A Dangerous Knowledge

Book News:

Literary gay erotic story The Beginning of Knowledge is now available at Amazon US, Amazon UK and All Romance Ebooks. It also gained a review this week at Brief Encounter Reviews who say:

"This isn't a romance. The sex is not tender and romantic; it's bloody and violent with a strong dose of self loathing from Alan. It is, however, very well written and, as a study of Alan, torn between desire and reason, it's well worth reading."

Many thanks to Jen for those comments.




Not to be outdone, the paperback collection of the whole Delaneys series, The Dangerous Delaneys and Me, is now available at Amazon US.

Meanwhile, gay comic romance Who Moved My Holepunch? gained a 4.5 star review at Reviews by Jessewave who says:

"I particularly liked the warmth and kindness that both men show throughout the story; this infuses the hot sex with individuality, which of course makes it even more effective. As I read this book I just found myself continually smiling and it left me feeling both amused and nicely content."

The book also gained a 4 star review at Goodreads, so many thanks to all commenters for your thoughts on this story.

Gay thriller Maloney's Law received a 4-star review at Mrs Condit Reviews, and says:

"This book is disturbing on many levels. What has happened to Paul in the past, what happens to him in the present, and what will happen to him in the future are all brought to light in a tale of life, death, blackmail, murder, corruption and so much more. It's a good read."

Ooh and my comic short story about love in a dictionary, Candy and Catharsis, gained a 4-star review at Goodreads, so I'm thrilled about that.

Finally in this section, over at the UK GLBTQ Conference 2013 blog, you can find out all about my secret liaison with Dr Who and if I do really wear a teapot on my head. Enjoy!


Life News:

It was a great relief this week to see the House of Commons pass the proposed Gay Marriage bill - phew, that's a result! It was the highlight of my week, I must say. I can only hope the House of Lords shows the same common sense, justice and equality, but I can't say I'm hugely confident in that respect. Oh well, time will tell, eh. In the meantime, I thoroughly enjoyed the speech of Mike Freer MP which is well worth a listen.

The blog setting out the 31 Arguments Against Gay Marriage (and how to destroy them) is also spot on and very wonderful indeed. It was bliss to read.

This week, I was finally well enough (hurrah!) to go and see Star Trek Into Darkness - in my stylish 3D glasses, naturally. My dears, we loved it. A brilliant film, I've already pre-ordered the DVD and I can't wait for the next one.

My attempt at cake baking this week was Whisky and Sultana Cupcakes. They turned out a bit messy, but very tasty indeed. And I had the added joy of having (ah, it's a hard life ...) to lick out the whisky icing bowl at 10 in the morning. Really, it's the only way to start the day.

For most of today, K and I have been busy in the garden, planting up yet more flowers, including rudbeckias, zinnias and whatever else needing getting into the soil, really. Only the dahlias and nicotine plants, and a few bits and bobs, to go now. And what a glorious day it's been - couldn't have asked for better weather.

All this sun has meant our azalea has burst into life, and the earliest of our three rhododendrons isn't doing too badly either. What with that and the fact that the horses (with the foals from last year) have arrived for their summer in the field behind the garden and it's pretty damn idyllic right now.

Anne Brooke
Gay Reads UK
Biblical Fiction UK
Lori Olding Children's Author

Eternal nuisance and flowers galore

Book News:

Still no news from the elusive Eternal Press/Damnation Press about the rights recovery letter they owe me. Not that it surprises me much as it took them 5 months to respond to my first email, so I'm not holding my breath. I do, however, take note that when I posted yet another query, this time on Facebook, and linked my plea to their CEO, the equally elusive Kim Richards, it didn't take her long at all to block me and remove my post from my page. So at least we know Kim is still alive out there somewhere, hey ho.

No matter, as I added the message to my fan page instead, and now just on 900 people have seen it. Might have been easier for the lovely Kim to simply send me the rights recovery letter in the first place, rather than to have all this extra publicity, but people should certainly be allowed to respond as they wish, naturally. In the meantime, I've now posted a comment on her blog (which, astonishingly is still there at the moment of typing, but for how long - who knows!), just to see if I can make any kind of contact with "the other side". Go on, Kim - write that letter! You know you want to, really, and at least it'll mean you'll get rid of me. Besides, I'm not actually that scary, so you don't have to hide, as you've done on Facebook ...

However, more positive news about this situation is that Preditors and Editors have added my unfortunate and continuing experience to their apparently growing database on problems associated with this particular publisher, so will continue to advise writers against them. Hurrah indeed.

Meanwhile, gay thriller The Bones of Summer (Maloney *2) is due out from Amber Allure Press on 2 June, so I'm very much looking forward to that.

And, speaking of Maloney, the first in the series, Maloney's Law, is now out in paperback at Amazon US, so do feel free to pop a copy in your online basket when you're next shopping. Thank you.

