Golf, plus yesterday's catch-up

Thursday 15 June 2006:

Day at work due to the new Nursery Management Group meeting, for which I am Secretary. Bearing in mind how much I hate children, I must have done something really bad in a previous life. Still felt very depressed, but work was actually good, in that it took my mind off it. Which is no bad thing. In the evening, Lord H and I went to see "Rigoletto" at Woking Theatre - a marvellous production, which included naked ladies (naked people are always acceptable of course, no matter what sexuality one is), a golden eagle and lots of colour. Just how I like my opera. Could have done with some naked men though - but hey nothing's perfect. And somehow the opera managed to lift the depression, so maybe music is the best medicine after all.

Friday 16 June 2006:

Day off, as usual. Did lots of Goldenford (http://www.goldenford.co.uk) marketing stuff for "Pink Champagne and Apple Juice" in the morning. Ottakar's in Godalming are keen to take 5 copies of the novel next week, and also expressed interest in seeing my other novel, "A Dangerous Man", which will be published later in the year. Oh joy indeed. Gawd bless 'em!

Visited Gladys from church during the afternoon - she was terribly anxious about her cat, but I reassured her that Dolly ( said cat) would come back when she was hungry, and being away is the nature of cats. Having said all that and managed to be extra nice, I damn well hope Dolly isn't lying under the wheels of some lorry somewhere - that would be irony hell!

Golf with Marian came next, and I'm now enjoying (post-cleaning duties - groan!) a lazy evening full of beer, pizza and ice cream. Bliss. And at least the suicidal gloom has lifted at last - thank the Lord.

Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com

Kinesiology appointment

This week of early starts, long and stressful days, and waves of depression is really taking its toll. I'm so tired my eyes are prickling, but I'm too on edge to sleep. Had a good session with Jane, my kinesiologist (http://www.kinesiology4health.com) this morning - to be honest, so far, that's been the only high point, and everything else about today has really knocked me back. She's suggested more and different nutritional supplements for another month before she sees me again, to encourage improvement, and I'll give it a go. It's expensive, but I trust her, and I'm desperate for something to work.

Did some Goldenford (http://www.goldenford.co.uk) work over lunchtime and then in the afternoon, the directors and I did a talk/reading session at the Guildford Institute. I thought it went well but I was devastated by the fact that not one of my pre-launch copies of "Pink Champagne and Apple Juice" were sold, and overwhelmed with jealousy that we sold at least one copy of all our other offerings. It felt like a real kick in the teeth and I don't feel I can handle it right now. So I took 6 in, and I took 6 back. It's hell.

Once home, I tried to sleep, but couldn't, and was subject to the usual stressed-out "God, you're rubbish" messages my head always gives me in this sort of situation. I'm seriously considering not writing anything for a while, as it just seems to be the case that you put yourself out there and nobody's interested. Not great for my customary low self-esteem issues indeed ... I've also resigned from the Writewords (http://www.writewords.org.uk) short stories group, as I definitely don't want to write any of those for a while - the effort's too much. Sometimes, and without seeming too dramatic (is that possible? Hell, it's the way I am - live with it) and as long as I can be with Lord H, it would be really, really wonderful just to vanish and not have to bother with the whole palaver any more. God, I wish.

Can't be arsed to do anything this evening - Lord H is being really sweet, and cooking chips and giving me whisky. Sometimes, alcohol and raised fat intake are the only answers. No matter what the diet police say.

Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com

Self-esteem seminar

Felt very low today - God knows why. It's distressing how things pile up, I ignore them for weeks/months and then they overwhelm me. There must be another way of managing my own life, if only I knew what that might be. Ho hum. Attended a self-esteem seminar at the Cathedral today - and ended up feeling lower than ever. All those tips for a balanced life, but not energy enough to apply them. It was also terrifying walking into the room and having to do the breakfast chat thing on my own. David (boss) turned up after a while though, so at least there was someone to sit next to. Also Jennifer from Goldenford (http://www.goldenford.co.uk) was there as well, and we managed a brief publication-related chat afterwards.

