked so sad when my slice was gone that the merciful Jane cut a portion of it for me to take away. What a superstar. Ah, there's method in my madness, you know ... One day I'll grow up to be nearly as devious as my mother. Surely not, we cry!

Finally, I can't end without saying how incredibly wonderful I thought Channel Five's Croc Man was earlier this week. Really, how can anyone resist a good-looking man who collects crocodiles? If he ever gets that zoo of his open, I am so definitely there. Piercing blue eyes and that essential hint of imminent death - really, what could be more thrilling?...

Anne Brooke
The Thoughtful Corner

Gardens and sunshine

Book News:

I've now corrected and returned the galley proofs for The Art of The Delaneys to Amber Allure Press, so am looking forward to publication date on 15 May. I'm currently writing another short story for them, For One Night Only, but intend to get started on the last two of the Delaneys series after that.

Meanwhile, The Gifting is getting ever closer to publication readiness at Bluewood Publishing and I'm just ironing out a few cover issues with my cover artist, Penelope Cline. So it's definitely getting exciting. And I'm pleased to say that my literary short story, A Woman like The Sea, gained a lovely 5-star review at Dark Divas Reviews - many thanks for the comments, Athena.

The Easter Sunday haiku (a day late but, hey, who's counting ...) is:

Lone boy skateboarding
on a blue bridge pulls along
the comforting sun.


Life News:

I hope everyone's having a great Easter holiday weekend - hasn't the weather been glorious. A very rare event indeed here in the UK ... K and I spent a rather pleasant day with Mother on Good Friday, and managed to get to the hour's meditation service at her local church too, so felt pleasingly holy. Ruddy uncomfortable pews though - if I'm sitting still for an hour, I hope, perhaps foolishly, to be able to get up afterwards, but I think we were all struggling. Note to self: next time, remember a cushion.

Back home in Surrey, K and I have enjoyed the Easter Sunday service and have had an equally good time visiting a couple of gardens over the weekend, including Walbury in Lower Froyle - which was small but charming - and Chestnut Lodge in Cobham - which has a collection of glorious tropical birds to die for and doesn't allow children under 15. Double bliss indeed. We loved it. Today, we've also had lunch and a wander round at Wisley, which was very relaxing. The orchid displays are a little past their best now, but still worth a view for the last few days of the exhibition. It was also surprising how empty it seemed in spite of the number of cars in the car park, but that, somehow, is always the nature of Wisley. You can feel on your own whilst ambling around as it's large enough to take it.

In terms of house-buying, there's good news and bad. The bad news is that we didn't really like the house we viewed in Knaphill, though at least we were both agreed on its unsuitability. So we're left with the Woking one plodding its slow, slow way through the purchasing maze. Still, we're keeping our options open until someone deigns to suggest an exchange date (let's not hold our breath, eh ...), so will continue to look. No harm there.

The potentially good news is that the rental property we viewed today in a very nice part of Woking (this afternoon rather than this morning due to timings mix-ups) is quite frankly lovely and we'd move in tomorrow if we could. I hope we get it. Not least because it means we won't be homeless in three weeks' time. Hey ho. Watch this space ...

And we loved Lewis last night on TV - how I wish this wasn't the last of the series and I hope it's back on our screens very soon. I'm getting withdrawal symptoms from the excellent pairing of Lewis and Hathaway already. Honestly, it's the best crime drama around at the moment by far.

Happy Easter week!

Anne Brooke

Butterflies, Brits and bestsellers

Book News:

Sad to say, this weekend sees the end of British Fortnight at Brief Encounter Reviews, and what a fantastic fortnight it's been. I've learnt a heck of a lot about my fellow UK gay fiction writers and, if you missed my slot (as it were), you can find it on 22 March. Many thanks, Tam & Jen, for arranging it all, and thank you to everyone who took part.

Good news this week is that I've broken the 120,000 word marker in The Executioner's Cane, with only the last chapter to go, plus the epilogue. Lordy, but it's been a mammoth task and I was beginning to think I'd never reach this point. Once I've finally written "The End", I shall collapse for a month and not write a thing, and certainly not another trilogy, please God no. Though, hell, but I'm going to miss Simon and the Gathandrians, not to mention the mind-cane - they've been part of my ruddy life for so damn long, I can't think what I shall do without them ...

Also today, you can find an interview with me at The Accidental Author, where I discuss art, handbags and the vital importance of coffee. Many thanks to Jesse for arranging it and asking such great questions. Meanwhile, I'm happy to say that The Girl in the Painting is once more in the Untreed Reads bestsellers' list - for March it came in at Number 3, so I'm very pleased with that. I have no idea why that particular story continues to be quite so popular, but I'm glad it is! Thank you to everyone who's bought a copy, and I hope you enjoyed it.

At Amber Allure Press, all my books can be found at a 25% discount during April, so don't forget to treat yourself to a scintillating shopping experience for spring. You know you want to ...

Recent meditation poems are:




Meditation 512
The last thing he sees
is the royal garden

wrapped in night-time quiet,
the scent of daylight flowers

still hinted on the faint breeze
that lifts his hair

as the distant stars look down,
majestic and unaware.




Meditation 513
It’s a history
not of kings
or people
but of objects:

bronze columns and carts,
tanks, shovels, lamps,
sacrificial bowls and coals
and incense.

All the paraphernalia
of rich and poor
who in this, their story,
live no more.