I'm also happy to say that this week, I've received two reviews for gay comedy, Who Moved My Holepunch? The first is from Rainbow Book Reviews, who comment:

"If you're wondering how moving a holepunch can possibly lead to an exciting story, you're not the only one. When I saw this book for the first time, I thought the same thing. So, I picked up the book, so to speak, and read with great interest what wonderfully quirky characters Anne Brooke has come up with now. With that title the situation was promising from the very start. And, let me tell you, I wasn't disappointed … If you like stories with a touch of humor, if you enjoy reading about quirky, somewhat unusual characters, and if you're looking for a hot read that contains just a touch of kink and a lot of office sex, you will probably like this book."

And the second review is from Joyfully Jay Reviews, who says:

"Who Moved My Holepunch? First of all, what a great title for a book. I'm not sure if I would've been so compelled to read it had I not seen the catchy title and cover. For this, I must say thank you, Anne Brooke. I figured, if anything, I'd be getting a story outside of the norm and I have to say that was true. Who Moved My Holepunch? was a quirky little madcap adventure within the framework of a budding workplace romance."

Many thanks, both, for reading and reviewing!

Finally in this section, I'm thrilled to announce that my gay erotic short story The Beginning of Knowledge, as endorsed by actor and model Charlie Harding, will be published by Wilde City Press on 1 May. Here's the blurb:

When University administrator Alan Castleton meets temporary worker and talented pianist Luke Milton, he doesn’t expect to become obsessed with the handsome young blond. But soon he is heavily involved in a passionate and angry affair, and exploring the dark shadows of his own personality in a way he’s never encountered before.

The more Alan tries to break free from his obsession, the deeper it entangles him. The dangerous split between his reason and his sexual desires threatens his peace of mind and, when the crisis point comes, he must decide once and for all the kind of life he should lead.

I for one can't wait. The week ahead is certainly going to be fun, that's for sure.


Life News:

Lots of excitement in the garden this week, as spring really settles in. I've planted out our Mrs Bradshaw geums, and the spare heucheras we had lurking in the vegetable patch so at least they all have a home now. Plus our camellia is also fully in bloom, as are our gorgeous red tulips in the back garden. Fabulous.

I've also been busy in the kitchen (I'm such a Domestic Goddess, you know ...) and made a Cappuccino Coffee Cake. Which tastes pretty good, I have to say, though I appear to have broken my electric food mixer in the process (how? How?!) and had to resort to the faithful standby of Husband Food Mixer in the last ten minutes. What a hero, eh.

K and I have also booked our 3D (3D!!! How alluring we will look ...) Star Trek Into Darkness tickets for the first time, and I'm wondering if I can take my Klingon Guide to Tourism dictionary ("Buy or die") along for an airing. Hmm, probably not, but a girl can dream.

I also have to say I was really disappointed by the ending of Broadchurch - what rot, we say. All highly unlikely, so a plot with more holes in than a Swiss cheese, but the acting was spot-on and deeply alluring, and made the whole laughable journey somehow worthwhile. Hey ho.

And, over at The Angry Anglican, I take a much needed break from Anglican Leadership Homophobia World (AKA The Church of England) and find respite (phew!) with the local URC church ...

Anne Brooke
Gay Reads UK
The Gathandrian Fantasy Trilogy
Biblical Fiction UK
Lori Olding Children's Author

Come to the cabaret, my friends ...

I'm just craftily sneaking in a preview of the glorious cover art for upcoming novel Number Two in the Gathandrian Trilogy, Hallsfoot's Battle. It's courtesy of the supremely talented Penelope Cline, and I love it. I'm on the proofing stage now so we're nearly at lift-off. Am beginning to get rather excited about it too.

Have had a great week - our 19th wedding anniversary was on September 11th, so we really feel grown-up now. Will we have to start being sensible? Heaven forbid! It's astonishing that K hasn't sent me back in despair to the Wife Shop really. Twenty years next year, and we don't feel a day over sixteen. Well, almost sixteen ... Anyway, we started the day with chocolate cake (the healthy breakfast, don't you know ...) and ended it with champagne, so a truly balanced diet all round. Hurrah for us!

It's also been a hugely exciting weekend for me, as I attended the UK GLBTQ Fiction Conference in Brighton as a small part of the presenting team for a couple of sessions ("First 150 words of a novel", and "Ideas - Where Can I Get Some?"), and also as a very enthusiastic participant. We had a wonderful night out on Saturday at a Burlesque cabaret at the Brighton Proud Ballroom, which was marvellous and gloriously cheesy, and I swear I will never see The Ugly Duckling in quite the same way again. Really, it's astonishing what women can do with a power drill and nipple tassels. Perhaps not one to try at home, people ... It was also wonderful to meet people I've only met online before, and catch up with those I've met in "real" life too, and the chance to chat with fellow-writers, readers, publishers and reviewers without having to explain why I write and love gay erotic/non-erotic fiction was really great also. I loved it. Can't wait for next year's meeting in July in Manchester. Bring it on ...

Other book-type news is that Untreed Reads have accepted my comic surreal short story about a dictionary, Candy and Catharsis, for publication next March, so I'm thrilled with that. And the book tour (plus prizes!) for The Origami Nun starts tomorrow, so that should be fun. Hope as many of you out there as possible will come and join me with my Lori Olding hat on - she's a great gal. Honest!...

