Got so involved with The Gifting synopsis & timeline last night that I decided to miss “New Tricks”, though I have videoed it instead for later. This part of the process is taking longer than I thought, probably as it’s a longer novel, I imagine, and I’ve put a lot of different strands in it. The timeline is helping sort out a few oddities too – as I knew it would. I’m keen to finish by the end of this week before Lord H and I go on holiday – being a true OCD (Obsessive Completion Disorder …), I can’t stand the thought of it hanging over me while I’m away. It’s making me quite twitchy indeed.
Lord H enjoyed the theology last night, but when I asked him (not for the first time …) if he’d received his last two essays back yet, admitted that he thinks the Diocese might have lost them. Honestly! They’re sooo hopeless!! I of course was at once up in arms, and keen to confront the course tutors, demanding that they return my husband’s work to him – he works hard enough to get them done after all! And if they can’t be arsed to give them back, well then they’ll have me to deal with … Not a pretty thought then. Lord H, being the sweet person that he is, doesn’t want to make the tutors feel uncomfortable (ha! So what? is what I say – let ’em suffer!!), but I hope I’ve managed to persuade him at least to email them so they can get their proverbial fingers out before the hols come upon them. In my experience of educational admin, once a lecturer is let loose for the summer, you’ll be whistling in the wind for any left-over work.
Hmm, I wonder if it’s because the Diocese can’t be bothered as he’s the only one not on the vocational training part of the course? That would be typical … though I do understand, that under the current circumstances of my uneasy relationship with the Church, I might be seeing Reds under the Bed where there are none. Again. We’ll see …
Anyway, this morning, I managed to squeeze in 10 minutes of synopsising/timelining (ooh look! A new verb – hurrah!) in a stressed, obsessive way before going to work. As you do. And the car started – what a relief!
Have been doing more to the mentoring handbook over the last couple of days – am having fun with front and back covers, and spine templates. Actually, I really enjoy this – there’s nothing like fiddling around with fonts to put a smile on a secretary’s face. At lunchtime, we had our next meeting of UniSWriters – the “homework” was to write something on Easter and/or children. Naturally, being the anti-child person that I am, I have done something cynical and twisted on Easter festivities. Ho ho. A very good meeting too – lots of people and most had brought something to read, hurrah!
I even had a meeting today that wasn’t cancelled, so that cheered me up. I tempted them all by ordering muffins – aha! – and we discussed possible online booking systems for students for Student Advice, Counselling etc – the Health Centre already do it anyway so we really should follow suit soon. We’re hoping we manage it by September. You never know! Anyway, we were all quite inspired by the thought of lots of fun buttons for the students to press – which may well prove what a strange bunch we are. Strange, but happy.
Tonight, it’s Guildford Writers, but I don’t think I’ll take the next section of The Gifting as I’m still sorting the whole lot out – I’ll take a piece of flash fiction instead. And I think I’ll leave early as I’m just soooo tired (didn’t sleep that well last night, possibly because my head is full of Simon & synopses. Though, bizarrely, I did dream of being a bridesmaid at the wedding of a friend’s daughter and having to read something out which I hadn’t practised and where the words kept changing on the sheet of paper so I couldn’t make any sense of it. Much like life really. Hmm, must schedule in some relaxation soon, I fear, before the men in white coats come knocking …).
Today’s nice things:
1. Handbook fonts
2. UniSWriters
3. Guildford Writers
Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.pinkchampagneandapplejuice.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk
ANNE BROOKE BOOKS: Independent writer of modern fiction
Showing posts with label Simon. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Simon. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Sunday, April 29, 2007
More spring cleaning, event nerves and a good book
No church today. In any form. But, on the grounds that cleanliness is next to godliness, I have done my bit for the Great Hereafter and vacuumed the car. Yes, astonishing, isn't it? In the middle of yesterday's clear-out, Lord H found the car vacuum, recharged it (my, how thoughtful ...) and so today I have used it. But, ye gods, it doesn't last long, does it? Or maybe it's the amount of mess in my car that did for it. Hard to say, really. Anyway, we are recharging it again, in case I get the urge in another ten years' time. Ho ho. Even more astonishingly, I have actually dusted and polished the inside of the car as well. Which just proves, twice, that the age of miracles is not dead. Yet.
Apart from that, I've done some writing, and now have Simon through the first of his four final tests. And I think I'll put a sex scene in the next one (or rather an almost sex scene) as, hell, it's about time I wrote one. And I deserve it. If nothing else, it'll take my mind off my growing horror at tomorrow's book circle event for A Dangerous Man (http://www.flamebooks.com), which I am now dreading on the grounds that (a) nobody will turn up, and (b) if they do, they won't have read the book so the discussion options will be zilch, and (c) somehow they will be able to tell that I've only sold about 50 copies so am not worthy of their time. Hell, I might even get that tattooed on my forehead before I go in - it'll save all those accusations ... God, how I hate this part of it - yes, I know it's great that I've been invited and I am pleased - it's just that my nerves will be shot to pieces by the time I get there, resulting in me gabbling like an idiot, going as red as a stressed tomato and looking like a klutz. Hmm, so no changes there then. Nobody will notice the difference. I will have to remember to take my calming pills, my Rescue Remedy spray and ask where the nearest loo is. Last time I had to do a public book event, I had to go to the loo five times. In the last ten minutes before it started. Ah well ... I think I might leave my kidneys to Science when I'm dead. I'm sure they'll find them fascinating.
Sorry, sorry, I'm blabbering, I know. There's just not enough TV on tonight to keep my mind off it. Sorry ... Even "Ugly Betty" has ended on a sad note, though was as classy as ever.
Anyway, the good and sad news is that I've just finished Stef Penney's The Tenderness of Wolves. It's bloody marvellous. I'll say it again, in case somebody missed that at the back: it's bloody effing marvellous. Read it. You won't regret it. Wonderful, wonderful stuff. My only problem was (a) reaching the end and feeling devastated that I'd done so, and (b) even though the end was great and perfectly judged, I felt there was something I'd missed in Mrs Ross's name. I didn't get what it was. I desperately wanted it to be Amy (for reasons that will be apparent if you've read it), but I am not sure. And I desperately want to know. So if there's anyone out there who can put me out of my misery, please email me via my website (see below) so as to not spoil the surprise for anyone else. Thank you.
Still have to ring Mother tonight - suspect it's safer to go light on our current church difficulties and be nice, happy daughter. I think that will be the easier option all round really. And of course there's Stephen Fry's "Kingdom" - but I thought last week's episode was really too bland (though Lord H enjoyed it), so I'm hoping for more wit and sharpness this week. We'll see.
This week's haiku (well, it's not a haiku - more of a short poem, but it is what it is, I think):
Journey:
My walk a little less steady now.
Birds fly through broken clouds
and all the land is water.
Today's nice things:
1. Vacuuming the car
2. Writing
3. Stef Penney's book.
Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk
Apart from that, I've done some writing, and now have Simon through the first of his four final tests. And I think I'll put a sex scene in the next one (or rather an almost sex scene) as, hell, it's about time I wrote one. And I deserve it. If nothing else, it'll take my mind off my growing horror at tomorrow's book circle event for A Dangerous Man (http://www.flamebooks.com), which I am now dreading on the grounds that (a) nobody will turn up, and (b) if they do, they won't have read the book so the discussion options will be zilch, and (c) somehow they will be able to tell that I've only sold about 50 copies so am not worthy of their time. Hell, I might even get that tattooed on my forehead before I go in - it'll save all those accusations ... God, how I hate this part of it - yes, I know it's great that I've been invited and I am pleased - it's just that my nerves will be shot to pieces by the time I get there, resulting in me gabbling like an idiot, going as red as a stressed tomato and looking like a klutz. Hmm, so no changes there then. Nobody will notice the difference. I will have to remember to take my calming pills, my Rescue Remedy spray and ask where the nearest loo is. Last time I had to do a public book event, I had to go to the loo five times. In the last ten minutes before it started. Ah well ... I think I might leave my kidneys to Science when I'm dead. I'm sure they'll find them fascinating.
Sorry, sorry, I'm blabbering, I know. There's just not enough TV on tonight to keep my mind off it. Sorry ... Even "Ugly Betty" has ended on a sad note, though was as classy as ever.
Anyway, the good and sad news is that I've just finished Stef Penney's The Tenderness of Wolves. It's bloody marvellous. I'll say it again, in case somebody missed that at the back: it's bloody effing marvellous. Read it. You won't regret it. Wonderful, wonderful stuff. My only problem was (a) reaching the end and feeling devastated that I'd done so, and (b) even though the end was great and perfectly judged, I felt there was something I'd missed in Mrs Ross's name. I didn't get what it was. I desperately wanted it to be Amy (for reasons that will be apparent if you've read it), but I am not sure. And I desperately want to know. So if there's anyone out there who can put me out of my misery, please email me via my website (see below) so as to not spoil the surprise for anyone else. Thank you.
Still have to ring Mother tonight - suspect it's safer to go light on our current church difficulties and be nice, happy daughter. I think that will be the easier option all round really. And of course there's Stephen Fry's "Kingdom" - but I thought last week's episode was really too bland (though Lord H enjoyed it), so I'm hoping for more wit and sharpness this week. We'll see.
This week's haiku (well, it's not a haiku - more of a short poem, but it is what it is, I think):
Journey:
My walk a little less steady now.
Birds fly through broken clouds
and all the land is water.
Today's nice things:
1. Vacuuming the car
2. Writing
3. Stef Penney's book.
Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk
Monday, April 23, 2007
V-Cs, wasps and saints days
St George’s Day today – so happy St George’s Day to all. I gather that Guildford is making a big thing of this, but as I’m not able to go to town in the lunch-hour (in any sense), then I can’t confirm anything. Lord H and I were wondering if we should re-enact the traditional slaying of the dragon by the good saint himself, but were unable to agree on which of us should take which part. So this mini-drama has, I’m afraid, had to be shelved for now. However, at work I have taken out my red, white and blue fluffy pen and given her (or possibly him, but it’s hard to say) pride of place. The saint will be smiling, I’m sure.
And of course it’s Shakespeare’s birthday, so great cause for rejoicing. And … um … his death day, so something more of a bummer really. My though, what a party that must have been. (Happy birthday, Will! Hope you like the present … Oh. Obviously you didn’t. Ah well …). But it does give a nice sense of completion, I have to say.
Oh, and I was cheered yesterday by realising that A Dangerous Man (http://www.flamebooks.com/) is actually on someone’s Wish List on Amazon – and can be seen at the Number Two position on “Jem’s” list here: http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/pdp/profile/ACEA95FQS1AVP - thanks, Jem! I’ve never been on anyone’s wish list before, and it’s a great honour. Talking of which, I find that ADM and I are not only in the University summer arts calendar today – advertising the forthcoming Book Circle discussion on 30 April – but are also on the University intranet news page - which I'm afraid you can't see, but bearing in mind the pic that may be a good thing!
This morning, I have finished off my updates to the Mentoring Handbook and have given it to Carol once more to check. We’ve decided that it will be best housed in A5 files, so we can easily update stuff on an ongoing basis – but you wouldn’t believe how few options the office supply people give on A5 paper or files. Hobson’s choice really. But it does give me a secretarial buzz to be looking at paper and wondering which I like best – almost makes me feel useful.
And I’ve decided to cancel next week’s Kinesiology (http://www.kinesiology4health.com/) appointment in Petersfield and not book any more at the moment, as I’m not sure that I’m learning anything else in my occasional visits - though Jane Phillips is a lovely woman and very good at what she does. It seemed like the right thing to do – and if I do want any further advice I can always make an appointment in Guildford, which is in any case much closer to home. So, I’ve written her a letter to thank her, as that seemed the right thing to do too.