The rest of the day trundled by. High points were (a) a good and unexpected chat with David about how frightened I am about next week's publication/launch week for "Pink Champagne and Apple Juice", which will be followed closely by the Winchester Writers Conference (which for various reasons will be rather more demanding than usual, though worth it, I hope - http://www.writersconference.co.uk). David was actually really sweet. It's funny how much I want to be read and how much I at the same time dread other people's judgement. Doesn't make for much sanity really. (b) Lovely encouragement from Julia (thanks, Julia ...) from UnisWriters - who said a lot which I know is right but I'll have to wait for hope to return to take in those words of wisdom. And (c) a very nice lunch with Angela, also from UniSWriters, about writing, work and the hell that is minute-taking. It cheered me up a little, so thanks, Angela.

Ate healthily this evening and felt (marginally) better. Tonight it's the monthly Goldenford (http://www.goldenford.co.uk) meeting, but thank goodness Jackie has agreed to take minutes - thanks, Jackie. I couldn't have coped with them right now ...

Which makes me think that no matter how bad I feel, people around me today (including Lord H) have been desperately nice. Which in itself makes me feel better - and I'm desperately grateful. You don't know how much ...

Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com

Away Day

Student Care Services Away Day today - catch-up on what's going on in the morning, and a team/personal development exercise in the afternoon. Could write lots, I suppose, but actually I feel like crap right now. Very edgy, and people are just asking me to do too many things at the moment - it's completely overwhelming and I feel very depressed. Why can't they just stop? Honestly, can't people sort their own issues out? I'm not the fount of all knowledge. Sometimes I just bloody well want to be left alone. The older I get, the more it feels that people are simply chipping pieces away from me, and giving nothing back. And, God, it's hard to keep smiling for the outside world when I just want to go home and collapse in a soggy heap.

The heat isn't helping much either. Nor is the rejection of "Maloney's Law" by Macmillan today. It's only taken them nine months to say no. The bastards. Actually, right now I hate the whole fucking business. I don't know why I bother. And I don't know why my agent can't ever get round to giving me any bloody good news. All the good news I get comes from my own efforts, and that's few and far between, to be honest.

Have just finished Hilary Mantel's "An experiment in love" - well written, but also bloody depressing. God, what a life.

Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk

Golf day

Bloody hot today. Did the 8am service this morning - we had the difficult vicar (deep groan). I suppose there's always one in every deanery. Just wish he'd lighten up a bit though and not complain about every little thing. The good news is that I managed not to strangle the wretched gent with his own stole - though I did find myself wishing that the trapped swallow in the church this morning might do a slightly more dramatic fly-past than it actually did. Hell, what do you expect? I've never been nice.

Had a nap after church, and then golf and lunch here (cold collation - the thought of hot food is beyond us ...) with Marian & Siegi. Lord H played fantastically well and got several pars and a birdie. Did my usual mother call this evening, so am cleansed of family demands for a week. Goodness, how well I play the dutiful daughter!

This evening, Lord H and I played TV catch-up - "Dr Who" (which I thought was great and, hey, Rose actually gets to be proactive this week!), and Friday night comedy. Saved having to watch the ruddy football.

Tragic news! - "Thorn in the Flesh" has dropped to Number 6 in the You Write On (http://www.youwriteon.com) charts - ooooh noooo! Ah well, that's the writing life. And have edited another writer's chapters on the site - an excellent piece of work about a journalist and the devil - it's great. There's such good stuff around - why can't wretched publishers get off their arses, ditch the celebrity trash and actually publish some good novels? At least, it would make a change for them.

And this week's haiku is:

The white moth flutters,
a ghost in pursuit of dreams
in the cool blue room.

Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk

Clarins facial

Ah, the bliss of a Clarins facial - where would I be without them? Had a replenishing version today, and discovered I have 275 minutes on my "Time for Me" card - so free treatments, here I come! Choices, choices ... I'd like to go for the aromatherapy massage, but we'll see. Also popped into Neals Yard and bought some milk thistle tincture, which is supposedly good for cleansing the liver (if only I knew where exactly my liver was ...) and some rose body cream (good for sensitive skins). Also got a free sample of their new frankincense body cream, so shall have fun practising being a girl with all that lot.