The Sunday haiku is:

The duck stalks my bench:
expectation on her beak,
water off my back.


Life News:

The middle neighbours seem to be playing silly devils again, sigh, and this time not with us. They've apparently laid claim to both sheds and their contents in the garden, even though only one of them belongs to them, and the other one is the ground floor neighbours'. Also it appears that the new middle neighbour might (if he ever arrives ...) consider (from what he's been told by them) that all the garden belongs to him, when in fact he only has the rear section of the back garden and nothing whatsoever of the front. Another deep sigh, eh. The upshot is that I've advised the tenants of the ground floor to let the ground floor owners know this is happening, and of course we're prepared to help them hang onto what is theirs if we need to! Lordy, when will it all end? I do so wish I was out of here ...

On the up side, I enjoyed golf on Friday with Marian, and she beat me by one shot on the last hole, oh the shame of it! Still we were neck and neck up to that point so the crowds (should there ever be any) were going wild with excitement, hey ho. And The Mentalist was great in the evening so rounded off the week quite well. Not only that but I've started wearing earrings again - when I'm depressed I just can't bring myself to care enough to change them (I think I've actually worn the same fall-back pair for about two or three years now, which should really have told me something, if I'd bothered to listen ...), but yesterday and today I have put different pairs in. Maybe the anti-depressants are working? I do think they might be and I hope it continues, hurrah.

Yesterday, K and I had a lovely lunch out at and a walk round Wisley. The orchid display in the Greenhouse was particularly stunning and is well worth a visit if you have time - it last until the end of April. We also loved the sense of spring coming to the garden - with the camellias, rhododendrons and daffodils out in all their splendour, and huge amounts of butterflies. We saw in one half-hour a brimstone, an orange-tip, a tortoiseshell and a peacock butterfly. So many out so early in the year - it was astonishing really. Wisley also have a brand-new bird-hide and, though we didn't see many birds there, we did see a grass snake about two foot long (enormous!) swimming along the river. I've never seen any snake swim so that was a first for me. It stayed quite a time too which was wonderful. The yellow collar behind the head was very obvious.

Today, of course, it's Mothers Day - and Mother (Gawd bless 'er!) woke us at 8.45am when we were enjoying a much-needed lie-in to thank us for our presents. Still, I only have myself to blame for being a lazy stop-in-bed - as a farmer's daughter I should be ashamed of myself as my inheritance is that I should be up at 6am daily and working out in the fields. Dream on!... Anyway, Mother is off to London with her theatre group for a concert and I hope she has a fabulous day. Tonight, it's the joys of Lewis on TV, and I can't wait. It's got to be better than the new Midsomer Murders, that's for sure.

Anne Brooke

Mamma Mia and the marvels of Nature

Book News:

I'm delighted to announce that my first short story of 2011 is now published and therefore Brady's Choice is now available at Amber Allure Press at a discount price during the first week. And I do love that cover - it's perfect. Not only that, but today you can win a free copy at Jessewave Reviews and so there's definitely still time to have a go.

Another publication this week, and one I also feel very pleased about, is The Best of Every Day Poets Anthology One, which includes two of my poems and has a lovely cover as well. It's nice to be part of a poetry publication as well as a fictional one, that's for sure - I do enjoy the balance.

Speaking of fiction, I've just started the third story in the Delaneys series, which I'm calling The Art of The Delaneys. It's at the very early stages at the moment, but it's great to be on the way - to somewhere and very very slowly ...

There's one meditation today:




Meditation 488
The bronze snake waits
to be broken
and its spirit released

to whisper
in the ears of men
its ancient story again.


And the Sunday haiku is:

May I always dwell
in that deep silence before
the music begins.


Life News:

Today I am still in recovery from spending the day in London with Mother yesterday and will no doubt continue to be in recovery for several more days to come - in the end it was actually surprisingly enjoyable but as always very full-on and insanely intensive. Much like being put through a mangle at very fast speeds over and over again. Hmm, does that description actually fit me? Very possibly ... K is keeping sensibly quiet. Anyway, my eyes are now permanently wide and my hair standing on end - or would be if brushes and exhaustion hadn't been invented. During the day, Mother and I managed to do battle with the Tube which failed constantly to understand the validity of tickets from Essex, we shopped in John Lewis (I spent her vouchers on things for me but gave her the money for them as even I am not that mean!), had lunch in the National Gallery cafe, wandered round the National Gallery and had the best seats in the house for the very wonderful Mamma Mia at the Prince of Wales Theatre. So I think I'm safe in saying she thoroughly enjoyed her 80th birthday Mother-and-Daughter experience. I may even have those elusive Daughter Points, at least for a while ... You never know. Roll on the 90th is what I say, hey ho ... The utterly fabulous thing however was when I finally returned, bloodied and fairly bowed, to Guildford Station, K was waiting for me at the exit carrying a huge bunch of flowers and a hip-flask of almost pure gin. How I needed both! K's first words of greeting: was she still alive when you put her on the train?... Anyway, I drained the gin before we'd got fully out of the station concourse and had another large one (as it were) the moment I took my coat off at home. What a super-hero indeed.

Sad to say though, K is at work today sorting out the IT system ready for tomorrow so a super-hero's work is never done, really. In his absence, I attempted to go to church and be holy, but it was obviously not in the universal plan as the car wouldn't start, so I had to ring the RAC man to come and sort it out. Which they did very efficiently, I must say, but not in time for me to be holy. When I explained this to K when he rang from work, he asked if I wanted to confess my sins to him instead, but I fear he doesn't have enough time in his working day to hear them, alas. Not if he wants to mend the IT system as well.