This lunchtime, we had another talk from the Vice-Chancellor about the restructuring. Groan. Mind you, his super-fast delivery meant that I took very little in – which once again may indeed have been his purpose. We were all talked-at into submission by the time the questions slot came round. So I popped out for my lunchtime walk later than usual in order to get my brain functioning again – and saw that we have two baby coots on the lake. Or possibly moorhens, but I can’t tell. The mother had a white beak and the babies red beaks, so perhaps it’s our first cross-breeding? Who knows?
However, it’s not all good news and caviare, I’m afraid – an online friend of mine emailed me today to say she hadn’t really enjoyed poor old ADM at all, the reasons being because it just didn’t gel for her and because she thought I’d left too much of Michael’s traumas until the end. In addition she felt he had much more to say than I’d allowed, and it should have been far darker and more violent. This came as quite a punch (which probably only goes to show what a pathetically sensitive sad git I am, I’m sure …), partly because it’s my first bad review and partly because it was someone I was utterly convinced would like it. A lot. I also felt gutted at the comment that I hadn’t given Michael enough of a voice, especially when I’d felt I’d really gone to the depths with him, and back again. I know she’s being nice and is obviously perfectly entitled to a reaction, but I must admit it hurts. However, a wry smile (of sorts) was raised when I read the comment that she hoped this wouldn’t upset me. Um, I’m only human! Still one very stiff gin later and I’m slowly unfurling. A little.
Tonight, Lord H is out at theology, and I’m going to attempt to start my last scene in The Gifting, even though I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing and am scared to death by it. It really feels like I’ve bitten off far, far more than I can actually chew and, however I write the ending, it’s going to be pants. I simply don’t feel that I can end Simon’s story in the way he deserves and that any of the cats I can pull out of the bag now won’t be any bigger or any fluffier than the cats I’ve pulled out before, as the story’s gone along. Bummer. Again. In all of my other novels (well, most of them anyway …), I’ve known as I approached it what the ending would be – but I’m going to be spitting into a vacuum for this one, I fear. Boy, does this writer have cold feet about it – my toes are barely hanging on. Still, this isn’t the spirit that won (or indeed lost) the empire, so I’ll just have to grit my teeth and slog on. Grinning wildly …
And my 55 word fiction, “When the phone rang” has won the Bird and Moon (http://www.birdandmoon.com/55words/) Readers’ Choice award for February (hurrah!) and can be found here: http://www.birdandmoon.com/55words/readerschoice.html - so that’s cheered me greatly.
Oh, and I’ve had my first real battle with a wasp. I was doing the recycling when that terrible humming began in the hallway and I realised I was trapped outside the flat with no phone and no means of alerting Lord H who was having a quick bath prior to theology. I did try the neighbours but they weren’t in, so I couldn’t ring from theirs. So I had to wait 15 minutes for Lord H to finish his bath and wonder where I was. Lucky he noticed, eh! Still, he despatched the evil striped beast with his usual finesse and I could come home again. Phew. Damn lucky it wasn’t raining either …
And thank goodness there’s “New Tricks” on TV later – just the light relief I need, I suspect.
Today’s nice things:
1. Being on an Amazon wish list
2. The double University advertising splash
3. The 55 word award.
Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com/
http://www.goldenford.co.uk/
And of course it’s Shakespeare’s birthday, so great cause for rejoicing. And … um … his death day, so something more of a bummer really. My though, what a party that must have been. (Happy birthday, Will! Hope you like the present … Oh. Obviously you didn’t. Ah well …). But it does give a nice sense of completion, I have to say.
Oh, and I was cheered yesterday by realising that A Dangerous Man (http://www.flamebooks.com/) is actually on someone’s Wish List on Amazon – and can be seen at the Number Two position on “Jem’s” list here: http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/pdp/profile/ACEA95FQS1AVP - thanks, Jem! I’ve never been on anyone’s wish list before, and it’s a great honour. Talking of which, I find that ADM and I are not only in the University summer arts calendar today – advertising the forthcoming Book Circle discussion on 30 April – but are also on the University intranet news page - which I'm afraid you can't see, but bearing in mind the pic that may be a good thing!
This morning, I have finished off my updates to the Mentoring Handbook and have given it to Carol once more to check. We’ve decided that it will be best housed in A5 files, so we can easily update stuff on an ongoing basis – but you wouldn’t believe how few options the office supply people give on A5 paper or files. Hobson’s choice really. But it does give me a secretarial buzz to be looking at paper and wondering which I like best – almost makes me feel useful.
And I’ve decided to cancel next week’s Kinesiology (http://www.kinesiology4health.com/) appointment in Petersfield and not book any more at the moment, as I’m not sure that I’m learning anything else in my occasional visits - though Jane Phillips is a lovely woman and very good at what she does. It seemed like the right thing to do – and if I do want any further advice I can always make an appointment in Guildford, which is in any case much closer to home. So, I’ve written her a letter to thank her, as that seemed the right thing to do too.
This lunchtime, we had another talk from the Vice-Chancellor about the restructuring. Groan. Mind you, his super-fast delivery meant that I took very little in – which once again may indeed have been his purpose. We were all talked-at into submission by the time the questions slot came round. So I popped out for my lunchtime walk later than usual in order to get my brain functioning again – and saw that we have two baby coots on the lake. Or possibly moorhens, but I can’t tell. The mother had a white beak and the babies red beaks, so perhaps it’s our first cross-breeding? Who knows?
However, it’s not all good news and caviare, I’m afraid – an online friend of mine emailed me today to say she hadn’t really enjoyed poor old ADM at all, the reasons being because it just didn’t gel for her and because she thought I’d left too much of Michael’s traumas until the end. In addition she felt he had much more to say than I’d allowed, and it should have been far darker and more violent. This came as quite a punch (which probably only goes to show what a pathetically sensitive sad git I am, I’m sure …), partly because it’s my first bad review and partly because it was someone I was utterly convinced would like it. A lot. I also felt gutted at the comment that I hadn’t given Michael enough of a voice, especially when I’d felt I’d really gone to the depths with him, and back again. I know she’s being nice and is obviously perfectly entitled to a reaction, but I must admit it hurts. However, a wry smile (of sorts) was raised when I read the comment that she hoped this wouldn’t upset me. Um, I’m only human! Still one very stiff gin later and I’m slowly unfurling. A little.
Tonight, Lord H is out at theology, and I’m going to attempt to start my last scene in The Gifting, even though I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing and am scared to death by it. It really feels like I’ve bitten off far, far more than I can actually chew and, however I write the ending, it’s going to be pants. I simply don’t feel that I can end Simon’s story in the way he deserves and that any of the cats I can pull out of the bag now won’t be any bigger or any fluffier than the cats I’ve pulled out before, as the story’s gone along. Bummer. Again. In all of my other novels (well, most of them anyway …), I’ve known as I approached it what the ending would be – but I’m going to be spitting into a vacuum for this one, I fear. Boy, does this writer have cold feet about it – my toes are barely hanging on. Still, this isn’t the spirit that won (or indeed lost) the empire, so I’ll just have to grit my teeth and slog on. Grinning wildly …
And my 55 word fiction, “When the phone rang” has won the Bird and Moon (http://www.birdandmoon.com/55words/) Readers’ Choice award for February (hurrah!) and can be found here: http://www.birdandmoon.com/55words/readerschoice.html - so that’s cheered me greatly.
Oh, and I’ve had my first real battle with a wasp. I was doing the recycling when that terrible humming began in the hallway and I realised I was trapped outside the flat with no phone and no means of alerting Lord H who was having a quick bath prior to theology. I did try the neighbours but they weren’t in, so I couldn’t ring from theirs. So I had to wait 15 minutes for Lord H to finish his bath and wonder where I was. Lucky he noticed, eh! Still, he despatched the evil striped beast with his usual finesse and I could come home again. Phew. Damn lucky it wasn’t raining either …
And thank goodness there’s “New Tricks” on TV later – just the light relief I need, I suspect.
Today’s nice things:
1. Being on an Amazon wish list
2. The double University advertising splash
3. The 55 word award.
Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com/
http://www.goldenford.co.uk/
Friday, April 20, 2007
Haircut, dinner and a peculiar number of words
For reasons I can't now explain, I booked a haircut today at 8.15am. Horror! Which, as Lynda is always always early (in fact she may well have been sitting outside the flat since last night ...), meant that Lord H and I had to be sure to be up, bathed and decent by 7am. Hell, we managed it too. Almost. But there wasn't much intelligent conversation going on, I can tell you. When it got to 8am, I decided to nip out and see if Lynda was there. She was. So I crept up to the car, leaned over the bonnet and whispered hello in my most scary Psycho fashion. My, you should have seen her jump. We both screamed. Which I'm sure the neighbours were pleased about. And she still gave me a decent haircut without cutting my ear off, so the woman is obviously a saint. I've also booked her in for highlights at the end of June, so I can look relatively interesting over the summer - so I'd better make sure to be a good client then ...
The rest of the morning was spent typing up what I've done to The Gifting thus far. And guess what! I came to the point when I'd actually typed 111,111 words. Bloody hell, I've never been there before! But I suspect that I'm never going to make it to 222,222 in one book though - at any point. Bugger. Sadly I did so enjoy realising it too - it made me feel quite binary. So much so that I kept typing another word and then deleting it just so I could go back to 111,111 again. I think it appeals to my borderline OCD Control-freak personality. Borderline? Pull the other one, eh. Anyway, you'll be relieved to know that I did manage to type some more after that in the end, and Simon is now therefore just about to face his (long) final scene - or series of linked scenes, which is what I think it'll turn out to be. Will he make it to 120,000? I can but hope.
I've also done some critiques for my Writewords (http://www.writewords.org.uk) groups, which was fun - there was a great novel beginning which had me completely hooked and some deep poetry to enjoy. I really have no idea why those ruddy publishers out there aren't taking any of this stuff on. I mean what the hell do they think they're doing? Answer: giving us way too many "poor child made good" dull tomes and celebrity claptrap, that's what. Yawn. I long for the day when the mainstream publishers will go to the wall (or at least start publishing more interesting and less copycat market stuff), and the small publishers/writer-publishers will inherit the earth. Or at least the decent shelf space.
Oh and I've found out that the reason my copies of A Dangerous Man (http://www.flamebooks.com) haven't yet arrived (I ordered them in March) is that the courier delivered them to the wrong place, and Chevonne was unfortunately on holiday till now so hasn't been able to sort it out. I'm hoping that I'll have some copies to wave around at the book circle event on 30 April, but you never can tell. Thank God I have my one reading copy, so won't look like a complete buffoon on the night. At least not for that reason.
This afternoon, I popped into Godalming to get a barrel-load of shopping, including lots of relaxation oil and a job-lot of birthday cards (why does virtually everyone I know have a birthday in May??). I think I've worried the lady in Boots though - she was telling me that if I joined the Half-Price Club I could get special discounts for any relatives I had who were over 60. She didn't take kindly to my suggestion that it might be cheaper just to bump them off and bury their bodies under the patio. Ah well. Worth a try though, I would think. Oh, and I've found out, much to my surprise (and worryingly I found this rather interesting, but see above for personality disorder paragraph ...) that when I key in the funny numbers on the card machine in order to pay, I'm happier using my left hand. Strange. Then again, all our family are cack-handed in some way or other. As for me, I write with my right hand, but I wear my watch on my right hand too, and I deal cards left-handedly and fold my arms the left-handed way. And now I can add number-keying to the left-handed list. What excitement indeed. Um, sorry. Are you still awake at the back?
