Thursday, June 08, 2006

Golf & catch-up

Two for the price of one today, you lucky people. Or maybe not. Even hotter today. Muddled through with writing some of “The Gifting” this morning, and then popped into see Gladys. She’s very confused today – must be the heat. Can’t say I blame her.

Had a nap this afternoon, and then played golf with Marian later. Glorious sunshine, and I did quite well. Much more consistent than last week, and one wonderful chipped-in par at the eighth. Bliss. The monthly writing mags arrived today. There's a piece about Goldenford and "Pink Champagne and Apple Juice" in Writers' News (, so that's good. Must be happening then ...

It's too hot to move, let alone type. Damn it.

Wednesday 7 June: Counselling day

Didn’t manage to write my blog yesterday, as I had a full day in London doing the last of the SUADP (Administrator Development) course. Yesterday’s theme was “Teamwork and Leadership”, and we all had a good time. Even the team games weren’t too scary, once they got going, and – thank the Lord – I didn’t have to be Leader at any time. Phew. Couldn’t imagine anything worse. Did a “what role are you in a team?” test and found out I am basically a Worker Bee type. No surprises there then. In fact I was 12 points higher than the highest point on the so-called scale. So, it’s proven: I am officially square. At last! – I’ve found my true inner self. Hmm ... At least we had a hell of a lot of fun playing a Scrabble-type game and building a tall tower with Lego. I’ve had far more terrifying days. And the presenter was someone I know from UniS, so it made it that much more light-hearted for me. As it was the last session, we had a talk from London University’s Vice-Chancellor at the end. Whose name I instantly forgot, as it means nothing to me. Verdict: he tried too hard and ended up being dull. Why do these managerial types always attempt to get twenty-five minutes worth of speaking out of ten minutes of material? It’s a mystery. Still, he seemed a harmless enough chap. Unusual, for a V-C … And we all went out for dinner in the evening (not with the V-C of course – that would have been a network too far!), so a good time had by all.

Today – Wednesday – had quite a good day at work, and was absolutely up-to-date by the time 5pm came round. And it was my two year anniversary at UniS, so I took in cakes. It’s amazing I’ve lasted so long. My lunchtime counselling session with Zoe was helpful – as ever. It feels as if I’m facing a glass wall, with the normal carefully-managed and very separate parts of my life contained behind me, and something like a very rich and colourful field in front. A field where all the separate sections might be able to merge together one day and still be okay. God, that would be a relief. How I hate all these bloody labels people seem to put on me – Anne’s an “X”; oh no, she’s a “Y”; she’s exuberant; she moans all the time; etc, etc. I’m pissed off with all that, people. Can’t I be all of them without being judged? Yes, having the label might make for a simpler life, but it leaves other parts unexpressed. How I’d like to move on from there. Hell, the search for some kind of wholeness – it’s a bloody mystery, isn’t it?

Still, there a revisit to “The Monastery” on TV tonight, so maybe that will be a source of inspiration? Not sure where my five-minute silence slot disappeared to last night, or if it will even happen tonight, but we live in hope. (Postscript – it happened but in a concertinaed 5 mins when Lord H was washing up. The thing I took away from it was that I’d really like to live more deeply. Nice thought, but God alone knows how …)

And it’s so bloody hot!

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