The great news of the day and my definitive grand finale is that our silver birch sapling now has six twigs and three buds on it. Spring must be well on the way to being sprung at last, hurrah. Nature is indeed a marvellous thing.

Anne Brooke

Edits, Entertainment and an Honorable Mention

Book News:

I'm very happy to say that I have the first round of edits back for The Gifting from Bluewood Publishing so I am happily getting on with those. I'm now on Page 100 of c470 pages so am doing okay, I think. Onward and upward, as they say.

I've also got a new webpage for the second in the Delaneys series, Entertaining the Delaneys, and this will be published by Amber Allure Press on 20 February 2011. I'm planning a series of four or five to this one, so there's more to come.

Other thrilling news is that The Hit List gained an Honorable Mention is this year's Rainbow Awards for Gay Contemporary Romance Fiction, so it's been really lovely to be in that ... um ... list also (sorry, couldn't resist it!). Not to be outdone, A Dangerous Man gained a very nice 5-star review at Goodreads from CAS (thanks, CAS) who called it "One of the most incredible stories I have read in a long, long time" - I hope in a good way! And Maloney's Law was, briefly, at No 19 in the Amazon UK charts, which was very nice indeed.


This week at Vulpes Libris I've also reviewed Kate Fenton's romantic novel, Picking Up - which I have to say is definitely not one of her best, and I'm a die-hard Kate Fenton fan. My advice is don't start here - but get any of her glorious earlier novels I've mentioned in my review - if you can ...


The meditation for this week is:




Meditation 474
The sharpness of thorn
and the clarity
of cedar


are a bitter memory
on the distant hills
of Lebanon.




The Sunday haiku is:


The soft snow settles
into the corners of life.
It outlasts the thaw.




Life News:


I've had my six-monthly dental appointment (hello, Margaret!) and have to have a filling redone, sob - can't fit it in until January but hey it's always good to have something to look forward to in the post-Christmas zone, eh. Besides, the dentist and her glamorous assistant are always a joy to visit, so what could be nicer, tee hee? And at least I still have all my own teeth - thus far.


Yesterday, K and I spent the day at Mother's doing the early Christmas thing. I think it was okay and neither of us murdered the other (Mother and me, not K and me ...) so that can only be a positive outcome indeed. And, say what you will, but the old matriarch does make a damn good fairy cake. Chocolate too, mmm. Not entirely sure what the ritualistic tapping of the jam pot lid meant though, but you can't have everything. Perhaps she was releasing the Genie of the Jam? Who can tell ... And, while we were out in the family (yikes!) zone, the new tenants moved in to the ground floor flat, so I hope they're settling in well. It will be nice to have someone else in the house other than us, I must say. They have a young child too (gosh!) so that's certainly a new thing. We kept up the House Tradition  of leaving champagne and chocolate biscuits on their front doorstep before we left to see Mother, along with a card of welcome - so I hope they don't think we're too scary. Also, seeing as this means there is another woman in the place for the first time in 17 years plus plus, I left the obligatory note For Her Eyes Only about the Victorian pipes and what that means in real terms in case she may not know that. It surprises me how few people do, but then again I was brought up in the country with no mains sewage so one learnt on one's mother's knee never ever to put anything down the toilet that the Victorians wouldn't have expected to be there. Say no more, eh ... Otherwise, we're all in our Wellington boots down in the cellar having a ... um ... high time, and you don't really want to go there.


This morning, we put in an appearance at church for the first time in ages, so God, and the vicar, were duly startled. I was astonished anyone remembered our names, really. It was also the Family Service, which was scary, but we coped. Though, during the talk, when the speaker asked us all what preparations we were putting in place for Christmas, I'm not sure my answer of "having the family row in order to get it over with" was exactly what the vicar was expecting. I suspect I'm probably banned from the Family service for life now.


Finally, and on a rather worried note, I am getting concerned about my right arm. It's distinctly painful today and I'm having trouble making it do anything useful, like getting dressed, having a bath etc etc. I've taken a pill to stop the pain, and later this afternoon, I think I'll use my pain relief machine - but I'm really really hoping it's not the onset of another bout of frozen shoulder. I can't bear that, as it was agonising enough the first time round! And I don't have time for it either. If it's any worse tomorrow though, maybe I should go to the doctor. I'll see.


Anne Brooke

House news and the vanishing Kindle

Life News:

Great imminent joy afoot in the House Department, you'll be glad to hear - it's possible that we may have an exchange date of next Thursday, with a completion date two weeks from that. At least that's what we're aiming for but, what with the bank holiday, we have yet to have that confirmed by the vendors. I'm hoping that will be okay though, as I'd ideally like to be in our new expanded house by the middle of September. Watch this space ...

Whilst waiting for all that to go through (we hope!), there's more exciting news on the Amazon Kindle front - they attempted to deliver it yesterday but we were out so I know it exists somewhere in the hemisphere and is attempting to reach me, hurrah. I imagine they'll try to deliver again on Tuesday, by which time I'll be at work, so I'm planning to ring them up early then and see if I can collect it from the despatch point in Guildford after work. I can't wait!