Tonight, I think I'm going to have a snooze on the sofa, nicely curled up with my essential cuddly lamb, or possibly the cuddly crocodile -whichever comes to hand - and then Lord H and I are out at Robin & Gavin's for dinner. Bliss. I think Liz might be there too, so I must remember not to get over-excitable during our inevitable disagreements about art - we enjoy them, but I think Lord H gets worried. I still love Liz to bits though (even though she's wrong! - oh, sorry, that just slipped out ...). As it were.
Today's nice things:
1. My hair looks good today - hurrah!
2. Writing
3. Dinner out.
Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk
The rest of the morning was spent typing up what I've done to The Gifting thus far. And guess what! I came to the point when I'd actually typed 111,111 words. Bloody hell, I've never been there before! But I suspect that I'm never going to make it to 222,222 in one book though - at any point. Bugger. Sadly I did so enjoy realising it too - it made me feel quite binary. So much so that I kept typing another word and then deleting it just so I could go back to 111,111 again. I think it appeals to my borderline OCD Control-freak personality. Borderline? Pull the other one, eh. Anyway, you'll be relieved to know that I did manage to type some more after that in the end, and Simon is now therefore just about to face his (long) final scene - or series of linked scenes, which is what I think it'll turn out to be. Will he make it to 120,000? I can but hope.
I've also done some critiques for my Writewords (http://www.writewords.org.uk) groups, which was fun - there was a great novel beginning which had me completely hooked and some deep poetry to enjoy. I really have no idea why those ruddy publishers out there aren't taking any of this stuff on. I mean what the hell do they think they're doing? Answer: giving us way too many "poor child made good" dull tomes and celebrity claptrap, that's what. Yawn. I long for the day when the mainstream publishers will go to the wall (or at least start publishing more interesting and less copycat market stuff), and the small publishers/writer-publishers will inherit the earth. Or at least the decent shelf space.
Oh and I've found out that the reason my copies of A Dangerous Man (http://www.flamebooks.com) haven't yet arrived (I ordered them in March) is that the courier delivered them to the wrong place, and Chevonne was unfortunately on holiday till now so hasn't been able to sort it out. I'm hoping that I'll have some copies to wave around at the book circle event on 30 April, but you never can tell. Thank God I have my one reading copy, so won't look like a complete buffoon on the night. At least not for that reason.
This afternoon, I popped into Godalming to get a barrel-load of shopping, including lots of relaxation oil and a job-lot of birthday cards (why does virtually everyone I know have a birthday in May??). I think I've worried the lady in Boots though - she was telling me that if I joined the Half-Price Club I could get special discounts for any relatives I had who were over 60. She didn't take kindly to my suggestion that it might be cheaper just to bump them off and bury their bodies under the patio. Ah well. Worth a try though, I would think. Oh, and I've found out, much to my surprise (and worryingly I found this rather interesting, but see above for personality disorder paragraph ...) that when I key in the funny numbers on the card machine in order to pay, I'm happier using my left hand. Strange. Then again, all our family are cack-handed in some way or other. As for me, I write with my right hand, but I wear my watch on my right hand too, and I deal cards left-handedly and fold my arms the left-handed way. And now I can add number-keying to the left-handed list. What excitement indeed. Um, sorry. Are you still awake at the back?
Tonight, I think I'm going to have a snooze on the sofa, nicely curled up with my essential cuddly lamb, or possibly the cuddly crocodile -whichever comes to hand - and then Lord H and I are out at Robin & Gavin's for dinner. Bliss. I think Liz might be there too, so I must remember not to get over-excitable during our inevitable disagreements about art - we enjoy them, but I think Lord H gets worried. I still love Liz to bits though (even though she's wrong! - oh, sorry, that just slipped out ...). As it were.
Today's nice things:
1. My hair looks good today - hurrah!
2. Writing
3. Dinner out.
Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk
Friday, April 13, 2007
Golf, greying and Gifting
A lazier start to the morning today. Feel I might have been coming down with something (pause for swooning ...) but have had a dose of Lemsip and feel much better, thank you. Played golf with Marian before lunch - the course was pleasantly empty in spite of the school holidays. And, pleasingly, the two lads that started behind us were actually slower than we were (rare in today's young male golfer, I have to say!) so we easily pulled ahead. Oh, and I got a par (a par!! Ye gods, the age of miracles is not dead!) on the first and looked - for a brief while - like a super-hip golfing professional. However I might have peaked too soon ... All in all though, we had a good time and didn't play badly. We both managed to get our balls in the pond on the sixth though - which is nicer than it sounds as we don't usually manage to strike them so far. Luckily, the ducks paddling on the pond at the time survived the experience. Well, they should be more careful on a golf course ... What do they expect?
Afterwards, we were chatting to the club receptionist about life, the universe and golf (in order of rising importance), and she was apparently startled to realise I am only 42. She thought I was in my 50s. Yikes! The optimist in me is hoping that this is due to the fact that Marian is in her mid 60s and I am deemed old by conjunction, but I now fear that too much staring at the computer screen and lack of decent beauty products in my 20s are at last taking their toll. I am rushing for more of Jane H's special Nutrimetics (http://www.nutrimetics.co.uk) apricot oil and a date with the plastic surgeon even as I type. Alas, I fear however that particular horse may have bolted a long time since. I am a Hag before my time! Thank goodness Lord H's sight is so bad. He probably believes I'm Marilyn Monroe. I wish.
I have done some more scribbling to The Gifting, and am getting Simon to a key scene with his father (it's a flashback). At last. But I don't really feel able to start it today - though I might do some over the weekend depending - as I think that one will take a tank-full of energy. At least. And I am within a whisker of 109,000 words, so feel I am possibly approaching the final lap. One hopes. Bloody hell, I can almost imagine a time when I might have finished it. And what the hell will I do when that happens?? Ah, edit, edit, edit ... Oh, and I've uploaded the next section of The Gifting up on the Writewords (http://www.writewords.org.uk) site for comment (the Groups continue to be a good source of support), so I'll see what they say.
And, once again, I am proved wrong in my pronouncements; two of the old university gang emailed me yesterday, after I'd moaned that they never communicate. C'est la vie, eh? Though actually, I only understood one of the messages. I suspect the old friend who sent the meaningless email (twice!) probably needs either (a) a crash course in how to communicate through the Web in a non-abrupt way or (b) not to use it at all, really. Either way, I've been invited up for a gals' night out in London in April which is, to be honest, filling me with dread even though I should be delighted. I mean, I'll be going up to the Big City in May anyway to see my old school friend (thanks, Bryony!) and I'd much rather do that than go up to see a crowd (well, three or four, but to me that's a crowd) in order to say the same things we always say and have to perform the same social tricks I always perform. Um, yes, I am cynical. You've guessed it. So anyway, I have sent a vague reply and not promised anything. I'll see how brave and strong I feel on the day.
Tonight, it's pizza, garlic bread and ice cream - hurrah! Followed by shed-loads of TV, so my life is complete. I suppose I ought to do some cleaning, if only to show willing, but I don't know if I can be arsed, and I might leave it till tomorrow anyway. Hmm, I'm never going to be a serious entry for the Enthusiasm Olympics, am I? And my latest self-help read is called "Authentic Happiness" and even has its own website (http://www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/) so I really should make an effort. Sigh!
Today's nice things:
1. Golf
2. Writing
3. Getting a date to meet Bryony - hurrah! (though she's unlikely to recognise the grey-haired, wrinkly old slapper I'll no doubt have turned into by then ...)
Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk
Afterwards, we were chatting to the club receptionist about life, the universe and golf (in order of rising importance), and she was apparently startled to realise I am only 42. She thought I was in my 50s. Yikes! The optimist in me is hoping that this is due to the fact that Marian is in her mid 60s and I am deemed old by conjunction, but I now fear that too much staring at the computer screen and lack of decent beauty products in my 20s are at last taking their toll. I am rushing for more of Jane H's special Nutrimetics (http://www.nutrimetics.co.uk) apricot oil and a date with the plastic surgeon even as I type. Alas, I fear however that particular horse may have bolted a long time since. I am a Hag before my time! Thank goodness Lord H's sight is so bad. He probably believes I'm Marilyn Monroe. I wish.
I have done some more scribbling to The Gifting, and am getting Simon to a key scene with his father (it's a flashback). At last. But I don't really feel able to start it today - though I might do some over the weekend depending - as I think that one will take a tank-full of energy. At least. And I am within a whisker of 109,000 words, so feel I am possibly approaching the final lap. One hopes. Bloody hell, I can almost imagine a time when I might have finished it. And what the hell will I do when that happens?? Ah, edit, edit, edit ... Oh, and I've uploaded the next section of The Gifting up on the Writewords (http://www.writewords.org.uk) site for comment (the Groups continue to be a good source of support), so I'll see what they say.
And, once again, I am proved wrong in my pronouncements; two of the old university gang emailed me yesterday, after I'd moaned that they never communicate. C'est la vie, eh? Though actually, I only understood one of the messages. I suspect the old friend who sent the meaningless email (twice!) probably needs either (a) a crash course in how to communicate through the Web in a non-abrupt way or (b) not to use it at all, really. Either way, I've been invited up for a gals' night out in London in April which is, to be honest, filling me with dread even though I should be delighted. I mean, I'll be going up to the Big City in May anyway to see my old school friend (thanks, Bryony!) and I'd much rather do that than go up to see a crowd (well, three or four, but to me that's a crowd) in order to say the same things we always say and have to perform the same social tricks I always perform. Um, yes, I am cynical. You've guessed it. So anyway, I have sent a vague reply and not promised anything. I'll see how brave and strong I feel on the day.
Tonight, it's pizza, garlic bread and ice cream - hurrah! Followed by shed-loads of TV, so my life is complete. I suppose I ought to do some cleaning, if only to show willing, but I don't know if I can be arsed, and I might leave it till tomorrow anyway. Hmm, I'm never going to be a serious entry for the Enthusiasm Olympics, am I? And my latest self-help read is called "Authentic Happiness" and even has its own website (http://www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/) so I really should make an effort. Sigh!
Today's nice things:
1. Golf
2. Writing
3. Getting a date to meet Bryony - hurrah! (though she's unlikely to recognise the grey-haired, wrinkly old slapper I'll no doubt have turned into by then ...)
Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Slogging away, with a small glass of Champagne
I'm delighted to say that there's now only about one week (give or take) to go before the Pink Champagne and Apple Juice website (http://www.pinkchampagneandapplejuice.com) is launched, courtesy of the wonderful Sue Haywood and her equally wonderful husband, Frank (http://www.teafriendsandchocolate.com/sue/). It's not up there yet in all its glory but, having had access to the offline version, I can tell you it's great fun! You'll be able to read about the author (um, that'll be me then ...), the book (still available from http://www.goldenford.co.uk by the way), the characters and indeed which actors might play them best in a film. And I have to say there are some pretty hot people in there - especially in the Philippe section (ooo-err, missus!). Not to mention the ability to make your own choices, download a chapter or two and mix your own cocktail to accompany your reading matter. All good fun, and I'm extremely grateful to Sue & Frank for dreaming it up. Many thanks, both!
The rest of you can of course tell all three of us what you think when the site goes live next week. The (pink) plot thickens ...
And, due to the site launch preparations, I have been discovering how to send large pictures by FTP. At least, I think that's what I've been doing - one can only hope it worked. And it was fun watching it do its stuff, I have to say. I'll be dragged into 21st century technology yet. Just you wait and see.