Lunch with some friends in Guildford, with Lord H - which was full of bad food choices, so no doubt my liver will be looking forward to its cleansing soon, poor thing. Oh, and I bought (ie I chose and Lord H paid ...) a skirt in M&S, so hey I can do two girly things in one day - result! Lord H & I shopped for tomorrow's golf lunch on the way back - pie & salad, as the thought of cooking in all this heat is just too frightening.

Ooh, and some indirectly good news - Alison Baverstock's new book, "Is there a Book in You?" is out on 30 June, and includes a contribution from me, as I've met her a couple of times. Doubt I'll be named though, as she's got loads of well-known authors to give her some thoughts, but at least I'm in there somewhere. So it's almost like being important - I wish!...

And tonight we're at the Guildford Choral Society (http://www.guildfordchoral.org/main.pl) Mozart concert in the Cathedral, so perfect summer music.

Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk

Night out in London with Jane

Weird dreams last night - a host of poetry stuff, Indian ladies and loo rolls on a mantelpiece floated past my head. Must mean something - only the Lord knows what.

Struggled with writing today - managed to dredge up 1000 words for "The Gifting", but goodness me it was an effort. Just too damn hot for thought. Or inspiration. Not that I've ever trusted inspiration of course ... this life is 99% bloody hard slog, and the 1% that isn't is usually changed before draft two. Oh, and I also wrote a poem for the Writers' News (http://www.writersnews.co.uk) last line competition. Have uploaded it onto the Writewords (http://www.writewords.org.uk) site for comment, but no-one's bitten yet. And good news about "Thorn in the Flesh" - it's in the Top Ten on the You Write On (http://www.youwriteon.com) site - at Number Ten, so hanging on just by its proverbials. Talking of which (novel, not proverbials - steady, people), my editor (http://www.jbwb.co.uk) has sent back another chapter of "Thorn", which I have duly edited. It's like drawing teeth - only another eight chapters to go. Don't hold your breath! And today, I am consumed with my usual writers' jealousy at all the wonderful things happening to other people - groan! And it's only been a week since my own big competition shortlisting (http://www.harrybowlingprize.net) for "Maloney's Law". Wish the good feelings lasted a little longer ...

A quick pop into Godalming this morning to stock up on brown rice and detox tea (not as bad as it sounds), and a nap this afternoon. And I'll be ready for my night out with Jane in London later on. We usually do art, but this time I think we'll stick with drinks, food & chat. It'll be great to see her.

Have just finished Melanie Penycate's poetry collection, "Breaking the arch" - quite enjoyed it, especially the marital crisis sections. And I particularly loved her subtle use of rhyme. Interesting stuff.

Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk

Golf & catch-up

Two for the price of one today, you lucky people. Or maybe not. Even hotter today. Muddled through with writing some of “The Gifting” this morning, and then popped into see Gladys. She’s very confused today – must be the heat. Can’t say I blame her.

Had a nap this afternoon, and then played golf with Marian later. Glorious sunshine, and I did quite well. Much more consistent than last week, and one wonderful chipped-in par at the eighth. Bliss. The monthly writing mags arrived today. There's a piece about Goldenford and "Pink Champagne and Apple Juice" in Writers' News (http://www.writersnews.co.uk), so that's good. Must be happening then ...

It's too hot to move, let alone type. Damn it.