Meanwhile, over at Vulpes Libris on Thursday, I reviewed the crazy but utterly charming novel, Jane Austen Ruined My Life by Beth Pattillo. Definitely worth a read, and a class ending to die for. Great stuff.

Finally, I broke my Star Trek mug last week - oh the trauma. There was weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth, I can tell you. Luckily SuperHusband came to the rescue and ordered me a new one, so has gained at least a thousand Husband Points in one easy move. What class that man has ... I am treating my bright, shiny Star Trek mug with great care, and I'm sure the coffee in it tastes much better. Cosmic almost ...

Anne Brooke
The Gathandrian Fantasy Trilogy
Gay Reads UK
Lori Olding Children's Author

Changing Attitude and the last dance

Have been surprised and pleased this morning to see that Maloney's Law was floating around at Number 36 in the Amazon UK gay fiction charts. It's now dropped of course, but it was lovely while it lasted.

I'm also pleased to say that Two Christmases gained another five-star rating at the Goodreads site, which has been another boost. Much-needed as I do find this last run-up to Christmas rather depressing. Echoes of the year is nearly over and what the heck have I done with it?? are flying round my head, dammit. Ah well.

However, keeping on the writing front, I was thrilled to receive a lovely email from my independent editor, Sarah Abel, who is currently editing The Gifting for me ready for self-publication next year. She wrote: "I've read through your manuscript twice now and I just wanted to tell you that I think your story is Amazing! A real page-turner, I didn't want to put it down (the second time through as well!) and I want to know what happens next!! This is a grand tale, richly embroidered with tons of action. Plenty of material for the reader's imagination to work with."

Well, gosh, honestly those few kind words have been making me cry, I have to say. I know I do joke about it to anyone (very few!) who asks, both face to face and online, but that novel and the whole fantasy series I'm currently writing still that stem from it has given me some of my worst and best moments of the last couple of years. There have been moments of writing when I've really been enjoying the whole process of it, but on the other hand the unanimous rejections or complete blanking I've received from both the mainstream fantasy press and the small independent press in the UK and US has been absolutely killing. It's been that, really, which prompted me to give up my agent and to give up any hopes of attempting to get it published in paperback commercially (though there are 2 small epublishers who have as yet not rejected it). I simply couldn't take the knock-backs any more. Especially as I'd hoped all along that this novel might just be the one to bring me somewhere in the orbits of the mainstream press. Well, it hasn't been and that's been an excruciatingly hard lesson to take in. And, yes, I am bitter about it. Very bitter. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't. When I started writing fiction in 2000, I gave myself 10 years to try to make some kind of career out of it, and that hasn't happened. Or at least, not in the manner or to the extent I'd hoped for. A bitter pill to swallow indeed. And, in the end, it's been that which has set me back on the self-publication route again. Honestly, it's been as if I'm the only person in the universe who felt there was some glimmer of good writing and good story in The Gifting, and it's lovely that now someone else has bothered to write and tell me it's not crap after all. Thank you, Sarah. It's much appreciated.

Anyway, enough existential sobbing from this particular failing writer - other things in life are just as important as me and my career issues (no! surely not, we cry!). So I've finally had enough with the whole Ugandan anti-LGBT people nightmare and have joined Changing Attitude, a group that exists to support LBGT members of the Anglican church. They are also being proactive in condemning the new Ugandan bill - and it was interesting to see last week the Church Times (a better paper than one would ever expect) in one of their articles liken the Ugandan rhetoric used to support the new anti-homosexuality bill and condemn LGBT people as similar to the language Hitler used to condemn the Jews. They're right too. It's all very worrying. Just because one may not agree with someone's lifestyle or attitude is surely no excuse to sentence them to death or fling them in jail. It's bloody ridiculous. Sigh.

Still, on a less political and serious note, I'm utterly thrilled to see that the lovely Chris & Ola won Strictly Come Dancing. Fab-u-lous, as Craig R-H might say. Double huzzahs and hang out the bunting! I recorded it last night as we were out for dinner with friends (and had a fantastic time, thank you, Liz & John!), so will look forward to basking in the glory later. It will, I hope, ease the incredible pain of losing Terry Wogan on the radio, who broadcast his final breakfast programme on Friday, sob! I'll really, really miss his ease and wit in the mornings. I will, in the interests of fairness, give Chris Evans a try, but I don't think I'm going to like him at all - I never have before ... A lighter sigh.

However, the good news is that the very kind Elly from our poetry course sent me the sound of the closing/opening doors in Star Trek - after I'd said that when I hear them it never fails to make me smile. What a star, thank you, Elly! Here they are. Lovely - what could be nicer?

This week's haiku:

In the snowy wood
a deer carves a graceful way
through mist and bare trees.

Anne's website - let's face the music and dance ...

The glory of the edit and the joys of Spock

I am being organised and focused today, or trying to. Ho hum. But I must admit that when I'm seriously editing, the rest of my life does rather get put on hold. However, here's this morning's meditation:

Meditation 131

The price of commitment
is blood
and torn flesh,

something given
willingly
by the one

who wants to stay;
sometimes the open road
does not enchant us.