The rest of the morning was spent struggling round Sainsbury's, attempting to shop sensibly. Goodness, it seems far more expensive than good old Tesco's. And the woman at the till was distinctly stroppy and kept flinging school vouchers over my head to the lady at the next till, as well as throwing my vegetables in all directions. I am now a dab hand at fielding a courgette. Must be the post-Easter return to work crisis. Which thankfully I won't have to face till next Monday, so you're all more than welcome to hate me till then. Ye gods, I would.
I've also been slogging away - and it's been a real slog today; I don't think my creative juices are functioning fully, if at all - on The Gifting. With little result - I've barely moved Simon on from the bed where he was standing when I left him to the door where he is now. Hell, sometimes it's like that. But it's not pleasant. If I can get the poor bloke out into the fresh air by tomorrow, I think I'll be lucky.
Oh, and talking of my menfolk not moving on in their lives, I've sent Maloney's Law out to yet another small publisher yesterday, in the rapidly decreasing hope that someone out there might be interested in Paul. Poor old chap - he's my most feted character in terms of the awards he's won or been placed in, and still no-one will give him the time of day. Which is something of an irony as he is himself a time obsessive and will probably be able to tell you the exact number of minutes between me finishing him in ... um ... 2005 and where we are now. And will no doubt have a double shot of good whisky while doing it. He's just that kind of a guy. Vulnerable, but cute. Just the way I like my literary men. Sigh. Oh and, Erastes (http://www.myspace.com/erastesdotcom), if you're reading, Paul's sex scenes may not be as frequent as Michael's, but they are more graphic! Well, he's more direct about himself, so I thought he'd earned it, tee hee.
Tonight, I'm planning to scrawl some more pen over the page in Simon's story - if only to see if I can actually form any words at all - and then everything stops for the last episode of Life on Mars on TV. Oh Lord, but I'm longing to see it and dreading it at the same time. Without it, my Tuesday nights will be empty and meaningless, for sure. I just can't believe that they're not doing any more, but I do admire the ability to stop something when the ending is right. Ah the joy, the pain of being a crime TV addict ...
Today's nice things:
1. Looking through the Pink Champagne website
2. The struggle with The Gifting - somehow!
3. TV.
Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk
The rest of you can of course tell all three of us what you think when the site goes live next week. The (pink) plot thickens ...
And, due to the site launch preparations, I have been discovering how to send large pictures by FTP. At least, I think that's what I've been doing - one can only hope it worked. And it was fun watching it do its stuff, I have to say. I'll be dragged into 21st century technology yet. Just you wait and see.
The rest of the morning was spent struggling round Sainsbury's, attempting to shop sensibly. Goodness, it seems far more expensive than good old Tesco's. And the woman at the till was distinctly stroppy and kept flinging school vouchers over my head to the lady at the next till, as well as throwing my vegetables in all directions. I am now a dab hand at fielding a courgette. Must be the post-Easter return to work crisis. Which thankfully I won't have to face till next Monday, so you're all more than welcome to hate me till then. Ye gods, I would.
I've also been slogging away - and it's been a real slog today; I don't think my creative juices are functioning fully, if at all - on The Gifting. With little result - I've barely moved Simon on from the bed where he was standing when I left him to the door where he is now. Hell, sometimes it's like that. But it's not pleasant. If I can get the poor bloke out into the fresh air by tomorrow, I think I'll be lucky.
Oh, and talking of my menfolk not moving on in their lives, I've sent Maloney's Law out to yet another small publisher yesterday, in the rapidly decreasing hope that someone out there might be interested in Paul. Poor old chap - he's my most feted character in terms of the awards he's won or been placed in, and still no-one will give him the time of day. Which is something of an irony as he is himself a time obsessive and will probably be able to tell you the exact number of minutes between me finishing him in ... um ... 2005 and where we are now. And will no doubt have a double shot of good whisky while doing it. He's just that kind of a guy. Vulnerable, but cute. Just the way I like my literary men. Sigh. Oh and, Erastes (http://www.myspace.com/erastesdotcom), if you're reading, Paul's sex scenes may not be as frequent as Michael's, but they are more graphic! Well, he's more direct about himself, so I thought he'd earned it, tee hee.
Tonight, I'm planning to scrawl some more pen over the page in Simon's story - if only to see if I can actually form any words at all - and then everything stops for the last episode of Life on Mars on TV. Oh Lord, but I'm longing to see it and dreading it at the same time. Without it, my Tuesday nights will be empty and meaningless, for sure. I just can't believe that they're not doing any more, but I do admire the ability to stop something when the ending is right. Ah the joy, the pain of being a crime TV addict ...
Today's nice things:
1. Looking through the Pink Champagne website
2. The struggle with The Gifting - somehow!
3. TV.
Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk
Monday, April 09, 2007
A review, a lot of laziness and some scribbling
Hell, that's what Bank Holidays are for, surely? I've been soooo lazy today that I haven't even been out of the flat, and I've spent a glorious two hours this afternoon napping on the sofa. Bliss. I am well up there for the shortlistings for the Lydia Languish Lethargy Awards. If they make it an Olympic sport, I'm going for Gold.
I've also been much cheered by a very kind and also very balanced review from Erastes (http://www.myspace.com/erastesdotcom), the author of the marvellous Standish (available from http://www.amazon.co.uk) and Director of the Erotic Authors Association (http://www.eroticauthorsassociation.com) about A Dangerous Man (http://www.flamebooks.com), which I reproduce below (as for some reason I can't persuade it to upload to my website at the moment, sigh!):
“It's taken me a day or two to mull over this book, because I wanted to think about how it made me feel. It's unlike anything I've read before, because mainly I've read gay historical stories, other than short stories – and contemporary is kind of beyond my ken. I don't know how the modern gay man in London feels or what the scene is. (Ok I don't know that for 1800 either but then neither does anyone else so that's ok). I enjoyed it. Let me say that at the first. It's well written by someone who obviously knows how to write, who knows how to use the language to describe place with what seems an effortless grace so you always have a sense of your surroundings, whether it be a seedy bar in Hackney, or a graceful house in Islington. You can smell the leather, feel the heavy crystal, feel the grit under your shoes. Michael (don't call me Mikey) is an artist, struggling to make ends meet, and is not averse to a little part-time prostitution to help those ends meet. He lives with Joe and Paul, Joe owns a gallery but won't hang his paintings – Paul knocks money off the rent for a little sexual action. Then one day Michael gets the chance of a commission in a City firm and falls head over heels in love with Jack, his potential new patron. And this is where it all kicks off. The plot moves swiftly on from this point, never leaving the reader bored. It's a first person novel, but although Michael does spend a lot of time in introspection it’s rarely repetitive, not over angsty, and gradually as the book moves on and Michael is "forced" from one position to another, you slowly get the feel that all is not quite well with Michael and the title becomes clear. The choice of first person for this book is very clever, because you don't really get into Michael's head at all- and that's because he doesn't even allow himself in there. Characterisation: Each character is well done, and it's interesting from my point of view that the one character that we don't actually get a full picture of is Paul, but that's probably because Michael has no interest in describing him more fully for us. I particularly liked Jack's family because Jack's mother reminded me very forcibly of my own, with her motherly concern. I also liked the landlord of the pub that Michael pulls tricks in. I was a little annoyed at Michael's inability to work – he's a bit of a sponger – and immediately turns tricks when he needs £500 when it's not explained why he couldn't just get a job. Artistic temperament, I suppose. But he's not meant – or that's how I read it – to be an attractive character. He's an opportunist and he knows what he wants and that's how he gets to be where he is by the end – by reacting to external stimuli and not thinking first. The artistic pieces were particularly well done; Anne Brooke thanks a friend for help with these and I would never have known that Anne wasn't an artist herself, she seems to get right under Michael's skin when he draws – if we can't understand the feeling ourselves, she describes it so well that we feel what he's feeling as he does it. I loved the section when Michael was explaining (to Jack's father) how he draws, and it's totally unintelligible to everyone except Michael. I could just see their blank faces, but to Michael it makes perfect sense. This book could easily have gone the typical romance route, and that's actually what I was expecting, it even lulled me into a false sense of security at one point. But it's not, so don't go looking for happy ever afters. The ending is raw and bleak and wonderful, and I can't say any more really without spoiling it, but there's a lot of room for reader conjecture as to what actually happens – or at least that's how I read it. I ended up, as I'm sure I was supposed to, feeling desperately sorry for Michael, when he'd annoyed me so much throughout. On a personal note, for a contemporary gay story, I would have liked the sex scenes to be more explicit. It was a very grown-up story, and the sex scenes were handled with a fade out or "We made love and it was very good", perhaps not in every scene, as Michael does do it a lot, but I'd have liked some of the (no pun intended) seminal scenes to be more graphically described, particularly as the sexual aspect of Michael's nature is so important to the book. But that's just me and my dirty mind. But all in all a good book. If you are looking for a predictable tale of love, then this isn't for you, but if you like a book that gets under your skin and makes you think long after you've closed the last page, like it has for me, then try “A Dangerous Man”. I'll certainly be looking out for more of Ms Brooke's work.”
Thanks, Erastes! Much appreciated. But I must admit I'm not even going to try for more sex content in my next one - I simply don't have the skills to be an erotic author, I'm afraid. Must be something to do with living in Surrey ...
So, fired up with enthusiasm, I've made a start on Simon's big story-telling scene in The Gifting - not much done, but at least it's a beginning. And, hey, it's a bank holiday so I'm not pushing it. That's tomorrow's job. And I've also done some sudokus and the odd crossword, so my brain is now too tired for anything more.
Tonight, it's sausages, chips 'n' beans, plus beer and ice cream. Oh and we've had chocolate too - so this is the ultimate anti-health zone right now. Though I did do some exercise this morning, plus stare at my Brite Light, so I am keeping flab and depression at bay. Sort of. And later it's a new series of "New Tricks" on tv, so that'll be bliss. Must remember to video the programme on Jackie magazine on the other side though - heck, everything I learnt about life I learnt from that magazine! If only I'd kept all my copies, I'd be worth a fortune now ...
