Had counselling with Kunu today - felt really hyper and twitchy during it. Talked at a speed of about six zillion knots and kept switching wildly from subject to subject. So no surprises there then. But I'm astonished the poor woman kept up at all. I think it's the busy-ness of the week and the huge busy-ness of the weekend and week to come that's making me feel like a mad foaming horse. Or is that dogs? Anyway, you know what I mean. I'm sure though that in the first five minutes alone of our session, I touched on dyspraxia, my hatred of parties and large groups of people, the space in my brain where a map should be, publishing, Shakespeare, work, how overwhelmed I feel if there's more than one thing to do at breakfast and how simply getting fruit juice and bowls onto a tray in the morning is often an exercise in logistics. Which sometimes defeats me. Is it just me, or do other people feel that often they're simply hacking their way through the undergrowth of their own lives, with no real idea of what the direction might be, and every so often another gap that might be another path appears, and while you're out hacking away at that one, the original one gets overgrown again?... Oh. Yes, it is just me then. Sorry.
Whilst shooting quick-fire words at Kunu, it did strike me that my actual emotional connections to people are few and far between. Possibly the only really key people in my life thus far have been (a) my father and (b) Lord H. With a rather dreadfully long gap in between. Poor old Lord H - what on earth did he do to deserve this, eh?! Ah well, at least he gets his shirts ironed and gets to be married to an emotional hermit. Which has to have its advantages, one would think.
Post-counselling, I popped in to see Gladys - as I just couldn't bear the thought of going home and then having to go out again. Horror! Today, and with a weekend ahead of not being at home to consider, once I'm in, I'm in. Gladys was quite lively today - she complained that nobody sees her, but actually she's had three visitors during the week, and has a weekend with her niece to look forward to, plus a trip to the library next week. Sounds way too busy to a party-hater like me. I'd be exhausted and lying adrift on the sofa after all that. And even while I was there, two other people turned up, so really it was much like Piccadilly Circus on a Saturday afternoon. To my mind.
This afternoon, I have finished off a short story I started yesterday - well, it's more of a mix between story and fact. And I've done a little (a very little) to The Bones of Summer. I've got to a section where I have to put Craig and Paul in Alexandra Palace, and I always find description difficult - I have to really work on it. Lordy, but it would be nice if writing got easier, but I'm afraid it doesn't! I've also packed boxes ready for this weekend's conference (http://www.writersconference.co.uk) and worried about if I'll get there at the right time, if I'll be able to set up the table all right, how hyper I might be if people ask me something, and how nasty the publishers I'm seeing will be. In my experience, that could be pretty nasty then! But never mind, I have the memory of Ansley's (http://www.myspace.com/ansley_vaughan) review of A Dangerous Man to see me through - and the knowledge that 2 or 3 people have actually ordered it because of that. Thanks again, Ansley!
I've also practised my poetry reading for next week's meeting for the Writewords (http://www.writewords.org.uk) London Literary Circle. Again. Lordy, but I'm sure I'm doing it differently each time. Must remember to take calming pills to work with me that day - will never survive without them!
Oh and I think my underarm problem is triggered by deodorant with alcohol in it. I'm back to using Lord H's again, which doesn't have alcohol, and things seem better. I hope to goodness I'm not scratching like a deranged monkey all through the ruddy conference. That'll certainly put a dampener on my attempts to sell books and look like a normal writer, ho ho.
Tonight, I'm going to watch my video of "Will and Grace", and there's always "My Name is Earl" on later on. But I'd better aim for a relatively early night, what with the conference coming up. I'll be way too hyper to sleep much during the weekend.
As I'm not back (please God let the car work this time so I can actually get back!) till very late tomorrow night - I never stay at the conference as I'm pulled always by my overwhelming desire to get home - I won't blog again till Saturday. So have a great Friday, all!
Today's nice things: