Hmm, I suspect that title might give people the wrong idea, but what the hell. Into Guildford first thing for a spot of shopping before my counselling appointment (at last! I've missed it over the three weeks of not going) - mainly to buy those utterly gorgeous, silky, fluffy slippers I promised myself yesterday. But shock! horror! There are no pink ones left in my size (7 if you're asking ...), so, suitably traumatised, I had to settle for a mauve pair. But actually I've warmed to them as they still do look adorable. And will tone beautifully with my fluffy pink-and-white striped dressing-gown. I am indeed a Goddess of Style ... Cruelly, I have placed them on the bed, standing guard over Lord H's post - as I know how much he hates my fluffy slipper collection and has, in the past, been found bending over a pair wielding a knife. The household excitements never stop, you know. Um. Did I say "collection"? Um, well, ye-es ... I do already have fluffy cow slippers and fluffy sheep slippers (with horns, so they must be mountain sheep), both of which I love and wear constantly. Even in summer. I'd love to have a fluffy kitten pair too, but have never seen any. Sigh.
Sound of door banging - whoops! I think Michael has just left, disgusted by my lack of gay style understanding. Ah well, I'm hopeful he'll be back shortly, as otherwise where will his next line come from? And thinking of Michael, I spent a long time talking about him in today's counselling session with Kunu. I think I've got to the point where, because "A Dangerous Man" (http://www.flamebooks.com) is now published, the link with Michael has become/is becoming slightly less obsessive. I feel as if I've spent five years in a small room with this man and have been unable to move on at all as no publisher before Flame would take it. No matter how many other books I began (and in three cases finished) writing. I think, of them all, he's the most important one, and probably always will be. Now, it's as if I've stepped back, closed the door so I can no longer see him and am preparing to move away. It's not that I don't want to see him again - believe me, I do - but I don't think we're living together any more in quite the same way. Part of me feels sad about this, but I wouldn't want to change it. And, weirdly but not quite as weirdly as I thought it would be, Kunu is planning to read ADM. Which I think will help, as it's hard to explain all that stuff - at least for me. I'm always more honest in the written medium. She also asked me what Michael thought of the book - the question brought me up short, but did make me think. My response is he's pleased. Maybe there are one or two things he'd alter, so he doesn't have to lay himself open at quite so much depth, but on the whole he's pleased. In fact - more weirdness alert - in the car, I think I heard him say thank you. And that meant something.
On the way home, I popped into see Gladys, but she seemed to be in the middle of a nap, so I left a note and tiptoed out quietly, hoping not to confuse her. I'll try for a conversation next week and see how she is. For the rest of the afternoon, I've been ploughing through my usual monthly submissions to poetry competitions. Maybe I'm getting jaded and cynical in my post-Michael (no! God! I can't quite mean that yet; it's too soon, it's too soon ...) years as there were a couple of entries I abandoned entirely on the grounds that I really couldn't be arsed to check if my postcards were the right size, or put an envelope inside another envelope and seal it before using another envelope to post it. Much like those medieval feasts where you put a duck in a swan and then put the whole lot in a hog's head and eat it. Ye gods!! What are these competition people on? All I bloody well want to do is pop it in the ruddy envelope and post it. Life's too short to fiddle about with stationery. Talking of which, the flyers for ADM have turned up (small publishers' syndrome, which I expected - so I did them myself) so I've sent a load out to friends/contacts who don't have computers in the hope of bringing in a little extra trade. Ever hopeful - that's me.
Oh, and the Lovely Caroline (http://www.myspace.com/caroline_biesse) - Caroline: this is now your official title ... - says she's getting even more into ADM and thinks it gets better and better. In spite of the rudery. Huge thanks again, Caroline - much appreciated. Michael sends thanks too. Or would if the fluffy slippers hadn't driven the poor bloke away. And Penelope Cline/Nell Grey (http://www.nellgrey.co.uk or http://www.visualartnow.com/penelopecline/) - the artist who did the ADM cover - has finally received the copies I sent her (hurrah! - and heartfelt thanks again, Nell - glad they turned up all right, after all this time!). I've also asked if she'll draft some ideas for Jacquelynn Luben's (http://jackieluben.blogspot.com) next novel, "Tainted Tree", on behalf of Goldenford (http://www.goldenford.co.uk) so we're looking forward to getting the roughs of those. "Tainted Tree" is a great novel which I hope we'll be able to publish in the not too distant future - the story of one woman's search for her family roots. A very readable saga indeed.
Think I might scribble down some more stuff on "The Gifting" later - see how Simon is getting on now he's in the country of water. I don't think he's a great swimmer but hell he's going to have to learn pretty damn quick.
And, generally, I'm planning a quiet evening - once Lord H has got over the shock of the slippers, aha!...
Today's nice things:
1. Fluffy mauve slippers
3. Thinking about Michael
4. Ye gods - four! - Caroline's generous comments about ADM.