Today's nice things:
1. Erastes' review
2. Writing more of The Gifting
3. TV.
Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk
I've also been much cheered by a very kind and also very balanced review from Erastes (http://www.myspace.com/erastesdotcom), the author of the marvellous Standish (available from http://www.amazon.co.uk) and Director of the Erotic Authors Association (http://www.eroticauthorsassociation.com) about A Dangerous Man (http://www.flamebooks.com), which I reproduce below (as for some reason I can't persuade it to upload to my website at the moment, sigh!):
“It's taken me a day or two to mull over this book, because I wanted to think about how it made me feel. It's unlike anything I've read before, because mainly I've read gay historical stories, other than short stories – and contemporary is kind of beyond my ken. I don't know how the modern gay man in London feels or what the scene is. (Ok I don't know that for 1800 either but then neither does anyone else so that's ok). I enjoyed it. Let me say that at the first. It's well written by someone who obviously knows how to write, who knows how to use the language to describe place with what seems an effortless grace so you always have a sense of your surroundings, whether it be a seedy bar in Hackney, or a graceful house in Islington. You can smell the leather, feel the heavy crystal, feel the grit under your shoes. Michael (don't call me Mikey) is an artist, struggling to make ends meet, and is not averse to a little part-time prostitution to help those ends meet. He lives with Joe and Paul, Joe owns a gallery but won't hang his paintings – Paul knocks money off the rent for a little sexual action. Then one day Michael gets the chance of a commission in a City firm and falls head over heels in love with Jack, his potential new patron. And this is where it all kicks off. The plot moves swiftly on from this point, never leaving the reader bored. It's a first person novel, but although Michael does spend a lot of time in introspection it’s rarely repetitive, not over angsty, and gradually as the book moves on and Michael is "forced" from one position to another, you slowly get the feel that all is not quite well with Michael and the title becomes clear. The choice of first person for this book is very clever, because you don't really get into Michael's head at all- and that's because he doesn't even allow himself in there. Characterisation: Each character is well done, and it's interesting from my point of view that the one character that we don't actually get a full picture of is Paul, but that's probably because Michael has no interest in describing him more fully for us. I particularly liked Jack's family because Jack's mother reminded me very forcibly of my own, with her motherly concern. I also liked the landlord of the pub that Michael pulls tricks in. I was a little annoyed at Michael's inability to work – he's a bit of a sponger – and immediately turns tricks when he needs £500 when it's not explained why he couldn't just get a job. Artistic temperament, I suppose. But he's not meant – or that's how I read it – to be an attractive character. He's an opportunist and he knows what he wants and that's how he gets to be where he is by the end – by reacting to external stimuli and not thinking first. The artistic pieces were particularly well done; Anne Brooke thanks a friend for help with these and I would never have known that Anne wasn't an artist herself, she seems to get right under Michael's skin when he draws – if we can't understand the feeling ourselves, she describes it so well that we feel what he's feeling as he does it. I loved the section when Michael was explaining (to Jack's father) how he draws, and it's totally unintelligible to everyone except Michael. I could just see their blank faces, but to Michael it makes perfect sense. This book could easily have gone the typical romance route, and that's actually what I was expecting, it even lulled me into a false sense of security at one point. But it's not, so don't go looking for happy ever afters. The ending is raw and bleak and wonderful, and I can't say any more really without spoiling it, but there's a lot of room for reader conjecture as to what actually happens – or at least that's how I read it. I ended up, as I'm sure I was supposed to, feeling desperately sorry for Michael, when he'd annoyed me so much throughout. On a personal note, for a contemporary gay story, I would have liked the sex scenes to be more explicit. It was a very grown-up story, and the sex scenes were handled with a fade out or "We made love and it was very good", perhaps not in every scene, as Michael does do it a lot, but I'd have liked some of the (no pun intended) seminal scenes to be more graphically described, particularly as the sexual aspect of Michael's nature is so important to the book. But that's just me and my dirty mind. But all in all a good book. If you are looking for a predictable tale of love, then this isn't for you, but if you like a book that gets under your skin and makes you think long after you've closed the last page, like it has for me, then try “A Dangerous Man”. I'll certainly be looking out for more of Ms Brooke's work.”
Thanks, Erastes! Much appreciated. But I must admit I'm not even going to try for more sex content in my next one - I simply don't have the skills to be an erotic author, I'm afraid. Must be something to do with living in Surrey ...
So, fired up with enthusiasm, I've made a start on Simon's big story-telling scene in The Gifting - not much done, but at least it's a beginning. And, hey, it's a bank holiday so I'm not pushing it. That's tomorrow's job. And I've also done some sudokus and the odd crossword, so my brain is now too tired for anything more.
Tonight, it's sausages, chips 'n' beans, plus beer and ice cream. Oh and we've had chocolate too - so this is the ultimate anti-health zone right now. Though I did do some exercise this morning, plus stare at my Brite Light, so I am keeping flab and depression at bay. Sort of. And later it's a new series of "New Tricks" on tv, so that'll be bliss. Must remember to video the programme on Jackie magazine on the other side though - heck, everything I learnt about life I learnt from that magazine! If only I'd kept all my copies, I'd be worth a fortune now ...
Today's nice things:
1. Erastes' review
2. Writing more of The Gifting
3. TV.
Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk
Sunday, April 08, 2007
Saved by the National Trust
Ye gods, but going to church on Easter Sunday was a bloody mistake. I knew the moment I walked in to be faced by countless hordes of people that I really should have stayed at home and - if my mood felt good and the wind was in the right direction - had a few private moments with God. Instead, I had to run the gauntlet of the service whilst wishing I was as many miles away as possible. God only knows why I felt like that - and please don't ask me to explain it as I don't think I can - but I do.
Maybe the basic fact is I'm not sure I really like - or can trust - any of the people there right now (apart from Lord H of course), and if I can't relate to the church people around me, then it's a zillion times harder under those circumstances to relate to God. Add to that the fact that the service was taken by our old vicar - a fly-by-night non-people person if ever I saw one - and you can imagine the scenario. I think that if the new vicar - Paul - had taken the service then I might even have made it to communion. As it was, I stayed put in the pew as if glued to the ruddy seat - and Lord H stayed with me, which he didn't have to do as I would have been fine if he'd gone up to communion and I hadn't, but his notions of marital loyalty were running high. Which in a way was nice, so far be it from me to complain - except that now I'm convinced that the church believes I'm leading my husband down the primrose path to paganism and sin. (Lord H's response to this: oh goody, when does that start?).
Also, I'm not sure, but does not taking communion at Easter mean I am flung from the church without hope of reprieve? No idea really - and I can't say that right now I'm bothered either way. However, I suspect that I won't be darkening the doors of St Peter's for quite a while now. Make of that what you will. Meanwhile, the call of the Quakers becomes ever more enticing ...
After making good our escape from the arms of the Lord (complete with 2 chocolate eggs for Lord H and me - hell, we bloody well deserve it! - and I ate four more mini ones while I was there), we nipped home for a quick turn-round before heading off to visit the newly-opened National Trust property of Hinton Ampner - in Hampshire.
It was bliss. Bloody hell, but walking round that house, gardens and shop was the most peaceful I've felt for a long time. The weather was perfect, and there weren't many people around. Also the stewards didn't leap up and confront us (National Trust stewards are, unfortunately, rather prone to that kind of behaviour), so we could wander round, stare at stuff and just take the whole thing in. Only the ground floor is open, but it's a marvellously soothing mix of beauty and lived-inness (is that even a word? Hell, you know what I mean). And the gardens were lovely - beautiful views over Hampshire, and the occasional waft of scent. Plus a rather fetching yellow butterfly that followed us around, and a small bird that looked like a linnet, but probably wasn't. And I bought two chocolate mice in the shop (the reliable provision of chocolate mice is one of the NT's many strengths indeed), and a new fluffy pen to add to my work collection. Though, to be honest, it was more curly than fluffy. And vibrantly orange too. Hurrah!
Then home for a late lunch, and an evening watching DVDs, I hope - as there's nothing on TV really, though we might watch some of the golf. And we've also managed to get the cleaning done, and check the car tyres, water etc, as well as make a shopping list, so I am brimming with domestic nobility.
This week, I've done two haikus, as they were both nagging at me, so here they are:
The first for Simon and my attempts to finish The Gifting:
The end of the novel:
Last two scenes to go:
my pen drags over the page,
trailing blood and hope.
And, in response to the very hairy emu at Birdworld yesterday ...
The emu stalks me,
splayed claws poised for the attack:
a thatched roof on legs.
Today's nice things:
1. Hinton Ampner
2. Chocolate mice
3. Lord H.
Happy Easter to all.
Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk
Maybe the basic fact is I'm not sure I really like - or can trust - any of the people there right now (apart from Lord H of course), and if I can't relate to the church people around me, then it's a zillion times harder under those circumstances to relate to God. Add to that the fact that the service was taken by our old vicar - a fly-by-night non-people person if ever I saw one - and you can imagine the scenario. I think that if the new vicar - Paul - had taken the service then I might even have made it to communion. As it was, I stayed put in the pew as if glued to the ruddy seat - and Lord H stayed with me, which he didn't have to do as I would have been fine if he'd gone up to communion and I hadn't, but his notions of marital loyalty were running high. Which in a way was nice, so far be it from me to complain - except that now I'm convinced that the church believes I'm leading my husband down the primrose path to paganism and sin. (Lord H's response to this: oh goody, when does that start?).
Also, I'm not sure, but does not taking communion at Easter mean I am flung from the church without hope of reprieve? No idea really - and I can't say that right now I'm bothered either way. However, I suspect that I won't be darkening the doors of St Peter's for quite a while now. Make of that what you will. Meanwhile, the call of the Quakers becomes ever more enticing ...
After making good our escape from the arms of the Lord (complete with 2 chocolate eggs for Lord H and me - hell, we bloody well deserve it! - and I ate four more mini ones while I was there), we nipped home for a quick turn-round before heading off to visit the newly-opened National Trust property of Hinton Ampner - in Hampshire.
It was bliss. Bloody hell, but walking round that house, gardens and shop was the most peaceful I've felt for a long time. The weather was perfect, and there weren't many people around. Also the stewards didn't leap up and confront us (National Trust stewards are, unfortunately, rather prone to that kind of behaviour), so we could wander round, stare at stuff and just take the whole thing in. Only the ground floor is open, but it's a marvellously soothing mix of beauty and lived-inness (is that even a word? Hell, you know what I mean). And the gardens were lovely - beautiful views over Hampshire, and the occasional waft of scent. Plus a rather fetching yellow butterfly that followed us around, and a small bird that looked like a linnet, but probably wasn't. And I bought two chocolate mice in the shop (the reliable provision of chocolate mice is one of the NT's many strengths indeed), and a new fluffy pen to add to my work collection. Though, to be honest, it was more curly than fluffy. And vibrantly orange too. Hurrah!
Then home for a late lunch, and an evening watching DVDs, I hope - as there's nothing on TV really, though we might watch some of the golf. And we've also managed to get the cleaning done, and check the car tyres, water etc, as well as make a shopping list, so I am brimming with domestic nobility.
This week, I've done two haikus, as they were both nagging at me, so here they are:
The first for Simon and my attempts to finish The Gifting:
The end of the novel:
Last two scenes to go:
my pen drags over the page,
trailing blood and hope.
And, in response to the very hairy emu at Birdworld yesterday ...
The emu stalks me,
splayed claws poised for the attack:
a thatched roof on legs.
Today's nice things:
1. Hinton Ampner
2. Chocolate mice
3. Lord H.
Happy Easter to all.
Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk
Thursday, April 05, 2007
Michael reaches the Amazon ...
Rather cold-ridden today, I'm afraid, so have been lolling on the sofa with smelling salts pressed to my nose and a wet flannel clutched to my forehead. How charming. I like to think I'm a modern-day Lydia Languish, but fear the true image is more prosaic than that. Ah well. Never put your daughter on the stage.
I was going to do lots of writing, and leap into Godalming to stock up on essential oils and the Surrey Advertiser, not to mention visiting Gladys, but I have done none of the above. Well, I have done some writing, though as the stuff I put into The Gifting balanced more or less with the stuff I took out, the wordcount remains similar, alas. Ha! I've always wanted to use "alas" in a sentence and now I have. Hurrah. That said, I now have Simon almost at the end of his water experiences, which means I only have two big scenes to go and then the first draft is done. Ye gods indeed. The penultimate scene is his final story-telling one, which will be - I hope - the key to everything. I'm not starting it today though. I need a fresh morning for that. And a less snotty nose. But I might well do another poem on art - there's one lurking somewhere in the ether so I'll have to see whether I can entice it out. It'll be something to do while Lord H is at the Maundy Thursday service tonight doing his server duties and keeping the priest in order.
Which brings me to Michael (somehow!) who has finally made it into the clutches of Amazon and can be found here: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Dangerous-Man-Anne-Brooke/dp/0954594568/ref=sr_1_4/202-0915331-5590251?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1175785414&sr=8-4
No cover picture yet, though I have queried this with Flame (http://www.flamebooks.com), and no ratings of course, but at least he's there. So if anyone out there has read A Dangerous Man and feels able to put a few comments up on Amazon at anytime, please feel free to do so! I'd be very grateful (as long as you're not too rude!...). Talking of which, the lovely Erastes (http://www.myspace.com/erastesdotcom) has just started reading ADM and has already reached the one night stand scene. Ah, but it becomes so much more ... and glad you're enjoying it, Erastes!
