Meetings and moanings

Ah the pain of returning to work – honestly, it’s like a dark cloud hovering over my head until the strangeness of it all wears off. A little. And it doesn’t matter how nice everyone is – I still feel the same. Pause for existential moaning. Mind you, at least the office liked the Bara Brith Welsh cake I bought back for them – together with butter to ease the solidity of it all. At least I think they did – but as no-one could speak for about half an hour after taking a bite, it was hard to say.

So this morning, I’ve been catching up with all the things which should have happened while I was away. And ye gods some of them have. Well, gosh! Sometimes it’s almost as if I might actually count for a little something every now and then, and things I try to set in motion actually happen. Occasionally.

Still, if I was hoping for a day’s pleasant easing into the working mindset, that didn’t happen. Not that I really expected it would. Had to minute the Steering Group meeting over lunchtime, and am desperately hoping that some of them will step forward and agree to staff our upcoming drop-in sessions in the library. The first of which is this Wednesday, so you can see why I’m sweating. I’m actually happy to staff some myself, but as I know sod all, then it’s really not a good idea. But that’s what I’ve ended up doing – so God only knows what impression the poor students will come away with.

And this afternoon, I had my review – which I’ve been utterly dreading for weeks. How I hate those things! It would make more sense to be if someone reviewed my attempt at a writing career (as it means so much more) – but then again I’d still be scrabbling around on the starting blocks, so maybe that’s not such a good idea after all! As it happened, it wasn’t so bad, though we did talk about a lot of personal development-type stuff – I need to take on more challenges. Which is probably right, but I feel way too exhausted for any of them at the moment. And I’d really rather do writing challenges – again, if I had the energy. Anyway, I’m going to sign up, with the boss’s agreement, to a career consultation with someone he knows, so maybe I can work out what my strengths and weaknesses (or, as we call them now: opportunities …) might be. My personal feeling is that one of my great strengths is retirement, but I doubt that will go down that well. And how I do hate management-speak. It’s so utterly exhausting and ultimately dehumanising. Sigh!

Oh and I’ve written a poem, so I can still write after all this time. Possibly. Though I continue to be dodgy on the fictional side of life …

Bars

Sun casts shadows
through the bench
in the park,

dark bars
framing soft grass.
Around it, nothing

but emptiness
and a hint
of cages.

If I sat now,
stared outwards
at gravel and light,

waiting for my mind
to clear,
facing the sun,

I might forget
where freedom ends
and imprisonment begins.


Tonight, I’m staying in and drinking gin. And watching TV. Hell, it’s good to have a hobby.

Today’s nice things:

1. Getting through the day
2. Cake
3. The review being not so bad.

Anne Brooke
Anne's website