Wednesday 7 June: Counselling day

Didn’t manage to write my blog yesterday, as I had a full day in London doing the last of the SUADP (Administrator Development) course. Yesterday’s theme was “Teamwork and Leadership”, and we all had a good time. Even the team games weren’t too scary, once they got going, and – thank the Lord – I didn’t have to be Leader at any time. Phew. Couldn’t imagine anything worse. Did a “what role are you in a team?” test and found out I am basically a Worker Bee type. No surprises there then. In fact I was 12 points higher than the highest point on the so-called scale. So, it’s proven: I am officially square. At last! – I’ve found my true inner self. Hmm ... At least we had a hell of a lot of fun playing a Scrabble-type game and building a tall tower with Lego. I’ve had far more terrifying days. And the presenter was someone I know from UniS, so it made it that much more light-hearted for me. As it was the last session, we had a talk from London University’s Vice-Chancellor at the end. Whose name I instantly forgot, as it means nothing to me. Verdict: he tried too hard and ended up being dull. Why do these managerial types always attempt to get twenty-five minutes worth of speaking out of ten minutes of material? It’s a mystery. Still, he seemed a harmless enough chap. Unusual, for a V-C … And we all went out for dinner in the evening (not with the V-C of course – that would have been a network too far!), so a good time had by all.

Today – Wednesday – had quite a good day at work, and was absolutely up-to-date by the time 5pm came round. And it was my two year anniversary at UniS, so I took in cakes. It’s amazing I’ve lasted so long. My lunchtime counselling session with Zoe was helpful – as ever. It feels as if I’m facing a glass wall, with the normal carefully-managed and very separate parts of my life contained behind me, and something like a very rich and colourful field in front. A field where all the separate sections might be able to merge together one day and still be okay. God, that would be a relief. How I hate all these bloody labels people seem to put on me – Anne’s an “X”; oh no, she’s a “Y”; she’s exuberant; she moans all the time; etc, etc. I’m pissed off with all that, people. Can’t I be all of them without being judged? Yes, having the label might make for a simpler life, but it leaves other parts unexpressed. How I’d like to move on from there. Hell, the search for some kind of wholeness – it’s a bloody mystery, isn’t it?

Still, there a revisit to “The Monastery” on TV tonight, so maybe that will be a source of inspiration? Not sure where my five-minute silence slot disappeared to last night, or if it will even happen tonight, but we live in hope. (Postscript – it happened but in a concertinaed 5 mins when Lord H was washing up. The thing I took away from it was that I’d really like to live more deeply. Nice thought, but God alone knows how …)

And it’s so bloody hot!

Lunch with Julia

First day back post-holiday wasn't as terrifying as I'd feared. Even managed to get all my emails sorted in the morning, which left the afternoon for messing around with the website and catching up on news emails etc. Never let it be said that my life is meaningless.

Lunch with one of our UniSWriters, Julia - which was fun. She's created a Yahoo Group for us, but Lord alone knows how I'm supposed to work out how to use it - I always find the Yahoo Group thing a great mystery. Like being trapped in an invisible net which won't let me go. I'm sure it will be wonderful when I can understand it. Much like life really. Or Ikea. If you're reading this, Julia - I'll try! I'll try, honest I will! I'm also hoping to link it in with a new UniSWriters website, probably attached to the Arts Office site, but am waiting for the go-ahead from Jo.

The hell that is Tesco shopping tonight. Why do I spend so much and yet when I get it home it's as if I needn't have bothered? We'll have demolished it all in a week, in spite of the fact I buy for a month. Ho hum.

Have just finished reading Nell Grey's "Three Magic Women" - the sequel/prequel to the utterly amazing "The Golden Web". The style is very rich - like eating good chocolate or drinking a fine wine - but I could have done with slightly more plot. The sex scenes are fun though - but have to say there were more of them and weirder (and who on earth doesn't like a lot of weird sex scenes?...) in "TGW".

And finally, have received the latest chapter of "Thorn in the Flesh" back from my editor (http://www.jbwb.co.uk), which didn't have that many changes to make. Only another nine chapters to go before I'm done - goodness, this time the process is agonisingly slow. Even though she's fine, I might consider using someone else next time - we'll see.

Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk

Pentecost

Church not too bad today, though it was obviously a day for seriously weird hymn tunes. This week's visiting vicar, Bob Heyes, was a nice chap, and seemed genuinely interested in our non-church lives - not like the normal sort of priest at all. He can come again. And he looked cute in the red (for Pentecost). Shame it's only for one week, and we're back to the white next week. Ah well. Had a good chat with one of our churchwardens before the madding crowd (all 35 or so of them - goodness, that's not bad for St Peter's ...) arrived. Told her how the counselling was going - which is, basically, six more to go, and I'm feeling better about God (now that's a bloody miracle in itself, eh?), but who knows when the next "down zone" will be.