Tonight, I've cancelled my counselling session with Kunu (it was moved from this morning), but I'm glad not to be going anywhere, to be honest. Instead, I'll be watching my video of "Life on Mars" from Tuesday, and working my way through my secret store of Lucozade bottles. Oh, and there's chocolate in the house ... chocolate, hmm ...
Today's nice things:
1. Michael being on Amazon
2. Life on Mars
3. Getting Simon to the start of his two ending scenes.
Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk
I was going to do lots of writing, and leap into Godalming to stock up on essential oils and the Surrey Advertiser, not to mention visiting Gladys, but I have done none of the above. Well, I have done some writing, though as the stuff I put into The Gifting balanced more or less with the stuff I took out, the wordcount remains similar, alas. Ha! I've always wanted to use "alas" in a sentence and now I have. Hurrah. That said, I now have Simon almost at the end of his water experiences, which means I only have two big scenes to go and then the first draft is done. Ye gods indeed. The penultimate scene is his final story-telling one, which will be - I hope - the key to everything. I'm not starting it today though. I need a fresh morning for that. And a less snotty nose. But I might well do another poem on art - there's one lurking somewhere in the ether so I'll have to see whether I can entice it out. It'll be something to do while Lord H is at the Maundy Thursday service tonight doing his server duties and keeping the priest in order.
Which brings me to Michael (somehow!) who has finally made it into the clutches of Amazon and can be found here: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Dangerous-Man-Anne-Brooke/dp/0954594568/ref=sr_1_4/202-0915331-5590251?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1175785414&sr=8-4
No cover picture yet, though I have queried this with Flame (http://www.flamebooks.com), and no ratings of course, but at least he's there. So if anyone out there has read A Dangerous Man and feels able to put a few comments up on Amazon at anytime, please feel free to do so! I'd be very grateful (as long as you're not too rude!...). Talking of which, the lovely Erastes (http://www.myspace.com/erastesdotcom) has just started reading ADM and has already reached the one night stand scene. Ah, but it becomes so much more ... and glad you're enjoying it, Erastes!
Tonight, I've cancelled my counselling session with Kunu (it was moved from this morning), but I'm glad not to be going anywhere, to be honest. Instead, I'll be watching my video of "Life on Mars" from Tuesday, and working my way through my secret store of Lucozade bottles. Oh, and there's chocolate in the house ... chocolate, hmm ...
Today's nice things:
1. Michael being on Amazon
2. Life on Mars
3. Getting Simon to the start of his two ending scenes.
Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk
Friday, March 30, 2007
Soggy golf and drunken art
Had a real thrill this morning when Paul Burston (http://www.myspace.com/paulburston) who edits the Gay Section in Time Out emailed me to say how much he'd enjoyed A Dangerous Man (http://www.flamebooks.com), as below:
"I finished off A Dangerous Man and I have to say I loved it. Michael is a wonderful character. An artist and part time prostitute - where on earth did you find the inspiration for him? And the story had me gripped. Everyone go out and buy this book! And please let me know in advance when the next one is coming out so I can find you review space in Time Out."
I particularly enjoyed the "Everyone go out and buy this book!" comment - that would make Flame love me, for sure! Many thanks indeed, Paul. Much appreciated. And I'm looking forward to your "Lovers and Losers" being published next week too!
This morning, Marian and I played golf in spite of a steadily increasing rainfall and, actually, we did very well - for us. We even did a few really good shots when a family playing waved us through (an action normally guaranteed to make us lose any poor skills we might have thought we had ...) and looked like real golfers for a while. Result! I ended up utterly soaked through however, so hope I don't catch something nasty.
I also gave up any ideas of going into Godalming to get shopping done and have also failed to do any writing or housework. So not the most productive day on record, I have to say. Sigh. No doubt I shall wallow in guilt later on in suitable Sad Person fashion. However, I have been thinking of writing - and it struck me yesterday that perhaps the reason why I seem to have changed my writing habits with "The Gifting" (in that I am now scribbling first and typing up on the computer later, rather than doing it straight onto the computer as usual) is that of course part of Simon's job description is his role as scribe. He writes everything down - on parchment. Far-fetched perhaps, but it's made me feel that much closer to him, which can only be a good thing.
Tonight, I'm up in London with Jane W to see the "Citizens and Kings" exhibition at the Royal Academy (http://www.royalacademy.org.uk). I must say the picture advertising the exhibition looks much like myself after a hard day's scribbling but I suspect I'd probably wrap something green around my head in preference. Afterwards we will, I hope, soothe our artistic brows with a nice curry, so everything will seem fine. And I can drink to my heart's content as the noble Lord H is picking me up from the station. As long as I get off at the right station. You do, I think, always need to drink wine when looking at art - which reminds me of a friend of mine who once said she loved "King Lear" and indeed the rest of Shakespeare, but could never really get through a whole one without a choc ice in the middle. I could only agree ...
Oh, and I was jesting (not itself a word you hear often nowadays - am I in a time loop?) with Lord H yesterday, wondering why the Iranians won't give us our sailors back as, after all, God knows we have so few and they can't be needing them - to which Lord H's answer was the Iranians will have to wait their turn for being invaded, as that seems to be what we do these days, and they'll just have to be patient. Hmm. Let's hope that doesn't turn out to be prophetic, and let's hope the poor buggers are allowed home soon. Perhaps we can do a swop. Anyone for Blair?...
Today's nice things:
1. Paul's lovely comments about "A Dangerous Man"
2. Thinking about writing
3. Art.
Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk
"I finished off A Dangerous Man and I have to say I loved it. Michael is a wonderful character. An artist and part time prostitute - where on earth did you find the inspiration for him? And the story had me gripped. Everyone go out and buy this book! And please let me know in advance when the next one is coming out so I can find you review space in Time Out."
I particularly enjoyed the "Everyone go out and buy this book!" comment - that would make Flame love me, for sure! Many thanks indeed, Paul. Much appreciated. And I'm looking forward to your "Lovers and Losers" being published next week too!
This morning, Marian and I played golf in spite of a steadily increasing rainfall and, actually, we did very well - for us. We even did a few really good shots when a family playing waved us through (an action normally guaranteed to make us lose any poor skills we might have thought we had ...) and looked like real golfers for a while. Result! I ended up utterly soaked through however, so hope I don't catch something nasty.
I also gave up any ideas of going into Godalming to get shopping done and have also failed to do any writing or housework. So not the most productive day on record, I have to say. Sigh. No doubt I shall wallow in guilt later on in suitable Sad Person fashion. However, I have been thinking of writing - and it struck me yesterday that perhaps the reason why I seem to have changed my writing habits with "The Gifting" (in that I am now scribbling first and typing up on the computer later, rather than doing it straight onto the computer as usual) is that of course part of Simon's job description is his role as scribe. He writes everything down - on parchment. Far-fetched perhaps, but it's made me feel that much closer to him, which can only be a good thing.
Tonight, I'm up in London with Jane W to see the "Citizens and Kings" exhibition at the Royal Academy (http://www.royalacademy.org.uk). I must say the picture advertising the exhibition looks much like myself after a hard day's scribbling but I suspect I'd probably wrap something green around my head in preference. Afterwards we will, I hope, soothe our artistic brows with a nice curry, so everything will seem fine. And I can drink to my heart's content as the noble Lord H is picking me up from the station. As long as I get off at the right station. You do, I think, always need to drink wine when looking at art - which reminds me of a friend of mine who once said she loved "King Lear" and indeed the rest of Shakespeare, but could never really get through a whole one without a choc ice in the middle. I could only agree ...
Oh, and I was jesting (not itself a word you hear often nowadays - am I in a time loop?) with Lord H yesterday, wondering why the Iranians won't give us our sailors back as, after all, God knows we have so few and they can't be needing them - to which Lord H's answer was the Iranians will have to wait their turn for being invaded, as that seems to be what we do these days, and they'll just have to be patient. Hmm. Let's hope that doesn't turn out to be prophetic, and let's hope the poor buggers are allowed home soon. Perhaps we can do a swop. Anyone for Blair?...
Today's nice things:
1. Paul's lovely comments about "A Dangerous Man"
2. Thinking about writing
3. Art.
Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Counselling and reviews
This morning's counselling session felt very thoughtful. Or rather I was doing a lot of thinking about how things had been in the past, and how they are now. Kunu seemed keen to get me onto the subject of religion and church, which I suppose had to happen sometime or other. I hadn't been sure how I'd feel about that but, in the event, it was okay. We talked about how and why I'd originally become a Christian, how it had been then and how it was now. Short answer: very bloody different. But then having been wrung out and mangled by the evangelical church, and spewed out, shattered but generally intact, at the other end, I suppose I should have anticipated that. Hey ho.
It was interesting though how Kunu picked up on my problems with organised communities in general. And she also asked questions about why it is I try (or have tried in the past) so hard to conform. Maybe I'm not sure whether the church per se has ever really "fitted" - it's simply that I thought that was the only way to express my faith. And of course it's (at least on my mother's side) the family tradition I've been brought up in. At heart, I don't think I've ever been a team player. Ye gods, even the phrase "family service" is enough to bring me out in a rash, "family" being one of my key stress words. Much like "religion" itself, or even "community". We did have an interesting chat about the parable of the lost sheep though - and I thought for the first time that maybe the ruddy thing didn't want to be found and brought back to the ruddy flock. Maybe it was actually in possession of a perfectly good map and a compass and had been trying to find its true home. Maybe it didn't want to be returned to its fellow sheep, but was perfectly happy on its own. Bugger, eh.
Which, if I could only connect in true EM Forster fashion, would lead me to think that if the church did suddenly turn up at the doorstep demanding to know what's wrong with me and begging me to return, I would probably flee to the Surrey Hills and beg them to leave me alone to make my own decision. Which of course rather puts the dampener on last week's blog accusing them all of cruelty and desertion. Double bugger. And of course it all goes to show how little I know my own mind and how easily I can swing from one strongly-held opinion to another in a matter of minutes without so much as a flare or a phone call. As Kunu said, we will need at some stage to explore the reasons behind my apparently desperate desire to be part of a community and my apparently equally desperate desire to avoid it. Hell, it's always good to have something to look forward to, I suppose. In the meantime, just stick a label on me and call me a hypocrite. I'll ring my own "unclean" bell ...
Back at the ranch, I have had delicious fun writing another 1000 words of "The Gifting". God, but it's like coming home. Or journeying towards it. One of the two. Possibly because I've been writing the flashback sex scene between Simon & Ralph, and I've been having to think laterally about what's he's sensing in his mind as well as physically, what with Simon being telepathic. And it's been fun to write things slightly differently in that way. Actually, no, being honest, I always love doing the sex scenes and the violence scenes. No matter what. They're where I really feel I'm buzzing. It's the sections between that cause the angst ...
Oh and the lovely Jackie from Goldenford (http://www.goldenford.co.uk) has put a few very kind comments about A Dangerous Man (http://www.flamebooks.com) on her blog at http://jackieluben.blogspot.com under yesterday's date, which I include below also:
"I finished Anne Brooke’s A Dangerous Man yesterday night. (It was very different from anything I’ve read before and quite difficult putting myself into the mind of a disturbed young gay man.) Anne’s hero, Michael, takes you on a journey into a twilight world and into an environment that most of us won’t have encountered. Nevertheless, any creative person can empathise with Michael’s desperate desire for success in his chosen field, and most readers will understand his longing for love and recognition. Anne has shown great insight in stepping into the shoes of this dark and obsessive character, and in leading us through highs and lows to the book’s compelling climax."