We've also managed to show our faces at church this morning, and what wonderful belting hymns we had today. Ah, they don't make them like they used to, you know. There's something about All Hail the Power of Jesus' Name that really stirs the blood - the perfect processional hymn indeed. To the right tune of course, not (sadly) the one that appears to be on the web, sigh ... Also a pleasure to have in the pew behind us an old man who had the most glorious baritone singing voice - like listening to a torrent of the best honey pouring over a mountain. He turned out to be a retired bishop (of all things), so good to know the church can occasionally, even these days, make a good musical choice.

For most of the rest of the morning and all this evening, I've been working away on the final edits to The Bones of Summer, and am now proudly at the start of Chapter 16, page 110 (of 192 pages), so am pleased with how it's gone so far. And I'm learning a huge amount about how different the American language and spelling is to the UK's. It's an eye-opener for sure. Though it is exhausting.

I've also continued to take part in the online gay fiction celebration weekend at the Literary Nymphs Yahoo Group, and have posted a second, rather more intense excerpt of Painting from Life, and erotic extracts of both A Dangerous Man and Maloney's Law. The response has been positive, so that's a relief (as it were).

But the BIG EXCITEMENT of today is that I have finally, finally, finally gone to see the new Star Trek film with Lord H, and I have to say it is utterly and incredibly brilliant. I loved it and can't recommend it to you highly enough! I have fallen in love with Spock all over again, and the whole thing was clever and witty and sharp and warm. Not to mention very very exciting. Great stuff. The moment the DVD comes out, I'm there with my purse open, geared up to watch it all over again. If you haven't gone to see it - and even if you don't like Star Trek - just go. It'll be worth it.

This week's haiku is:

You unknit the day
so it falls like bright raindrops
on my weary skin.

Oh, and while I'm thinking about it, a BIG thank you to all you wonderful people who've donated to the Cancer Research Race for Life - it's very much appreciated and the team is very grateful for your continuing generosity. It's stunning.

Today's nice things:

1. Poetry
2. Good hymns
3. Editing Bones for publication
4. Gay fiction chats
5. Star Trek!
6. Haikus
7. People's Race for Life generosity.

Anne Brooke - waiting for the mother ship to summon her home ...
Cancer Research Race for Life - helping those with cancer

The secret life of sex writing

A small but perfectly formed (if I even dare say that!...) blog today:

First off, am very pleased to see that my article on writing sex is now at the Strictly Writing website – so it’s the place to go for hot tips on ... um ... sex. As it were. Enjoy!

Meanwhile, I’m back at work. Sneezing a lot and generally being avoided. I decided against wearing a big hat, just in case people got twitchy … And I’ve managed to deal with – or at least print out and put in a pile - all 103 of my outstanding emails, hurrah. Plus a big vote of thanks has to go to Ruth and Rosemary who, between them, dealt with my two meetings yesterday. What stars they are indeed.

Had a late lunch and popped to Tesco to pick up some items which Lord H (who kindly did the shopping yesterday) didn’t get. Also remembered to buy some lunch as I didn’t fancy my usual rice and fish concoction today. Too damn healthy. Bring on the ruddy chocolate. In so many ways, eh ...

Tonight, we should have been going to see the Star Trek film, but really I don’t want to infect the whole of Guildford, so am staying at home instead. Not a lot on TV, but I might just watch it aimlessly anyway. Doesn’t have to be on. Though I do have a couple of poems floating round my head, so it's probably best to try to get them onto paper before my brain implodes. Better out than in, as they say. Ho ho.

Today’s nice things:

1. The sex article
2. Coping with emails
3. Resting and, hopefully, getting better
4. Poetry.

Anne Brooke
Race for Life - helping Cancer Research

Painting from Life launch day and other writing excitements

Goodness, what an exciting day I'm having! There's so much news I really don't know where to start. Let's try and keep it simple, eh.

First off, Painting from Life, my short story about erotic and artistic obsession, has just been published and you can find out more information and read an excerpt on its page at Eternal Press.



You can also enjoy the book trailer, and as yet another special treat, here's the blurb:

"Love is never what you think. When a painter goes beyond the degree of intimacy that provides the connection between him and his newly-discovered muse, he is forced to undergo a re-evaluation of the true meaning of love. In a strange twist on the Dorian Gray theme, perhaps the artist steals the subject’s essence as love and art meld into one."

Not only that, but the online launch party, including excerpts, insights and competitions, has lasted all day and if you like you can still join in the fun at the Eternal Press Readers Yahoo Group. There's still time to open that bottle of virtual - or indeed real - champagne!

The second literary excitement is this:

My upcoming novel, The Bones of Summer, now has brand-new cover art - which I'm hugely pleased with, and a brand-new blurb, both of which I attach below:



"When Craig Robertson's religious fanatic father disappears, Craig is forced to return to the home he'd left behind after an underage affair in order to look for answers. His new lover, private investigator Paul Maloney, agrees to help so they can continue to enjoy their fledgling relationship. During his initial search, Craig finds items that belonged to Michael, his lover in that long-ago ill-fated affair, and soon discovers that Michael has disappeared as well. The search becomes an investigation into Craig's past, and, because of distressing gaps in his memory, he's terrified of the truths he might find. Finally Craig tells Paul his deepest fear: that Michael is dead and he himself is responsible. While Paul refuses to believe his lover is a murderer, Craig's obsession with uncovering clues grows, and their fragile relationship begins to disintegrate. Now on his own, haunted and stalked, Craig has to face down the horror of his memories if he wants to have any hope of a future at all."