Slummed it for the rest of the day - caught up on yesterday's "Doctor Who", and also the Robin Williams' film, "One Hour Photo." Depressing indeed. It's made my head feel full of noise, which in a day as hot as today isn't great. Oh, and talking of "Doctor Who", Billie Piper will be opening our church/village fete at Hascombe on 19 August, and judging our children's fancy dress competition. The theme is "Doctor Who", so how can she refuse? And Chris Evans will be running one of our stalls - but please God no more of those dreadful zip-up ties, which turned up a few fetes ago. Mind you, we had fun with them in the end, if only as a talking point ...

In order to salvage the dregs of my meagre spiritual life (such as it is), I've decided to try for 5 minutes silence in the evening, and factor in 5 minutes silence in the morning as I'm reading through my "Daily Bread" notes. Mind you, as my morning Bible study/thought period (if I can call it that ...) is always done while I'm on the exercise bike, silence might not be the operative word. Hell, even I know it's not how Christianity is supposed to be, but hey it's the best I've got so don't knock it!

And this week's haiku is:

Things I learnt at Longleat
Gorillas love TV;
giraffes glide like slow angels;
meerkats do stand up.

Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk

Longleat

A bloody fantastic day in Longleat today (http://www.longleat.co.uk) - spent the whole morning in the park. The giraffes were fantastic, lions ditto, and we were so close to two rhinos we could have reached out and stroked them. Don't advise this though. Marvellous. Everyone should go - a magical day.

Also did the house - wonderfully ornate and homely, with ceilings to die for. Then onto the lake trip round gorilla island - actually saw a gorilla and it moved like a gorilla too! - with the bonus of sealions and two hippos. Add to that, the small steam train and the mazes, plus a beautiful orangery, and it's been a perfect day.

Chinese meal this evening and the video of "Doctor Who" and Lord H and I are laughing.

Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk

Editing day

Hell of a night for not being able to sleep last night. Think I was on too much of a high to settle. Bummer. Still, it did mean that I day-dreamt a structure and some scenes for a short story whilst staring at the ceiling. Jotted some of it down today, with a working title of "The Bar on Sigmond Street". Also did some more work on "The Gifting" - the beginnings of a flashback castle scene now, and Ralph & Simon's first meeting. I now know what exactly a bailey looks like, and have glanced at a picture of a trebuchon (weapon for throwing boulders). Both of which could come in handy, both for writing and for life.

Also did my weekly editing round for work on Bewrite (http://www.bewrite.net), the To Be Published site (http://www.tobepublished.com), UK Authors (http://www.ukauthors.com), Writewords (http://www.writewords.org.uk) and the You Write On site (http://www.youwriteon.com). Particularly enjoyed the very lush but dark short story which was allocated to me in the last of the list. Sinister and well expressed. And talking of writing, I watched the interviews with the two main actors of "Brokeback Mountain" on DVD yesterday and they said something (concerning their acting careers) which really struck home: (a) they act in order to bare something of their soul, and (b) each role is a step on a personal journey somewhere. That's exactly how I feel about why I write. That's exactly it.

A quick shop this afternoon around Godalming - found the perfect Father's Day card for Jim. Now all I have to do is get a present and family duty will be done! Tonight, I'll do a spot (only a spot, mind - I'm not proud) of cleaning, and then slump in front of glorious Friday TV.

Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk

Harry Bowling Prize 2006 Shortlist

Today's been a really good day, in all sorts of ways. Did a little bit more on "The Gifting" in the morning, and then discovered that "Maloney's Law" has been shortlisted for the Harry Bowling Prize 2006 (http://www.harrybowlingprize.net) which is astonishing! Particularly as the publishers involved in the award, Headline, were one of those who rejected the novel last year. My agent (http://www.sff.net/people/john-jarrold/about.html) thought this was highly amusing, and hopes to do a run through those publishers (including, perhaps, Headline) I have still to hear from to tell them the good news. Here's hoping somebody bites ... Ah now, wouldn't that be nice?

As a result of all that, I think I've probably played the best eighteen holes of golf today I've ever done - 4 pars, one of them a chip in from off the green. Felt as if I were cooking on gas, thank the Lord (indeed). Bliss. Popped in post-golf to see Gladys, but didn't stay long as she was having her tea.

Once home, BBC Southern Counties radio (http://www.bbc.co.uk/southerncounties) are doing a marvellous job on publicising the Life Competition shortlist, and are putting the series (of which my piece is one) into two radio awards later in the year. There's also some talk of publicising the stories on the website, so sent across a photo, a short bio, and a note of how I came to write the piece. And, in addition to all that, the anthology, "101 Poets for a Cornish Assembly" (in which my poem, "The Milkmaid by Vermeer", appears) has turned up in the post - so lots of lovely new poetry to read. Hurrah.

Have just finished Nick Fletcher's "Imperfect Day" - great stuff. Cynical and fast-paced with a good lead character. Wonderful dry humour too. Would definitely read more of his stuff - though I could have done with less typos. Hell, I have typos too, so I can't talk!

All in all, a really top-notch day - it's lovely to get one of these every so often. I'm incredibly grateful - hope the feeling lasts through the barrel-load of rejections that will no doubt be coming my way soon. It's a funny kind of a life.

Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk

Patricia's leaving day

One of my work colleagues - Patricia - left today to move down to the New Forest (lucky devil), so popped in for cakes and chat and to say goodbye. It's actually quite refreshing to go into work when you don't have to do anything. Though I did pick up my pay slip. Priorities, priorities. Patricia's just come back from a cruise holiday, during which someone died by falling overboard. Sounds like a classic Agatha Christie to me - very exciting indeed. My first thought was: fantastic plot! Which just goes to show all writers are heartless beasts. No great shocks there then.

Did more work on "The Gifting". Ralph's home is becoming more castle-like every day, so had to research castles on the Web. And medieval-style clothing. Not to mention class issues. This novel is definitely crystallising into a medieval-based fantasy - which at least means I can be vaguely accurate, but not anal about it. Thank the Lord. Tried not to get too bogged down though - I hate research. I'm much happier writing the bloody thing and then winging it later. As in life, so in writing indeed. It's fiction, people. Live with it.

A short nap this afternoon, and then a leisurely evening ahead. Yesterday, Lord H and I watched our "King Arthur" DVD. What a load of old tosh - although the two male leads were cute, which always makes it worthwhile. Still, I think they could have done a lot more with the whole society and relationships/friendships thing, rather than all those ruddy confusing battles. Just an opinion.

My editor (http://www.jbwb.co.uk) has just emailed back the latest two chapters of "Thorn in the Flesh", including the extremely violent one. She likes it and thinks it needs to be there - which makes me feel very happy, as I was worried what she might say. She's a nice woman. Only ten more chapters for her to go through then.

And my agent (http://www.sff.net/people/john-jarrold/about.html) will be going in for a minor operation over the Winchester Writers' Conference (http://www.writersconference.co.uk) weekend at the end of June - nothing too drastic apparently, but it means I still won't actually have got to meet him yet. Am beginning to wonder if he only exists online! - though I have been promised lunch in July. Which would be nice ... actually I was originally promised lunch last August, but it never came to anything. Ho hum. Evidently, I will have to produce a real potboiler of a novel before I get to eat. Plus ca change then.

And the joy of tonight is I can change all my calendars over to June and have a fresh month ahead. Including the glorious gay men's Canadian rugby team calendar given to me by some close gay, non-Canadian friends. My favourite calendar of them all - leaves nothing to the imagination and does it with style and charm. Bliss!

Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk

The Gifting - onwards ...

The beginning of a week off work - hurrah! Had a lazy start to the day, but enjoyed scribbling away with "The Gifting" and actually managed to get 2000 words out. Have added a twist to Ralph's character, which I rather like - with a bit of luck and if the literary wind is in the right direction, I might even be able to make something of it. Who knows?

