And I remembered my poppy. Thank goodness - there was a bit of a crisis a few years ago, when I couldn't find the darn thing and turned up late. I always think this one is the one service to go to in a year, even if you don't go any other time, as more than anything it's about who we are now and how much we owe to the past and what happened there. I have no personal knowledge of what hell it must have been, but that in itself is the freedom that was won and the least I can do is acknowledge the debt. Much like my feelings about women voting - if we don't, then what the hell did Mrs Pankhurst go through all that for? We owe it to her too.
Sermon over - thank God. And the good(ish) news is that I managed to survive the whole of church today by the simple trick of not listening to the religious bits. Aha! A way through the jungle of my slowly dying faith at last, eh? People were nice after the service though - and when asked, I did try to be honest: yes, I'm not well; yes, it's better than it was earlier in the year; yes, I'm taking it easily and trying not to do too much. Which about covers most of it. The visiting vicar (bless him) was very concerned and did ask if he could pray with me - oh God, no, how that makes me twist up inside!! - still, it's a request you can't very easily say no too, and at least he managed it when no-one else was around (thank God) and kept it brief. Mind you, I wasn't at all sure if I could honestly say "amen" to his request that I soon be restored to full mental and physical health in order to serve God better. Doesn't suit my agenda at all, thank you very much - I'd rather give the whole thing a wide berth and stay at home watching TV and eating chocolate instead. I'm certainly no advert for the Christian faith and never have been, much. Still, it was nice of him (from his world view) and he meant well.
The rest of the day has been spent writing a poem (at last! I hadn't written one for two weeks, and it was starting to make me twitchy), which I've uploaded onto the Writewords (http://www.writewords.org.uk) site for comment. And I've been doing more to my two profiles on MySpace (http://www.myspace.com). Not only that, but I've asked my agent (https://www.sff.net/people/john-jarrold/about.html) about two other possible leads for "Thorn in the Flesh" that I've seen, and I've entered an emailed short story competition. Oh, and I washed the car too, so I think the protestant work ethic has been satisfied.
Tonight, I'd better ring mother and arrange Christmas (arghh!! how I hate Christmas!!), and my reward for this is "Midsomer Murders" on TV. Thank God.
This week's haiku:
Loud smoke and people.
I struggle for connection,
lips a silent dance
Today's nice things:
1. Surviving church - and prayer
2. Writing a poem - at last
3. Playing on MySpace.