And I'm back at my Alexander Technique lessons - they've been off for the summer as my tutor broke her foot, poor thing, but she's well enough to restart now, so I hope my terribly stiff neck might be sorted out soon. Double hurrahs if that's the case indeed.

Yesterday, we spent a day at Mother's (hence the inability to receive my Kindle), and today we popped into the Benefice Communion service as Church returns to its routine after the usual C of E August shennanigans (sp?). Much amusement at the start of the service when the lady vicar forgot her glasses and was making please lend me some glasses signs behind the altar plus lots of giggling. Thankfully someone in the congregation swiped his wife's glasses (I assume he had permission but really who's to say ...!) and leapt into the breach. I think said wife then borrowed someone else's and so it went on. Heck we all know the service by now so we really don't need to see the words ...

Meanwhile, at The Bemused Gardener, I am bamboozled by compost and tomatoes. Probably not in that order.

Book News:

I'm happy to see that four of my short stories are in the Waterstone's Top 10 e-short stories list, so that's nice. And The Delaneys and Me managed to get to No 32 in the Amazon Gay Fiction charts, but has now dropped out entirely.

I was pleased however that Angels and Airheads gained a nice review at Three Dollar Bill Reviews, so thank you for that.

This week's meditation poems are:

Meditation 412
When preparing for war
the voice of God

sent everyone home
unbloodied and whole;

if only today
some brave politician

would stand and proclaim
a similar goal.


Meditation 413
God is so distant
sometimes

that only the thought
of gold

can act as a substitute
for love.


Meditation 414
The old paths
are not the best ones
today;

retrace your steps
another way.


This week's haiku is:

The garden rises
in my dreams: green and haunting,
whispering of leaves.

Anne Brooke
The Bemused Gardener

Hit Lists, hot tips and haikus

Writing News:

I'm happy to say that The Hit List has received a very thorough 4-star review at Goodreads and I'm immensely pleased with that. Thanks, Kassa.

At the same time, Give and Take gained an "Excellent" grade at The Well-Read Book Blog so that's been a nice boost too. I was also thrilled to see that it's reached the dizzy heights of Number 4 in the Amber Allure March bestsellers list, well gosh, so thank you to everyone who's bought it, and I hope you've enjoyed the read.

Keeping to the subject of gay fiction, I've now chosen my Queer Magazine Hot Gay Fiction Tip for April, and you can read all about it at Queer Magazine Online. A great read and particularly enjoyable if you have a penchant for the military!

Turning to matters rather more spiritual, Vulpes Libris has now published my review of Nicholas Buxton's Tantalus and the Pelican which is an excellent book on monastic spirituality written by a fascinating man. Well worth a look indeed.

And here, rather later than usual due to Easter, is last week's haiku:

The grey dog trots by,
mouth holding two red mittens
for warming the paws.


Life news:

Easter's been fun. We spent the day with Mother on Good Friday - a penance for all involved indeed! - and I've been rather startled to see that Mother and I bought ourselves the same presents. Hmmm, must be something in the genes. If only we'd known, we could have saved all that wrapping paper, dammit. Ah well. We shall both be smelling of raspberry body cream in the future then.

On Saturday, Lord H and I spent a lovely day at Pulborough Brooks, though we managed to avoid the child influx, thank the Lord. Birds spotted included stock doves and a little gull (both lifetime firsts), plus skylarks and swallows. Swallows!! Heck, they're early. And we also spent some time gazing at an adder sleeping on the grass, which was fabulous. You don't see adders very often. Amazing.

Anne Brooke - feeling chocolatey ...
The Prayer Seeker's Journal - in quiet mood

Reviews galore and a day in the country

Seemed to be loads of little jobs to do before the day really got started today (why are some mornings just like that??), but I managed to squeeze in a meditation poem:

Meditation 204

A faith that glistens
in the eyes

of your friends
slips through

your fingers,
does not glide

into skin:
a halfway house

between saints
and men

that gives
a promise of hope,

joins our now
with then.


I'm also very pleased to say that Book Utopia Mum has given Painting from Life a very positive review at Book Utopia Reviews. Thank you hugely for that - it's much appreciated.

Not only that but the lovely Clare London has uploaded three reviews on my work at the Goodreads site. Firstly there's A Dangerous Man:

"Excellent read, though dark and very edgy. Michael is all-consuming, totally fascinating. Both victim and ambitious, though he'll always be trapped by his background. Can't say much more without spoilers! But it's a treat to read. Great prose, it slides deliciously in and out of Michael's own mind and emotions, taking you with it, no holds barred. Great UK setting and a lovely slice of the art world and the anguish/joy of art itself."

Secondly, there's a review of Maloney's Law:

"Blew me away, a stunning mix of mystery and melodrama and one man's journey through a period of his life when everything seems a struggle. It's not heavy, though there are shocking scenes and strong adult themes. Paul's charm and determination carries the book, he's a great mix of strength and sensitivity and the perfect 'eyes' for the mature plot. Written with wit and excellently clear, entertaining prose."

And thirdly and lastly, here's Clare's take on The Bones of Summer:

"Excellent combination of mystery and romance. Loved the UK setting especially and the gritty, modern feel that gave it. Paul follows on from Maloney's Law, still the tortured, complex, fascinating man. Craig is new and a great counterpoint, lively, confused, sexy, needy, brave. The sex scenes are very fresh and hot, the dialogue realistic, and Craig's wit enchanting!"