Thanks hugely, Jackie - that means a great deal (though I'm not sure about the "great insight" - as you can probably tell from Sentence Four of your own review, Michael is pretty much me ...), especially as dark crime isn't a genre you warm to and your own books are so very life-affirming. Talking of which, if you haven't come across Jacquelynn Luben's books, then you really should - The Fruit of the Tree (http://www.amazon.co.uk) is a very moving autobiography about Jackie's experiences of cot death and her own journey through and beyond that, and of course Goldenford's own A Bottle of Plonk is a very witty and wise series of interconnected stories focusing on the travels of one very unique bottle. Now if only I could get Goldenford's hot, sticky hands on her next novel, The Tainted Tree, my life as a fulfilled editor would be complete!...
Oh, and the lovely Clayton (http://www.myspace.com/dwbsoho) has also just finished A Dangerous Man too and has emailed me to say how much he loved it, and that he thinks I'm a "fantastic writer". Gosh. Thanks, Clayton - that means a great deal too. Because, as I said, Michael had been worried about what you might think of him. My, how that boy does fret. And each time I tried to reassure him you'd be very sweet as that is your nature, he'd just mutter something unmentionable at me and go back to his drawing. Sigh.
This afternoon, I've popped in to see Gladys. She's not having so good a week this week, I have to say, so it was quite tricky to get her smiling again. But we did agree that she must keep breathing until Tony Blair has been beaten into submission and left the leadership, as otherwise she'd never forgive herself for not seeing him out of office. My, how she hates that man. Still, it gives her an aim (of sorts!) and that's only to the good. And we also talked about holidays and her travels through Denmark just after the war. Apparently, her long-deceased husband, Charlie, had a German penfriend (well, he lived in Denmark but was German, I believe) arranged through school which he kept up with through the war. Astonishing. And bloody good for him too - why ruin a perfectly good friendship just because some crazed madman is in charge of Germany? Unfortunately, the penfriend was killed during the war at some stage, but Gladys & Charlie went over to visit the parents afterwards. Marvellous stuff. And a lesson to us all in how lucky we are now indeed.
And I have at last let drop to Gladys that I am attending church less often (for less often, read not at all ...) and that therefore I only know what's happening via Lord H. It felt more honest to say it as, off-line, I've rather been keeping this under wraps. If anything can be under wraps for an obsessional blogger like me, of course. Anyway, she was fine about it, and we moved on. Phew.
Tonight, I think I'm going to do some more scribbling to "The Gifting", as it'll be interesting to see how Johan reacts to Simon's very strong memories of Ralph. Aha! I feel a major row coming on. Hmm. It'll be difficult to have a blazing row in the middle of a small boat on a vast ocean, I must admit, but I'll see what I can do. Ah, the power, the cruelty - I love it!
Oh, and Lord H has nearly finished his divorce essay for Theology class - which, as it should be handed in on Saturday, is actually pretty much advance planning for him. Mr Last-Minute-dot-Com is indeed his middle name.
Today's nice things:
1. Counselling
2. The two reviews of A Dangerous Man
3. Remembering the war years with Gladys.
Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
It was interesting though how Kunu picked up on my problems with organised communities in general. And she also asked questions about why it is I try (or have tried in the past) so hard to conform. Maybe I'm not sure whether the church per se has ever really "fitted" - it's simply that I thought that was the only way to express my faith. And of course it's (at least on my mother's side) the family tradition I've been brought up in. At heart, I don't think I've ever been a team player. Ye gods, even the phrase "family service" is enough to bring me out in a rash, "family" being one of my key stress words. Much like "religion" itself, or even "community". We did have an interesting chat about the parable of the lost sheep though - and I thought for the first time that maybe the ruddy thing didn't want to be found and brought back to the ruddy flock. Maybe it was actually in possession of a perfectly good map and a compass and had been trying to find its true home. Maybe it didn't want to be returned to its fellow sheep, but was perfectly happy on its own. Bugger, eh.
Which, if I could only connect in true EM Forster fashion, would lead me to think that if the church did suddenly turn up at the doorstep demanding to know what's wrong with me and begging me to return, I would probably flee to the Surrey Hills and beg them to leave me alone to make my own decision. Which of course rather puts the dampener on last week's blog accusing them all of cruelty and desertion. Double bugger. And of course it all goes to show how little I know my own mind and how easily I can swing from one strongly-held opinion to another in a matter of minutes without so much as a flare or a phone call. As Kunu said, we will need at some stage to explore the reasons behind my apparently desperate desire to be part of a community and my apparently equally desperate desire to avoid it. Hell, it's always good to have something to look forward to, I suppose. In the meantime, just stick a label on me and call me a hypocrite. I'll ring my own "unclean" bell ...
Back at the ranch, I have had delicious fun writing another 1000 words of "The Gifting". God, but it's like coming home. Or journeying towards it. One of the two. Possibly because I've been writing the flashback sex scene between Simon & Ralph, and I've been having to think laterally about what's he's sensing in his mind as well as physically, what with Simon being telepathic. And it's been fun to write things slightly differently in that way. Actually, no, being honest, I always love doing the sex scenes and the violence scenes. No matter what. They're where I really feel I'm buzzing. It's the sections between that cause the angst ...
Oh and the lovely Jackie from Goldenford (http://www.goldenford.co.uk) has put a few very kind comments about A Dangerous Man (http://www.flamebooks.com) on her blog at http://jackieluben.blogspot.com under yesterday's date, which I include below also:
"I finished Anne Brooke’s A Dangerous Man yesterday night. (It was very different from anything I’ve read before and quite difficult putting myself into the mind of a disturbed young gay man.) Anne’s hero, Michael, takes you on a journey into a twilight world and into an environment that most of us won’t have encountered. Nevertheless, any creative person can empathise with Michael’s desperate desire for success in his chosen field, and most readers will understand his longing for love and recognition. Anne has shown great insight in stepping into the shoes of this dark and obsessive character, and in leading us through highs and lows to the book’s compelling climax."
Thanks hugely, Jackie - that means a great deal (though I'm not sure about the "great insight" - as you can probably tell from Sentence Four of your own review, Michael is pretty much me ...), especially as dark crime isn't a genre you warm to and your own books are so very life-affirming. Talking of which, if you haven't come across Jacquelynn Luben's books, then you really should - The Fruit of the Tree (http://www.amazon.co.uk) is a very moving autobiography about Jackie's experiences of cot death and her own journey through and beyond that, and of course Goldenford's own A Bottle of Plonk is a very witty and wise series of interconnected stories focusing on the travels of one very unique bottle. Now if only I could get Goldenford's hot, sticky hands on her next novel, The Tainted Tree, my life as a fulfilled editor would be complete!...
Oh, and the lovely Clayton (http://www.myspace.com/dwbsoho) has also just finished A Dangerous Man too and has emailed me to say how much he loved it, and that he thinks I'm a "fantastic writer". Gosh. Thanks, Clayton - that means a great deal too. Because, as I said, Michael had been worried about what you might think of him. My, how that boy does fret. And each time I tried to reassure him you'd be very sweet as that is your nature, he'd just mutter something unmentionable at me and go back to his drawing. Sigh.
This afternoon, I've popped in to see Gladys. She's not having so good a week this week, I have to say, so it was quite tricky to get her smiling again. But we did agree that she must keep breathing until Tony Blair has been beaten into submission and left the leadership, as otherwise she'd never forgive herself for not seeing him out of office. My, how she hates that man. Still, it gives her an aim (of sorts!) and that's only to the good. And we also talked about holidays and her travels through Denmark just after the war. Apparently, her long-deceased husband, Charlie, had a German penfriend (well, he lived in Denmark but was German, I believe) arranged through school which he kept up with through the war. Astonishing. And bloody good for him too - why ruin a perfectly good friendship just because some crazed madman is in charge of Germany? Unfortunately, the penfriend was killed during the war at some stage, but Gladys & Charlie went over to visit the parents afterwards. Marvellous stuff. And a lesson to us all in how lucky we are now indeed.
And I have at last let drop to Gladys that I am attending church less often (for less often, read not at all ...) and that therefore I only know what's happening via Lord H. It felt more honest to say it as, off-line, I've rather been keeping this under wraps. If anything can be under wraps for an obsessional blogger like me, of course. Anyway, she was fine about it, and we moved on. Phew.
Tonight, I think I'm going to do some more scribbling to "The Gifting", as it'll be interesting to see how Johan reacts to Simon's very strong memories of Ralph. Aha! I feel a major row coming on. Hmm. It'll be difficult to have a blazing row in the middle of a small boat on a vast ocean, I must admit, but I'll see what I can do. Ah, the power, the cruelty - I love it!
Oh, and Lord H has nearly finished his divorce essay for Theology class - which, as it should be handed in on Saturday, is actually pretty much advance planning for him. Mr Last-Minute-dot-Com is indeed his middle name.
Today's nice things:
1. Counselling
2. The two reviews of A Dangerous Man
3. Remembering the war years with Gladys.
Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
Monday, March 19, 2007
Packing and heavy TV
The usual twitchy day prior to travel - is everyone like this, or is it really just me? There's something about a journey that makes me very unsettled. Possibly because I hate flying and I do actually hate travel - but it will be nice to be in Madeira tomorrow. At least it won't be ruddy snowing, though showers are forecast. Hell, I don't mind - it will be warmer. So I've made a start on the packing though the fear of forgetting something remains. And the new airport rules are making my head ache. Of course water is no longer allowed so we'll all be at dehydration's door by the time we arrive, no doubt! And my hand-luggage size allowance is not, I'm sure, what they'll be expecting. The trick of travelling light alludes me.
Lord H has spent all day tacking his divorce essay for theology class and also doing his self-assessment for last week's presentation. I have provided wifely proof-reading consultancy, so I have not been entirely unuseful. I've also finished the ironing, so wife points galore are, I'm sure, being showered upon me.
As for me, I've spent the rest of the day catching up with things I've recorded from TV. This means I have now watched all three hours of "The True Voice of Prostitution", "The True Voice of Rape" and "The True Voice of Murder". All true stories (obviously), but voiced & played by actors. Gripping, and really heavy, viewing. The one that had me sobbing like a baby was Lesley Sharp's (great actress, btw) portrayal of a mother whose daughter was murdered. Devastating stuff. And an eye-opener to one such as myself, who has been fortunate enough never to have had direct experience of any of these ordeals, but who writes about them in all my fiction. Sometimes at the same time. It's a weird feeling when real life breaks in to the world in my head.
Tonight, while Lord H is at theology class, I think I'm going to watch the drama, "Recovery", which I also videoed from some time ago, but which I've never got round to watching. And as it's a drama starring David Tennant and Sarah Parrish, it should be hot stuff. I think they're great together. Again, possibly not pre-holiday viewing, but what the hell.
And I've finally got round to writing a poem about the glorious picture that hangs on our living room wall opposite the sofa. I bought it some time ago for Lord H's birthday, and I love it:
L’escalier blanc: Nicholas Verrall
White steps lead upwards
to a greater light,
the shadow fading
on each slow rise.
On the left, pink bougainvillea drift
in an unfelt wind
while the pots on the right
are dappled with sunshine.
I do not see
what is beyond the topmost pillar
but already I can sense
an opening out,
a chance to shake off
the shadows’ grasp
and taste the warmth of the sun
as it sinks into skin.
All journeys lead through shadow
to an unknown light.
