FREE on Amazon: Not A Shred Of Evidence

Just popping in between showers on this rainy bank holiday weekend to say that surreal office comedy Not A Shred Of Evidence is FREE at Amazon UK and Amazon US for today and Sunday only - so grab this no strings attached bargain while you can. Enjoy!

And a happy weekend to all.

Anne Brooke
The Gathandrian Fantasy Trilogy
Gay Reads UK
Biblical Fiction UK
Lori Olding - Children's Fiction

Murder and mystery with just a hint of Ketchup

This week I've taken a big step and published one of my books directly to the Kindle. It's a screwball crime comedy set in an office and featuring cat-suited, vermilion-nailed heroine, Fallon Evans. Actually I can't tell you her full name as it's quite rude, but all is revealed in the book, I promise! It's called Not a Shred of Evidence, and the blurb is:

When secretary and would-be detective Fallon Evans slaps on her best Office Hag smile for another kick-ass day at Grabbit, Nickett and Leggatt, she doesn't expect a tormented boss or a murdered Chief Executive Officer. However, the office is a ruthless place, and Fallon must navigate the obstacles she faces armed only with her trusty leopard print catsuit, her vermilion nails and her attitude.

When she discovers a bottle of Heinz Tomato Ketchup next to the corpse of the CEO, she knows something sinister is afoot. Can she solve the impenetrable mystery, mend the shredder and be in with a chance of gaining that longed-for pay rise at all?

Here's the beginning for you:

The office is a mysterious place, full of sound and fury. Yes, it is. And we all fear it. Though some, the lucky ones, survive it. You don’t agree? Then let me tell you my story. Afterwards you can judge for yourself.

I’d been working as Support Hag In Training – a title that was never shortened – for Grabbit, Nickett and Leggatt Customer Service Consultants for two months but already I knew it was a job which might bring me hours of unadulterated pain, lightened only by the occasional sandwich or trip to the Ladies. At such times, much like the casual viewer of EastEnders, I would turn my back to the shouting and dream of better things. Some things can only be endured, but they bring a peculiar feeling of pleasure.

That day started out like any other. I’d come in ten minutes late, sweating from the effort of putting one foot in front of another; a Hag’s life was a hard one and they didn’t pay me for my energy levels. In fact they didn’t pay me at all. What with all that sweating, my salary went straight to the dry cleaners. It cut out the middle woman. When, oh when, would they give me a pay rise?

When I opened the office door, I could see my boss was weeping, his head squashed against the keyboard like an overcooked onion, and there were smashed segments of plant pot and half a wilted geranium on the thin grey carpet. Gosh, I thought, why the mess? But as I wasn’t overly fond of flowers, I trod on it on my way to my modern ergonomic workspace, or desk as it was traditionally known. At once the day improved.

‘Morning, Roger,’ I said, but not before ensuring my Morning Hag Smile was in its right place. In the bin. I could always rescue it later, should it be needed. ‘Lovely day.’

The only answer was a moan. Well, sometimes a moan is the most communicative sound bosses produce, apart from the odd groan or peculiar snorting noise, so this wasn’t unusual. I decided to impress him with my cool efficiency and understanding of business process.

‘Er-hem,’ I said, picking up the day diary and flicking through its blank pages, the subsequent cool breeze a boon to my hot skin. ‘Today you’re having a heads-up with the Director of Office Organisational Moves, then you’re touching base with the Head of Electronic Lighting Liaison. Lunch if there’s time and if you still have the will to live, and your afternoon will be spent on the beach head with the Premises and Internal Staff Support division, that is if you ever get them off the beach. You know what they’re like when they spot a sandcastle. Then the school bell will ring and it will all be over. Sound good to you, Rog?’

‘It’s no good, Fallon. It’s all over already, I can’t go on.’

‘Course you can. It’s what you do.’

‘But this time, it’s different. So very different.’

Hmm. Even to me this sounded serious. Roger wasn’t usually this melodramatic, not even when he’d caught his flies in the shredding machine, though only the gods know what his wedding tackle was doing there in the first place. Thank goodness for my trusty first aid experience and the good old stand-by of elevating the limb. But now I could see that whatever was wrong with him would need a lot more than some Arnica gel and a sticking plaster so I retrieved my smile from the bin and slapped it on my face.

‘Oh?’ I said through the wide grin I was now wearing and which was making it difficult to talk. ‘Why?’

If you'd like to find out what happens next (and Fallon and I would be hugely grateful if you do!), you can pop a copy in your basket at Amazon UK for only 79p and at Amazon US for $1.20 or thereabouts. A bargain price for making you smile!

Meanwhile, much to my amazement, it's currently standing at No 12 in the Amazon UK Business Humour charts - can it get any higher? Time will tell ...

Anne Brooke
The Gathandrian Fantasy Trilogy
Gay Reads UK
Lori Olding Children's Author

House hunting can be murder ...

Book News:

I'm happy to say that A Dangerous Man received a 5-star review at Goodreads - many thanks for the comments, Lucy. And I'm also about to fax back the contract for A Woman Like the Sea to Untreed Reads, so I'm looking forward to that one being published next month.

My most recent meditation is:




Meditation 485
Best to keep silent
and pay
before the danger
of words
brings you to the dark
where all you can do
is pray.


And there are two Sunday haikus this week:

Pale lily flower,
how you delight in the warmth
of the mighty sun.


All ladders should be
pale pink with hints of glitter
climbing to the stars.


Life News:

Marian and I managed to get in some practice on the golf range on Friday as rain stopped proper play - but it was good to see how my arm coped with thirty minutes of swinging (as it were). Answer: pretty okay really, though it ached slightly afterwards for a while. Still, it looks hopeful for getting out next Friday and actually playing a game, weather dependent, and all the more so as in an actual game I'm not using the arm as constantly as I was on the range.

Yesterday, K and I viewed some more houses, but weren't terribly impressed with the gardens, all in all. We also drove past (several times) a really nice one that we hadn't arranged a viewing for and where the garden was lovely - so on getting home, I was all set to contact the estate agent, but luckily K did a Google search on it to find out some more, as he is inclined (thankfully!) to do, and we discovered that two years ago, the house-owner murdered his live-in girlfriend for having an affair with her boss, and then set fire to the house in order to cover up his tracks, whilst leading their two children to safety. Goodness me, but it's scary here in the shires - and no, I do not want to live in a house where that's happened so recently, call me a wimp but there it is! So my phone call to the agent was never made and certainly won't be now, garden or no garden.

Yesterday evening, we had a lovely dinner and catch-up with Liz & friends, and talked for ages, resulting in us not getting home until gone 2am. So my plans for church today have been thwarted by the need for a lie-in and a lazy day, which I am thoroughly enjoying. There's Primeval and QI from yesterday's TV to catch up on too, plus Larkrise and Zen tonight - this is the life, you know ...

Anne Brooke