Also, wrote a proposal outlining the possibility of turning my blog into a book, which The Friday Project (http://www.thefridayproject.co.uk) have asked to see. Got that off in the post today, together with an example of my writing - sent them "Pink Champagne and Apple Juice", so if nothing else it might make 'em laugh. My first non-fiction (or is it?...) proposal. Another bridge crawled across. Have also sent the first few chapters of "Maloney's Law" to Snow Books (http://www.snowbooks.com) who apparently want thrillers this year. Well, it's certainly a thriller, so at least they can't reject it for not fitting the request. They'll probably find another reason though - ah well.

But at least no-one can say I haven't been busy today. Had a quick flit round Godalming this afternoon and restocked my dwindling book supply. Also bought some poetry, as I'm running seriously low on that front and the stuff I currently have I don't even like anyway. Give me decent poetry - somebody - please!

BBC Southern Counties Radio (http://www.bbc.co.uk/southerncounties/) have emailed to say my "Life" piece will be broadcast sometime over the next few weeks. It could even be tomorrow or next week - hurrah! However, as there's a list of twenty of us, it's all rather vague (if delightful), and I'm too much of a wimp to email back and ask: hey, so when exactly is mine being broadcast? It just sounds way too selfish, even for me. Hey ho.

Have just finished Sue Monk Kidd's "The Secret Life of Bees." Loved the first chapter or so, but the rest of it is rather a drag, I have to say. Apparently it started life as a short story, which publishers got hold of and then wanted more. Hell, they ruined it. It would have made an utterly fantastic and classy short, but is simply a dull novel. Which just goes to show that, no matter what the financial and career incentives, writers should stick to their guns and go with their instincts concerning exactly what something is. Trust me, you know. A lesson for us all - let's hope I'll remember it, should my distant and rapidly diminishing boat ever come in.

Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk

Bank Holiday Monday

A mixture of torrential rain and bright sun. Typical bank holiday weather. We were planning to go to the Surrey County Show, but I didn't have a very good night last night and, to be honest, couldn't be arsed. Instead, we had a late, lazy morning, then I had a nap until lunchtime, after which I watched my video of "Phone Booth", with Colin Farrell. Damn good film - I loved it.

Plan to do a fat lot of nothing the rest of the day - we might watch one of our many as yet unwatched DVDs however, and then there's "New Tricks" tonight on TV. I've thought my way into the beginning of some scenes for "The Gifting" and will do some work on them tomorrow. Won't push myself too much though - or will try not to! - as it is a holiday week, after all. I'm supposed to be relaxing - if I only knew how.

And Lord H has mended our overflow problem - what a star - which will make the neighbour downstairs a little happier. How we both hate the whole thought of DIY. It's unnatural.

Still feel rather up and down, but thank God it's not as bad as yesterday.

Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk

Easter 7

Church was surprisingly okay today - ie I didn't feel quite so bad about it as I usually do at the moment. This week's visiting priest was Colin Semper, who used to be Head of Religious Broadcasting at the BBC - nice chap. He can definitely come back. He gets humour. Great. Some of them don't. I think he quite liked us too.

Had a trip round Busbridge Lakes afterwards - nice and relaxing. Wandering around looking at birds is okay. Shame they don't open it more often over the summer. There weren't many people about, which was good.

Felt low this afternoon. Can't always tell when the feeling's going to strike, but it's not pleasant while it lasts. Had a couple of hours' nap to try to ride it, but was only partially successful. Have finished the book my Counsellor recommended however: Alice Miller's "The Drama of Being a Child" - I thought some of the stuff was very good, plus helpful, but the latter part of it wasn't quite so helpful. Not sure whether the intellectual understanding of what might be going on right now is entirely a good thing, without the means of practical action. Still, I suppose that's what the counselling is for ...

The final part of "Invasion" tonight - they really seemed to leave us up in the air as to what happens next. They'd better bloody well make a second series - us fans need some kind of resolution!