My goodness, that'll be a rollercoaster ride for sure - in so many ways. I can hardly wait till it's published on 22 June!

So, really, I've spent most of my day being involved in the Painting from Life virtual launch party, doing loads of marketing and updating my website and everything else online I can think of. With all that, I didn't have breakfast till gone 11am and didn't get dressed till 12.30pm - shame on me ... Sounds like a typical writer, eh - but I've been busy, honest. That said, I've also managed to squeeze in making a book trailer for The Bones of Summer, which I'm very pleased with and which I'll upload nearer the time. That'll be the third video I've made, so I'm becoming quite the Ang Lee of Godalming. Ho ho.

Oh and I've booked tickets for Lord H and myself to go and see the hugely exciting new Star Trek film next Tuesday - I can barely contain myself!

Tonight, the launch party continues, but I must find time to pack as we're away with our lovely Egypt friends on a Murder-Mystery weekend in Swindon (gosh!) at the weekend, so I must make sure to take a magnifying glass and a deer-stalker in order to look for clues ...

Today's nice things:

1. The publication and launch of Painting from Life
2. The Bones of Summer cover art
3. Book trailers
4. Booking the Star Trek tickets.

Anne Brooke
Cancer Research Race for Life - just £35 to go to match our fundraising target!

Tea habits, Star Trek, chat and visiting

Lord H was hugely pleased today at the discovery that three cups of tea a day is good for you, as advised on the BBC news site. I suggested it would be a good idea to up our intake then as we hardly drink tea at all. Ah, innocent wife! Lord H casually replied that he drank loads of tea at work anyway, so it wasn’t a problem. I think he was about to go on with some other remark but I was staring at him with such stunned surprise that he was forced into silence. In all the years I’ve known him, and in fifteen years of marriage, I’ve never realised he drank tea at any other time than on holiday. Aha, the truth is coming out now - obviously I just don’t understand him, you know …

Well, I am now enlightened and will have to add tea to my shopping list at the next available opportunity. However, Lord H says he doesn’t drink tea at home, as it’s for work. And holidays. Um, obviously. Marriage: the last great mystery indeed. The whole revelation and the fun we’ve had with it reminded us both of the episode in Star Trek TNG where Keiko O’Brien is mourning her supposedly dead husband, Miles, and watching DVD clips of his last few moments before he vanishes. She only realises the clips have been tampered with by evil aliens when she sees him drinking a cup of coffee even though he’s on duty after 7pm. Being his wife, she is convinced he never drinks coffee after 5pm as it keeps him awake at night so, on her say-so, the ship rushes back to where Miles was taken and eventually finds him alive and well, hurrah! The joke is that in the episode’s conclusion, we see Miles enjoying a well-earned coffee last thing at night and saying he always has a cup during his last half-hour of duty – under Keiko’s astonished gaze. So, if Lord H ever gets snatched by evil aliens, that may well be my way of foiling their evil plans, aha. Mind you, as I have now discovered the fifteen-year tea drinking secret in advance of such an event, the jury’s still out on whether I’ll rush to his rescue or not …

Anyway, today I’ve taken the afternoon off as time in lieu for my recent Saturday working. On my way home, I popped in to see Jane H to pick up some Nutrimetics products (I do love their soothing facial mask – it’s bliss) and have … um … a cup of tea. Well I have some catching-up to do after all. And lovely to see you, Jane. I then popped into see Gladys and restock her birdseed. She was drinking tea as well – so it appears the aliens have got everyone I know already. Hell, I may actually be the only person left to save the universe – Lord help it. Am I up to the task?...

While I ponder on how to save the universe, and inspired by Sharon, I’ve decided to look at another later section of Hallsfoot’s Battle so I have more of an idea as to what I'm aiming for. It's a plan anyway. Funny how books are all different, dammit. Like children. I imagine. And thanks for the tips, Sharon – very much appreciated.

Tonight I shall be glued to Lost in Austen on TV, but will have to video Who Do You Think You Are? David Suchet’s such a charmer – I can’t miss him.

Today’s nice things:

1. The amusement of tea and Star Trek
2. An afternoon off
3. Tea – again! – with Jane H
4. Doing something different with Hallsfoot.
5. TV.