Only the choice of timing
remains.
I also feel a little guilty about not doing anything to "The Gifting", but I'm hoping the break will bring me back refreshed so I can at least get Simon across the water into his last scenes. Which I suspect will be long ones.
And I've had some interesting and really helpful comments responding to yesterday's blog - so thank you to those who responded. I also had my first equally interesting experience of making the decision not to accept a comment or two, as they were not helpful to me, but possibly more helpful to the contributor. I do feel a little raw about it, I must admit, but at least it means I am exercising some sort of control over what I do and what I do not accept. A lesson for life indeed ...
As this will be my last blog until after my holiday (which ends next weekend), I hope you all have a great week wherever you are and whatever you're doing. Take care.
Today's nice things:
1. Watching serious, and gripping, TV
2. Writing my poem
3. Looking forward to my holiday.
Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
Lord H has spent all day tacking his divorce essay for theology class and also doing his self-assessment for last week's presentation. I have provided wifely proof-reading consultancy, so I have not been entirely unuseful. I've also finished the ironing, so wife points galore are, I'm sure, being showered upon me.
As for me, I've spent the rest of the day catching up with things I've recorded from TV. This means I have now watched all three hours of "The True Voice of Prostitution", "The True Voice of Rape" and "The True Voice of Murder". All true stories (obviously), but voiced & played by actors. Gripping, and really heavy, viewing. The one that had me sobbing like a baby was Lesley Sharp's (great actress, btw) portrayal of a mother whose daughter was murdered. Devastating stuff. And an eye-opener to one such as myself, who has been fortunate enough never to have had direct experience of any of these ordeals, but who writes about them in all my fiction. Sometimes at the same time. It's a weird feeling when real life breaks in to the world in my head.
Tonight, while Lord H is at theology class, I think I'm going to watch the drama, "Recovery", which I also videoed from some time ago, but which I've never got round to watching. And as it's a drama starring David Tennant and Sarah Parrish, it should be hot stuff. I think they're great together. Again, possibly not pre-holiday viewing, but what the hell.
And I've finally got round to writing a poem about the glorious picture that hangs on our living room wall opposite the sofa. I bought it some time ago for Lord H's birthday, and I love it:
L’escalier blanc: Nicholas Verrall
White steps lead upwards
to a greater light,
the shadow fading
on each slow rise.
On the left, pink bougainvillea drift
in an unfelt wind
while the pots on the right
are dappled with sunshine.
I do not see
what is beyond the topmost pillar
but already I can sense
an opening out,
a chance to shake off
the shadows’ grasp
and taste the warmth of the sun
as it sinks into skin.
All journeys lead through shadow
to an unknown light.
Only the choice of timing
remains.
I also feel a little guilty about not doing anything to "The Gifting", but I'm hoping the break will bring me back refreshed so I can at least get Simon across the water into his last scenes. Which I suspect will be long ones.
And I've had some interesting and really helpful comments responding to yesterday's blog - so thank you to those who responded. I also had my first equally interesting experience of making the decision not to accept a comment or two, as they were not helpful to me, but possibly more helpful to the contributor. I do feel a little raw about it, I must admit, but at least it means I am exercising some sort of control over what I do and what I do not accept. A lesson for life indeed ...
As this will be my last blog until after my holiday (which ends next weekend), I hope you all have a great week wherever you are and whatever you're doing. Take care.
Today's nice things:
1. Watching serious, and gripping, TV
2. Writing my poem
3. Looking forward to my holiday.
Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
Sunday, March 04, 2007
Space for me and my men
Bloody hell, but that was a valuable weekend. I'd been dreading it beforehand thinking: should I go? should I stay at home? can I get to Bristol (and back) in one piece? But I'm glad I made the effort. And yes I made it through the wind and rain and lorries, and I'm back now. With my usual post-travel headache, but feeling something's changed inside. Which can only be a good thing.
So, Enneagram 2 - me and my relationships was the focus. On the technical side, as a Moody Romantic 4 (the Enneagram circle has nine numbers which you have greater or lesser leanings towards - I'm a 4), I've found out about how I can use my Loner neighbour (5 - the number which I do think Lord H is, by the way, but it's up to each person to work it out for themselves, so it's only my opinion!) and my Movie Star neighbour (3) in circumstances where that will be helpful, and also how my strongest links in times of stress & security are to the Perfectionist 1 and the Helper 2. And thinking about it, I do love so much to be at home (like a 5) so I can recharge, and I also do perform in public (like a 3), probably as a defence mechanism. Also, I think that when I'm stressed, I get obsessive about why things aren't perfect in some circumstances, and on flattering people so they don't attack me in others. Both of which actions are like the 1 and the 2 on the circle. Same with the security points really - when I'm feeling safe, I like the feeling of being in control (like a 1) and I also feel better able to help others (like a 2). Ye gods, Sherlock, it's all beginning to make sense. To me anyway.
Oh, and being a 4, I do love talking about myself, which explains the last paragraph - welcome to Anne's ego trip. Enjoy the ride ...
But far and away the best part of the weekend was what I feel I got out of the meditation/body work sessions (they focus on the combination of the physical and the spiritual at Emmaus House, which is something I appreciate). During the two meditations, we were asked to focus on our inner self and to hold that self with love and care. Not something I do very often, if I'm honest. For a while, I didn't really know what I was supposed to be doing, but then it came to me that it wasn't just me in that space. It was Michael too. And someone else. Which (in my tradition and understanding) I'd probably call God, but other people might call something else. The question I was asking, and which Michael was asking too, was: did I do okay? is it enough? And the answer was: yeah, you did good. It's enough. And then an overwhelming feeling of acceptance. No. More than that. Affirmation. Sounds simple, I know, but always the big question hanging over me in everything I do has been: is it good enough? am I good enough? And after five years of struggle with the book, the question becomes too huge to lose even on publication, believe me. To have it answered at least in terms of "A Dangerous Man" (http://www.flamebooks.com) and Michael in a way that means something to me and on a deep level is frankly revolutionary.
It also, I think, has freed something up in me in the way I've tried to ignore Michael and the Michael parts of me in my attempts to relate to God. After this weekend, I feel more that God might actually see the whole picture and not be as surprised or afraid of it as I am. Maybe (just maybe, mind ...) when that great supreme being in the sky looks at me, he already sees Michael, and Paul, and Simon, and ... whoever, as well and is even pleased that I've begun to acknowledge them too. Maybe even they can be part of the plan. Bloody hell, eh?...
Well. Phew. A lot to be pondering on, as you can see. But there were some lighter moments along the way - including having an ensuite room which had a toilet with only one wall between it and the window. And, um no other cover, not even a door. So, as Lord H said on the phone, more of an "en" than a "suite". I had to be jolly careful not to lean forward after getting off the throne (as it were) or everyone on the Bristol highway had a prime view of my unmentionables. Which may explain the amount of shrieking that appeared to go on at 2am on Saturday morning. Perhaps the Bristol youth were letting off steam at the horror of it all ...
Back home, I have yet to face the unpacking, but Lord H has done some cleaning (what a superhero - he now has huge numbers of Husband Points), so I'll leave it till next week. What a slut I am indeed. And tonight, it's "Lewis" on TV, so a slob-out opportunity. Hurrah.
Ooh, and for the first time, I've won the Writewords (http://www.writewords.org.uk) Flash Fiction II weekly competition with my "Another Time, Another Place" story, so that's a nice feeling for sure. And it means I have to set next week's competition - aha! the power! the power! My Enneagram 4 ego is loving it, dahlings!
This week's haiku:
Gravel and water,
sunlight, birdsong, a cool wind:
time and space to breathe.
This weekend's nice things:
1. Having space with Michael and God
2. The unexpected sense of peace
3. Laughing at the toilet arrangements.
Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk
So, Enneagram 2 - me and my relationships was the focus. On the technical side, as a Moody Romantic 4 (the Enneagram circle has nine numbers which you have greater or lesser leanings towards - I'm a 4), I've found out about how I can use my Loner neighbour (5 - the number which I do think Lord H is, by the way, but it's up to each person to work it out for themselves, so it's only my opinion!) and my Movie Star neighbour (3) in circumstances where that will be helpful, and also how my strongest links in times of stress & security are to the Perfectionist 1 and the Helper 2. And thinking about it, I do love so much to be at home (like a 5) so I can recharge, and I also do perform in public (like a 3), probably as a defence mechanism. Also, I think that when I'm stressed, I get obsessive about why things aren't perfect in some circumstances, and on flattering people so they don't attack me in others. Both of which actions are like the 1 and the 2 on the circle. Same with the security points really - when I'm feeling safe, I like the feeling of being in control (like a 1) and I also feel better able to help others (like a 2). Ye gods, Sherlock, it's all beginning to make sense. To me anyway.
Oh, and being a 4, I do love talking about myself, which explains the last paragraph - welcome to Anne's ego trip. Enjoy the ride ...
But far and away the best part of the weekend was what I feel I got out of the meditation/body work sessions (they focus on the combination of the physical and the spiritual at Emmaus House, which is something I appreciate). During the two meditations, we were asked to focus on our inner self and to hold that self with love and care. Not something I do very often, if I'm honest. For a while, I didn't really know what I was supposed to be doing, but then it came to me that it wasn't just me in that space. It was Michael too. And someone else. Which (in my tradition and understanding) I'd probably call God, but other people might call something else. The question I was asking, and which Michael was asking too, was: did I do okay? is it enough? And the answer was: yeah, you did good. It's enough. And then an overwhelming feeling of acceptance. No. More than that. Affirmation. Sounds simple, I know, but always the big question hanging over me in everything I do has been: is it good enough? am I good enough? And after five years of struggle with the book, the question becomes too huge to lose even on publication, believe me. To have it answered at least in terms of "A Dangerous Man" (http://www.flamebooks.com) and Michael in a way that means something to me and on a deep level is frankly revolutionary.
It also, I think, has freed something up in me in the way I've tried to ignore Michael and the Michael parts of me in my attempts to relate to God. After this weekend, I feel more that God might actually see the whole picture and not be as surprised or afraid of it as I am. Maybe (just maybe, mind ...) when that great supreme being in the sky looks at me, he already sees Michael, and Paul, and Simon, and ... whoever, as well and is even pleased that I've begun to acknowledge them too. Maybe even they can be part of the plan. Bloody hell, eh?...
Well. Phew. A lot to be pondering on, as you can see. But there were some lighter moments along the way - including having an ensuite room which had a toilet with only one wall between it and the window. And, um no other cover, not even a door. So, as Lord H said on the phone, more of an "en" than a "suite". I had to be jolly careful not to lean forward after getting off the throne (as it were) or everyone on the Bristol highway had a prime view of my unmentionables. Which may explain the amount of shrieking that appeared to go on at 2am on Saturday morning. Perhaps the Bristol youth were letting off steam at the horror of it all ...
Back home, I have yet to face the unpacking, but Lord H has done some cleaning (what a superhero - he now has huge numbers of Husband Points), so I'll leave it till next week. What a slut I am indeed. And tonight, it's "Lewis" on TV, so a slob-out opportunity. Hurrah.
Ooh, and for the first time, I've won the Writewords (http://www.writewords.org.uk) Flash Fiction II weekly competition with my "Another Time, Another Place" story, so that's a nice feeling for sure. And it means I have to set next week's competition - aha! the power! the power! My Enneagram 4 ego is loving it, dahlings!
This week's haiku:
Gravel and water,
sunlight, birdsong, a cool wind:
time and space to breathe.
This weekend's nice things:
1. Having space with Michael and God
2. The unexpected sense of peace
3. Laughing at the toilet arrangements.
Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk
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