Lord H has a bad headache, and I don't feel so hot either, so am hoping for an early night. Have sinned on the family front, as haven't done my weekly call to mother - but not sure I can face it right now.

And this week's haiku is:

The music rises,
your friendship fizzes in dance:
bodies in rhythm.

Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk

Windsor Castle

Too wet for Longleat today, so Lord H and I went to Windsor Castle instead. The changing of the guard was bizarre - lots of marching for no apparent purpose, but Lord H enjoyed it and took lots of photos. I particularly liked the Drawing Gallery - some good photos of the queen & entourage which I hadn't seen before, a few being very relaxed and fun. I was hugely jealous though of the one of the royal princesses on a rocking horse - I always longed for a rocking horse, and was never allowed one!... Damn it.

Still, was somewhat cheered by the State Apartments, which are glorious - great ceilings. Also enjoyed St George's Chapel - I never knew so many monarchs are buried there. At least it keeps them all together - we know where they are ... But, another thousand damns - the Sacristan on duty at the door had a badge with his name and title on - damn! Why can't I have a badge? I'm a Sacristan too! - deep sigh ...

However, much to my joy, the shop had a Noah's Ark in a snowstorm, so just had to buy that for work. Trashy gifts 'r' us! Lord H sighed deeply ... Ooh, and bought jam too - can never resist it, especially as they had quince & rose petal jelly. Bliss.

Tonight, it's "Doctor Who" and a take-away chinese from the shop. We also stocked up on our wine, but we've now broken one bottle. Curses.

Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk

Haircut & golf ...

... not a great combination, especially in the wind. Ah well. At least I looked relatively elegant (almost) for half a morning. Golf was fine, but didn't enjoy it as much as usual for some reason, even though I did okay. Marian was great though - and parred the ninth with a fantastic putt. My putt wasn't so bad either, but sadly not as exciting. Ah well - again!

Did more work on "The Gifting", but I'm not as happy with the scene I wrote up today, as I was with yesterday's. Too much talking & angst, I think, and maybe not enough action - it's irritating me, but I'll have to wait till another day to redo. Or maybe just leave it - and try another scene. Sometimes these things work themselves out. The JBWB editor (http://www.jbwb.co.uk) has sent back another chapter of "Thorn in the Flesh", so made the suggested changes to that. Then had a lovely nap for two hours in the afternoon - bliss.

The book recommended to me by my counsellor (goodness, how modern I'm beginning to sound ...) has arrived, so I'll get stuck into that at some stage soon. Tonight though, it's TV comedy night. Will have to do some cleaning somewhere in the midst of it, I fear - groan. There's no silver lining without that cloud. When, oh when, will somebody create a press-button solution for all the domestic chores?

Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk

Ascension Day

Edited my summer ghost story as suggested by Guildford Writers (http://www.guildfordwriters.net) and it certainly seems to have improved it. Then wrote the beginning of a piece (short story? novel? - hard to say) including the phrases, "country music", "smart thinking" and "illustration" for our UniSWriters group. It came out as hard-nosed chick lit, so goodness knows whether I'll continue it at all, but hell it was fun to write.

Lunch with Jean T in Milford - an hour or so of off-the-wall conversation which flowed over me like a river, and which always makes me feel as if somehow I'm not as strange as I'd feared - quite reassuring really. Then a quick pop to see Gladys & home. Where I did another 1000 words of "The Gifting" and really enjoyed getting deeper into the story. Simon and his thoughts and feelings are beginning to take me over more as it goes on - which is fairly usual for this stage in the novel. I'll now have him in my head for at least two years - even after I've finished writing them, they linger on. Like a good wine. Or piles. Difficult to say which, sometimes.

Tonight, Lord H and I went to the Ascension Service - not many there, but we lit enough candles for the 5000 to appear, should they have wished to. One of the local priests, John Bundock, took the service - he may be our priest for real in the long run, but that's a few years down the line yet, as they're still hoping to appoint a temporary guy/gal for three years until a real decision on our future has to be made. John's quiet but sweet. And I think he quite liked us by the end of it all.

Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.goldenford.co.uk