Anne Brooke
Anne's website

Teeth and theatres

A dental appointment plus hygienist appointment for Lord H and myself this morning. Goodness, how our Saturdays rock. I am always annoyed by the fact that Lord H barely puts brush to enamel most days and never ever flosses, whereas I scrub my teeth religiously for hours and was once top in the National UK Flossing Championships - yet still his teeth are better than mine, dammit. I blame our mothers. It's always very soothing at the dentist actually - having a double appointment is like playing at being grown-up and doing real adult married things. Rather than the strange alien things we normally do (no, I wasn't thinking of that - for once). Today our usual dentist is still on maternity leave, so we had the mad one, Robert. He is one of those who likes to tell us what he's doing when he does it - now I'm checking for mouth cancer, ooh look - no! that fooled you, didn't it? You don't have it after all - and spends some time checking our glands. No, not those ones. You can't get that sort of service in Bramley on a Saturday morning ... We also had an interesting conversation about whether my bizarre handwriting (I tend to use a mixture of capitals and non-caps as a natural preference) means I am the patient most likely to turn out to be a serial killer. That seemed to cheer up the dentist's day and, as he said, will at least be something to tell his grandchildren. Also interestingly, Lord H has a dental x-ray theory: he is convinced that no dentist actually takes any x-rays of your teeth, and the pictures they show you afterwards are really only actors' teeth. No, Lord H is convinced that they simply set up a hairdryer at the edge of the room, make it go beep and then sell whatever it is they really get from it back to their homeworlds for peculiar sexual practices.

Anyway, after receiving our perfect teeth certificates for another year, Lord H headed off to Farnham as he is on the hunt for a new car, possibly a Saab. Bloody hell, that's like being an adult too. I might one day soon be married to a Saab owner. Ye gods, but that'll up my street-cred amongst the Ladies of Surrey. Still, it can't get any lower, can it? ... And I headed home and finished off a poem I've been writing about writing excuses (as it were), which I include below:

Excuses for not writing

The cat won’t come in
The cat won’t go out
My car has been stolen so I can’t get to the shops to buy paper
Or cat food

There’s not enough time
There’s too much time
My computer doesn’t understand me
I don’t like my keyboard
I don’t like my pen.

I don’t have any ideas
I have wonderful ideas but I don’t know how to start
My dog/cat/rabbit just died and I have to have six months of mourning
My dog/cat/rabbit won’t die so I have to spend time feeding and cuddling it

I have to keep up my solitaire scores
I have to do a sudoku. Oh, and another one
I have to email my friends
My friends keep emailing me so I have to reply. Immediately
The phone is ringing and I have to see who it is

The house is a mess and it needs tidying
The house is too tidy and it needs messing up
I have to go shopping as there’s no food in the house
I have to put the shopping away
I have to eat the food in the house in order to make room for more shopping

I’m waiting for the gasman and I can’t start anything until he arrives
Someone just called round and I have to talk to them
I don’t like my characters
I don’t like my plot

I have too little research and have to find time to do some
I have too much research and can’t plough through it all
I’m depressed about not being able to write so I have to go out and drink a lot
I am too drunk to get up, let alone write


Well, at the very least that'll raise the curtain on how much of a writer's time is actually spent writing. Answer: about 1% on a good day. Hey ho.

After lunch, we popped into Guildford, stared suspiciously at cars (Lord H now wonders if a Saab will get our golf clubs in, plus any holiday luggage ...), shopped (hey, I actually bought a new pair of casual shoes and some work trousers). Miracles will never cease. I'm beginning to think that my sudden urge to be a real woman and shop must be the result of using my SAD light this morning. Hmm, I bet that's something they don't include in the advertising. And to think that all it took was shining a bright light in my eyes and driving me to town. Now if only I'd known that as a teenager my nickname might not have been Nanook of the North. Ah well.

We then saw the new Alan Ayckbourn play - "If I were You" - dull first half, but a cracker of a second, and beautifully played by the two main leads. I'd say go if you can, though it's not one of his best. Mind you, he is in his seventies now, poor old goat, so astonishing he can lift a pen at all, I'm sure.

And, hey, some good news from Flame Books (http://www.flamebooks.com)!!! Apparently - brace yourselves at the back - "A Dangerous Man" is currently being printed for the first print run - though I suspect that's only for review copies. Naturally I am too scared to ask any more, but (whisper it softly in the aisles) my Pit of Despair might have a hint of a glimmering light at the edges. Ye gods indeed. If I ever get a copy in my hot little hands, I will be strongly tempted to run naked through the streets of Godalming whilst screaming. So I suggest it's a wise move to close your curtains and stay in.

Have just finished reading David Harsent's latest poetry book - "Legion". Um, rubbish really. I wouldn't bother. I think I could have cut most of the poems and made them all into haiku. Which might have been fairly pleasant. But, boy, does the man go on. I skipped a lot of stuff towards the end and felt very wearied. Dahling, pass me the gin and the smelling salts ...

Tonight, I'm going to watch Star Trek, eat Chinese food and drink enough beer to launch the Titanic. Again.

Today's nice things:

1. Writing (or not writing!)
2. Shopping
3. Seeing our first play of 2007.

Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk

Haircut and black tie dinner

Never say I don't lead the high life on occasion. This morning was a lazy lie-in followed by a half-hearted cleaning session in preparation for doing lunch for friends tomorrow. But there is some good news! - cleaning is much nicer with an iPod. It's true - technology works. It does make our lives nicer. I feel much calmer if I'm listening to Mozart while scrubbing the kitchen, and Blondie's "Sunday Girl" is a wow for washing the floors to. You heard it here first. And how Blondie takes me back to my school days - ah happy memories (at least in terms of secondary school anyhow). The only trouble was the sing-along moments disturbing Lord H's efforts to do his theology essay (not that he complained, and before anyone asks, yes, he had done his share of the cleaning by then ...) - I'm not sure I have the range that Deborah Harry had. Ever. In any circumstance.

