Sunday, January 28, 2007

Prisons and meatballs

You'll be pleased to hear (at least if you live in the UK) that Lord H has come up with a top-notch solution to our present prison overcrowding difficulties. The simple answer is to let all the prisoners free (as half of them seem to be on the run, missing or generally involved in other ghastly goings-on anyway, that shouldn't take long ...) and then put all the innocent people in prison. That way we'll be safe, and the criminals will be free to run riot in the streets as seems to be their wish. Also the prisons will be less overcrowded as there appear to be fewer innocent people as it is. And everyone will be happy. Hurrah! Crisis over. The government will be pleased.

I decided not to go to church today, as it was the big do for the new priest's first service, which meant incense, processions, loads of people (God, I hate crowds!) and the full monty works - no doubt including healings, raisings from the dead and the parting of the waters in the village pond (that'll surprise the ducks) - and not forgetting a performance sermon from the dean. Who can't resist a do, dahlings. So I couldn't really be arsed. Lord H went, of course, as he was chief incense swinger, but even he says the sermon was a tad too long and everyone got a bit anal about who did what to whom and when. Sounds much like a normal Sunday to me ... I didn't do much of note while I had the chance though - no more than a page of "The Gifting" and a nice long bath, but hell I think I deserve it.

But the elongated holiness meant that Lord H was late back from church so we had to rush like mad things to get to our 1pm golf match. Which we eventually made at 1.30pm, so gold stars to Marian & Siegi for being as patient as angels. We had a good game in the end, though Marian and I were crap - as we always are when the menfolk are around, I have to say. But I did manage to beat my previous course record of how many bunkers I can go into during one game. Next time, I think I'll cut to the chase and just take a bucket and spade. Afterwards, it was lunch at Marian's - meatballs are one of my favourites, hurrah! And I drank like a fish, so obviously my alcohol go slow days are well and truly over. Thank God

Which meant that my weekly phonecall to mother was very jolly indeed - note to self: drink hugely before phoning mother on a regular basis as it definitely oils the wheels of family chat. And talking of oiling the wheels, Lord H has nobly WD40'd my golf trolley wheels which have been squeaking like garrotted pigs for months now, and they made not a sound today. Did I notice until he told me? Did I heck! Bad wife points for me then ... Again.

At home, I opened the note which the Church Secretary gave Lord H to give to me - and found a really sweet thank-you letter from the PCC for my years of service as Sacristan, together with £50 in book tokens. Bloody hell. Apparently I've been a "quiet presence in the vestry" - bloody hell again: is everyone deaf? I always swore like a trooper in the vestry and was regularly nasty to visiting priests. I saw this as part of my job description - that'll teach the bastards to come here and start changing things, eh? Hmm, perhaps they were turning the other cheek? Feel quite pleased though - but it would have been nice if someone had bothered to thank me while I was doing the job (which isn't the easiest), I have to say. Still, I shall write a nice thank you note in reply and shall thoroughly enjoy spending the tokens. Maybe there's another church job I can apply for and then leave dramatically, if that's what I get for it?... Never say I don't have an eye for the main chance.

Tonight, I've written some more of "The Gifting" and got some ideas for later on in the scene, which I'm pleased about. Ideas are normally so bloody hard to come by - I try to make a point of having very few, as they do mess up the flow ... I'll type up the stuff I've written tomorrow. Later, we'll watch our video of Midsomer Murders, whilst snuggling down in our dressing gowns and slippers. Life in Surrey is a hot-bed of action, you know.

This week's haiku (ironically enough) is:

Hush! Tread carefully,
wait for the priests to pass by:
lying low from church.

Today's nice things:

1. Writing
2. Golf - and meatballs!
3. Getting a nice letter & £50 in tokens.

Anne Brooke

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