Triple gosh and big big hugs to you, Clare - thank you so much! I'm extremely grateful indeed.

All of which has set me up nicely for a day in the country with Mother. The Old Gal is chugging along nicely - speaking of which, she's planning a holiday later in the year on the Manchester Ship Canal. It wouldn't be my first choice, but hey there's no accounting for mothers. We managed to fit in a walk in the afternoon as well so we could help her deliver the church magazines, although I was deeply traumatised by one of the people in the road exclaiming with astonishment when he saw us: "Gosh! You must be mother and daughter - you look so alike!" What can I say?? Obviously a man who needs his eyes thoroughly testing. There is NO WAY on this planet that my mother and I are alike IN ANY SENSE. At all. There. That's that sorted then ... Lord H meanwhile remains tactfully silent on the matter ...

Curious things passed on the motorway queue on the way to Mother's: a truck with Caution: Racing Pigeons emblazoned across it. Surely it would be quicker for them to fly??

Curious thoughts discussed whilst on the motorway on the way back from Mother's: why are houses always named in such obvious fashions? Why can't you have The Old Whorehouse or Brothel Cottage or Slaughter Manor? Ah, it's tempting, so tempting ...

Today's nice things:

1. Four book reviews, no less!
2. Poetry
3. Surviving Mother (Gawd bless 'er ...)
4. Lazy pigeons
5. Curious housenames.

Anne Brooke - happy to be read
Painting from Life: not just a load of old brushes

Slow starts and stories

A gloriously slow start to the day today. And Lordy but that doesn't happen often. Didn't actually get up till gone 9am, which is about a three hour lie-in compared to a University day and two to a non-University one, hurrah! Total bliss really. So here's this morning's meditation (which was nearly an afternoon one):

Meditation 170

All those years
and years of travel

and when the destination’s
finally in sight,

just there over the hill,
all you can do

is gaze and gaze
at untouched beauty,

knowing you will never
enter it.


Talking of literary matters, I'm pleased to say that my short story, The Last Morning, is now published at The Foundling Review and two of my earlier meditation poems can be found at Pens On Fire webzine.

It certainly makes up for the two or three rejections (boo! hiss!) I've had this week - I'm storing them up for the moment as I can't raise the energy to resend stuff out while I'm seriously getting into the novel edit for Hallsfoot's Battle. The beginning is actually going fairly smoothly and I'm now as far into it as Chapter Four (which is further than you might think as Ralph's sections of the story don't count as chapters but as part of the Lammas Chronicles, and I've had two of those already). So far my most amusing changes have been to do with Annyeke's house which I appear to have completely redecorated in the two days' gap between the ending of The Gifting and the start of this novel. Hell, no wonder she's tired! I suspect there will be a lot more changes to come, and deeper ones too, however.

Tonight, I must ring Mother and try to sound relatively normal (ho ho) and I must also try to glean some manner of television out of this evening's sparse programming. At least we have last week's video of Mock the Week still to watch, plus a fair amount of DVD Spaced episodes, hurrah.

This week's haiku is:

Each word hooks meaning
into my skin; their temple
rises to the skies.

Today's nice thing:

1. A lie-in
2. Poetry
3. Short story and poetry publications
4. The Hallsfoot edit
5. Videos/DVDs
6. Haiku.

Anne Brooke - relishing slowness

A day in the country and a fashion disaster

Lord H and I have spent a day in the country with Mother, having the Easter I was too ill to enjoy when it was actually here. If you see what I mean. Mind you, I got up early enough to be able to write today's meditation piece, so here it is:

Meditation 120

The words I read
tell me of poisonous snakes,
scorpions, desert, hardships
and time,

then rivers bringing forth wheat,
barley, grapes, figs,
pomegranates, olives
and honey

but today their meaning
slips over my skin,
like an uncaught memory
for that woman I used to be.

I find I quite like list poems these days - they're very grounding. And as my head is mainly somewhere in the vicinity of the ceiling most of the time, then grounding - of any kind - is good.

Anyway, it was also good to catch up with the Poison Poppet and Mr Grumpy once more (hello, Mother, if you're reading this, as you know appear to have found my blog, arrgghh!!...), Gawd bless 'em both. The day's huge, huge embarrassment - and indeed I hardly dare type this for the shame it will bring upon my head - is that when I arrived at the Essex Home for Crazed Folk, I realised that my mother and I were wearing exactly the same trousers - the blue cord pair from the Edinburgh Woollen Mill. Not only that but we discovered that when we'd bought them, we'd also bought the purple pair as they were on a special half-price offer. Lord preserve us. For nearly 46 years, I have based my whole existence on the absolute truth that I am nothing AT ALL like my mother, IN ANY WAY whatsoever. Now I find that we're virtually twins, except that I'm at least two foot taller than she is. Oh, the shame ... Truly, I fear I will never live this one down.

In the afternoon, when I was sure nobody would be around to see my obvious fashion disaster, we had a rather pleasant walk in the local bluebell wood. The smell from the flowers was gorgeous and there were huge numbers of them - literally a proverbial carpet of blue. Lovely. There was one point though when we caught sight of a rather fierce looking dog, with no obvious owner in sight - so naturally we sent Lord H on ahead to see if he'd be eaten. Husbands can be very useful, you know ... Anyway, the dog legged it, so we were able to pursue our rather Jane Austen-like walk unscathed. Phew.

Meanwhile, at the Crazed Folks' Home, the house martins are back and beginning to nest too, so that's good to see. Apparently they didn't turn up last year for some reason, but have now returned in full force, so Mother has messes on the window and early morning shrieking to look forward to once more - how like the home life of our own dear Queen indeed. Ooh, and I must say a huge thank you to PP and Mr G for generous contributions (offline) to our upcoming Race for Life charity event, which is slowly growing and now stands at £185. It would be great to make our £250 target, but I'm hopeful as there's still about a month to go. As a reminder, it's for Cancer Research, so a very good cause, if anyone out there is so inclined. For which thank you.

Tonight, once safely home, we have sat fascinated and terrified (at the same time) in front of a stonkingly good episode of Primeval. Great stuff indeed - in spite of the fact that it was very like Jurassic Park in lots of ways. We also felt it probably had enough going for it to be a series-end two parter, but it was not to be, alas. Still, great stuff for Saturday night viewing and we hope for more like that, please.

Today's nice things:

1. Poetry
2. Catching up with the old folk
3. Bluebells
4. House martins
5. TV.

Anne Brooke
Anne's website - at the cutting edge of something, but Lord knows what

Lying low and the pirate life

The unwellness continues (but hell I'm used to it by now). I've pulled out of my attendance at the Exeter work conference and have let work know, though to be honest if I'm going into the office instead, then I suspect it won't be till at least Wednesday. There's no way I'm going anywhere, even close at hand, today.

Mind you, there is hope. I've eaten a few mouthfuls of cereals for breakfast and even had a few more mouthfuls of the stuff for lunch. Plus some cheese and crisps (ah, the healthy option always appeals, don't you know) as I had a wave of absolutely shivering hunger and just had to have some salt. Any salt. That's the most balanced and regular meal plan I've had for a ruddy week. And hey it's stayed down! Not that you probably wanted to know that, but still it was big news for me ...

Plus I managed two hours' sleep from 6.30 to 8.30am this morning, and another hour from 3-4pm, double hurrahs and put out the bunting. And in each case I was actually lying down on the bed. Well, gosh. That hasn't been able to happen for a while. Interestingly however, my left eye is very sore and rather bloodshot - Lord knows why, but obviously my body isn't used to the faint concept of "well" so is trying to catch me elsewhere - so I've rubbed it with my wedding ring (gold does work on the eye, strangely), put on some eye gel and have been wearing my eye patch so I look like a pirate. Yes, I do really have an eye patch - it was recommended when years ago I had an attack of iritis (nasty - and if you ever do get iritis, DO NOT BELIEVE the doctor who comes towards you smiling with the orange high-strength eyedrops that he says won't hurt a bit. He will be lying) to give the eye an enforced rest and it also works. Equally strangely. Lordy but all I need is a parrot and a limp and the image will be complete.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to Lord H coming home, though I know he has the shopping to do so will be late, and I've already had two phone calls from Mother (who loves nothing more than the concept of a sick child - she's never really forgiven any of us for daring to grow up and sending her essential nursing skills into retirement). Still, it could be worse - at least she hasn't (yet) asked me if my bowels are all right, which is something she always used to do regularly and in public when I was young. Ah the shame ...

Today's nice things:

1. Feeling ever so slightly more human
2. Being able to eat something
3. Napping.

Anne Brooke
Anne's website - just give me a treasure map and a ship and all will be well ...

Short blogs and hot taps

A short blog tonight (you lucky people!) as I'm desperately typing this between social engagements. Well one is so much in demand this time of year, you know (ho ho) ...

Anyway, today we've spent a really rather nice day at Mother's exchanging presents - which we won't open till Christmas Day. And I've had a glorious hot, foamy bath while I was there. Bliss.

Before setting out, I left a note for the plumber in case he had time to pop round and deal with our crises - and miraculously he has! He's put in a new immersion tank and sorted the electrics on it out so we now have hot water. That comes from a tap! Gosh. I'm so excited I think I'll say it again. We have hot water that comes from a tap! Even now Lord H is in the bath enjoying the benefits and it's my turn next. Well, a girl in her prime can enjoy several, you know (baths, people, baths ...).

I must admit we don't yet have central heating but we do feel as if we're getting somewhere for the first time in days, hurrah! And the plumber is popping in tomorrow to look at the heating problem, so there's hope we might be fully functional by Christmas. Well, gosh.

In the meantime, here's a poem inspired by a brief chat with my ground-floor neighbour last night:

Revelation

She was the heart
of my family,
says the grey-haired man.
I miss her still.

Mysterious God,
may I too
one day
gain wisdom enough

to know myself
not always
the centre

of my own existence.


Ooh, my turn for a bath now - must dash! And then dinner with Liz and John & co - lovely.

Today's nice things:

1. A pleasant day with Mother
2. Hot water from the tap
3. Dinner out with friends.

Anne Brooke
Anne's website - thinking taps are a wonderful invention ...

Trees, birds and chilling

A lazy day today, hurrah. Lord H and I wandered around Winkworth in the rain for a while and admired the autumn colours. Which are lovely but not, I think, as spectacular as last year's display. We also spotted a couple of wrens, a great tit, long-tailed tits, jackdaws and a robin or two. Honestly, robins have no fear. And they'll always turn up and parade themselves in front of your nose if they think you're paying too much attention to another type of bird. They are indeed the supermodels of the bird world. The rain was also good as I could try out my new Country Innovation Ladies' rainwear coat, which is great and comes complete with a hood, so I am snug and dry whilst all around me people are cold and wet. Aha! Lord H is slightly envious and I suspect will get one of his own before too long. Then we'll have (sadly) matching jackets and can rename ourselves Howard & Hilda. Though I think I will stop at sewing on name tags ...