Managed to squeeze in one episode of the original "Star Trek" (ah, they don't make 'em like that any more, more's the pity) before my hairdresser turned up to get rid of the neck flicks and fringe which have crept up on me over the last couple of weeks or so. Thank God. I was beginning to think that the '40s had come again.

Lord H has gone to the shops to stock up for tomorrow's lunch and tonight's wine offerings, but has actually now come back as the queues to get into the ruddy Waitrose car park were so long he'd probably be there till the next millenium. The hell that is Christmas indeed ... Anyone for fish 'n' chips tomorrow?

Tonight we're at Liz & John's for Liz's annual black tie dinner. We went for the first time last year, and rather enjoyed it - there are only about 8 people and it's in her home, so it's manageable even for me. Surely. Last year, I was on something of a high though, and suspect I didn't stop talking for three hours. Though I don't think they minded. Still, I hope to be on a calmer roll this year and try to avoid my usual performance defence mechanism. Now that would be nice.

Oh, and I've given up with my Handbook for Depressed Christians (or similar title - I can't be arsed to get off my ... well ... arse and check it, sorry) as it was getting on my nerves and was beginning to be so shallow I could have held it up and seen right through it. Not bad for 400 pages plus. Instead, I bought another book for non-religion specific depressed people last week - Tim Cantopher's "Depression: the Curse of the Strong" and ye gods, it's bloody good. Small, very readable and highly sane. Not bad for a psychiatrist author then. I'm getting more out of that than I did the other, for sure. Interestingly, Tim is actually a Consultant Psychiatrist at the University, though I've never actually met him - so at least I'm keeping it local.

And, for those of you keeping up with this kind of thing, did I get my copies of "A Dangerous Man" from Flame Books (http://www.flamebooks.com) this week as promised by them? Did I heck! I'm almost beginning to wonder if I did actually sign a contract with them last spring at all, or whether it's a figment of my overactive imagination. If the latter, this would explain their slight air of confusion when I call. Hmm. To be honest, if it is real, I don't mind the delay so much as the lack of communication. Even something saying: "we're sorry for the delay, there's no news but we thought you'd like to hear from us anyway to let you know we're still working on it" would be nice. And it can't cost much. Or am I asking the impossible from a small press? How I wish there was someone out there who could tell me. Till then, I'm stumbling on in the dark.

Today's nice things:

1. Haircut
2. Dinner tonight
3. Star Trek.

Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk

Christmas shopping - the horror of it ...

Lord H and I made a brave decision today and got up early to do our Christmas shopping. God, it's horrific. We've also decided not to buy presents for our friends, but only for children that we know - this has caused some unexpected dissension in the ranks (and also some rather surprising bitchiness from a most unexpected source!), but hell we're sticking to our guns. Christmas is ruddy awful enough as it is. Still, only buying for people under 4 foot tall brings its own hurdles - namely (a) we both hate children anyway, (b) we have none (thank God!) of our own, and (c) no retailer thinks to put helpful stickers on child items saying "this is suitable for an x year old" any more. Cue our two puzzled frowns in Waterstone's today - and my heartfelt admiration at Lord H for somehow making a differentiation between what the average child can read at 5 years old and what they might be able to read at 8 years. So, we've done it - and frankly, m'dears, if they don't like it they'll jolly well have to lump it. Christmas? Bah! Humbug ...

However, I was cheered to find a large and suitably ego-satisfying picture of me in this month's copy of "Writers' Forum" (not a magazine I've ever been that impressed with, I have to say, but it's somehow redeemed itself this month - Page 4 if you're interested ...) - courtesy of the efforts of the generous people at Writers Promote (http://www.writerspromote.com) - thank you, David Caldo! - who have even managed to get my WP web page (http://www.writerspromote.com/annebrooke) in the advert. Lord H is having to dissuade me from photocopying it (in colour) six zillion times and putting it in all this year's Christmas cards. After a brief marital tussle (ooh, lovely!) I've managed to get him to agree to a Christmas letter instead - as long as we put spoof items in it too. Which sounds great to me - cue bollocky statements like "Jemima won the pony club awards for the fifth time this year and is now being headhunted for the Olympic horseriding events ..." Hurrah and tally-ho.

This afternoon, I've been glued to Star Trek on TV before falling victim to the siren-song of an hour's nap on the bed while Lord H watched the rugby. A writer's life is just so exhausting, you know ... Tonight, we're out at the Guildford Choral Society concert - a Christmas medley this time, which might be the nearest thing to fulfilling my Christian duties that I manage this year. Hey ho.

