The definitive Z-list feeling

Ye gods, but I'm feeling pretty Z-list today. It's the subtitle on the Blogger version of this journal (if you're reading that one) - someone once complained about it, but I kept it as it does seem to fit. Anyway, today, I am surrounded by writers who have already done it all, or are about to do it all, and are having utterly marvellous fulfilling times. And frankly, it's shit. Sorry, but it is. I know I'm supposed to rejoice in the wonderful success of others, but hell it's bloody hard sometimes. I honestly think that the older and more worn round the edges (and indeed the centre) that I get, the more invisible I become.

Anyway, bloody hard graft morning today - did the Goldenford (http://www.goldenford.co.uk) minutes, sent them out, and the first response I got was a distinctly stiff command (not, I suspect, from any of the directors themselves, but from one of their administrators ...) not to send them to the address I was sending to as my email was Not Office Business. Well, sorry, but I'm doing my best, people. And the director concerned did actually ask me to use that address, so I was only doing what I was told. For once ...

I've also practised my Writewords (http://www.writewords.org.uk) poetry reading for the July event, and put together a few well-chosen (I hope) words for introducing The Gawain Quest (http://www.goldenford.co.uk) at the 23 June launch. And practised them too. Not only that, but Flame (http://www.flamebooks.com) have encouraged me to write an article on why straight women write gay fiction, so I've done a skeleton outline for that and made a couple of enquiries to possible article buyers. Ooh, and asked those women I know who write in that genre for any points they might want to include. However, I'm told that several pieces already exist in the same vein, so will probably change it to more of an opinion piece. We'll see. But it's a bloody hard slog - I'm not a natural at this game at all, I fear. Still, I'll do my best.

Then, lunch with Robin - which was lovely, as ever, but I was sooo hoping that she might say something about A Dangerous Man (which I know she's read now). However, there was nothing, and I was way too scared to ask. Yes, I know that shows how needy and desperate I am - but bloody hell, live with it! I am needy and desperate! After all, I always make some kind of comment on her concerts that I attend - even if I haven't enjoyed them (I'm not a great fan of requiems, though Lord H enjoys them), I can find something positive to say. Sigh! Still, we had a good time nonetheless

Just off to counselling now - Kunu couldn't see me this morning, so I'm popping in at 5.15 instead. How I hate the change in routine, but suspect I need the session. God, how I need the session! And after that, I'll be going straight to the Guildford theatre to see Ayckbourn's "Bedroom Farce", so hope that'll cheer me up. We'll eat at the theatre too. Salmon - yummy!

Oh, and poor Mother is having another cancer scare - bit of a bummer really, as she was so looking forward to her July holiday, which she'll now have to cancel. But I'm encouraging her to rebook for later in the year, as it'll be something to look forward to. Must admit we've been here before in terms of operations etc - being Mother, she's more pissed off by the fact that this time all the young doctors appear to be female, and she was so hoping for a nice young man - as ever, eh ... But we'll hold our breath and hope for the best. The good news is that they've caught it earlier than the last bout - thank God. Must rush and do my own essential checking then - groan! What a family indeed ...

And I do so wonder when Myspace (http://www.myspace.com) are going to allow me my blog comments facility back. Double sigh - was it something I said??

Today's nice things:

1. Lunch with Robin
2. Writing the launch party introduction
3. The theatre.

Anne Brooke
http://www.annebrooke.com
http://www.pinkchampagneandapplejuice.com