This afternoon, I have caught up with yesterday's episode of Strictly Come Dancing - I thought John was great! His performance was dramatic after all - what more do you need?? I also enjoyed Jodie's dance, and thought poor Cherie recovered well. I do wish the judges would try to be less bitchy and just stick to being constructive - they seem so much more snippety this year. Time for their Happy Pills, I think.

Tonight, I must do my usual phone call to Mother, and then we have the delights of Frost to look forward to. I was wrong in saying these three episodes would be the last ones, as I gather they'll do a two-part finale next year. Always good to have something to put in the diary, you know. And I might even be able to squeeze in a quick nap before it's on - if I'm lucky!

This week's haiku:

Clouds of autumn leaves
swirl past my window: red-gold
fragments of the sun.

Today's nice things:

1. Winkworth
2. My new birding jacket
3. TV
4. Haikus.

Anne Brooke
Anne's website - the place to relax ...

Brunch, art and battle training

A lazy start to the day today, and a welcome brunch of scrambled eggs, mushroom and chicken - as made (just about acceptably - cooking not being one of my strong points) by me, hurrah. I then leapt womanfully into Sunday Suburbia mode and washed the car (well, gosh), while Lord H mended my brakelight. What a hero.

Talking of heroes, I struggled on with Hallsfoot's Battle and am now just about at 37,000 words where Johan's about to start his battle training. He's confident, but it won't go well, I fear. Well, the Gathandrians don't really do violent stuff so they're not used to it. I suspect he will have to swallow his pride and ask for Simon's help, in the long run ...

And Lord H and I have bid a fond farewell to The Watts Gallery as it closes at the end of September for an 18-month refurbishment. I shall miss the horse sculpture. I love that horse, aka "Physical Energy". I'm already making a mental note of the June 2010 planned big opening date so I can go and say hello to it again. Mind you, there are certain paintings in the gallery I love too, so let's not forget them either. Some of Watts' portraits are utterly gripping. And some of them will be on tour for the next 18 months, starting with London in November, so if you do hear tell of a travelling Watts exhibition near you, go and say hello from me.

Later this afternoon, I intend to carve out some napping time, if only in order to gear myself up for Tess of the D'Urbervilles on TV tonight. Even now (spoiler alert!), I'm yelling at the TV in the same way I always always always yell at the book: don't tell him, Tess, he doesn't need to hear about the baby!!! Marital Lesson Number One - your man doesn't need to know it all!!. Indeed, as my mother always says to any couple asking for her marital wisdom: have a joint account by all means but keep your private one going too - marriage has to come with some privacy attached ... Ye gods, my mother's not as crazed as I've always assumed after all then. Heck no, what am I saying? - she is.

I've finished reading Navkirat Sodhi's poetry collection, "Un". Very surreal and charmingly minimalist - some of the short pieces really rock. And such a beautiful green hardback cover too. Particular favourites were: "Untitled (You look into my eyes)" which says everything you need to know about being in love in just three lines; "Untitled (Tonight I return yet again)" which carries with it a dark punch of despair; "Shall" which tells how life is itself a story; and "Inhale" which focuses on the speaker's relationship with three very different men. They're poems you need to take time over to delve into the meaning, and are well worth the time spent doing so - but they have an essential feeling of breath and space which makes that process itself seem very easy. A poet to watch, for sure.

And talking of poems, this week's haiku is:

Sometimes words don't come;
I'm left a syllable short
of perfection.


Today's nice things:

1. Brunch
2. Getting to 37,000 words in Hallsfoot
3. The Watts Gallery
4. Poems
5. TV.

Anne Brooke
Anne's website

Day at Mother's

I have performed my Daughterly Duty today as Lord H and I have spent the day at Mother's. To prepare for this momentous occasion, I took two calming pills and one Vitamin B De-Stress pill with breakfast. Good to have a healthy diet, you know. Much to our astonishment, the journey there was almost entirely clear of traffic and even the A12 (Gawd bless it) had moving cars on it. Well, miracles can still occur then - but it does make me wonder where the hell everyone actually was. Have they gone abroad or are they staying in to watch the Olympics? It's a mystery. Anyway, as a result we arrived earlier than usual, and poor Mother was still donning her Difficult Daughter armour in order to get through her day. We might have been even earlier, but when we were parking outside the house, Lord H and I had a five minute discussion as to whether we could get away with peeking in at the window and then leaving a note saying "sorry but you were out" before making good our escape. Ah, dream on, eh.

It also meant that we had to make up an extra 45 minutes of conversation but I think we managed fairly successfully. If only by talking more slowly. We also bravely offered to take them out for lunch - which can be something of a trial as both Mother and Jim (stepfather) make their feelings known in no uncertain terms if (a) the service is slow, or (b) they don't like the food. Which is fair enough of course, but can be difficult if (a) the service isn't slow but the waitress has taken more than 30 seconds to appear at the table, and (b) the food is perfectly fine but the restaurant doesn't serve new potatoes without skins and the vegetables aren't cooked to the point of exhaustion.

However, today we have truly hit the jackpot! Mother had booked a new restaurant neither of them had been to before, but which had been recommended by friends - the Village Maid in Bradfield. Really though, there aren't many village maids anywhere these days, so good to have one preserved in the wilds of Essex ... Anyway, it looked strangely downbeat and appeared to be filled entirely by men with tattoos and Essex accents so strong you could have built the Dartford Tunnel with them (much like the village maids then ...), but in fact they were utterly lovely, the service was swift and friendly and the food was wonderful, hurrah! In fact so wonderful that Jim complemented the chef for the first time in his life and actually smiled. Mother and I nearly fainted as we can't remember the last time anyone saw Jim smile (being the horny-handed son of the soil that he is). We didn't even know he had the capability.

Buoyed by this exciting discovery, we went for a walk through woods near the River Stour to make the most of the unexpected August sunshine. Mum and Jim surged ahead, and Lord H and I lurked in the rear and hid behind a tree, wondering if they'd notice if we made a bid for freedom while things were going so well. However they were too deep in conversation to realise so we were forced to catch up with them in the end. Lord H's theory is that having a good meal obviously made the parents more amenable, so we must bear that in mind next time and constantly carry a supply of food just in case we need to distract them ...

Back at Mother's, we had tea and a bun, only having a slight dispute over the best way to toast a crumpet (which is pretty good for us - normally we row about the tea and the bun too) and when the toasting process is completed. Still, Lord H and I managed to throw the car into first gear and escape at just after 5pm without me using the remaining crumpet in a way not intended by the manufacturer, so I consider I did pretty well really, all things considered.

And a quick round-up of the day's conversational topics went something like this:

1. Napkin-folding lessons are rather addictive though it's astonishing how little you remember an hour after the lesson
2. There are no clothes to be bought in the whole of the known universe this season, or at least none we like
3. Yes, it is possible to use your socks to polish your shoes
4. Baby barn owls are extremely noisy and have to be taught how to make proper owl sounds
5. The dead bird in the porch is a sparrow
6. My (nasty) cousin hoovered my aunt's bungalow and is now being proclaimed as a hero. The fact that the bungalow is the size of a postage stamp appears to make no difference to the general (apart from me and Mother) adulation
7. The Royal Yacht is shockingly only nicely decorated on one side for photographic purposes. Not only that but the Royal Yacht servants had to live in conditions which would be deplored by third-world sweat-shop children, and if they saw a Royal they had to stand completely still without breathing until the Enemy had departed. Off with the royals' heads, say I! Thank goodness they decommissioned that floating slave-ship then ...
8. Yes, friends are irritating when they ask what you've been up to - don't they know it's private?? - and yes we do realise this is something one can never explain to said friends. Really though, if you wanted them to know something, you would have told them without being asked ... (strangely, Mother and I agreed about that one - hmmm, perhaps I have more of her blood in me than I'd like to admit, arrrrggghhh!!)
9. And, finally, we both agreed it would be extremely helpful on occasion to have a "You have been deleted from my current contacts list - sadly, there is no recycle option" card. Well, it's a thought, eh!


Today's nice things:

1. Surviving Mother
2. Finding a nice pub
3. A walk through the woods.


Anne Brooke
Anne's website

Books galore and the Bad Wife

Much to my joy, Maloney's Law is now up on the PD Publishing website and includes the whole of the first chapter for your delectation - you can read it here. Go on, you know you want to ... And though I say it myself and probably shouldn't (but, hell, when has that ever stopped this ego-obsessed author??), it's a damn good first chapter. Enjoy.

I had carved out today as a reading and chilling day, with a touch of The Golf Open, but in the event I've spent a large proportion of my daylight hours formatting and uploading my out-of-print poetry collection, A Stranger's Table, onto Lulu UK. You can find it here. It was first published last year, but I've taken it on myself now. I'm waiting for my proof copy to be sent and then I'm signing up for their distribution package which gets it onto Amazon UK and US. Or so I'm told. It was something of a struggle to work it out, but their live online support is pretty quick and there are other options if one thing doesn't work. My theory is that once I've worked this one out as a guinea-pig (albeit a guinea-pig with some sock-it-to-you-and-don't-spare-the-sauce poems in it), the others I'm planning to upload will be easier. Famous last words, eh ... Brooke Publications, here I come. Ho ho.

Anyway, due to all this OCD/borderline dyspraxic focus, I have not been a Good Wife and made the plum and nectarine crumble I was hoping to. Sigh. Lord H is being noble and not mentioning it - though his eyes are enormously wide. Hell there's always next week, eh.

Tonight, I'm going to slump like a sponge cake that's seen better days (which is a look that soooo me, dahlings ...) in front of Midsomer Murders. Oh, and I'd better ring Mother and try to sound like my life is relatively normal. Hmm, could be tricky. And I've got another photograph to upload from my camera which I took at Glyndebourne yesterday. Maybe I'll leave it till tomorrow when I've feeling stronger though. Hell, maybe next weekend then! Again.

This week's haiku:

Poetic advice:
never trust a haiku -
when the beats are wrong.

That should keep you guessing - and counting - for a couple of seconds at least! Have a great evening, all.

Today's nice things:

1. Maloney being on PD, plus its first chapter
2. Getting A Stranger's Table on Lulu UK - with more to come
3. TV.

Anne Brooke
Anne's website