Today's nice things:

1. Getting most of Christmas bought
2. Finding a mugshot of me in "Writers' Forum"
3. Star Trek.

Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk

Visiting, cleaning & napping

Goodness, what a wide variety of exciting activities makes up my day! Finally managed to pop in to see Gladys this morning - but didn't stay long as she was very confused, and I think my answers weren't making anything clearer. To either of us. We also had fun trying to change the battery in her hearing aid - why do the manufacturers make these things so damn complicated? You'd think they'd have more sense!!

Came home to help Lord H do the cleaning - finally! It's my most hated task, but I have to admit the flat does look less like a war zone now. Still got the hoovering to do though - hell, it's a man's job, ha! Spent the rest of the afternoon lapping up old Star Trek episodes before giving in to the overwhelming desire to nap. Have to catch up on my sleep somehow, y'know. Oh, and I also wrote a poem about spaces - which I think I'm fairly happy with. I'll type it up later.

Tonight, Lord H & I are off for dinner with some of my old university friends. It's funny how I used to feel they were the ones I was closest to, and now I don't. I think things have moved on for us all, to be honest. It'll be a pleasant enough evening, I'm sure, but the thought of making the 1.5-2hr journey down south just for food is a little exhausting. Still, at least we've decided not to stay overnight - I always find that prospect awkward, no matter who I'm staying with. My prime desire is to be home at all times!

Today's nice things:

1. Napping
2. Star Trek
3. Writing a poem.

Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk

Patricia Duncker and dinner with friends

A lazy morning, followed by getting the posh crockery out ready for Keith & Brian coming for dinner this evening. I also had a "nice" rejection from Parthian Books for "Maloney's Law" as, although he couldn't include it on his list, he did give me a couple of other publishers who might be interested. So I've sent a partial off to both of those today.

This afternoon, I watched the first of the "Star Trek" triple bill on TV, and then went off to Guildford for the "Modern Fiction" Book Festival (http://www.guildfordbookfestival.co.uk) event, featuring Patricia Duncker. I think PD is absolutely brilliant and always buy all her stuff. Though I'm not so keen on her latest, I do love her evil, dark work so much - and she signed the books I brought with me, which was great! Also she seems a really nice person, and looked very chuffed when I said what a fan I was. Apparently, the next one - which I think is called "The Composer and His Judge" - is going to be evil and dark too. So that's a definite for my book list. Oh, the event was good as well - lots of discussion on childhood and modern literary influences, which was fun and eye-opening too. Nice to find out that PD is a fan of Rider Haggard. You can't go wrong with "She"!

So, tonight it's K&B for dinner here (see above). Lord H, as usual, is doing the cooking, and I'll do the talking. Always play to your strengths is what I say.

Today's nice things:

1. Star Trek
2. Patricia Duncker event
3. Seeing Keith & Brian.

Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk

Still sick, dammit ...

.... and another rough night in the living room with very little sleep. Which meant I've been too ill to go golfing today. Further damns. And I suspect the cleaning will have to wait. Not to mention any thought of writing!

Still, I did enjoy the double bill of Star Trek this afternoon, along with the new series of Monk. What did sick people do before the age of TV? I dread to think.

Being up all night meant I finished Jodi Picoult's "Perfect Match". Another page turner from the mistress of page turning work, but my goodness what a horrible heroine and an equally horrible heroine's husband. I had no sympathy with either of them. How I wish Nina had gone to jail for twenty years - it would have been justice for her crass stupidity, shallowness and general bitchiness. I felt sorry for the poor priest - no justice for him, obviously ... And why was everyone in love with her? They must have been mad.

Today's nice things:

1. Star Trek
2. Monk.

Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk

Publishing hell and Star Trek

A very low day today - will have to up the dose of my de-stress herbals soon, dammit. Have spent a large part of the day arguing my case on the Writewords (http://www.writewords.org.uk) site that mainstream publishing has its finger too far up its own proverbials to know much about quality as its main focus is sellability (two very different things) and that you have to rely these days on self- and small-publishing a lot of the time too. It's interesting how the support has neatly divided into those who have mainstream deals who say I'm talking stuff and nonsense, and those who write equally good (if not more so) work but aren't lucky enough to have landed a commercial deal, who understand there's a lot of truth in what I say. Have been increasingly annoyed with the attitudes shown throughout the day, I have to say - Lord preserve me from not seeing the "other" side of the street any more if I should ever get a "big name" to take me seriously! I suspect I'm kept fairly grounded from that horror though by the fact that if I ever get a mainstream deal, I believe it'll only be for one or two books anyway, no more, so the self- and small-publishing options are very much going to keep me in business.

Still, all the shennanigans of the discussion have made me feel that for my own sanity I'd like to steer clear of the Writewords forums for a while - at least until people see that we have to give house-room both to mainstream and smallstream authors. This bollocks about "oh it's only ever published if it's good, and anything good always gets published" is nothing but moonshine and arses.

The one good thing about today was the lovely triple bill of "Star Trek" I've watched this afternoon - you can never go wrong with outer space indeed. Would that the world down here was run with honesty and justice - but sadly it's not.

This week's haiku:

Today, I gave up
being the social glue; see
my friends fade away.

Today's nice things:

1. Star Trek.

Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk